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Search - "collegue"
This is fucking annoying with some clients.
Me: Hello, how can I help you?
Client: *explains problem*
Me: *tells possible solution*
Client: you sound young, could you connect me to a more senior person?
Collegue: Hello, how can I help you?
Client: *explains problem again*
Collegue: *gives same solution as me*
Client: Oh uhm but that's the same solution the boy I had on the phone before you told me.
Client: well he sounded so young...
Collegue: Being young does not equal being inexperienced/less knowing about something.40
Me: hey look, the time is gone!
Me:...... you don't see it? 😅😆
Me: 4:04 🤣
Collegue: *gives death stare*
Overheard a phone call of a collegue:
Person on phone (P): okay so how do I upload the code?
Colleague (C): well you could use filezilla for example
P: oh... okay... yeah.... So how does that work?
C: you said earlier that you were going to hire a more technical person, a developer, to develop this wordpress side, maybe he/she could help you out with this?
P: I am that developer.
New Dutch (or european?) law requiring https for any website with a contact form or higher is going into effect very soon. Were contacting customers so they can still be on time with this, this is how most convo's go:
Client: Im sure my security is good enough...
Collegue: i'd really recommend it, we've got free options as well!
Client: its just a secure connection, whats the big deal...
Collegue: *more arguments*
Client: I just don't see the point, security.... well.... does it really matter that much...
Collegue: Google might place you lower in the search results if you don't get a secure connection.
Client: 😶😥😵 uhm so what were the https options again? 😅
I hope they all die a painful death 😠29
Me: good day, how can I help you?
Client: *explains issue*
Me: alright, let's take a loo.... *AACHOOOO*
M: my apologies sir, that came out of nowhe... *ACHOOO*
M: do you have a second sir? My apologies!
C: sure man take your time 😁
*30 seconds later, nose seems to have calmed down*
M: back I am, apologies for the inconvenience!
C: no problem, it happens!
M: where was I?.... Right, I was going t...
AH... AH... AAAAH..... ACHOOOOO*
M: I'm very sorry, I'm going to put you through to a collegue!
*puts through to collegue*
*goes to bathroom*
*returns to desk*
Me: good afternoon sir, how may I hel... *A-MOTHERFUCKING-CHOOOOO* (thinking: oh for fucking fucks sake)
C: bless you!
M: thank you! Apologies, I seem to be having a snee.. *CHOOOOOOOO*
*sniffs a few times*
- zing attack.
*collegue yells at me to transfer my call*
Me: thanks man, idk what's wrong with me hahah... *ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
OH FUCKING HELL 😠28
When someone's calls and completely loses his shit (swearing etc etc) because we HAVE TO FUCKING HELP HIM BECAUSE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE RELY ON THIS SITE WHICH IS DOWN.
Explained him calmly that its an unmanaged server which we literally don't have access to. Keeps on calling me all kinda things and then says he'll email some login details.
Bossman walks in, collegue goes like 'yo guess what just happened with linuxxx!'
Le me explains the story.
Bossman: email me his number. I'm going to call him. You treat my employees with fucking respect.15
Started talking about Pi-Hole (still trying to install this fucker by the way) today with a collegue.
He had it installed and showed me around a little.
CW: Alright give me an example then I'll show you wildcard blocking.
Me: google.com 😅
CW: *enters and saves it. then tries to load anything related to google.com*
*no google.com domains load, all give a blocked error*
Me: Works great!
Me: Uhm so you aren't like surprised that I went with google.com as example and that I'd genuinely would block it?!
CW: No, why would I be?
Me: Well, most people consider me paranoid/crazy the second they find out I don't want to use google/google's services.
CW: well that's fucking retarded. why would anyone redicule you for not using something you don't want to use. You'll have your reasons.
Me: So if I'd say i do it for privacy reasons, you wouldn't find that redicilous?
CW: No, why would I? Not using google (and for that matter facebook etc) for privacy reasons is very logical really.
FUCKING. THANK. YOU.23
Just reached 100+!!
Anyhow. I started coding prettymuch 365 days ago. My mate decided to launch his company and figured it was a good idea to start it with good friends who knew fuck all at coding.
Fyi, the dude can code 15 hours straight everyday for about a year (no shit thats what i saw).
He also taught me webpack and rollup. Json schma forms，http requests redux， redux logic， and all the routing shit...he obliged me to i plement RR4 on release and is now making me overlook the merge requests of my other collegue (yes he made me a git pro，almost).
