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This female collegue whom I used to hangout during tea and lunch has suddenly started hanging out with another female collegue.

I'm alone, sad and overthinking is killing me. I asked her if there is something I said or did that made her hang out with someone else.

She said it's not a big deal and I should stop creating drama. I think I lost my self-respect while facing her about this.

Comments
  • 16
    You're right on all counts. Be the person you want to be around.
  • 5
    "stop creating drama"

    Is this projection or constructive criticism?
  • 9
    If you aren't a woman, you shouldn't be hanging out with female co-workers in the first place. That's a thing of the past.
  • 3
    @Demolishun Just a projection.
  • 6
    @Fast-Nop Any reason why?
  • 7
    @error503
    You have to understand that @Fast-Nop is an absolute man beast. His animal magnetism is such that, were he to be around female colleagues, he would be #MeToo'd constantly for having to turn them down. 😋
  • 13
    @error503 Because it's too risky. While the problem is only a minority, it takes only one to ruin you with false accusations. Social execution doesn't depend on a proven court case anyway.
  • 4
    @SortOfTested Competing for the same job position can be greatly helped by some accusations because something will stick.
  • 2
    @Fast-Nop
    Don't be so modest 😉
  • 6
    @SortOfTested I don't turn down women. I just talk about interesting stuff like properties of different thermal interface materials. However, that boils down to the same. ^^
  • 9
    @Fast-Nop You will be in trouble when a gal turns to you and says "memoize me, I want your lazy evaluation..." in a sultry come program with me voice.
  • 4
    @Demolishun Then she's a geek without social skills and therefore good company, but I've yet to see this outside devRant.
  • 4
    @Fast-Nop that sounds majorly depressing. damn.
  • 6
    I pretend to be a man so I can be with @Fast-Nop. I was so committed to it that I had all the surgery needed and forgot who I used to be. That's how I became Johnny.

    Seriously though, I've been in the same situation. There is some neediness in them that makes me not want to hang out with them anymore especially when they say there is a problem when there isn't. I'm not trying to insult or make fun of you, just giving you my perspective.

    Keep in mind that no one is obliged to hang out with you and you only. If you keep acting like this, you will push people away. Create a life where you are interesting enough to attract people despite being a slimy, toe-sucking, ass-eating mass murderer.

    Or get filthy rich and buy them.
  • 4
    What the fuck people!!!

    And @error503 my dear OP: dealing with women is more of an art than science. Yes, your self respect went negative when you confronted. There's so much that could be done and so much that could not be.

    This totally depends on thousands of parameters, situation, and context. There is no straight answer and truth will always be unknown.

    Stop overthinking lad and find another one.
  • 3
    Some people just move on without much of a reason, there's nothing wrong with you man.
  • 4
    @Fast-Nop And would only keep getting worst when the European model is built on electing stupid people based on either gender or stupid social justice. Why do you think its so huge of problem. Politicians could easliy at least try to show people they would do something about the problem, but the reasons (at least in my country) they dont do anything, is due to supporting it secret / believing in you have to proof that innocent, instead of being proven to be gulity.
  • 5
    Do you like like her?
    Cuz she might pick up on that and wanted a way out without hurting you..

    Or maybe you just talk too much..

    Dunno the whole situation, but those are two things that pop to my mind that'd make me distance myself and not disclose why to not make it weirder..

    I also try to avoid chitchat with people who constantly complain about the job, how thing x is hard, how they do not know thing y, yet don't do anything to better the situation..you can bitch all you want, but I need to see that you actually try to solve it too (& not just by complaining all around)..

    But we can only speculate based on our past experience. What actually happened..well only she knows why and looks like she doesn't want to share, so you'll have to move past it..
    Try not to dwell on it too much and 'move on'.

    Edit: the self respect thing.. don't do this to yourself, you seem like a small percent of people who like to lay all cards on the table and clear things up.. it's nothing to be ashamed of, just keep in mind that you won't always be able to get a clear answer from others so you might end up without a closure..
  • 3
    Floyd: *rants and complains about his job all day on devRant*

    @sladuled: I also try to avoid chitchat with people who constantly complain about the job

    Floyd: *sad human noises* 😔😔😔😔
  • 3
    @F1973 I rant here too..

    But in person, if I bitch about sth, I also propose solutions and try to fix it..
  • 0
    @sladuled Hahaha okay..

    DW, I am human friendly alien in person.
  • 7
    Work on your self-esteem 😛
    She prolly just got tired of just hanging with you and wants to see other people too. It's not like she signed a contract for exclusively hanging out with you.

    It's good that you did ask. So she would or will tell you if something was bothering her (maybe you chew with your mouth open, who knows?)

    Also, about the whole "don't hang out with women" I'mma add something: yeah don't hang out with women, unless they want to hangout with you too. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • 3
    The only time I distance myself from colleagues like this, is if I feel it's getting too intimate. I was never confronted about it, so I am not sure how I would react if asked why I did it. I think her reaction was lame though.
    I do believe friendships can be formed at work, but I am always very cautious.
  • 1
    If she said you should stop creating drama she's obviously being passive aggressive because she's pissed and/or creeped out

    There was definitely something bothering her
  • 0
    Without having all the details from both sides, it makes pretty much all the assumptions in this thread speculations that will go nowhere.

    If we judge the situation based on speculations, who are saying OP is in the wrong. Maybe she found someone better and ditched him, when he no longere where to any use / where boring her.
  • 2
    @12bitfloat woooo! Somebody has a lot of experience with women 😜 for real tho, might also be because she wanted to naturally fade away but got caught.
  • 2
    @NoMad What happened to your hair?
  • 2
    @rutee07 covid lockdown, so I ran out of hair color ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • 1
    @NoMad Why didn't she just say that she needs time to herself or whatever. "You're starting drama so just leave me alone" doesn't sound very natural at all
  • 4
    @12bitfloat She retreated probably as not to say "guy, you creep or/and bore me out, I've found better company after all, leave me alone". While potentially honest, it would have been highly unlikely to go down well and leave things in a state that you can still work together professionally.

    Also USUALLY, people do get this hint and don't ask stupid questions. It's just that SOME people need to get hit with a hammer as to even notice.
  • 2
    @Fast-Nop Exactly, she had an issue with him that's why she decided to get outta there

    OP was asking whether she wanted to get away from him or if this was normal
  • 3
    Telling someone to “stop creating drama” IS FUCKING DRAMA!
    Also
    Her saying “it’s nothing” IS something but she’s not willing to talk about it.

    You learn buddy, move on and find a new friend
  • 0
    @EDragon I disagree with your first sentence. You don't have to tell someone the truth if you don't want to, and if they're being persistent on knowing, then they're creating drama. Sometimes you just have to let go when you're implicitly said to, to let go.
  • 2
    @NoMad I don’t think I said you have to tell anybody anything you don’t want to. In my experience when someone says “stop creating drama” it sounds pretty dramatic to me.

    Now being persistent is dramatic all of its own of course and I wouldn’t deal with it in any capacity absolutely
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