261
stisch
3y

Me: That's not how browsers work.

Designer: Well, our users need it.

Me: Uh, I'm not arguing with your idea, but no browser supporters that kind of thing

Designer: Well, figure it out because it's not optional.

Me: ... I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm saying that's not something we can do.

Designer: So, what will it take? What do we need to do to get this in?

Me (not actually): motherfucker this isn't a negotiation! I'm not arguing I'm fucking explaining the limitations of web apps!

Comments
  • 95
    - What do we need?
    - Some cookies, batteries, a balalaika and a time machine. Gather these and meet me in LA next week.
  • 51
    Uhh, I mean last week
  • 6
  • 63
    I had a client want to run their large Win32 app in the browser. Apparently one of their competitors did it and were killing them.

    Of course, competitor had ported theirs to JS.
  • 54
    I love it when designers say "it's not optional" like the design is actually what makes the product work.

    Things are ugly without a design, but their particular design is absolutely not important. Fancypants animations? No. Fireworks? No. Goddamn dynamic shadows? ABSOLUTELY NO. I'm not dropping the pages fps to a crawl so you can get your stiffy off!

    SELF-IMPORTANT DESIGNERS MAKE ME INORDINATELY MURDEROUS.
  • 22
    Yeah, users really need freaking fireworks every time they click a goddamned fucking button.

    GET OVER YOURSELF
  • 21
    Could you tell us what he wanted? Perhaps a AI powered css?
  • 16
    @devTea LOL!

    Or maybe blockchain flash java applets.
  • 15
    Or maybe a 5gb image as thumbnail
  • 14
    Anything is possible if you got duckttape. Or large piles of cash - throwing money at problems until they go away usually works wonders.
  • 16
    @theKarlisK im a huge problem but people dont throw money at me. What am i doing wrong? :(
  • 12
    @JiggleTits are people using duckttape on you? Well there you go - you're not big enough of a problem yet.
  • 5
    @theKarlisK ayy, good point xD
  • 2
  • 2
    Yes why won’t you tell us what it is the designer was asking for?
  • 3
    @arjaycodes Maybe he got so mad with the designer while writing this rant, that he just called the designer and is yelling madly on her/him. ^^
  • 4
    @Kinky-Code or worse - he's one pf those people who chuck stuff when they're pissed off... RIP phone. :)
  • 2
    @theKarlisK Better not, but I know that feel. xD
  • 2
    Now I am curious
  • 6
    @theKarlisK Ducttape solves only half of the issues - you need to complement with WD-40. :-)
  • 1
    I am curious to know what the designer asked for
  • 5
    @Fast-Nop gotta use the WD-40 or duckttape flowchart. ;)
  • 3
    Gonna need some Javascript ASM, a compiler and a fucking pay raise
  • 15
    @andros705 It's kind of difficult to explain.. but basically he wanted the mobile site to launch and then control a native app (that we don't own and has no such API).

    It's a shame too, because his concept was a good idea, but... argh
  • 3
    @iSwimInTheC and some beer! (@Floydian >:) )
  • 2
    @platypus maybe you can satisfy them with remote desktop web portal from Microsoft or Citrix.
    At list the icon is on the web :)
  • 8
    @andros705 I'm pretty sure messing with another proprietary app, even if possible physically, is against Android/iOS policy.

    I learned a long time ago that companies have to shake hands long before the code does. I ultimately explained they would need to discuss the feature with the other company's product management, which killed the feature request. "Our users need it" turned out to be "...as long as all I have to do is complain to my developers to get it done. If I have to talk to other people in other companies, draft license agreements, sign contracts, or (gasp) pay API access fees? If that's the case our users don't actually need it."
  • 2
    “and can you throw some AI in while you’re at it?”

    I’ve legit had a product manager ask me to just throw in some AI before.
  • 3
    As for the technical side, your best (probably only) chance on iOS is if the app you’re trying to launch already registers itself as a particular url scheme handler (check the target app’s Info.plist for a “url types” entry). Then you can launch it (and pass it arbitrary data) by opening a url with that protocol.

    I *think* that can work even from a web page, but of course iOS will ask if the user wants to switch to the app, *and* it must already be installed.

    And as you say the app obviously needs to support it too.
  • 0
    So uhhh... What happened with this?
Add Comment