And now i have to work long distance by studying java， spring， oauth2 and start working on our api.
O yeah，and i went from microsoft to full on linux!!!
To be honest i thought i was gonna die this year. (Also have a kid on the way :)).
Devrant has been like going to the psychologist :) everytime shit hit the fan i realized every one has the same problems :)
Thanks to the community i can also now even give out nerd jokes :)
Anyone know this bitch hacker 127.0.0.1 story?
WORST HACKERS OF ALL TIME
CONTINUED IN THE COMMENTS BECUASE IT IS SO LONG...
TLdr bitch hacker hacks himself by localhost
bitchchecker (~email@example.com) Quit (Ping timeout#)
bitchchecker (~firstname.lastname@example.org) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> why do you kick me
<bitchchecker> can’t you discus normally
<Elch> we didn’t kick you
<Elch> you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker (~email@example.com) Quit (Ping timeout#)
<bitchchecker> what ping man
<bitchchecker> the timing of my pc is right
<bitchchecker> i even have dst
<bitchchecker> you banned me
<bitchchecker> amit it you son of a bitch
<HopperHunter|afk> shit you’re stupid, DST^^
<bitchchecker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
<bitchchecker> for two weaks already
<bitchchecker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
<Elch> You’re a real computer expert
<bitchchecker> shut up i hack you
<Elch> ok, i’m quiet, hope you don’t show us how good a hacker you are
<bitchchecker> tell me your network number man then you’re dead
<Elch> Eh, it’s 126.96.36.199
<Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
<Elch> yes exactly that’s it: 127.0.0.1 I’m waiting for you great attack
<bitchchecker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
<Elch> Now I’m frightened
<bitchchecker> shut up you’ll be gone
<bitchchecker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you’re dead
<bitchchecker> say goodbye
<Elch> to whom?
<bitchchecker> to you man
<bitchchecker> buy buy
<Elch> I’m shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
bitchchecker (~firstname.lastname@example.org) Quit (Ping timeout#)
bitchchecker (~email@example.com) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you’d be gone
<Elch> bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again… I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
<bitchchecker> you’re so stupid man
<bitchchecker> say buy buy
<Metanot> ah, [Please control your cussing] off
<bitchchecker> buy buy elch
bitchchecker (~firstname.lastname@example.org) Quit (Ping timeout#)
bitchchecker (~email@example.com) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> elch you son of a bitch
<Metanot> bitchchecker how old are you?
<Elch> What’s up bitchchecker?
<bitchchecker> you have a frie wal
<bitchchecker> fire wall
<Elch> maybe, i don’t know
<bitchchecker> i’m 26
<Metanot> such behaviour with 26?
<Elch> how did you find out that I have a firewall?
<Metanot> tststs this is not very nice missy
<bitchchecker> because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
<bitchchecker> be a man turn that shit off
<Elch> cool, didn’t know this was possible.
<bitchchecker> thn my virus destroys your pc man
<Metanot> are you hacking yourselves?
<Elch> yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
<Metanot> he bitchchecker if you’re a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
<bitchchecker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
<Metanot> what firewall do you have?
<bitchchecker> like a girl
<Metanot> firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it…you girl
<He> Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you’re letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
<bitchchecker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
<Metanot> he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
<bitchchecker> you’re afraid
<bitchchecker> i don’t wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
<bitchchecker> elch turn off your shit wall!
<Metanot> i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that’s an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
<bitchchecker> shut up
<bitchchecker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
<bitchchecker> and you suckers think you’re cool and don’t dare going into the internet without a fire wall
<Elch> bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
<Metanot> bitchhacker can’t hack
<Black<TdV>> nice play on words
<bitchchecker> wort man
<Elch> bitchchecker: I’m still waiting for your attack!
<Metanot> how many times again he is no hacker
<bitchchecker> man do you want a virus
<bitchchecker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
<Metanot> lol ne give it up i’m a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you’re no hacker..31
Me being a good collegue teaching my friend basic C++ for upcoming exam and trying my best not tore my friend apart.
Crime scene: university's library, today, 1PM.
Me: Create a new class, just type 'class' and hit TAB
Him: I'm trying to but it pastes some code
Me: That's the point of hitting TAB.. now that we are finished, include it in your main file, the one with main entry point
Him: I have no such thing
Me: Look for main function
Him: There's none, what is it called?
