My thoughts when my uncle was introducing me to one of his friends.
(M = me, U = uncle, F = Uncle's friend)

U : Meet M, he is a software developer, he works at * blah *.

M (Internally): That is a very reasonable introduction.

U : * Continues speaking. *

M (Internally): No, staph! It was good enough. Don't go any further.

U : He does * blah blah *

M (Internally): That's not even remotely related to what I do.

U : If you have any tech related problems, he is your guy.

M (Internally): You should have kept shut.

U : If your phone slows down, he can fix it.

M (Internally): Why would you even say that !?

U : He can fix all you printer issues.

M (Internally): Excuse me. What. The. Fuck!?

U : You should definitely consult him before purchasing any tech.

M (Internally): That's it. I give up. There is no hope left.

F : * Gestures U to clam down. *
F : * Nods at M in a very assuring manner. As if he were saying, 'chill bro! Its all cool, I understand.' *

M (Internally): Hold on. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there is some hope left.

F : So, tell me, how good are you with excel formulas?

M (Internally): * Dies *

  • 46
    List of best answers:
    - What is Excel?
    - You mean the tables in Words?
    - oh, I like formula 1, but never got the chance to try it!
    - No hablo *insert language here*
    - They didn’t teach me that in school
    - My knowledge about it is limited due to solving bigger issues.
    - Are you talking to me?
    - Zero to none.
    - look at your phone: “Hello, Yes, Yes, Oh, I am coming to office now”
  • 4
    (I like Excel)
  • 3
    F = Uncle
    F Uncle
    Fuck le

    Sometimes my mind acts in ways I don't understand
  • 1
    Next time replace "(internally)" with "(externally)" and the convo will stop after line 4.
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