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Client : pls put the disclaimer that the site uses cookies.
Me: but we don't use cookies this is a static page
Client: Still, the pop up makes the site look more professional, kindly add the feature asap
Me: :/22 -
Screw Emojis!!
Client asks how many days will it take to implement feature XYZ.
I say 3 days. But Skype had other plans.
23 -
Stupidest client ever:
I once had a client that requested me a new website, all went well and get paid.
After a month our two, he called and requested a change on basically all pages. I sent him a estimate of 2h, he approved, signed a contract and I've made the changes. He never paid me that changes. After 2 months ignoring my calls and emails I've rollback to the pre-changes website. He called me anything you can think off and that I would be sorry for done that... I was like... WTF??
- Pay me and I'll put the changes online.
He replied:
- you will be sorry. See you in court.
We went to court because of FUCKING 200€...
Court decision? The client was obligated to pay me the 200€ and all the court expenses...22 -
Client: Is your code functional?
Dev: Well, it's not. It's imperative. Object oriented and a bit procedural.
Client: Well, make it functional
Dev: [learning haskell]8 -
Client: This new feature is not working on Internet Explorer.
Me: Do you have enough oxygen in the cave you are living in?7 -
This happened few hours ago.
Client: I received an email which says that I won 1 million dollars. They gave me a link in the email, when I entered my credit card details nothing happened.
Me: Wait what? You entered your credit card details.
Client: Yes
Me: That was a scam, you didn’t win anything. They stole your credit details. Contact your bank ASAP and let them know about this.
Client: You guys are handling our email servers, why can’t you guys keep it safe. What type of security do you guys provide.
Me: Wait what? We host your website application not email.
Client: Damn it. My son said the same thing, but I didn’t listen to him. Anyways Cheers.8 -
A client wanted me to make a website that compared the users face to that of a wrestler. We had done a lot of work, but now he wants to switch it...
to pornstars.
So, I guess the next week of my work is gonna be scraping porn websites. NSFW, for work.23 -
Client: About this QR code for my website, can we change it?
Me: Well we could redirect, but what's wrong with it?
Client: I just dont like the pattern, it's too noisy...
Me: 🙃9 -
Client: Urgent! App is crashing!
Me inside: Wtf, Crashlytics didn’t send me anything, it betrayed me...
Me: What’s wrong?
Client: Some random user sent me email that app is crashing SOMEWHERE(!?)
Me: ................................... no problem, I’m working on it.
*Tomorrow*
Me: Fixed, everything works fine now (didn’t do anything actually)
Client: Great, nice work!
Client never mentioned that “problem “ anymore.
#likeaboss4 -
A client refused to pay for a hybrid mobile app because he said that he only needed the android version.
After publishing the app he asked if we could submit it on the Apple store because he now wanted the iOS version as well.
11 -
Client: "This feature doesn't work! I thought you said it was done?!"
Me: "Please press CTRL+F5 and try again..."
Client: "Okay, great, works now."
A conversation I seem to have on a very regular basis.9 -
Clients love to use the word "Broken" (or synonymous word).
Client: The program is broken. Fix it ASAP.
Me: Ok, give me some details so I can help you.
Client: No, fix it. *Becomes an ass*
Me: Alrighty then, let me sit here doing nothing for a couple of hours. Then say that I tested the code against your original request, and it's working as intended.
Client: Sounds good.
(Pretty sure that's how it went)2 -
Other people : she said yes :') :')
Me: the client accepted the first draft without asking for changes :') :')2 -
A freelancer I know just told me this:
Client: You haven't been working for the last two weeks.
Him: Acutally I have. *checks git* I made over 50 commits the last 10 work days.
Client: I don't see them.
Him: Have you pulled from the remote?
Client: *akward silence* *hangs up after one minute*
Needless to say he was pissed.6 -
[dev vs client]
- What's your screen resolution?
- 100%
- What's your browser?
- I use internet and sometimes Google.8 -
Client: "Happy New Year 2018! Wish you a very successful and productive happy new year :)"
Me: "Oh Thank you! I wish you...."
Client: "Any update on the feature I have requested?"
Me: "Ah yes. I would love you give you an update. By the way, Happy n...."
Client: "Do you think the it can be released before midnight?"
I stopped replying. Fuck everyone and everything.
Happy New Year to everyone here.3 -
Was scared to take up freelance work because i was scared of bad clients.
Finally took one today, client is not a total arse and knows exactly what she wants me to do, down to details.