Him: Yeah, what is it called?
Me: ..main, the name is main
Him: I get it, but what is it called?
Me: 'MAIN' FOR GODS SAKE, THE NAME IS 'MAIN' *points towards my code*..
Him: Oh, okay, I get it now
Me: Ok, let's compile
*Error pops on his screen*
Him: You know what, I don't think you can really program.. *closes laptop and walks away*.
At work today.
Collegue: hey, if you continue like this, you'll be just like me in a year or so!
Me: as, so completely fucked up?
Boss: hahaha rekt!
C: okay gotta give you that one 🤣
Love those random moments :)4
- Is it file.php or file_new.php that are in use?
If you could take the time to learn git then we wouldn't have these questions all the time.4
So i can listen in on calls for my training.
I felt so sorry for a colleague when he spend nearly half an hour explaining that we only HOST someone's site and are NOT responsible for the code. (just for the record, he explained it in 15 different ways so anyone (nearly) would've understood but it seemed like the person in the phone just didn't want to hear it).
Poor guy (my collegue) 😞7
I started studying computer science 3 years ago as a challenge for myself, try something new, do something I knew absoluty nothing about.
I was always the girl who didn't know as much as the rest. I took longer than everyone else, made worse solutions. I always felt like a burden.
Yet today, for the first time, I really felt like a real developer at my last week of my summer job. Explaining a five year older collegue (with a lot more (web)dev experience) about design patterns, git, c++, and helping him to understand and use it properly.
Apparently I was smiling like an idiot because he asked me if I was making fun of him, while deep inside I was just so happy to be helpful.. 😊18
Collegue: hrrrrrrrrrrrrr *mumbles something*
Me: Rawrrrrrrrrr (the sexual'ish kind)
Collegue: Hmmm what?
Me: Miaaaaaaauwwwww 😏😉
Collegue: Duuuus.... (English something like "sooo...."
Me: x x x x ("kisses") 😏 *😘*
(I know I can do this with him for the record)22
The collegue who I hang out with has resigned.. we together were known as the only Innovators of the project... Now suddenly My manager's behaviour towards has changed... He has started to treat me with real care as if Inam his son... 😂😂😂 The bastard is thinking I might resign as well 😏😏😏😏9
FAC : Fucking annoying colleague
FAC: Hey how did you set up your microservices?
M: I used docke...
FAC: But docker is hard to setup, i want an easier option
FAC: Which services do you have?
M: I have one service for the api, one with redi..
FAC: Redis is not a service
FAC: Do you use AWS API gateway?
M: No, in set up my ow..
FAC: why would you set up your own? I just use the one from AWS.
FAC: How many instances are you have running
M: I have 5 replic...
FAC: 5 replicas? That's why i hate microservices,they are costly
FAC: How did you divide up your app?
M: Since I am starting, its better to run the monolithic and then break it up lat...
FAC: I knew it,you don't actually use microservices
M:(thinking)* Fucker, if you know it well why are you fucking disturbing me?? *2
If a teamviewer sessions counts as "screenshare", I've got a good one.
The company I'm working for also got an internal video player in the webfrontend of it's product. A customer called in, because the player "stays black", instead of playing his videos. It's a player for a media library of the customer, so it can be any content. A collegue did some trouble shooting, but since the customer was not very experienced in IT they arranged a teamviewer session. At the appointed time, my collegue called the customer and asked him to reproduce the issue, while watching via teamviewer.
When opening the media player, it stayed black indeed, so my collegue asked the customer to try another video. From my desk I heard my collegue say "Oh god, no" (phone muted) pretty loudy and he asked us to come to his place quickly. The customer decided, it would be a good idea to try the video player with gay porn. So we stood there around my collegues desk, watching a hairy man, getting his asshole licked by another an even hairier man for a few secs.
The customer stopped the playback, said "ok, maybe the other file was just broken.", thanked my collegue and the call was over.
We had a few similar cases.11
Collegue *yells through the office*:
Hey IT-guy the file is not there, where is it ?
Me: what file is not where ?
Collegue: you know that file i've been searching for 30 mins now on the Google drive.
Me: Have you tried hitting the name into the search bar ?
Collegue: Sure dude, I'm not stupid.
Me -> *one the way to her desk*
Collegue: OH! never mind I found it with the search bar. I swear it hasn't been there before!
