I've always hated Omegle, but my online friend forced me to do it, since she thinks it will help my social anxiety.

I had to send her screenshots as proof.

As much as I didn't want to, I had no choice. I was too scared to do the video chatting so I did the text chat instead. This is how the conversation went:

Stranger: Hey

Me: Hello.

Stranger: Wyd?

Me: Just programming, you?

Stranger: ur a programmer?

Me: Yes :)

*Stranger has disconnected.*

Me: What could possibly go wrong?
Anxiety: I'm glad you asked.

Webcam enabled Skype meetings.

Anxiety++

Should I work on my game..
..Or...
Should I go to my parents Easter Party in a hot ass park with tons of people and get stressed out and let my social anxiety implode on me..

Who am I kidding, I don't have a choice here. *gets ready for the party*

Is it possible that nearly every Coder/Programmer has some kind of social anxiety? 😂

Always put yourself out of your comfort zone. Always. It's the main source of both anxiety and personal growth. Don't think that you're a fraud because you can't understand the new stuff right away, how else would you learn? Looking back you should always be impressed on how much you've covered, but still have anxiety of what's to come.

today i was very sleep deprived and i had an anxiety episode at work. that was the first time my coworkers saw me like that. they took me to a cafe, got me a pastry and kept chatting about random stuff while i calmed down. i felt vulnerable and ashamed for not keeping it together, but it was one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me.

My anxiety is kicking in again.

I want to build something meaningful outside of work but my mind is blank, I have no ideas to implement, and whenever one pops up in my head, I DDG it, I find that there's someone who already built something similar and I lose all interest.
I want to code, but I'm tired of solving fictional problems.
I miss being excited to learn a new tech, since I know I would ditch it if I can't find anything to build with it.

This is causing me to lose all motivation to code and learn, I really hope this is just a phase ｡ﾟ･（>﹏<）･ﾟ｡

>first day on the job (first ever)
>received job interview email from another company literally the moment I entered the building.

I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS ENOUGH!

I get serious anxiety when someone is doing something on a computer and I know that the way they are doing it is the slowest way possible.

Am I the only here who get so much PUSSY when encountering bugs in code?
P - panic attacks
U - uncontrollable anxiety
S - suicidal fantasies
S - sadness
Y - yearning to death

My psychiatrist has recently taken me off paroxotine which i was taking for anxiety. As a result, I'm wide awake unable to sleep cos my head is running at a million miles an hour. You know what I keep thinking?

1.) Sweet hairy balls of Mary Theresa I'm getting married in 3 months.

2.) Installing Arch sounds like fun. I wonder if I can do Unity3D and C# dev on it.

3.) @Gitpush, @Alice, @Linuxxx, @Bluenutterfly, @ThatDude, @AlexDeLarge Love your rants, keep up the good work!

Does anyone else not enjoy pair programming? As an introvert who prefers to "work alone" and someone who has to look stuff up frequently, even things I "should know by now", I find pair programming very anxiety-inducing. I'm always wondering if the person I'm programming with thinks I'm an idiot/imposter.

Keep all of yer fingers crossed.

I'm negotiating my PhD proposal.

Ever have a feeling that there is so many interesting stuff out there - Angular, React.js, TypeScript, Rust, ELM, FRP, Machine Learning, Neuronal Networks, Robotics, Category theory... But no way to ever figure out what are all those about? And there is too little time to even get a good grasp of any single one of those. IT seems to be like hydra - one learns one thing and 10 new concepts pop up in the meantime.

What if I've been wrong all the time?

What if everyone else is correct and I'm the one who is raging all the time?

What if I'm annoying you everyone?

What if I'm a very bad developer that everyone hates?

*social anxiety intensifies*

!rant

Sad to make my first post here a depressing one, but I really hope that some of you have some tips to help in this line of work.

If anyone of you suffer from depression, how do you cope with it? How do you keep yourself motivated and don't start this self-loathing that I'm currently in? Other than antidepressants or therapy (already have meds).

Why I'm asking is because I have a very tough time getting motivated these days and right now I really need to be most active. I need to do a lot of small and big stuff at my work and at the same time try to graduate from school. The deadline for my thesis is at the start of May, which surely seems far away now, but it does not feel like enough.

The more I understand the systems that I'm working with, the more I can see how much I may have f*cked everything up and I build this never-ending list of tasks for myself in my head to try and fix everything. Which leads to a complete lockup with anxiety and I can't get anything done.

I don't believe in myself or my code anymore. I'm afraid of pushing anything to production. I also don't have anyone else to help me with my work, as I'm the only developer in the company (we have a service provider where most of the big stuff happens).

To add to all this, I have been sick for the last 4 days.

I truly am in a bad place right now.

Is anyone suffering from depression here tho?

Since this category is called rant/story, let me tell you a story today.

I went paragliding above the turqoise colored "dead beach" of Fethiye.
And boy was that awesome.
I was very insecure about flying first. I have such an anxiety. While moving up towards the "Babadağ" Mountain which is 2000 meters above the sea level, my hands began to Shake. We reached the Clouds. The pilot told me everything will be fine. He is doing that since 2006 and has 4 medals for Turkey's best long distance flyer and he also was a stunt man.
We ran down the Cliff. And as my butt was pushed against the seat, my anxiety began to lower itself.
We even did some stunts, but I do not have them on tape.

Those having such anxiety problems should definitely try this out! Really! :)

Don't start the day by opening your email inbox. You only will get stress and anxiety!

Robots are stealing our jobs, now they're stealing our ways of dealing with the anxiety of them stealing our jobs.

In these floods of anxiety and depression, coding is the only thing that is keeping me from sinking... <3

Today I learned that coding in front of a room full of developers while they watch me code, sends me into anxiety mode and I forget how to type properly. Now all my coworkers think i type at 2 works a minute. yay :/

When you work remotely and communication from your boss or coworkers sucks and you're paranoid that they think you arent doing anything since they dont check in with you.

