How do I explain the Internet, Domains and Hosting to my absolutely 0 knowledge Client?

"the cloud" and "technicians". If you have to start explaining DNS routing and propagation, "black magic".

A series of tubes

a simple hand drawn sketch should do it?

Or if he has a smartphone, contacts.

"if you seach your contacts for joe, you'll get joes phone number. This way you don't have to memorise every phone number and thats the way it works in the internet. Every internet connected device gets a id number. like you humans don't like to memorise numbers. thats why we need a service who gives a name to your internet connected device that serves your website. it's called dns."

Use a phone analogy: websites are like a phone number you call to get info, domains are a public phone book, and if you need to explain intranet, that's just those numbers that you use call a specific person in a department. My terminology isn't great, but meh

@heyheni damn, just beat me to it lol

Through their wallet

Subway map

Send them a link.... this one...
http://turnwall.com/articles/...

*the internet is just like a thing so complicated that you'd rather pay me so that you don't have to care about it"