MFW.
6 -
Boss: "I know we just finished the first part of Client A's project but they also want this extra work done that wasn't in the contract."
Me: "Can't do it without pushing back Client B's work"
Boss: "Well we don't want that. We need to hit that deadline."
Me: "Cool"
Boss: "But Client A was really hoping this new feature which wasn't in the scope would be in."
Me: "Then we're pushing back Client B's work"
<<loop continues >>5 -
Me: *laying in bed because I have a day off*
Client: *slides in* Do you have time for our lord and savior "bugs in production"
Me: *screams*4 -
Me: What do you want?
Client: We don't know exactly
Me: By when do you want it?
Client: Yesterday
🙊🙉🙈7 -
Requirements vs Delivery - Guide to Programming
This one is a killer and I've received it in multiple forwards in office email, and we always have a good laugh seeing this joke.
Client: “Our next requirement, and this is something big you know, we need an elephant”
IT Team: But why don’t you adjust with a buffalo, even it is big…. and black?”
Client: No, we need an elephant only, let me explain our current process……” (client explains for an hour)
IT Team: Fine, I understand your requirement. But our system supports only a buffalo…
Client:We need only an elephant!
IT Team: Ok, let me see if I can customize it for you”
Requirements are taken as follows:
Client wants a big black four legged animal, long tail, less hair. Having trunk is mandatory. The same was documented, signed off and sent to offshore for development!
At the Offshore Development Centre,
Design/Development – Based on requirement all features are supported in base product (as buffalo), for trunk alone a separate customization is done.
Finally the customization is shown to client:
2 -
Problems of Freelancer
Freelancer: Hey your app is ready.
Client : Can you add this ?
Freelancer: Sure, When am I getting payment.
Client: As soon as this gets done.
Next Day...
Freelancer: Hey your app is ready.
Client : Thanks. This looks good if there is this feature. Can you help me with that?
Freelancer: Sure, When am I getting payment.
Client: As soon as this gets done
Next Day..
Client : Blah Blah Blah
Freelancer: Sure, When am I getting payment
Frustration at peaks!!!10 -
❎ Client not paid?
✅ Add opacity to the body tag and increase it every day until their site completely fades away3 -
Client: I have lost everything on the cloud holy crap!
Me: Are you signed into your google drive, and within the folder?
Client: No, how do i do that again? I obviously cant be bothered reading your well formated and instructional guide and would rather contact you at 6pm on a saturday night8 -
Clint want custom CMS with php,
*makes custom CMS with php
Client thinks it's not php coz it looks pretty.
*shows php code
client still not convinced it's php8 -
A story of the backend dev. from our client:
"I used !important once now I'm not allowed to do frontend anymore :("23 -
This is exactly what happens when your client ask for something impossible you you still have to find a hack
14 -
Client: We need these book genres added to the website ASAP!
PM: Hey dev, its priority #1, please add these genres ASAP!
Dev: Okay, can I get a file which needs to be imported?
Client: Oh we will have that in couple of weeks.
Dev: Okay so write me in couple of weeks.
Client: What kind of company is this? Outrageous!!!6 -
Me: Whats the deadline?
Client: Asap
Me: And when are we getting paid?
Client: 30 days after you give us the invoice ☺13 -
Client: Do you know how to make this WordPress faster?
Me: yup.
* 30 minutes later*
Me: *googles* "How to make WordPress faster"8 -
I made an automatization bot for a big company from my town (freelance). Today I had to shut it down because I've been waiting 3 weeks for my payment (they only had 5 days after finishing development to pay)
Fuck the fucking client, fuck this fucking shit7 -
Today I asked my client to do "ctrl+f5" to empty browser cache he literally did "ctrl+f+5" and said "it did nothing"7
-
* I send an APK so that my client can test*
My client: I can't install the application
Me: Did you download and install it from the email I sent you?
client: No I downloaded from the play store.
(In my mind: Why the fuck do you Download it from the play store? I fucking sent you an email to 3 of your fucking email addresses so that you can fucking test the fucking APK that I fucking fixed it for you! You fucking worthless peice of shit!)
But I reacted as: No no, you should download the apk from the email I sent. I've sent it to all your email addresses.
client: I can't find the APK In your email.
(In my mind: Wow! I just don't get it! How can you be so stupid? I'm just wondering how your company hired you as a 'director for X')
*I send him a Screenshot proving that the apk exists*
Turns out that this idiot doesn't know to use outlook for Android! He then logs in to his gmail and finds the apk.(Coz I had emailed it to his outlook and gmail accounts)
M just wondering, should I drop this guy? Or charge him 2x for this shit?7 -
Client: hey are you home yet.
