I'm almost dying from anxiety. Can someone help?

Not a long term solution but, go outside, take a walk, leave the phone and etc behind.

Do something you like even if you're not having fun for a while.

@N00bPancakes I have been procrastinating on a task. I really have no updates for tomorrow's scrum and have less time to do it. It's already 0015 here and I have still to start. My senior will judge me if I won't do it properly. This is my ownership but I know he will take it up. I will have nothing to do for this big project and credit will only go to him. I'm the worst.

@true-dev001

Everyone's productivity rises and falls at times. You can't let the mountain overwhelm you too much. Even if you can just get a molehill done, that's a start.

But a break might be a good idea too.

@N00bPancakes I'm feeling very very scared. Almost crying. Really needed a break so too last Friday off, there were some action items to perform on Friday. I contacted the person from other team they don't reply. They didn't. I'm stuck now. The only way out seems to die.
I am sorry I'm being whiny and selfish not able to explain things.

@true-dev001 say that your task is being blocked by other team and call it a day. Take a day off for yourself.

@vintprox I'm afraid that I have already took a day off on Friday. I have given a deadline of Tuesday on the current task. I'm quite anxious and sure that I'm losing trust if people around me. Like always happens, never rewarded, always been laid back and always been so anxious.

@true-dev001 do you have a legitimate vacation for your timer spent in org? Opportune moment to take it.

@vintprox nobody minds if you take a day off, no need to apply. But I'm in the middle if the project if I will abandon it now I'll lose trust of stakeholders.

I took a quick tour in your profile. You seem to be suffering from imposter syndrome a lot. We all do but with varying degrees. I think you're giving work too much credit and you should take it less seriously. It's not worth it ruining your health for work. I have been there and seen it with my own eyes. This might sound like a cliche, but you should be comfortable in your own skin. It doesn't matter if you don't know something or that others know more than you. You should have no doubt that given the time and resources, you can learn and achieve any task. It's not a big deal and shouldn't affect your confidence. We all are struggling all the time (some won't show it to you by the way) and that's a part of the field, just keep at it.

For your specific situation, you said that you're blocked by someone else. This is what you should talk about in the meeting. And for the future, report it even earlier. With time, you should be able to put up a fight and stand to others even seniors.

I hope I didn't go out of topic much in comment but also hope it helps.

@rantsauce hey, Thank you so much. Your answer actually brought tears in my eyes.
Right now I have started working on my task, my productivity techniques and anxiety are existing at the same time. But I'm slowly progressing on the task.

Thanks a lot for your answer. Yes I shouldn't take my work so seriously. I was actually on a break this weekend but I'm coming to realise that this Monday to Friday work and enjoy only on weekends is actually worsening my mental health. I should be able to enjoy life on weekdays too. I can manage my time to feel good all day and not feel good only when I'm on vacations.

@rantsauce no you actually hit the right thing. It was quite accurate for my situation. There is no option for DM'ing on here otherwise I would have but that sounds selfish.
Thanks a lot for this.

Actually very relatable. For some people (count me in!) the worst productivity killer is giving work too much importance, and seeing the consequences of relatively minor failures as overwhelming. Mind gets stuck in a nightmarish loop and you're actually unable to do anything for a while, which further reinforces the guilt-procrastination loop.

@Ten91 Do you know how to cope with it?

@true-dev001 slow progress is great. Better than no progress at all.

It's exactly what you said about enjoying life. Your life is your life, you won't get out of it but work is interchangeable. It comes and goes. Your life, health, family, hobbies, ... should have a higher priority over work (at least that's how I do it now). You won't be able to work if you're miserable, right?

Wish you best of luck!

@true-dev001 well, I've bene trying for a while to come up with a method but can't say I have one. Just sometimes my own thought process puts things into perspective on its own and I break the loop (for a while at least).
It also helps a lot to talk with a friend who *can* understand the situation, or a therapist.

I've found that having a VERY clear understanding of what's expected from you is super important, and to set and enforce boundaries based on that understanding. May seem obvious but I think it's not; it doesn't help that some kind of management seem to intentionally mud the waters about that

@Ten91 Yeah, I agree with having the clear expectations. Even now, when I am going through this situation first thing I did was to write the output of my work and recalling how is it connected to the whole project. Relieved me a bit.

@Ten91 Brilliant advice. From what I see happened between me and my previous manager is that boundaries were always blurry. Even if they seemed humane on even day, on odd one I would just lose any concentration because the project itself isn't worth my time for money I received and turns out that conditions for task are too vague while having lots of nonsensical words thrown like into some salad. Giving out any progress at all was also pointless in such incompetent workflow. They don't care about processes, they just blindly rush the result.

Unless your in the Munich area, I'm not sure I can. I apologize...

@OliverTramp Thanks for giving hope :)

I don't have life outside work. Corona has made it worse. to have good times with friends. Don't have a relationship so yeah, no one to go to. I'm really on the verge of letting this out on my ex and talk to him.

I don't know what to do something good outside of my work that will give me a sense of my personal life.

@OliverTramp I would expect much from "senior" to take responsibility of describing everything to the point when no single speck of doubt remains, otherwise they are just making the excuses and delegate the analysis to me without even sharing their steak (could at least entrust the refactoring to me, if they give me such carte blanche on analysing issues for them).
Distance doesn't matter, really.

@OliverTramp Thanks a lot. Makes me feel better :)

@ostream Thanks a lot :)

Hey everyone, just had the scrum. I planned to attend it no matter what. Did not have updated but still managed to tell status on each task.

Also, someone from the team did not have much updates, when he said that he did not do much progress, I didn't judge him but fine that he honestly said it.

I see, where I am going wrong here. Taking things personally and hiding I am not able to perform instead I should bring these things up.

Okay, something bad happened. I had an on-hold project, I proposed this project and a senior was working with me on it. Some other developer had started working with my senior on that.
This is so bad. I feel like I lost trust again. The other guy is good technically and better than me. Every action I need to take feel like I am just becoming worse. I haven't had food it's already 4PM here. I'm too anxious to even eat.

Okay another update. I have decided something.

Yes I am aware that I am anxious and I will be, for a lot of scenarios. It's tough moving forward.
I am going to slow things down. I am deciding to slow things down for my mental peace. It's for me and I don't care if people will judge because this gives the enough reason to be confident. Looks like all the time I was looking for a reason to be confident. In the end people will judge you by your confidence level only.

@true-dev001 faking confidence in the workplace is a really, really bad habit for your peace and wellbeing. I've done that one too many times and I'm still paying the consequences, so, lesson learned.

I still think that there's a diffused work culture that kind of _requires_ you to fake confidence, and boy is that toxic...

@Ten91 Hey, if I have a reason to be confident then I don't have to fake it. If I really had no reason why am I being slow or something then I would be panicking but now when I am aware that solution of being anxious is to slow the pace, and because it is backed by the reason of my mental well being then yes, it is enough for me.

@true-dev001 yes that's what I meant 😄 glad you're feeling better!

@Ten91 Thanks a lot :) :)

Hug?

@Cyanide ofcourse *virtual hug*

@true-dev001

*virtual pat on your back*
“God bless!”