I get anxious because I have so many things I want to learn 😑

That moment when your supervisor gets back to you so fucking late that you consider dropping out literally days before finishing your degree.

Lol. Kill me right now please.

I really really want to start working.

I have social anxiety, but my mom is really on my ass about bringing in money. I need some sort of job that I can do from home on my computer.

Something related to programming.. Administration.. Whatever. I don't mind having to learn something new to find work.

I have no formal qualifacations.

I don't care how easy or hard it is, as long as I can make at least $100/mo.

I have a bit of work anxiety, since I feel that I'm terrible at programming, but that's because the other people have been working with code for 10+ years and I just started my job 3 months ago. but my manager is super supportive and tries to help any way possible.

Yaay

I feel bad when I commit too often, especially for little stuff. I'm afraid people will think I just do it to get a higher number of commits :/

!Rant
Had an employee evaluation today that I had been anticipating with a lot of anxiety since December. Went in with major impostor syndrome thinking I’m just not contributing enough and I was going to be put on the spot. But, they told me they couldn’t be happier with the work I’ve been doing. Now I can finally relax.

Anxiety is waiting for an answer on stack overflow.

Note to myself:

Went alone to a conference, without knowing someone and
have problems to start a conversation with complete stranger,
is a stupid idea.

Social anxiety HURRAY but at least the talks were nice.

This defines my anxiety about finding a new job.

SOMEONE PLEASE JUST TELL ME:

HOW DO I STOP BEING SO FUCKING AWKWARD!!!!!!!! Tell me please, i swear to you. My life would be so much better if i wasn’t so awkward and have social anxiety. Tell me what to do because i’m tired of it, i hate it so much.

My phone just froze. But this one time, instead of being mad at it for stopping I had the thought that it's probably working harder than when things are going smoothly. So I watched with compassion as my phone tried to resolve its internal struggle, it being so overwhelmed that it could no longer communicate with me. It was like watching someone having an anxiety attack. There, there. Take all the time you need, little friend. You're safe in my hands ♥️

I really truly want to run my own dev blog, but every time I write an article, I feel that it's too dumb and useless because I already know the thing I wrote. I know it's absurd, yet I can't fight my own anxiety about it.

!dev

I gained 20+ kilos during covid.

By now I have lost about 19 of those. And no, I didn't do any specific sports or diet. I lost them via ✨anxiety✨.

And yes, I am naturally skinny.

I still have a good 20 to lose to be back at my ""usual"" weight tho. ✌️ (Gained those thanks to depression, hormonal disorder, and related meds)

We finish our sprints on time.
The PM congratulates us for the good work.
The client gives positive feedback too.

And yet, I have the feeling we're​ sailing full-speed straight into an iceberg.

Anyone else get extreme excitement/anxiety when you overhear random strangers discussing dev and nerd stuff, while you're sitting there trying really hard not to eavesdrop and join in?

I dont know why. Maybe the appearance and performance.
Still i think i am better than most of them.
I am sure that i have a place in this industry.

Dang It

Exercise devs, exercise, exercise and then exercise a little bit more

I've been coding for a long time and tbh programming is a very fiscally stale labour/hobby and even if your mind is rushing looking for answers, jumping from one place to another you are not moving that much, yes adjustable desks for programming while standing up are good and having breaks also helps but nothing like running, jumping, climbing or any sport.

During my lifetime I've seen the long and short term negative effects of sedentary jobs, back problems, liver problems, hormonal imbalance, overweight, depression, and anxiety.

I've been fiscally active for a long while but when I stopped, the first symptoms I had were weight gain, anxiety and depression, one night I even broke a tooth from stress teeth grinding.

Ive seen that people here might be having this issues and think it's normal, but try it out, start with a walk or jog sprinkled on your weekend.

Legit can't remember. I've been driven by anxiety of deadlines for so long (and also, had no real vacation) that I only can work if a deadline is approaching fast.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

wondering whether the fact that I'm avoiding people to extreme measures is part of my identity and it is completely fine to be like that or is actually an obstacle in realization of my identity and I truly should do something about it

Noticing a bug once or twice but not being able to reproduce it after that gives me anxiety. This job is detrimental to one's mental and physical health. Serious question. How to unfuck yourself?

me: sees a huge merge conflict

my anxiety: 📈📈📈📈📈📈📈📈📈📈📈📈📈📈

Hmmmmm

Fucking anxiety, let go of me

Depression and anxiety is a major challenge in my work life.
I could remember vividly when I was at my last job, any time I felt depressed I'll call for sick leave. It was hard for me to pinpoint the cause of my depression because even while on most sick leave I still felt depressed.
I blamed it on my job, blamed it on my family, on my social circle, on my friends, on my lifestyle, on almost everything. At some point it all felt like it was me versus the world, a fight I could never win.
Thoughts came in... Maybe it's because John is now married with two kids, or because Stella is now the new manager, or that David just bought a new Ross Royce and I'm still riding an ice-cream truck, or its because Steve is always on vacation and PM always complaining about uncompleted task with no acknowledgement for the 2 months task finished in a week, or because Boss is always calling for stupid meetings. Different thoughts in my head... Jealousy, Envy, Disappointment, Tiredness, Confusion, all combined at once.

But I did found a cure for my anxiety and depressed nature...
During lunch hours I visit a beach close to where I work, it's called "Tarkwa bay". I'll sit at the rock formations and glare at the shadows of the rising sun, listen to the sound of rumbling waters and passive the complete overview of nature. The feeling I get there is really calming, It occupies my head with neutral thoughts and a love for nature. 🤗
I truly experienced an improvement overall and it's been a while I felt depressed since I started such a routine.
Nature is really a gift.

Hey guys how do you deal with juniors who code like this?

As a Senior this give me OCD and anxiety.

I love to code, it scratches my creative itch

And i love to work, it drowns my productivity anxiety

But I dread every morning when i wake up to work on my current employer's project

It's that kind of combo of code base spaghetti and all over the place project management that sinks my galleys

Woe is me...