Me: no. I won't be for another hour.
Client: so who's logged into your PlayStation account?
Me: ....11 -
Guys I think I found the ideal client
(This was messaged in the groupchat with all 3 devs working on his project)
1 -
Client: My email not working
Me: What error message you getting
Client: Nothing, it's just stuck on Outbook
Me: Is your Internet working?
Client: Yes, of cause am not that stupid
Me: No! No! just asking as checkup
Client: Okay
Me: Open your Internet Browser and goto Google or Facebook
Client: Okay hold on..I am getting message "There is no Internet Connection"
Me: Yea, your Internet is not working that's why email can't be send. Talk to your IT Guy or Internet Provider about it.
Client: Okay, thanks!3 -
Stupid annoying client want me to add 2 new fields on a form. Ok I said, my estimation is that I need 2 days to make the changes on form, database and all the scripts that posting and getting data, plus testing. His reply was, come one do you really want 48 hours to just add 2 fields, its sooo easy!!!! WTF dude... if it is sooo easy why are you fucking bother me??? Do it your self!!!!9
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Client: "I have a problem."
Me: "No problem, can you say me the error message? "
Client: "No I have clicked the message Away... "
Me: 😣🤐5 -
Client: Only an question: do you have a service to optimize my php skripts ?
Me: What kind of script are you referring and what kind of framework?
Client: Yes2 -
My boss last week backed me up with a client. I was working in a production enviorment and the client refused to test the changes made when I told them. So we things started to go wrong and they called to my boss complaning.
He said:
Well you are right. The things are broken but he (me) stayed last night waiting for your response and you didn't gave one. So he is going to work only in the afternoon and you will have to wait.
I must buy a beer for my boss.2 -
This morning, a client called the office in anger because something wasn't working. The programmer who picked up the phone kindly tried to explain that he wasn't in charge and couldn't do anything at that moment. A few hours later, the client called back apologizing to that developer! We were all sitting there like 'wft just happened'6
-
Client: We need a news app.
Me: Sure, tell me more about it.
Client: Yeah, have you used Daily Hunt, I want that! Just in different colors.
Me: ...6 -
Client: I want you to build me something, I'm not sure jet what is is exactly but it is supposed to be round and be able to fit on a car.
Me: you mean a wheel ?
Client: noooo, this is completely different and original idea like none has ever had.3 -
I shall refer to the client as cunt for the purposes of this rant. All design work signed off. Near completion of project, cunt sends an email moving stuff around and changing the design. I send the cunt an email telling him that I will review his requests and send a quote through detailing cost implications and extra time added to his deadline to complete. Cunt says he wasn't aware there would be extra costs. I refer the cunt back to the quote and contract which clearly distinguishes the design phase and build phase explaining change control. Not heard back from said cunt.8
-
watched a client use IE, all the while they didn't use tabs or even a new window, every time we had to go back to a previous site they had to Google the URL then click the search link
3 -
Client: it's not working
Me: clear your cache
Client: what's that
Me:it's a way of cleaning the files of your computer to get new ones.
Client: I cleaned my mac
I mean she literally got cleaning wipes ... and cleaned her computer
P.s I told her all this before and how to many, many times
2 -
Client: There is a high severity production issue.. you need to fix urgently..
Developer: I am on the way.. Will fix it once I reach home.
Client: I don't care where you are. Fix it right now😡😡
See the developer!!!
3 -
Client: Google analytics is saying our bounce rate is 86%, Could you fix what you did to improve this?
It's a single page website -.-4 -
Client: Half of our barcodes aren't being recognized. Can you tell why?
Me: Ok, I will look at the problem... Open the imagens of the failed barcodes and see that all of them have a stamp over the barcode...
What I have done wrong to deserve this...3 -
A client asked me if I had some software to make an .exe file run on Android.
So I replied with:
Yes, you need to run the RNN through a HM05 then cross-compile the output with a MOSFET.
You might run into an arduino javascript, but you can bypass that with an stackunderflow or XSS7 -
After working late to complete a "required" feature, to have the client change their mind the next morning.
2 -
The best part of dev life is when I create a prototype and the client immedietly says: "Excellent!"4
-
I started this new freelance project where I am building some android libraries for the client. Anyways, during meeting I was about to present my results and suddenly backend seemed to be down. I looked into the round "are your servers down?"