*turning around, going back to my desk*
At work today. Someone unregistered a domain name (don't remember the exact one) with something funny/positive about beer (for example beerisawesome.com).
Collegue: What?! Why would you unregister this?!?
*tells the boss*
Boss: well someone's got their priorities fucking wrong.
Me: Fix this for me and I'll send you a cookie.
(5 mins later)
Collegue: Done, give me cookie.
Me: send MUIDB4T.txt ..... Long cookie file on Skype.
( Munches chocolate chip cookie)
(Collegue stares in disbelief....)
Me: hey I Even gave you a big one.
( Passes cookie jar )1
Today I became a rubber duck debugger 🐤
I was leaving from office and spotted my senior collegue sitting glued to the screen solving an issue. I sat along with him to embark on a debug adventure. I casually asked him about the issue and what might cause it. After a bit of discussion *bam* he figured out where the problem lies and solved it in an instant.
Quack quack off I run 🐤5
Made a bad pun at work. Collegue:
What about I break this beer bottle *points at it*, stick it in your throat and put it up your ass sideways afterwards?
Me: 😅 I'll stop 😅
Sometimes my timing is bad :P13
Somehow, the company I work for has decided it is ok for people to have their dogs in the office.
One of the dogs is such a sissy, cries and make stupid noises - I has been so for many many month.
Yesterday, when we had our asses full of stuff to do. The dog decided that it really have to take a dump inside the office and start barking (more like "veff").
So I turned around, to my other collegue and asked him really loud:
"Should groceries really do that?"
He is asian, he liked the joke. But the owner did not.4
When you think, you are on playground VM and you try : sudo rm -rf /etc , realizing it was your Workstation... my collegue did it last week.3
I asked collegue about status of component thru Skype (different countries, you know) and received answer he's leaving company in 8 days. FML.1
Fixed a project for a collegue.
Him: How did you fix things, what's the process?
Me: Click stuff and press Buttons randomly until it works.
Him: ... That's all you did?
Me: Yup, the rest is just experience.
Manager: I'm so sorry to say but your collegue A has passed away yesterday afternoon. There will obviously be flowers etc and we'll try to support her family as much as we can..
Me: Oh, no. My deepest condolences. (I'm always bad at saying much in situations like this, but)
B: My gosh! So does this mean A's family also caught it??!? (Corona)
Manager: She died in a car accident.
Also how unfortunate. Due to the lockdown, a ton of the people use the roads as a racing track around here...12
I sometimes remember the time when I wrote a Email-inbox-exporter-PHP-script-type of application that collects all the emails from an inbox, "copied" it to a database with the attachements and stuff and moves it to a folder..
I just started at the company for like a couple of months, had no privileges to create mailboxes and such and I didn't want to interrupt our programmer to do this for me, so... I decided.. to save time and resources.. to test run it on our global, live 'support' mailbox.. :D Well.. You might guess what happened.. Apparently I mistyped the name of the move-destination folder (because imap-weird-things) that resulted in a completly empty mailbox and an empty database because the inserts failed due to bad encoding and mime-type issues..
The moment I refreshed my Outlook and noticed that all our mails where gone.. I swear, I can't describe that feeling of fear, cold sweat, intense heartbeat... I just stood up, asked if anyone wanted coffee, and just walked out of the office.. When in the hallway, I heard my collegues ask to one another "do you have any issues with outlook, all my mails are gone?". Everyone was stressing out, the chief was stressing out "what happened?!", nobody knew what happened.. :D
They could partially resolve it via one collegue who hadn't refreshed the mailbox and he could forward all the mails back to our support mailbox..
I dropped the project idea and learned to work with dev environments :D A couple of months later, I accidentially forgot a where condition in my SQL UPDATE statement, but that was the last time I seriously f*cked up.. :D Got to learn the hard way I guess.. Now everything I do runs in dev environments, I test everything before publishing,.. When I look back.. I don't even recognize the (inexperienced) guy I was back then ! :D
Ps. No one still knows what happened that day and they blamed it on server issues :D4
Starting a new project in a new company. After 4 hours of training and receiving all kinds of new information another collegue passes by and says:
"Hey! So where are you from?"
"I... Don't know..."2
Okay guys, this is it!
Today was my final day at my current employer. I am on vacation next week, and will return to my previous employer on January the 2nd.
So I am going back to full time C/C++ coding on Linux. My machines will, once again, all have Gentoo Linux on them, while the servers run Debian. (Or Devuan if I can help it.)