Friends cause more problems than they solve. At least for me.

I'm currently not feeling well at all right now, anxiety and depression. I've never really experienced this before and let me tell you, if you're a person with problems like this regularly, I'm so sorry.

Sometimes I wish I could go afk from life

Normal people dream about shit before they go to sleep.

I, on the other hand, try to formulate a hypothesis that I'm already stuck on for 3 business days, thereby giving myself anxiety, henceforth failure to sleep.

I'm just perfect! 👌🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Job seeking is mentally and emotionally tiring.

Done several skill tests that I think I killed every single one of them.

I've heard "Can you go through your resume?" a million times, 1 company hasn't said yes or no for 1 month, I have at least 2 job interviews a week. Recruiters low balling.

I also feel that being hispanic is more challenging. They think I didn't code anything back when I was living in my country. 10 years of experience reduced to the ones I've been working in the US.

It's been a long and tedious journey.

Thanks for bear with me up to this point...

Best: Defeating a seasoned IT professional who was unable to troubleshoot a problem for a week and me doing it in 25 minutes.

Worst: Dealing with anxiety and programmer's block.

Do you ever get anxious and do some work to calm down but then you forget about time and stay up until 6am finishing two features which were due in a month?

I work remotely and have to attend a 'scrum' call everyday which I fucking hate. It gives me anxiety as I already dont like extensive phone calls.

Anxiety sucks.
Clonazepam sucks.
Insomnia sucks.

Maybe coding would be fun again if I just got out of this neurotic rut.🙄

And..... it’s Monday now....

It’s my wife’s phone... but the anxiety is still so high!

People distressed the fuck out of me today.

So now, 2:18 in the morning, I'm in bed, wide awake. Because anxiety is shit.

... And I have to be up early to do the work that I didn't do today.

Smh...

Why do people have to be such dicks?

My fellow nerdy ranters what's the best way to take care of social anxiety completely, am contemplating alcohol

Am I the only one who feels overwhelmed, excited, confused and in an anxiety/desesperation-scene on developing JS base de software.
Don't judge me, I'm a newbie

The new iPhone is gonna have an odd number of pixels in width. I can already feel the anxiety of trying to achieve pixel perfection.

Sorry, long since my last post...

I have quit my job recently at DERP & CO.. The level of anxiety was already somewhat of medical severity.

For months I had been in a project that not only did not progress, but that it was getting worst day by day.

A bit of Context

November: "Dev, junior anon needs you to help him on the SHIT project because they are running out of time, it is mainly doing unit tests."
Well, the code was a mess, there was a LOT of copy paste and it was all bad quality (we talk about methods with complexities between 80 and 120 according to SONAR QUBE).
Dev: "Anon, you know this is wrong, right?"
Anon: "Why? it works"
Dev: after long explanation.
Anon: "Oh well, yes, from now on I will take it into account." And he did it / try his best.

Dev does the unit tests and do extra work outside of the reach of the sprint (y than i mean work after hours, classic) and alerts the boss of the mess.

December: After a project of approximately 6 or 8 months of development, the boss discovers that the junior anon have been doing everything wrong and/or with poor quality (indicating that throughout the whole development the quality of the code was NEVER checked nor the functionality).

Boss: "This is a shit. Dev, you have to correct all the errors and warnings marked on sonar", which are around 1200 between smelling code, high risk errors, etc.

Dev fixes something like 900 bugs... lots of hours...
Boss: "This still is all wrong, we have to redo it. We will correct the errors leaving something stable and we will make a new repository with everything programmed as it should be, with quality and all"
- 900 corrections later, now are irrelevant -
Boss: "Dev, you will start to redo it, anon is out on other project. First you must leave the existing one working properly"
Dev: "ok ..."

January: How can I correct the mess if the client asks for more things. I am just fixing the mess, doing new functionalities, and when I have free time (outside the work) I try to advance the new repository, poorly I must say because burntout.

Boss: "Everything should be arranged at the end of January, so that you can redo everything well in February."
I can't handle everything, it starts to fall further behind. Junior Anon quits the job.

February: Big Bad Bugs in the code appear and practically monopolize the month (the code is very coupled with itself and touching in one place sometimes meant breaking other stuff).

Boss: "It can't be, you've been with this since January and you haven't even started correcting this mess in the new repo"

Dev: "It is that between the new things that are requested and the bugs I cannot put myself with that"
Boss: "Do not worry, you will be helped by random dev if you needed. SPOILER ALERT: random dev is allways bussy. Not made up bussy, He had a lot of work by itself, but it can't help me the way I need it.

High anxiety levels, using free time to try to reduce the work left and gradually losing the taste for develop.

March: So far, not only do they add new things day and day, but now they want to modify things that were already "ok", add new ones and refactor everything in a new repo. I just did not see an end of this nonsense.
Dev breaks, the doctor says it's anxiety, so I just know what I have to do.
Dev: "I quit my job"
Cool Manager: "Damn, why?"
Explain everithig
Cool Manager: "Do you want to try if I can change you to other project or anotjer scope on the same project?"
Dev: "Thanks, but no Thanks. I need to stop for a while".

End. sry for long sad post and maybe poor use of English (?) Not my native language.

Anxiety and depression came back today.
I have so many feelings I can't express to anyone.
I have so many thoughts and ideas I can't talk to anybody about.
Friends never invite me anywhere.
Sometimes I think about ending it all.
It's been like this for the past 5 years or so.

Isn't life just great sometimes? 🙃

Who did I piss off in my life to have to deal with this bullshit? First day off of vacation. I am vacation hungover and just regular hungover. Left my Xanax at home. I just sat through a 45 minute meeting that I didn't have to be in for longer than three minutes. I have what my work place calls scrum in 7 minutes, another fucking meeting I don't have to be in cuz vacation. I wasn't even planning on coming in today except for the fact that my fucking boss came in, in the middle of his vacation, to schedule a meeting this afternoon and then go ghost when I try to either reschedule or at least ask what my fucking responsibility in this meeting is this whole thing is making me sick to my stomach because anger triggers my anxiety which triggers my stomach issues which triggers my phobia which triggers more anxiety which then triggers my anxiety. Gods fucking dammit. Why did I come back from vacation just to arrive in meeting hell? Nothing is okay.