Team Lead: "Yeah our cto, also our only backend dev, is developing a new feature."
Me: "Okay but why is production down?",
Team Lead: "Ah dont worry we always test on production. We have a pretty solid hardware, we will even upgrade it soon!"
Me:"... How about you just separate your stage environments and have a develop environment?"
Client: "see, this is where our strength is. We dont need a develop stage we have very strong hardware and our backend is fully in PHP"
Thanks God I'm a freelancer3 -
Yes, Mr. Client. It is extremely wise of you to demand changes on release-day. Of course it won't go smoothly, untested and buggy as it will be.
-
Project now in production. Client is very satisfied and happy with the results. So tonight I will have a few beers to celebrate! Cheers friends!6
-
I just told my biggest client that they have to start changing things or they will need to find a different company to work with.
I'm hired to program what they want. They are suppossed to do all the concepting, functional designs, QA, testing.
So they tell me to program feature x, not realising that this interact with feature y. And then complain about the change in feature y. Make me do a lot of extra work and then complain that my estimates are way off.
So I told them they also need to hire my company for the software design and QA and prefferable testing because I'm done getting blamed.9 -
Client:
"Ok,. so your saying that its gonna take you 63 hrs to create a simplified CRM with basic functionality and auto fill docs or automated work flow docs as an added feature?"
My response (after already under-quoting and planning on cutting some corners because he has a smaller budget than normally necessary):
"It sounds simpler than it is. There are a lot of things I need to take into account that you wouldn't even think about.
For instance:
Making sure your emails don't go to the client's spam folder. This requires the sending domain to be verified via DNS settings. I have to ensure your email content passes a spam test (link to text ratio needs to be good). I assumed you'd want an email that has your logo and looks good. This means testing the design in Outlook to make sure it's not broken.
What if the email doesn't send due to an invalid email address, or bounces back? You'll need to be notified.
What if the client list for the week contains duplicates? You need them merged or ignored.
Generating a PDF from HTML can be tricky because the conversion isn't apples to apples so there are things I need to adjust to make them as close as possible.
Making a site completely mobile friendly (the tier 3 option) can be very time consuming as well. It's not about whether or not it fits on a mobile phone, it's about whether or not it's intuitive and useful. You're essentially getting a mobile app without paying for separate development of an app.
If I took everything into consideration and built this to be 100% bullet proof, it would cost tens of thousands.
I'm doing my best to leverage your needs with the probability of running into an issue. I'm not going waste my time/your money on something that will likely never happen."10 -
Just saw an upwork offer.
The client wants the dev to put all pages into one page.
"That sounds easy" I thought.
But it turns out that the total amount of pages to put into a single page is 904625697166532776746648320380374280100293470930272690489102837043110636675.
HOLY CRAP! EVEN IF I PUT THAT MASSIVE BLOCK INTO A SINGLE PAGE, YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO OPEN IT! THERE IS NO SUCH POWERFUL MACHINE OR EVEN A SOFTWARE THAT CAN MANAGE TO OPEN IT!
15 -
During a meeting with the client
Client: I don't care how long it takes to complete the app, I want the app to be polished and give the users the best experience!
Us: Got it.
*Later that day*
Client: *wants to implement a new feature in the app*
Us: It'll take us a day or two.
Client: That long?! I need to get it to the market ASAP!
Us:.......
:D -
Worked for this client until 4 o'clock at night because they needed that to be done overnight.
For two weeks they are responding slowly like a turtle. No forecast of payment yet.
May God burn them in the worst part of the hell3 -
A few months ago I was working on a (totally underpaid project) where my friend and I had to basically rewrite the entire program our client was using.
So we started planning and wrote all sorts of documentation to show the client our ideas for the new flow of the program, the new structure of the GUI and a few more details of what would the inner workings of the new app. He seemed to like all those ideas and gave us the green light to go through with the project and start coding.
We spent a couple of months coding, redoing the front end from scratch (with a different framework even, so I couldn't reuse any code from the old version) and completely redesigning the back end so it would be better, faster, more scalable etc etc etc. During this process, we obviously showed the progress of the app to our client, explaining everything we had been doing, and he seemed to like every new version we showed him.
When we were in one of the last stages in development (basically sending versions of the app to the client for evaluation), the guy suddenly changed his mind. After agreeing on everything we had been showing him over the last months, he sent an email saying:
"...the new system makes the app too complicated. I want this program to be as simple to use as possible; so we should revert the "Policy" system to essentially what it was in the last major version. The only change I want to make is [...] and everything else is essentially the same as the last Policy system."
