Long story short, I have to drop my studies for now bc serious mental health issues. I feel like a failure, but I mean, I actually attempted to.... well, I'm here to say it and not complete the phrase. I need to rebuild a lot. And I would really to make some friends are. I have no one to talk to.

Learn any technical skills in meantime.
Thst will be for you in personal and confidence level.

Hang in there.

Take baby steps.
- take a walk
- talk to people (like in a cafe)
- get a job where you talk to people like Starbucks or a be a waiter
- do some community work
- main thing is be around people

Limit online (Facebook Twitter and stuff like that)

You will be fine. Everyone goes through this.

Depression steals life, so we have steal it back. December through March are my worst months, and it really is a struggle, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not a train, fortunately. Things do improve. I've survived decades with depression. I know it's a pat phrase, but stick in there, because there are good things out there, even if our sight becomes so dark at times, that we can't see it, but they are there, and we can beat this soul-darkness.

This is not a failure. This is you moving forward. 😊

Including myself, I know people who have been at best unhappy down to heavily depressed due to all kinds of reasons. I'm not sure what's going on in your situation, but one common part of our depressions was that it helped to really find out what gives us energy. At this time that's probably nothing. I understand that. But really, what is your biggest dream? What would be the first trivial step towards that?

Just 'being not depressed' or 'being happy' doesn't count! Everybody gets unhappy every now and then, everybody has stress. It's a matter of dealing with it, cutting yourself some slack, recovering after stress, etc. to be able to handle it.

Want to become a pro? Accept that you're a noob! Almost everybody is. However, if you know what drives you, you might just excel at your noobness, which others might see as pro.

Take care.

@iAmNaN May I ask why they are the worse? Mostly curiosity though. I heard about thing called seasonal affective disorder and since you mentioned a specific season, winter time, which is also the worst in general because less light and sun exposure, temperature drops so you're less likely to go out and so on, I also read that scandinavians get more depressed because of this thing, more or less...

@eeee I have something to think upon...

I am very academical in nature. I do love my major, I felt like home when I stepped in first. Worst thing: seriously, ADHD, wtf. I tried some of that self help stuff to go through. But focus doesn't work anyway. Tried medication too, but here you have only two options to choose from and if they don't work you're basically fucked.

I don't know if dropping is a bit like letting my illness win or if this pause can be productive (also having the option not to start in in second semester would be good.....meaning, next academic year I could start right avoiding to be "late" and having to).

Keep on going. I'm also struggling very much right now. You're not in this alone.

Dont worry, i was in a similar situation (depression anxiety etc). I stayed in college for like 10+ years (lol). I finished it eventually.

I wanted to quit after like 3-4 years, but theres this retarded rule that if you quit, you cant continue the education at a later time, which i wanted to do (wtf are they retarded or what, this caused me so much dispair).

Anyways, dont worry, even though i was waaaay late, i saw that most other ppl around me didnt do anything with their lives in the meanwhile, so im not really behind. During that time i learned some programming and how to deal with depression and bad things in life, so im set for the future (while others yet have to face such hardships and learn how to deal with them).

Do small things that make you feel better (eat, shower, take a walk to the store, slowly fix sleeping schedule, ...). See a psychiatrist/psychologist until you figure out how to deal with it. Get medication + talk therapy + do things to improve your situation - it helped me get out of the downwards spiral enough for me to learn how to deal with it.

What helped me is to recognize it when it starts happening and stopping myself from doing things that make it worse. Also realizing that when youre feeling bad, its ok, it will get better. Theres bad and ok times, its normal. Baby steps, it will add up eventually.

Remember, it will get better.

Oh didnt read the comments. Dunno about ADHD, i dont have experience and knowledge about that.

What helped a friend (and me) is when she realized theres someone with similar problems that has gone trough most of it, and that it can be dealt with and "beaten" if you learn how (i told her my example and how it went for me). She was relieved and after some years, shes better now. So dont worry, theres tons of ppl around you having same problems, you can do it. :)

@keksprache yes, exactly, it has to do with Winter. Not sure if it's genetic, because I'm in Texas (chilly, wet, and dreary today), but my mom is German, descended from a Junker family that came from Swedish Pommern, and Sweden before that.

@keksprache sounds like you know what you like. This is very good! Your academic nature should be nurtured by yourself and maybe some teachers / professors. If you can, talk to some of them about it. Admit that you have been having difficulties studying, but that you like what your studying. Maybe they can find you a side job, or an early research spot?

@M1sf3t
One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you, don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall

All what your described sounds like one of my sons.