I'm so anxious about exam results. This could be my last real semester if only I don't fail.

Before devRant:

* Sit back and enjoy the night watching series/movies*
* Chills in the weekends*
- It's nice to code at work
😊

After devRant:

*anxiety building up*
*start sweating*
Should I code all time?
(0_0')
When I get home I'll start a project

My daily scrum, the team I'm in doesn't care and just blows our 10min daily into a 1hour "talk about anything" meeting

Just received an email from a client's new liaison.

He spells "going to" as "goner" and "could have" as "could of".

As if I needed more anxiety these days.

First week at job as newly graduated from CompSci. And I feel like a fucking monkey trying to figure out how everything works, I have help from the main developer but it feels like I have to ask questions all the time and I can feel the judgement in his voice. Today I committed my first lines of code (phoneformatting) and he basically had to hold my hand the whole way through. I feel like shit atm, I really want to be good at this, I watch tutorials but when it comes down to it my mind just blanks out and I can't figure out how to even write a simple fucking method in php (which he did and my brain just shut down ). Please help me, how do I improve at remembering all these terminologies, I feel like if I keep it up like this they won't have me around for long.

There are devs who are chill. Then there's me. Deadlines give me anxiety. Being responsible for the code I didn't write and being blamed for the bugs I inherited stress me out.

Afraid of CSS? Here’s a snippet of completely valid stylesheet to ease your anxiety:

.container {
break-before: verso;
display: ruby;
mask-border-slice: 0;
overflow-anchor: none;
touch-action: manipulation;
font-variant: historical-forms;
initial-letter: 3.0 2;
}

Man, I'm a second week intern at a company, and the anxiety that I have is making me stupid. I literally lose all of my coding skills, stuff that I could do at home in 15 minutes takes hours at work.

Am I crazy, or will this go away.

( am a naturally stressed and anxious person, I know this is not good)

Flying back to NY for my last semester.
Don't know how to feel about it.
Let the job hunting begin!
Pssst... Please hire me

Without caffeine ➞ me ⩶ useless
With caffeine ➞ anxiety++

Btw I don't drink 10 liters / 2.6 gallons of coffee everyday or anything, just a small latte does the trick ..

Does time tracking makes you anxious? I just had a small project for a fixed price(no time tracking) and I felt so much less anxiety while working. This one ticking clock makes my work so much stressful.

Fuck you social anxiety let me enjoy my party

It's sometimes really anxiety inducing thinking that all data could be gone, if somebody decides to kill/discontinue/crash [see gitlab shitting 6 hours of data due to fucked backup strategy and shitty seperation of servers] your account/service, be it server, git-repos, backups, chrome syncs, games, music, sim card, ..

But there's simply no way of having a backup of absolutely everything (ignore DRM) - especially automated and abstracted away from you, so you don't have to do all that shit yourself

Having the coder anxiety, can't finish code in one sitting, getting anxious, not eating because cannot eat while in the middle of something "important". Trying to finish it anyway, getting more tired, staying up too late, losing concentration on the next day and doing it all over again...

I've got a Rubik's cube on Friday.

On Sunday evening, I solved a cube for the first time ever.
For the last two days, I've been solving them a lot. Seems it helps a bit with anxiety. Overall, my brain functionality, I'd argue, has improved.

It's funny how little obsessive things make one survive.

On the other hand, I don't think I'll stay obsessed with it for long. Pity that this nice little while of less anxiety is so short.

I hate office politics so fucking much. Now that most people aren’t face to face and everything is over chat and voice calls, people seem to get very weird about things that might be said and blow things out of context. If you have anxiety disorder or something fuck off!! You’re stressing the shit out of me and it’s already Christmas so I’m already stressed the fuck out!

Feels like I'm battling anxiety lately. Always tons of projects to work on and they seem so easy, but getting round to them feels harder and harder. Anyone else have this issue? How do you deal with it. Cigar seems to have helped today...

Anxiety kicking a lot nowadays. Fuxk this anxiety ..

Someone did something right - i sometimes get anxiety and this little wonder helps tremendously....

Holding it while it spins....thats all it takes and "poof" - anxiety gone and am 110% able to focus

Fuck it all to Hell today. I'm cutting into my mostly night time Xanax script at noon.

My boss just made my coworker remove his own copyrighted photo from our Trello board for internal development. The board is only used by the two of us for internal projects. He thinks that our C-level execs would get onto him, not my coworker, for us having a fucking photo of the Boston city skyline on our own, internal, never fucking seen by anyone but us, Trello board. It has fucking animated gifs from Giphy on it, but my fellow dev can't use his own god damn photo as the background.

We're a fucking marketing department for home building materials not a blog using Getty images without permission for fuck's sake.

Then on top of that fucking Cache rules are fucking up on Drupal views and a webform decided to just stop fucking working for submissions after about 26,000 successful ones and it corrupted the last 500 or so in the process.

Oh and fuck Varnish.

Trying my luck for an A rank conference in like 3 months. Things are not done and anxiety will end me before then. 😑

Can't these stupid robots do their own thing without me and get published on my behalf? Shit is tiring! Arghhhhh

Long story short, I have to drop my studies for now bc serious mental health issues. I feel like a failure, but I mean, I actually attempted to.... well, I'm here to say it and not complete the phrase. I need to rebuild a lot. And I would really to make some friends are. I have no one to talk to.

I get anxiety when I have no work for days,

I am like the fuck is wrong with you body. You’re suppose to be chill, not a monster that wants to work all the time.

Whenever I do coding interviews.