So basically he wanted us to FUCKING UNDO EVERYTHING WE HAD DONE AND REVERT THE FUCKING PROGRAM TO THE FUCKING VERSION HE HAD BEFORE HIRING US!!!! WHAT THE FUCK????
YOU WANTED US TO CHANGE YOUR APP AND THEN YOU SUDDENLY CHANGE YOUR MIND AFTER 3 FUCKING MONTHS WHEN THE PROCESS IS DONE???
GO FIND A SWORDFISH TO FUCK YOU IN THE ASS, IM NOT WORKING FOR YOU ANYMORE
God, it feels good to let that out.5 -
That moment when you listen to your boss' lies to a client when presenting a new product/feature.
I am like: damn, this guy is a talented actor!3 -
Our client is so stupid that they are currently paying for 9 devs to sit on their asses doing basically nothing just so they can guarantee that said devs will be available just in case they need something changed at the last minute.6
-
Client: Everything is perfect but few small changes to be done.
Me: Wow, that will be easy.
*Client lists 100 points*
Client : Those are small changes. I guess it will be done in a day.
* Yeah sure I am Superman * :/2 -
Designer sends me mock up. I send out to client to review before we start to develop. (Mock up has lorem ipsum for paragraph text in one spot) A few minutes later client calls freaking out "Why is my whole site in Spanish, I don't speak Spanish!"7
-
I was fixing a bug in Production and at the same time, the same client called me for the other project saying its too urgent.
I was like Oh god what now?
Guess what she wanted to change the color of Navbar.5 -
So we send a quote out to a client to update his website to make it compliant with the new privacy guidelines: SSL encryption, removing external libraries, removing Facebook Plug-ins, all that stuff. We didn't get a response.
On Monday, he called in a panic. "The website does not work, fix immediately!"
I check out the server, what do I see? An SSL cert installed the Friday before... Client decided to do it himself, on a Friday, without testing. He broke something, but cannot tell me exactly what he did.
And somehow he thinks all that is my fault :D4 -
Supposed to get paid from a project. After all the hard work I submitted the project and this is what the client says:
"Thanks"
😕8 -
Yesterday, I finished the front-end of a project for a client. Responsive, clean,.. Looking 'smexy' :D
Today I've got an email of the client, saying he made some small design adjustments...
I think you already know where this is going.. But inline-css everywhere, fixed widths, br's as spacers,.. (It was like an old Frontpage-like design..)
I've changed the FTP user.. From now on, he has to request his changes so that I can apply them.. Damnit.. But hey, extra paid hours of work I guess :D3 -
Client(over the phone):- I want an Android app where there job seekers and recruiters.
Me:- sounds reasonable enough, ok
Client:-i want job seekers to apply for the job and recruiters to post the job.
Me(gets a bad feeling);- doable ok.
Client:- and I want an admin user who can see all the users and do everything.
Me(yup there it is):- what do you mean by everything?
Client :- you know everything, talk to recruiters talk to see everyone using the app, you know everything.
Me :- no I don't know this "everything" that you speak of, tell me more, what screens (activity) should that have and stuff.
Client (getting irritated):- everything the admin user usually does.
Me(yare yare daze):- i will show number of users in a graph.
I have a feeling this is not over yet7 -
Client : I have a scraping project for you...
Me : Yeah tell me which site you want me to scrape and what data from it?
Client : I want you to scrape data from 500 sites
Me : 500 sites...are you serious?
Client : Yeah 500 sites...can you do the job?
Me : ok...for 500 sites...the charge will be $500...
Client : Are you out of your mind? $500 for just 500 sites...I can only give you $5021 -
"Lightweight rant"
Good job, devs of Sparkasse.
Time to "jobn't" y'all.
That error message is very informational.
I know it is because of the time counter being at 0 and I need to relogin to reset it, but what if I was a regular dumb client? To add more salt into it, what if I was someone in his 90s.
Do your fucking job properly.
Edit: The error message translates to "Error", "Error" and "Close"
5 -
Worst part of being a developer: when you suggest a subtle amber shade but your client insists on bright yellow.
3 -
Client : We need real time analysis.
Me : But we can't just scrape thousands of results and process them on user's click.
Client : Don't do that, Real-time analysis is scraping it once and processing it everytime the user demands.