So what have I learned in my 15 months stint as a C++ Qt5 developer on Windows 10 using Visual Studio 2017?
1. VS2017 is the best ever.
Although I am a Linux guy, I have owned all Visual C++/Studio versions since Visual C++ 6 (1999) - if only to use for cross-platform projects in a Windows VM.
2. I love Qt5, even on Windows!
And QtDesigner is a far better tool than I thought. On Linux I rarely had to design GUIs, so I was happily surprised.
3. GUI apps are always inferior to CLI.
Whenever a collegue of mine and me had worked on the same parts in the same libraries, and hit the inevitable merge conflict resolving session, we played a game: Who would push first? Him, with TortoiseGit and BeyondCompare? Or me, with MinTTY and kdiff3?
Surprise! I always won! 😁
4. Only shortly into Application Development for Windows with Visual Studio, I started to miss the fun it is to code on Linux for Linux.
No matter how much I like VS2017, I really miss Code::Blocks!
5. Big software suites (2,792 files) are interesting, but I prefer libraries and frameworks to work on.
For future reference, I'll answer a possible question I may have in the future about Windows 10: What did I use to mod/pimp it?
1. 7+ Taskbar Tweaker
3. Classic Start (Now: Open-Shell-Menu)
Enhanced text editor I like a lot more than notepad++. Aaaand it has a "vim-mode". 👍
Three way diff viewer, that can resolve most merge conflicts on its own. Its keyboard shortcuts (ctrl-1|2|3 ; ctrl-PgDn) let you fly through your files.
8. Link Shell Extensions
Support hard links, symbolic links, junctions and much more right from the explorer via right-click-menu.
Neither as beautiful as Conky, nor as easy to configure or flexible. But it does its job.
Of course this wasn't everything. I also pimped Visual Studio quite heavily. Sam question from my future self: What did I do?
1 AStyle Extension
2 Better Comments
Simple patche to make different comment styles look different. Like obsolete ones being showed striked through, or important ones in bold red and such stuff.
4 Atomineer Pro Documentation
Alright, it is commercial. But there is not another tool that can keep doxygen style comments updated. Without this, you have to do it by hand.
5 Highlight all occurrences of selected word++
Select a word, and all similar get highlighted. VS could do this on its own, but is restricted to keywords.
6 Hot Commands for Visual Studio
This ingenious invention colorizes brackets (aka "Rainbow brackets") and makes their inner space visible on demand. Very useful if you have to deal with complex flows.
Come on! 2018 and Visual Studio still outputs monochromatically?
That's it, folks.
No matter how much fun it will be to do full time Linux C/C++ coding, and reverse engineering of WORM file systems and proprietary containers and databases, the thing I am most looking forward to is quite mundane: I can do what the fuck I want!
Being stuck in a project? No problem, any of my own projects is just a 'git clone' away. (Or fetch/pull more likely... 😜)
Here I am leaving a place where gitlab.com, github.com and sourceforge.net are blocked.
But I will also miss my collegues here. I know it.
Well, part of the game I guess?7
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you need properly tested backups!
TL;DR: user blocked on old gitlab instance cascade deleted all projects the user was set as owner.
So, at my customer, collegue "j" reviews gitlab users and groups, notices an user who left the organisation
"j" : ill block this user
> "j" blocks user
> minutes pass away, working, minding our own business
> a wild team devops leader "k" appears
k: where are all the git projects?
> k: yeah all git projects where user was owner of, are deleted
> j.feeling.despair() ; me.feeling.despair();
> checks logs on server, notices it cascade deletes all projects to that user
> lmgt log line
> is a bugreport reported 3(!) years ago
> gitlab hasnt been updated since 3 years
> gitlab system owner is not present, backup contact doesnt know shit about it
> i investigate further, no daily backup cron tasks, no backup has been made whatsoever.
> only 'backups' are on file system level, trying to restore those
> gitlab requires restore of postgres db
> backup does not contain postgres since the backup product does not support that (wtf???)
> filesystem restore finished...
> backup product did not back up all files from git tree, like none of refs were stored since the product cannot handle such filenames .. Git repo's completely broken
Fuck my life5
This female collegue whom I used to hangout during tea and lunch has suddenly started hanging out with another female collegue.
I'm alone, sad and overthinking is killing me. I asked her if there is something I said or did that made her hang out with someone else.