*brain shut down

Does someone else also know the feeling when you are together with other devs that you instantly feel like your skills aren't even existent?
Often I notice that I feel that way without actually habing a reason :/

i have been applying for jobs recently, and after getting some HR interviews that evolved to tech interviews, i just cancelled them all...

Every company seems to have hacker rank, and online coding sessions as tech interview stages which really stress me out. Its like everyone thinks they are google and its ok to make people go theough this pressure to join them.

I dont mind being given 10 days to implement a complex project, after which im either in or not. But 20 mins to solve something online while either the interviewer is watching me or the automated test is waiting to filter my application out... i get anxiety just thinking about that..

so im gonna stick with my current job for now, and focus on building my own business slowly on the side. I really felt anxious because of those tech interviews these past weeks and i feel so much better after cancelling all of them.

if a decent company comes along with the project approach, id love to apply, but otherwise ill just stick to where I am for now. dont know if im being immature or irresponsible career wise or if this decision will blow up in my face

stay tune to find out !

Every time i fucking open aws billing i get such anxiety and depression and a big Fucking mood killer until i wait for the billing stats to load. Such a waste of fucking shit money for shit overpriced manipulative conman service go fck urself jess bozos

Are the hackathon groups for people with debilitating social anxiety?

Asking for a friend.

can we stop with the "uncertain times" bullshit? that was funny for about a month in 2020, but its two years later now, just stop

fucking zoomers consuming bullshit splat media splat splat anxiety stupid you are a screen splat splat barf splat

Dating is coder can be tough i feel and plus having autism and anxiety doesn't help as well

Every time I want to post here about a problem, my social anxiety tells me what I should try before asking about it.

Me: *Working peacefully*

One hour later:
*Meeting starts*
...
*Meeting ends*
...
*Action items are sent*
...
My Anxiety: 📈

Learning to juggle my depression/anxiety/urge to punch stupid people. Currently still a work in progress.

Pretty sure I’ve finally got over my anxiety of going to gym. Trying to move more during the day and get my weekly exercise in the mornings but my general anxiety messes up a lot.

Now I’m feeling pretty fresh for a full day of build errors 🙃

Normally I don't give a shit when I lost a job opportunity.

But dude, this year everything is bad as fuck. I moved out (yet again) to marry and start a new life.

And as I said a previous Rants, I got a client that just made me lost another client when they started to get shady. For almost a god dam month now, I can't find even a crappy job.

This never happened. I got more than 10 opportunities. A handful of interviews, a few tests and none of them gave me a job.

Now I have one week to get married.
The money I saved whent to all expenses. And now my anxiety is kicking in like it never did in years.

I really don't know what to do and I
can't fucking sleep.

Ugh! I'm in unfinished project Hell. Three website owners need me to finish big features and I just keep uncovering bugs and feature gaps. So much anxiety about all of it.

Night time depression+anxiety combo is super fun!

Specially that part that tells you "check your emails" and then you find like 69 more reasons to worry.

I should just call it quits and become a middle manager. Or is it too late? 😬

I just hate this life so damn much, 14 and depressed with possible anxiety and suicidal attempts is not easy. My parents are the worst. MY brother sucks. I wanna die.

How does one handle stress? I’ve got way too much on my plate... I’ve never puked before due to stress and anxiety until recently.

The proof that the time machine really exists and that Microsoft is using it gives me a lot of anxiety

My anxiety is over the roof. I have keep 3 media players simultaneously playing Pink noise, Sounds of raindrops and lofi hiphop just to keep my brain grounded.

Existing algos are messed up. The one that personalizes ur feed. FUCKKK.

My YT, Tiktok, IG, Reddit feed are mostly about suicide stories… I just interacted with some posts about anxiety and it led to this. Idk if it’s just me or is this really a trending thing? Coz it’s suicide awareness month??? But dude? That “awareness” might trigger someone contemplating it, like it taps into their confirmation bias.

It is really really really hard to do anything, including development or studying, when you're worrying about losing your teeth.

You can't imagine the anxiety.

The list is long... Very long.

*Anxiety is seen smirking in the background*

I'm very frustrated at my job. Nobody gives a shit to work and don't have technical knowledge. My colleague keeps on battering the peers. And colleagues are discussing everything without me.
So trying to switch company but no luck in a year. And I have stopped working at my job. Gives me serious anxiety.

Source : Reddit

P.s. Anyone had a look at today's eclipse ?
Here in Delhi, IN it's all cloudy and I can't see shit.

!rant
<no trolls tag>

I suffer with anxiety.
I took pills (pristiq), but side effects almost ended with my marriage.
And now I'm having more problems. Even a message from my boss trigger me and I can't think properly.
I have a good job and small mini projects and I enjoy playing games

How do you deal with anxiety?

Do you get filled with anxiety and mental anguish when asked for your availability for a technical interview, knowing you’ve spent all your time recently programming and not working on algorithms/data structures and so you’re terribly unprepared but have no idea what the acceptable amount of time to schedule out without seeming like you’re incompetent is?

No?

....me neither. (She says, lying)

Applied for the job. 😱😱😱😵🤢👽🥶🫨😵‍💫

Let's hope I don't have typos or fucked up in any shape or form.

Waiting to find out results of interview. Dying. I need a change so bad.

Can't stop thinking about questions I wish I would've answered better but I have skin crawling anxiety during interviews and I haven't had one in a loooong time 😭😫 fucking fuck shit fuck universe help me out.

How do you guys deal with managers who message you after hours about work? My slack and email keep going off and it's been causing me a bit of anxiety. I decided to close the slack app on my computer and change the notification preferences so that I can breathe for a bit today. I am a frontend dev intern.

That moment your senior gets an email saying the company was bought over. Should i worry?... Why did i not get the mail?.. So many questions. Not sure if i should even worry.

10 years in small startups, and I start a FAANG level position on Monday.

The anxiety and imposter syndrome will have me dead by then...

I hate it when depression strikes again and it renders me useless because I can't focus here at work.

I'm spending my break time right now trying to cheer myself up by looking at some memes online.