Me : Okay
WHAT THE FUCK !!!!!7 -
!rant
I'm building a complex software that computes stuff with advanced algorithms and linear programming. That kind of software that proved itself strong, but you know a bug discovery would be a disaster.
The client is a dick, always acting as a bully in every email.
Last email, writes me about a supposed error of the software, while of course complaining that the software is complete crap to ensure that I keep a positive attitude.
After some hours of trying to find the cause of the fucking problem, I realized that the software was actually right since the beginning.
I've replied explaining *why* the software says what it says (acting like it was the most obvious thing in the world). Waiting for a response.
I hope that moron will feel humiliated at least a little bit.2 -
A client of mine who has a competitor that launched android app this January. Now my client wants me to clone the app to her companies branding. I told her that's it's the best idea to make something unique and gives different experience to the user. She started arguing with me for shitty reason.
So I agreed to work on the app.
PS: She is beautiful, I will bang her for sure someday. She is the one who will take my virginity.11 -
While I am self employed, my clients can end up like my boss. In this case, one of my clients is the best "boss" I have ever had. We discuss everything from ethics to npm to development to board games. And we still get the job done.
He challenges me constantly to improve, and then we laugh over how we disagree with concepts, frameworks, etc. And we still get the job done.
It's fantastic to have a client who understands that you should be paid for your time, that lets you get what they hired you to do done without micro managing you (you trust me to actually do what you hired me to do? *gasp, shock*), and still enjoys the small talk. Though some of our ethics and society discussions can be rather large discussions.3 -
You can't keep wasting your time on people who do not know what the fuck they want. You could be way more time efficient with serious clients.
*After I have finally deployed the requested features*
Client: Why did it take you two weeks in the end? You said it would take you a couple days.
Me: Because you told me to use my imagination on half of the tasks and you kept wanting me to change what I had created, thus unnecessarily doubling the time it should have taken. Besides that probably the unclear communication and the fact that you rarely called me back after you told me to call you.
Client: So if I tell you, exactly, how I want it next time you'll be able to do it in a couple days?
Me: I'm not sure, that depends on what you want. Tell me, exactly, what you want.
Client: Oh it's not much, I'll let you do your thing for the most.
Me: I can't handle another request, sorry. *Ends call*4 -
Email to Client: "Thank you for the payment. Attached is your invoice. Would you mind providing a review? :)"
Client 1: "is very very good"
Client 2: "A+"
Client 3: "Awesome"
Client 4: "Good job"
Client 5: "good."4 -
Client told me he doesn't want to be bothered(contacted) outside working hour
So why did he mad as i told him I couldn't do the request he was giving me at sunday noon😕2 -
Client: I want a new feature for my chat bot. It should be able to rap.
Me: ... k
*monologue: wait u w0t m8*
Also me: Can you please go more into the details? It should be able to rap. Ok. But how do you want it to look like? How "strong" should be the discrimination level, for instance?
Client: It should beat ass, yo.
Inner me -> core me: Let us just ignore him. We won't be able to do it, since he isn't really explaining his needs. "It should be able to rap". We are not wizards.
Core me -> inner me: Chill. We will just use some insult apis, combine it with cleverb0t api et voila.
Me: Alright. I got an idea for it. I can do it within this week. And if you don't like it, I will ofc do some changes to it.
Client: Hmmm... that's nice and good. But within 1 week?
Inner me: I can't do magic and pull that feature out of my fucking ass!
Clients... clients... clients...
0. Don't expect us to be done in a few days. We are also humans. And not fucking machines.
1. Do us (all devs on planet earth. -Microaggression in 3, 2, 1..) a favor and (kill yourself) learn how to request a feature.2 -
Client wants to deliver August 1st. Bust our butts to make the deadline. Changes the entire layout on July 29th and still expected 8/1 release. Blames us for missing the deadline.4
-
!Rant
Fuckkkkkkkk youuuuuuuu CLIENT :/
Client asked why two weeks for refactoring.?? When you already know the functionality and he gave us two days.
After two days we successfully renamed everything!!! 😣5 -
Me: Do you like the client?
Dude: Yeah! How did you make that?
Me: I... I...
Also me: SHIT I DON'T KNOW.4 -
Received email from one of my shitty client. He wants a calendar based scheduling and reminder functionality with playing sound whenever necessary.
He said his total budget is 30USD and he generously offered Extra bonus of 20USD if I could deliver it in two weeks.
I'm going to write an email to rip this bastard and make sure he never ever send a budget to something like this to anyone.
