AboutI'm like Napoleon Dynamite without the redeeming qualities. MDUSTDA! Make Devmeme/Unrelated Strings of Textrant Devrant Again!
SkillsPython, Common Lisp, Scheme, Go, JS, PHP, C#
Joined devRant on 12/2/2016
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I could talk about my deep love for D&D, Pathfinder, and games like that, but I'm sure lots of folks here know exactly what I'm talking about.
Other than that, me and one of the devs who used to work with me are huge fans of progressive rock, metal, and making fun of Yngwie Malmsteen. We're like the Bill & Ted of development.
Here I go again, bitching about my job.
Might help though, I'm in a bleak and dark pit right now. Metaphorically, not actually.
I've had good times and bad times as a dev, same as anyone else doing pretty much anything else. Lately, it seems like there's a lot more bad than good though. I'm getting tired of the constant stupidity, bad communication, and frustration that comes with the territory, and I've been thinking of getting out of development altogether. Unfortunately it might be the only marketable skill I have. It could also be that I'm just a totally abrasive dickhead, and I'll inevitably be unhappy doing anything, but I can't be sure. Gotta account for the common denominator.
What I can be sure of is that in the last four months, my development team has gone from three people to just me, and very few people are applying to my company (we have a 1.8 rating on indeed last I checked, with some very illuminating reviews). Those that are applying end up rejecting whatever low ball offer the company makes them. We've gone through at least a couple of people in interviews so far.
Meanwhile, I'm the bottleneck through which every single piece of actual work passes, while the five non technical, non dev yes-man leeches in the dept sit on their asses and throw impossible timelines at me. That includes my boss. He doesn't back me up on anything. Ever. Still, I don't half ass anything. Intentionally. The work that I do is mostly quality.
The worst part is that it wasn't always like this. I absolutely loved this job when the workload was distributed, and I had friends to work with. I didn't even know about the bad reputation we seem to have, but I seem to have a gift for finding places like this. Tomorrow morning, I have a meeting about why my work has been slowing down. No idea if I'll be fired or not, but whatever. All projects will be at an indeterminate standstill if they cut me loose, so maybe that's "security"?
Anyone else been in and survived a situation like this? Did you stick it out or roll the dice on another job?5
Spec meeting with my client: "Accessibility is very, very important to us. We want to be sure that we meet AA guidelines, at a minimum."
Client delivers front end mockups, can do nothing. Not one single element on it is compliant - have to send it back for revisions.
The fact that they were aware of the WCAG and the AA tier guidelines, and still handed me these shitty designs is pretty impressively stupid.2
1) Make everyone I know forget that I know how to do front end stuff.
2) Require all project managers and qa people learn code and miscellaneous dev skills so they're not so damn stupid all the time, and have a common vocabulary with developers.
3) Uh, a raise I guess?2
Just closed an urgent ticket from a client a few minutes ago. Here's the situation: they're a credit union, and had an alert for assistance being extended to members affected by the government shutdown. The first version of this alert wasn't WCAG compliant, so I fixed that for them on friday. No problems so far.
This morning, I have a "fire" ticket from the same client, and voicemails. Now their banner alert thing isn't showing up at all. OH NO! A quick sign in to the cms dashboard confirms my suspicion. The client has deleted the alert altogether. I call them and calmly explain to them that this is what blank content looks like, while trying to avoid being condescending. Don't know how well that went, but I think they got the point.
My new years resolution is to stop swearing, by the way.
Know what really grinds my gears? The fact that at many companies, PM's and QA people aren't required or expected to have even a basic level of knowledge, making communication pretty unpleasant. Even having a grasp of relevant vocabulary would make things so much easier.
Combine this with the bedside manner of a barn-raised sociopath, an ignorance of human and technical capabilities in general, and we have several good reasons to stay at home "sick". What the hell do I keep getting myself into?2
Pretty much all of them now, thanks to the unfettered access to everyone's data on the one hand, and the crazy PC ass-kissing "censorship" ban hammer that gets dropped for absolutely any arbitrary reason on the other.
They make strange bedfellows don't they?2
Golf may be the perfect Dev sport.
- Takes a relative degree of either skill or patience, usually both
- most people suck at it
- you need to practice
- haters gon hate
- Takes a relative degree of either skill or patience, usually both
- most people suck at it
- you need to practice
- haters gon hate
- you have to be outside
Also applies to musicianship, I guess.10
As someone who works with front end stuff regularly, know what I love about safari? Specifically mobile safari?
Not a god damn fucking thing. If safari was a band, it'd be Nickelback, featuring Kenny G and Michael Bolton.3
Oh my God I'm a failure. Been working on this booking system backend for two weeks, refactored some code, and now it doesn't work at all.
I've gone back through the entire thing, and I can't find the problem.
Open up indeed, start browsing for low-skill jobs. Maybe the carnies will have me back!
*Re-reads error message, adds missing underscore to function call.1
Had an interview the other day for a fullstack role. They told me I'd have to whiteboard stuff, of course. No big deal.
They had me whiteboard css though. Totally off guard. Pretty sure I got it, but WTF. Is this normal?5
Next idiot who starts talking about all the "freetards" who use open source software, how "terrible" FOSS "obviously" is - is going to die a humiliating death as I bludgeon them with a steel box full of Linux distro thumb drives.
Don't bother bailing me out either. I'll do it again and again.17
1. an individual who attracts interest to a cause through evangelism and enthusiastic promotion.
2. an occupation in which knowledgeable specialists seek out qualified individuals to fill technical positions on behalf of another organization.