How do you deal with the learning curve frustration?
So, as a software developers we need to learn things frequently. But when we start, we have a lot of things to cover before we call ourselves average on that subject. Before this stage, there is a lot of frustration, stress, anxiety etc. How do you people handle it?

When somebody says they are going to call me, I always fear this will destroy my flow and focus for the rest of the day.

I’m running 1.5km every day for two weeks already. Anxiety still strikes sometimes. Depression is measurably better, but it was getting better months ago when I started taking fluvoxamine, so I can’t attribute this to running alone.

Running will help me in another way though: my mental health will definitely be going through the roof when I look in the mirror and see the beautiful, albeit scarred, slender body I posessed before it all started.

Was on call last night. I get a phone call at 3 am that all of our clients projects (including one that was launching at 5 am) was missing libraries (thus causing the sites to not work). I was able to fix all of the errors but one (missing jQuery). Couldn’t figure out how to fix for the life of me. Had to call my boss and wake her up because I forgot I could just download it from the site. Feeling like a failure for something so small.

I wonder how much of the repeat behavior is trained by anxiety

Certainly a lack of resources contributes or getting stuck in getting the same resources over and over

Damn you people

Starting a new project, and learning to work with a new robot. But I'm living in a state of anxiety, so I'm also in a state of mental paralysis rn. Why do I ruin the best things I get in life by just being an anxious mess? 😑

Nightly anxiety is a new concept that I'm embracing.

On tonight's episode:
> The boss did not like my work.
> He was being nice when he said it's good work.
> I am a failure and should immediately go and get a degree in nail design and work as a minimum wage nail artist. Or hair dresser. Or even cleaning crew.

... This is fun. 😐

I took a day off work to go enjoy camping.

I've never felt so much anxiety about work at this time. I feel like I need to be working right now.

Does the light of your laptop destroy your sleep ?
Mine REALLY does :/

Been suffering of insomnia for more than 4 months and the therapist said it's either self depression or anxiety !
Now I know : It's all my laptop's blue shade fault !!

I'm almost dying from anxiety. Can someone help?

Everything is working, including the damn ml model. But I assume, considering the amount of restlessness and anxiety I'm feeling, that I will look like a scared hamster or trash panda while presenting it.

(Presenting to internal staff. But still)

Anxiety and sadness grow at sunset..
Why?

Just became an instructor at an microelectronics course, can't even finish a normal course due to social anxiety. Fuck.

When the anxiety has made your brain stop working and the procrastination has been going strong for three days already. Yeehaw, motherfuckers.

!dev

New apartment makes me forget all morning anxiety. Sooo much time...

it'd been a while since i last had an anxiety attack. I'm tired of college, i just want to move on

Do you know how to spoil my weekend? Interview me on Friday afternoon for my dream position and tell me that "you'll let me know Monday latest".

Guess who couldn't mentally switch off over the weekend?

I have a serious issue with anxiety, i have an unhealthy way to cope with pressure and I don't know how much will affect me in the future.

Right now I'm your average developer, i write code, makes test, commit stuff and deploy ... and i'm happy.

But seems it's not enough ... you gotta be a speaker, a leader, make showcases to customers/stakeholders the more you go up the ladder.

I'm not that. Fuck. I guess this is the kind of skills part of the Senior Engineer package companies requires.

I just wanna write code, deals with other developers and fuck off the PR part.

<.<

- Got yelled by narcissistic father
- Anxiety went through the roof
- Caused no interest to start working
- I am paid hourly
...
- Profit?

My anxiety runs on an event loop:
while(alive) { overthink(); }
What’s your callback function to escape the void?
(Mine’s () => { orderDumplings(); })

If you live in the past, then you have depression. If you live in the future, then you have anxiety. If you live in the present, then you have peace.

TITANOSAURUS CRAP!!!
Whose idea was to send an e-mail at 11pm about a dev job convention for this weekend!!! And on top of that there will be testing to weed out the candidates!
SIMPLY GREAT! I have to be off town for unavoidable family matters for three days without Internet connection...
Thanks a lot automated mail system for letting me know 4 days in advance that I will fail!!!
It's not that things were awful enough, now I have one more reason to be stressed, get more rashes and weep internally!

God why is it so hard to let go with people around, especially potential friends or partners... It could be so easy to just have fun and do the things you always think about, but then you mess it up and that somehow.. purposely.

So after dealing with hell lot of anxieties, I tried meditating. I did it for 2 weeks for now and can see difference. I have started avoiding the unhelpful thoughts. I am not fogging my mind each day with negative thoughts now.

Although I cannot say if I can still face the situations well when I'll get nervous but I know that I will try stopping my unhelpful thoughts.

My anxiety is over the top😔😔😭😭

Currently trying to start a freelancing career and deal with rly bad anxiety and depression at the same time... Not quite sure how to motivate myself to move forward and get some jobs and cash..

Doing a technical assessment. Slightly different stack than what I am used to!

- NGINX instead of Traefik
- Kubernetes instead of Docker Swarm

Just because the stack is different, anxiety / impostor syndrome is kicking in. I'm proud of myself for commanding my brain and body to execute:

While !done:
- google,
- find simplest straightforward tutorial
- implement

The chemicals inside my body are all over the place. I really want to move out of my current job!!

I've come to notice that mindful meditation does some good things to me.

And by "mindful meditation" I mean my subjective experience based on the shitty articles and videos I saw online, aka, I close my eyes and focus on how my breathing feels...

spoiler: it doesn't fix my depression and anxiety. The good thing that it does to me is that I seem to be more focused and to bump into simple solutions to problems I have everyday instead of freaking out about them.

So while it doesn't fix it, it does help a bit with anxiety.

The problem is that it's very, very, very goddamn hard to meditate to me.

I try to focus on my breath and not think for like 10 minutes. Even for 10 minutes, the experience is jarring.