Oh wait ! This is interesting let me schedule a skype call. He will regret for sure.3 -
So...Worked my butt off to have a website developed by a certain date client and I agreed on. Finished the site 3 weeks ago and sent dev link. Client has been completely silent; unreachable by email (I sent 5 in past 3 weeks) and phone (left 2 voicemails and a message with his receptionist today). In ALL five emails I told him I needed the email addresses he wants used to route his sales leads to...Got nada.
So today I seen that the lead forms have been tested on the website. Dude can't get back to me for 3 effing weeks, BUT can test his lead forms.. You know, without the lead email addresses that i asked for 5x. Ugh, idiot!!!2 -
Client have this amazing idea about a website that they wanted to convert into reality by using our service. Me and my friend started working on it.
After a month later when it's almost ready, they informed they are not investing into the idea anymore. They would like to discard the project and will pay half of it.
I am eventually realising why signing a contract is really important4 -
Client: I want it to be a black color.
Me: but this is black
Client: Not this black, I want the kind of black you see when I turn off my TV
Me: :/2 -
When project is finished, everything is according specs, and on final review the client says: "everything looks nice! But I would like to change just a few small details. I would like a different design and functionality".
Seriously?!
1 -
Another day, another client story.
So today the client is sending me the text for the website, and after 15(!!!) iterations, add a period, center the text, justify the text, center it again etc.
Me: Can you please create a word document, design it as you like, and I will copy that to HTML for you?
Him: But if I do all the work what am I paying you for?
Me: To listen to you ...3 -
In one of my first jobs i developed an (ugly and heavly under-payed) e-commerce/media platform for a customer.
That customer was constantly making fun of his bald partner telling how he was gay, liked dicks, etc., drawing dicks and bananas as sample website logos or uploading dildo/penis images as images, he was always like this.
Once the website was ready for production i removed all the "testing" posts and images and told the client to insert some real content and alert me when it was ready for release.
Well some time after the release i got a call from that client, for the first time he was serious:
C: Hi, why there are dildo images on the server? (the website in production was full of dildo/penis images instead of actual product images, he even photoshopped the head of his partner on a penis and uploaded it!!!)
R: ehm... i told you it was on production and to stop uploading bad content....
C: Ummm ok, please fix it immediatly, thanks!3 -
Anyone know how to convince a client that machine learning will not be a magical solution to all their problems???
2019 is gonna be super interesting.4 -
Client wanted to send us e-mail addresses.
Client sent an image inside a Word document showing a list of e-mail addresses.
Luckily ShareX has an OCR feature.1 -
Dear boss, client :
We, the developers, have family. Respect our time by knowing what you want us to build beforehand.3 -
> Tells client, if content isn't hosted on their server somewhere, we'll have to update the app every time they need new content
> Client refuses saying it will take too much time and effort to maintain
*Several weeks later*
> Get email from client asking to update the app because content is out of date
> I want to reply with 'Sorry no can do, it will take too much time and effort to maintain'8 -
I worked two months for free, 15h per day, including weekends, due a contract trap. On top of that, client was emotionally blackmailing me and I was feeling threatened and helpless.
I even lost weight, skipping meals to save time and money. One day, my body collapsed. I ended up in bed for 10 days, feeling stiffness, pain, weakness, and shakiness. I even had to ask for help to brush my teeth.
I abandoned the project, and didn't receive any payment. The client went crazy and made me feel the worst person in the world for being sick and unable to work. But didn't put his menaces in execution.
I still remember the joy I felt when I was able to walk again.
That was the worst burnout I had, and also one of the biggest lessons about limits and evil people.2 -
Fresh internship story (Part 2)
I just realized how dumb my temporary boss really is and how much he loves to command everyone.
I told him that I am going earlier a few days ago and he got pissed lol.
He is someone who thinks he knows everything, but he does not.
He blames everything on everyone else.
He is never wrong, we are always wrong. That is probably what he is always thinking.
Clients who enter the store are precious (makes sense-you have to handle clients well, to get more bucks), but the thing is that he even screams near the clients at us. Besides of that I am new there. Be a little bit more patient, fucking prick.
Imho he is too old for the tech industry.
He loves to use the workers as slaves.
Do you work on a laptop rn? Well... fuck that. He has a new task waiting for you.
He keeps interrupting me every 5 to 10 minutes while I am focused.