She said it's not a big deal and I should stop creating drama. I think I lost my self-respect while facing her about this.34
when u want to explain something to a collegue and u use all your mind in explaining it by words and he doesn't get it.
draw it! haha! even my flowcharts doesnt look like flowcharts, he got what i meant..XD3
Created a zip file with Linux Mint Archive Manager ... Tried to send it to a collegue via Slack ...6
That feeling of accomplishment you get when the person who go you into programming, had patience and tought you finally comes to you 8 years later and sees you as a collegue.
A real high point in my life
When you tell collegue A that you are nominating collegue B for the "Bleep award" (the person that swears alot) and person B overhears some words and comes to see what's up and says.
B: what's happeneing here?
A: we nominating people for awards
B: fuck that shit
I'm actually happy with my vote now3
Me: please return http code 202 in your http service.
My collegue: ok.
After one hour...
Me: you are returning 200, I told you 202. Let me see the code:
OMFG she was writing the string "202" in the response body!!!
I do not know how to escape from all of this shit.2
After two days i just had to create an account. so glad a collegue of mine showed me devRant. Well, time to continue my beginner Python course.
So at this startup i was single iOS dude age 34, android had 1.5 dudes, one older, one you ger. That 0.5 younger was tech director, really good, so they churned for two guys. Millenial, nice guy, never making conflict, just being sleazebag.
Nobody explained to boss why iOS was always late with features, even when i complained. So i got help, 10 months later, project was unpolished but stable, codewise. Now i interview and hire a guy, age 27, who was all yeah dude no problem, and that being my first interview, i fell under his friendly appearance. I ignored a fact that he didn’t know 90% of stuff i was asking him, because he was so friendly and outgoing and we will do anything attitude.
The guy knew very little, was childish and irresponisble. He showed at work at noon. He started telling me what to do, his senior collegue who started the project. He argued about everything that i would tell him. So i spent three to four hours a day charting with him, because we were in different cities. He had two uears of experence, but he was below junior level. And he refused any of my advices for learning in free time. No, he said, thats my free time, you will not tell me what to do. Well, how do you plan on being better, i asked. He said, i learn by doing. But, since he was at his job only six hours a day, instead of eight, and since he was productive only for 2, i guess he was lazy.
He would deliver a UI he would make, without business logic, and tell it is done. Then clients would call me and ask why text fields are not saved..
This all took me month to understand. I lost time, i lost trust, and soon he was fired.
But, soon i was fired also, replaced by another two devs who i had interviewd and formed a team. I was discarded as trash, just like that. I have even worked overtime to catch up with android guys, unpaid.
Took me year to recover mentally from this.
Lessons learned: be objective when interviewing. Job is business, not friendship, trust no one, keep neutral on work. Leave honesty for someone else, honesty will be used against you. Never criticize two girls in office who disturb developers by talking about sex and dicks all the time, dressed sexy, they are girlfriends of people ranked above you. Leave code perfection for your projects.3
Just rememberes a collegue i had for a short period, i was remote and he was on location randomly added, I was told he was a php developer.
What he did was delete ALL the whitespace in the php code and called it optimising, he told the director it’ll make the code run faster. You can imagine how fun that was...2
Pair programming is cool but please... if you're done with your work and nobody ask you for help or a pair programming session.. don't go to the most busy collegue and start working on his problem.. maybe he is debugging/trying some special and ultra complex functionality on his own! Try to ask if someone needs help before jumping to the next desk!
I am currently refactoring some code which exists before my time in this company.
The code was so inefficient before. To put into perspective for every function call it used to loop through some data 100+ times .
I replaced it with a map and voila, no more loops anymore.
The person who wrote this code don't even realise how bad his code was. He sits besides me writing more stupid hacky code for other parts of the app.3
Me: hey look, the time is gone!
Me....... you don't see it?😅😆
Me: 4:04 D🤣
Collegue: *gives death stare*
Instead of ranting I thought it would be nicer to ask for opinions/solutions: How to cope with a collegue that keeps producing trainwrecks of code which you have to first refactor to make it work in a more logical/structured way? Yes, his initial solution works (in a way), but it's just not how 99% of the other developers would solve it. And yes, we've shown him quite a few times how it should/could be (in a positive and constructing manner)5
Ugh... some people...
Just left the office early because of the toxic climate. That one infamous collegue is basically unable to communicate without being a narcissistic 5-year-old and was arguing whether we should write a test (I was going to write the test) that would need a single additional branch in the build system.