I have this insane urge to just do something immediately. It's not a painful experience or anything or bad for my mental health so far, I just get massive urges to start doing something else, like, for example, I can't wait to start working.

So it's as if it decreased anxiety, but increases adrenaline or whatever? I dunno.

Disclaimer: I don't care much about the religious aspect at all, which is kind of problematic because 95% of what you find online is just biased religious marketing, and I avoid that like the plague.

OK, so, did my first 5 hour pre-interview coding test. it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected it to be. now I can't decide whether to be chuffed at myself for not finding the test all that terrible, or beset with anxiety that it was too easy because I misunderstood and just handed in pure crap and I'll never hear from them again.

!dev

1. It's one of those few times in life that listening to Lq's Numb doesn't make me feel less anxious. Or Somewhere I Belong. Either way, anxiety levels are on all time high.

2. I have completely lost appetite. Usually at this point in time I'd go to doctor and ask for Xanax or something similar, to chill for a few days. But covid. I ain't going to any clinic, plus, ain't nobody got time for that.

3. On top of everything, I am also PMSing. The lack of energy, times n. (n>10)

4. Struggling to get out of bed for hours is now a reality.

5. I'm glad ("glad" is exaggeration tho) this will pass in a few weeks. I am hanging on to that hope and experience tells me it will pass. But my feelings are like "nah, we doomed. Let's just run away. Or just sleep until it all passes or we die of starvation."

6. My brain must work for the next few days. If I have to push it by drowning it in sugar, I will. But I'm also obese rn. Well, I guess it's "Hello diabetes!".

7. My hands and feet are cold. Like, freezing cold. Meanwhile, the rest of me is sweating. This sucks. Ngl.

8. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Like, those last stabby stabs moments in a battle where you know you're gonna fall down soon. I know this feeling of doom and gloom is PMS related, but it's there. I have no solution for that aside from nicotine and sugar.

9. I can't even cry. Which is sad.
... Do you see what's happening there? That's the loop I'm in.

No more Xanax at work, I've just been near-comatose most of the afternoon despite coffee.

Biggest interview of my entire life is coming up on Thursday. I really need this to go well - it's more than double my current salary, at a time where I'm really starting to struggle to make ends meet. There's an actual "team", and from my interactions with them over the last four interviews, I think they're cool people. It's still a little unusual, because although there's a team or cohort of seniors that I'd be joining, every senior developer is still somewhat siloed, leading their own juniors. I'd also get to be remote 75% of the time, which I think I've realized is a "must have" benefit.

I don't know if it's coincidental or just bad timing then that I've been having episodes of pretty intense vertigo and panic attacks far more frequently than normal lately - even before I had this interview lined up. I realized recently that I must have some kind of anxiety disorder. I don't know if that's from the military, or just from being fucked up via my own missteps. But I can't keep having these attacks.

Anyone who's willing to share - I don't really have anyone to ask. How do you deal with this type of thing? I went to see a shrink last year, but he just gave me pills that replaced these issues with others.

!dev

There are two weeks left until the PhD application results are published. But I'm having such awful nervous breakdowns. I don't even know, if it's anxiety or if I'm literally dying inside from something else. From an almost-heart-attack today when I got a trivial and unrelated bad-news email, to keep having weird dreams about things like end of the world and post-apocalyptic life, or being jumpy all the time.

... And it's not like it's life or death, I know that. I know that I can do other things if this doesn't stick. I know things will workout the way they should; I know all of those. But there's just something destroying my physical and mental health right now, and I don't even know if it's just the anxiety for the next big step in my career, or something else, or how I should deal with it.

... Anyways, amannoyed.

How to deal with anxiety before an interview result when you know the result can be out at any moment? mfs are releasing it in batches and I'm checking my emails a thousand times a day.

The computers and network seem to be CRAWLING today. Which is great, gives me plenty to time to imagine the many ways I could get myself fired for doing the deployments the way I am. 😅💀

My gf wants to be a nomad.
I just like to code in my chosen place of work (home) and not lose focus with moving around.

I'm worried, I get anxiety if I don't find myself in places that let me be productive. I'm very much like a cat in that regard 🐈

Health anxiety is funny.

a pendulum between
"oh no, what if I have x and die"
"jesus christ, this anxiety is too painful i wish i was dead"

death is a fucking tease.

anyhow, just venting, not promoting self harm, if you are having thoughts of mortality contact your national suicide hotline.

also, not trying to be a dick, but id appreciate receiving no advice, just a "i hope you get better" will help me a lot.

It is 10:54 on a Monday and I have not had a Monster because my drug deal- um doctor, told me off for drinking it (not good for anxiety etc). This shit is tough...

I was assigned a task to troubleshoot some buggy code. I am a developer and I don’t know how to get started. Does anyone else experience this kind of anxiety? Where you’re asked to apply your skills and suddenly your brain just shuts down and you feel like you know exactly nothing? I’m older than most coders in my field. Onset of some kind of brain disorder?

this gives me anxiety, just setting up cache updating with urql

my life is looking up, everything seems neat. what happens to my anxiety disorder? well, now I'm anxious because i feel like i forgot something bad, or like something bad is supposed to be happening. ffs someone trade brains with me pls

I just got diagnosed with anxiety. So there's that...

Good friend, Jay. Helped level up my understanding over the years, JS patterns, using APIs, best practices, etc.

Also helped kill off anxiety about the community by proving we work together and share knowledge.

Many thanks and I hope everyone has a Jay in their life.

I just got out of the office late and in a hurry to catch the train. I was in the zone dude, I was in it. I made an huge maintainability improvement on a framework I've worked on during the last year.

I fucking forgot to push and I'm in data corruption/laptop thievery anxiety 😥😥😥😥

Favorite alarm clock tune: anxiety

Turning my anxiety off sometimes

How do you stop anxiety when you can't solve a problem in your code?