3. an unholy union of the worst qualities of both an ignorant cold call salesperson with those of an apathetic human resources employee. See 'chimera'.
As both a developer and consumer of a cellular phone service, the latest Sprint slogan "works for me" is unintentionally hilarious.
Browsing job postings, and some of these requirements are just crazy, and/or wtf. Here's an example:
Front End developer wanted, junior to mid-level. An ideal candidate will be an expert in PHP, C#, and Java. Minimum experience of 10 years. Estimated compensation 30,000 per year.
Entry level full stack developer. Must be an expert in SQL. 5 years experience, BS in computer science required.
Web Developer intern - must have 3 years of experience. Must be an expert in x, y, z. This position is unpaid.
Well, I guess I've made a few friends. To tell you the truth, I knew them before, bit I feel like we're a lot better acquainted nowadays. Johnnie, Jack, Jose come to mind. I guess I've done a lot of traveling too. Knob Creek, Casamigos, and the Glenlivet are nice places pretty much anytime.
I've also gotten pretty good at "gardening", but that's a little off topic, I guess.
Just got off the phone with a (no longer) prospective client. Dude claimed to have an amazing idea that's going to make millions of dollars. Says he got the idea from watching "Shark Tank". In other words, he stole someone else's idea.
Anyway, I listen to his pitch. He tells me to go to zoosk.com. The dating site. I don't say anything yet, wait for his offer, which is the best part. 25% equity. Twenty five percent. I get 25% of something that I'd build, based on a stolen idea. Not even stolen, really. Just fucking unoriginal. A dating site. Yep, the internet needs another one of those, alright.
Where the fuck do these fucking assholes come from1
Sins? I don't want to keep you up all night, so here are some highlights.
Fucking with clients and employers who fuck with me first, or waste my time.
Occasionally not documenting my code (I'm actually pretty good about this), then bitching about poorly documented code.
Honestly wishing other people in the office would *actually* explode, or die engulfed in flames.
Working drunk and/or stoned.
Getting pissed off when I have to do something in a stupid way, or use a workflow that I don't like.
Seriously fucking up out of either arrogance or stupidity, then blaming it on something else.
Zoning out, skipping work, or sleeping in and billing for it (see sin #1).
But my greatest sin? That honor's got to go to becoming a developer in the first place.
I wasn't always a professional asshole, but I fucking am now.1
When i interviewed, my employer told me that they were fine with me using linux at work. "No problem" they said. Today, the CTO called me into his office and told me not to bring my computer back to the office again, we're a Mac shop.
Guess I'll have to comply, but what the fucking hell?
I hate Macs so, so much.8
Got a call from a recruiter today
Recruiter: I'm trying to fill a full stack position in Charlotte.
Me: not interested
M: I hate NC
R: what can I do to make you reconsider
M: I want 120k
R: Ok, well please pass this opportunity along if you know someone who is looking
I *actually* just moved from there.
Guess someone didn't read my job history.
Convo was seriously less than a minute.9
Biggest regret? Learning front end stuff before back end stuff. Or maybe just going so hard at front end for so long at the beginning.
I had a pretty good day today. Things are coming together at the new job, and I'm a little less afflicted with impostor syndrome.
Hope everyone else had a pretty good one too.
Applied, waited, interviewed, waited, moved, started new job.
In more detail, I got sick and tired of the bullshit at my last job. To put it into perspective, I reported to one person who really didn't have a clue about anything, and didn't give a shit (imagine autistic honey badgers in suits, and you'll not be far off), I worked with a total asshole of a designer who I suspect was on some sort of potent amphetamine 24/7, and no one in the company really knew or understood what I was there to do.I could fuck off all day long, or just not show up at all, and no one really took notice. When I was actually there, I was the reigning authority on all things dev related, which is very much a two edged sword.
In other words, I had the perfect job, in a lot of ways. Unfortunately, I worked there for a little over a year, and I feel as though I accomplished nothing at all apart from getting better at development. I basically got paid to prepare for my next job. Idiots. Anyway. I eventually got tired of the bs, and started applying near beaches, because beaches kick ass. I was terrified when I walked into the interview, because I hadn't been told it was a "panel interview", and there were NINE people seated at the table. NINE. FUCK ME. After a moment of paralytic terror, I loosened up, one of the people at the table (I later learned was the COO) got up and got me a beer out of the company kegerator, and I've got to say, I've never laughed so much at an interview before.
I think I've found my people. To anyone reading this who's looking for another job, good things can happen, and not in a Tom from Office Space kind of way.
My new job is pretty fucking awesome.
Everyone here is pretty cool, the office is fun, has lots of amenities, and my new Senior Developer is a goddamn Jedi with PHP. As someone who sucks at PHP and has always shied away from it, it's pretty exciting to be working with someone truly skilled, for probably the first time in my career.1
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I've found something worse than WordPress. That's right, there is something objectively more painful to use.
This week, I was introduced to expression engine. Holy shit muffins Batman. Why the hell would anyone want to use this festering corpse in an enclosed, non-ventilated space that is EE?
If I have to choose, I'll take the WordPress, thank you very much.2
Am I the only one who finds it funny that Microsoft is willing to invest billions into AI research, but they still take the gold in shitty browsers, and have for years?4
Trying to use docker for the first time, and getting nowhere. I think I'm actually unlearning how to use a computer.1
Hey @dfox, @trogus, the birds on the shoulder are super pimp, but would you be interested in making a parrot? You know, to go along with a Hawaiian shirt, an eye patch, and a pirate hat?
That'd be metal af \m/\m/13