(The test was for a parser and it should test whether it can handle absolute paths. A simple regression test with a file and an expected output. Because absolute paths are different for every platform and user, the files to be parsed would have to be generated with appropriate paths before the tests were run. Well that would require one single python script and a single line in the script that runs the script and DONE)
Well that guy was unable to focus on his own work and started an argument about whether that test was necessary.
Even though I still think it is necessary, it might have been a reasonable argument if he would have acted more agreeable. But he was saying the feature was useless anyways "everyone will use relative paths only anyways" and "because noone here cares a ratass about maintaining the tests it will all fall on me again" ..
Wtf was this guys problem, I (CAPS) was going to write the stupid test and since when do we not write tests in order to better maintain our product? I get that he worries that the test environment will get more messy, but thats better than having the product code go messy or unfunctional! And c'mon guys, how are absolute paths a redundant feature...
I heard this at work the other day from a collegue running out of patience with a client
"Well, so what they may have to scroll, but thats life"
My collegue denies to provide breaking changes in our login API in a separate version to the other teams depending on it.
What is the reason for his stubborn rejection?
It's scrum. We haven't planned the effort for realising a versioning concept for our API.
Let's build it in the next sprint as a part of live deployment strategy.
The point he miss is that the ProductOwner wants his API change deployed during the next sprint.
Additionally, it is best practice, having a compatible, deployable product after each sprint, without any risks.
Furthermore, another best practice to provide your API is one URI without a version part holding the current development of the API. And URIs with a version part in it to keep a specific request/response structure and behavior.
What really grind my gears are sayings like 'if the other teams had well programmed their software, modifying our API won't have any effect on them'
C'mon dude. That's far from reality, as anybody knows.
I can't accept, we provide unprofessional API builds, as he is going to do.
So, i have to spend my time and energy to change his mind, together with other software-architects, planning the big thing API-Gateway *sigh*2
Any Ideas for pimpin' our Office?
My collegue and me are looking for some cool Stuff to "developify" our room. Currently we have only a Poster with "Hello World" in several Programming Languages11
My last week of vacations. A brake on bussiness programing... lol
Receive a phone call from a colegue:
Hi the equipment it not working.
Me: ( upset with the acuracy) reboot that shit!
Colegue: Its working. Thank you.
Collegue: The printer is not working!
Me: 😡 Im on vacation. Check the cable or try to reinstall the printer...
Colegue: Its working. Thank you.
2 fucking hours later:
Collegue try to call
Me: Did not answer... 😡 Fuch this shit.
Colegue send text message saying that they had a problem on the video projector but its ok now..
I'M ON V A C A T I O N3
To me this is when you have that one breakthrough you spend considerable time on and with the divine knowledge of a peer collegue solves it in minutes... That feeling of enlightenment. That is what drives me everyday. Learning from mistakes, record progress, expand your knowledge, and call for help when you're stuck. Every single day.
My best mentoring experience was the teacher that taught me puppet. The way he explained it, the way he walked you through a very intense course of three days consecutive puppet knowlegde rammed into your head...and still manage to actually learn almost all of it. Great attitude, and meanwhile, he is a esteemed collegue and friend...
Without you Johan, i would not be an independent entrepreneur and making bank at my current client
Johan the white, to me one of the greatest sysadmins ever
Make your code available for your team members, please.
So we're working on this robotics project using ROS, a framework that enables multiple nodes in a network exchange their functionality among each other through tcp connections. Each node can be implemented and executed on your own machine, and tested with dummy inputs, but in collaboration they make a robot do fancy stuff.
The knowledgebase needs data from the image processing unit, providing this data to others with semantic context to high level planning, which uses this semantic data for decision making and calling the robot manipulation node with meaningful input, to navigate the robot's components in the environment. We use a dedicated machine, which pulls the corresponding repositories and is always kept configured correctly, to run each node, such that everybody has access to each other's work when needed.
So far so good. We tried to convince the manipulation guy (let's call him John) to run his code on our central machine, not a week, but since the first day, 5 months ago. Our cluster classification has been unavailable for 2 months, but my collegue fixed that. We still can't run the whole project without John's computer. If his machine blows up we're fucked.
Each milestone feels like a big-bang-test, fixing issues in interfaces last-minute. We see the whole demo just moments before our supervisors arrive at the door.