IEEE latex paper template is why I have anxiety issues. 😒😒😒

anxiety is a bitch. I'm only a few days without my meds and my sleep schedule is already fucked

Someone in the office(to someone else)- This thing broke yesterday in production. I think this was the problem.
My anxiety- oh that must be something related to what I did. Probably it's my fault, even though I haven't yet pushed anything that's released in production.

i get a lot of anxiety if i didn't push my code or save somewhere remote, especially if i make a lot of changes
is it just me?

It's my last week at my job. They have decent pay and great work life balance but the work is boring and uninspiring.

Leaving for a F500 company. The pay is insane and I've been warned the workload matches. The upcoming projects are interesting, and I've hit the next engineering level!

I'm still crazy anxious and feeling that imposter syndrome hard. I've only ever worked in small startups, and I've always been "The Guy", now I'll be a cog in the machine of incredibly smart people.

Just trying to get this off my chest, because right now I don't know what I'm doing...

I try to do one thing, I try to make one thing a little better and the universe shovels shit in my face. I’m just trying fix all this old outdated shot and I keep getting shit on in so many ways. I’m trying so hard to not become a bitter angry old man but damn if I don’t understand the bitter angry old mans motives right now. Fuck this ongoing onslaught of crashes and shit shows.

so I did dry january...

conclusions:

- perhaps a slight amount of more energy, but then I just work way more than i would anyway, since there is nothing else to do
- anxiety / stress not really affected or reduced
- sleep not noticably improved either

so overall I don't think I really get any of the so called "benefits" that the health gurus claim 🤡

needless to say I will be enjoying some scotch tonight

the terror and anxiety for tagging seniors and above people to review your document

I am done of hiding anxiety 🙃

I feel like crying because I couldn't configure ERPNext on windows (Virtual Box). Damn thing showed this error "Already Registered, There were problems" and redirect me to homepage.

Hate this when there are no error codes or no proper documentation.

Tried every possible solution in past 4~5 hours. I'll sleep

Serious question guys.

How do you deal with stress of f-ing up at work?

I had to upgrade a whole postgresql stack today. Most of the upgrade went fine, but... Restoring a backup by pg_basebackup lead to an unusable database (would not replicate), had to apologize to the client and make last second modifications as disaster recovery, and all the while, ever since the DB didn't start up, to when I eventually went back to work and was no longer alone on the task, I was going through a crippling anxiety...

I... Love the job, but incidents like this... Make me doubt my future as anything more than a mediocre sysadmin...

I feel very terrible. Attending meetings, not able to say anything, I get anxious, my face gets red and heart starts to race. I was never able to get through this situation. This is a big thing, if I set up a meeting to discuss, due to the anxiety I am not able to question anything. I could make a difference that every now and then I ask something basic but due to anxiety I couldn't understand the answer and end up saying yes to thess things although I couldn't understand.
I tried preparing for the meetings but that doesn't work as generally something comes up that I didn't expect and I get so nervous.

Feeling super anxious and going through analysis paralysis

High school students today have the same anxiety levels of as insane asylum mental patients during the 1950's.

No wonder I feel like I'm going insane.

This is a continuation of my previous rant...
I did it! I overcame my anxiety to work on the dev database (don't worry, I made backups). At first I got really anxious and almost panicked at the thought of possibly messing up and procrastinated a few minutes. After the intial anxiety has passed I just did it and it worked. I didn't destroy anything nor did I made any mistakes. One step closer to becoming more confident when working with company assets

!dev

Anxiety in my brain is like Mozart's Lacrimosa is playing out of key and proper arrangement.

So. Fucking. Annoying.

I currently have to finish some intermediate report for a big international research project which my CEO forced us into because of the incentives. But he doesn't care for any of the research and just want to get the money.
Due to my inexperience I promised some things for this project, which now prove to be untenable. And now I realize all this and I get to deal with small anxiety attacks (especially today).
I just want to say "fuck you all" and go, but this no real option for me. That makes me totally exhausted, especially because it feels like a personal failure. :/

Fucking hormones.
I don't know suddenly I have feelings for a colleague. She is a trainee and she sits opposite of me. Now i can't concentrate properly. She has a friend/lover (i don't know, didn't talk to her/him before more than a hi, what's your name). They sit there and talk all day long it's kinda irritating and i am having anxiety when they talk.
There are 5 trainees in total and they r learning framework currently. The problem is, i will get one person to train on specific project. A part of me hopes she would be the one but i know its going to be a disaster.
Now i am depressed and having anxiety.

Job interview in 2 days. Shitting myself with anxiety and nervousness. Wish me luck!

Sorry to repost,

I had made a request for friends post last week, but someone mentioned my discord link was too far down, so maybe people missed it.

So here it is chirptune#1829.

Again, I'm doing wfh and having decent anxiety so I would appreciate talking to someone. I can also hear you on your problems.

When you spend so much time at an event you start to get anxiety near the end of it because you have no idea how many unread emails you have waiting for you.

LISP's parenthesis and Java's namespace could trigger an anxiety attack.

My day couldn't start in a worse day.

We are having a demo this week and I worked yesterday after hours to get the product ready. Tested everything and we were all set for the demo content.

Today we installed the new version with my fixes and nothing worked. Today's version should be the golden version to prep the demo! Obviously everyone starts looking at me as to why nothing works both worried and eager to help. But I got so stressed I just wanted to dig a hole.
Luckily after going through the logs a colleague of mine pieced together something he heard about another colleague on another location we have submitted a fix (without telling our location) that f**ked up the whole system.

Luckily we reverted it since the system was better without it and got it stable again but after all of that I had to go rest because until we found the answer I was starting to think I couldn't get one thing right. I think it was the most stressful moment in 5+ years on this job

Depression is not a passive sorrow and lack of energy. My depression, being bipolar type I, is active, furious, burning pain within. My heart is pounding, and it hurts. The strong, blunt guilt for nothing I did in particular, and then the anxiety that is all around and over my view, reminiscent of how mould grows on a slice of bread.

It never stops.

That moment when you realize you've basically been having a protracted anxiety attack for two months. Should uh...build character or something, right?