I just hope he doesn't get hit by a truck.2
Year 2012, me junior wanting C++ work. Got free internship at age 27 at that company. Did some minor C++ work. Collegue rejected me for work on very interesting C++ project. Yesterday, eight years later, he and I in different company he calls me and asks me to do C++ work, even arranges time for me to read Effective C++. In these eight years I did iOS Android and got pretty fed up with it. Yaaay bitch :)
Day 1 . Change of my PC from laptop to PC. All ok
Day 2 . My work place chief says me they order me a new SSD... Damn I've just done the installation of ARCH.
Day 3 . I reinstall ARCH on the SSD drive leaving the old HD as home partition..
Last day a collegue says me to leave the home partition on SSD and linking the permanent forlders on the old HD...
Never ending story...
Today a collegue ranted about that he needs 96 variables in his code and also for the database querys and told me that's not possible to do it without so many variables... I just thought wtf.. I definitely need a new job!
Unity3d context, my collegue said:
While working with object orientations.
Let that sink in for a moment.
My collegue make remote assistance for our software, dedicated to doctors in Italy. A doctor had the hd completely full, so it can't update the software and he call my collegue angry, saying "i've an update error, is your fault!!!" etc...after my collegue explain him he had to free space on the disk because there is no space, he had a genial idea! he brought new laptop, worst than the other one, because of the free space on disk!2
I'm feeling guilty.
I've a lot of fun hearing the flautolence wich comes out from the mouth of my brain farters collegues in my university. I usually fake being a mediocre student who never worked nor programmed anything else except the stupid exercises related to the exams. Yesterday a collegue come out saying: WOAH, YOU'RE USING LINUX!
Good, nice deduction my dear Sherlock.
The best had to come.
The genius decided to mocks me up telling: YOU KNOW IF YOU TYPE sudo rm -rf / IN THE CMD YOU MAKE YOUR COMPUTER FASTER?
Before I processed that he's not serious i answered "no, rm just remov..." and I saw the beaten look in his eyes because the joke misersbly failed. So i proceeded: "hahaha, fun. Anyway i could rm -undo to fix the mess".
As soon i finished the sentence he ran on him laptop and boots up the VM to try...
Best collegue is quitting. Boss man speaks with a tremble in his voice. Good. You should be worried.
Gonna give in my resignation in a few days with my collegue who is a designer (we have been hunted down). Worst is, we have to keep a good relationship with the boss (complicated) but eventually he will ask us to stay for the rest of the year. And believe me when I say, I really don't want to stay in this fuckshit longer than needed. Any advice on good tactics?2
"Most successful private project" would be an extension of the webeditor Brackets named brackets-swatcher.
The silly thing about this is that it started out from my own frustration with variablenames in variablefiles in Foundation and Bootstrap.
After a collegue of mine also used it he had a shitton of ideas how to improve and what he wants so i developed it on many weekends with many many beers in my belly.
Where we come to the conclusion - its for sure the ugliest project ive ever written (=> beer and jquery) and i hope i never have to touch the code again - but on the other side i never had bug reports despite the fact that alot of big websites had it in their "Top 10 Brackets Extensions" and many downloads from the Brackets Marketplace.2
Work as a SOE Engineer and have a lot of custom application deployments managed via PowerShell. Collegue came over today and suggested that I include a few more "sleep" breaks as newer processers run code to fast and can skip over cmdlts.
I can't even.2
Fucking Apples hold my bananas! Collegue and me see our naïve thought refuted that a commercial vendor, most valuable company would create an OS that is not as split and fucked up as Linux distros.
It is hard even where to begin, so deep is the shitfest they are putting developers through with Mojave and Catalina.
Our testers weren't hardly able to install Catalina beta 6-7. Behavior of kernel extension and full disk access varying on a daily basis. Fixing these bugs is like nailing a pudding to the wall.
Makes me wanna quit software. Whom should you trust if even your OS is flaky as hell?9
Today I asked a collegue if he could provide me with some documentation on that endpoint of his. I needed to know what to put in it, and what to expect in return :)
Sorry for the !rant...
Hi gals&guys I am looking for a new collegue (preferably from Hungary) to work with me. When I say collegue I mean a front-en dev/sitebuilder. The company is a new agency with 4 partners (and growing fast) with 1 being our investor too. I am looking here because I think anyone here who "applies" would be a perfect match. Interested? Have a question? Put a comment and will discuss.