Random dialogue from today:
me:"the client did a win10 upgrade and not a regular windows update"
boss:"nope. that is a windows update."
me (internally): should I show him the folder called "Windows10.Upgrade" and the "windows.old" folder both with the same creation date in "c:"? nah, fuck that. he is gonna put himself up again. do not want to have a stronger headache than this one I am having rn. (btw. I usually do not have headaches. I get headaches like once in 5 years, but since 4 days I have it every day.)
I am sick of this.
Today I had the urge to fucking grab his fucking "fuck me please" eyes out and eat them while he hears the explosive sounds his seperated eyes do. I still want to enjoy the rest of my life without going into a prison tho.13 -
Yesterday I talked to my client for 1 hour about a problem she has on my website. When she does something on the administrative website, internet explorer stops working.
Then I told her: "try Google Chrome or Firefox" and I explain why Chrome or Firefox should work. Today, she tells me that it does not work yet and sends me a picture of her screen with the problem (not a print screen, a cell phone photo, with the sun on the screen so I do not see the screen). It was the same problem as the other days. But she was on ... wait for it ... Edge (yes, she's on w10 and she uses Internet Explorer).
So I reply "try Chrome or Firefox.".
I said nothing else and she just thanks me for the help.
13 -
Dear client, if you can't be bothered to check more than two data points during several test imports, why are you surprised your production import has errors in the other 10k+ data points? We told you to check thoroughly, and you swore it was fine. But great now I get to unfuck production while you're mad you can't go live yet.2
-
How Real programmers code :
Pfff real programmers use a puppy and have it chase a frisbee where the frisbee hits a flower disrupting a bees honey sucking so it goes home to beat it's wife which again the wife bee gets pissed off and stings my dumb client who mashes some buttons on a keyboard by mistake whilst using my software which fucks up my program and I have to tell him that my program is fine and if he didn't try walking in the garden holding his laptop because of his poor WiFi connection then all of this wouldn't've happened.1 -
!rant
The company I work for has a client that needs a major push on some features and I'm going to be working in Silicon Valley for the next 2 weeks because of that...
I can't contain my excitement since I heard the news! -
Client: "But why isn't it working. It should work"
Dev: "Sorry but it's not in your requirements"
Client: "But it should work"
fffockins 😡1 -
Hello everyone!
I have just released a huge update to dr!
This update includes commenting, viewing comments, voting, better backend, and much more!
If you haven't already downloaded the client, go to:
https://github.com/ewpratten/dr
Be sure to read the README!
(Yes, I know some commands take a long time to execute. A lot of data parseing happens in the background. This is being worked on.)4 -
God fucking damnit automating a client's "Job applicant form" system is the most boring shit l've ever done.
Get me some damn monkeys to do this
"Oh OK so I just have to take this form and turn it into HTML. Oh shit, 25 check box's, let's just copy paste this shit in over and over. Oh damn, forgot I have to change the name and value fields for each one. God damnit this is boring, I guess I have to"
Fucking hell it's annoying work, Boring, easy, no thought needed. Ended up turning this task into a drinking game. Every time the word "Management" came up, I took a shot. Got me pretty fucked up.
Client emails back; "Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, we have these 3 other forms we want you to automate".
Well fuck at this point I feel like more of an alcoholic than a developer.6 -
Client asked for time line for website I told them 6 weeks from moment they provide design (I had other active projects and would have to split time between them ) . For next 4 weeks they would send me design and then after few hours tell me to stop working and that they are going to change design.
After 4 weeks they sent me final version of the design and informed me that it needs to be done in next 2 weeks. We expected 10 more websites from them and it was 7-8 pages so I put other projects on hold and finished it in around week and sent link to them for review, 2 days before deadline they informed me that there are around 20 pages missing pages that are not in final version of design but only in version xx sent more than 2 weeks ago. In next day and half me and 2 other developers had more then 20 hours each to finish it on time8 -
Client: here's what we want, a website where someone can directly edit any file on the website, php that java thingy all of it. Hell allow them to access, the os so they can see how that works to.
Me: ... Hey great idea ... We could set the server up in your offices ! I could link the server to all your computer's they can modify anything you have on there as well. That won't cause any issues.... At all.
Client: urm why?
Me: *hangs up* sigh ....
It's a fake scenario.... But how I feel like when I speak to clients 😐 based off what some guy wanted to do, a whole training thing for devs to learn how servers work ... The idea is ok to train... Say an apprentice, but he wanted to attach this to the Internet.... Not limit its use... Obviously way to expensive. -
Me: So... do you want a website, right?
Client: Yes!
Me: ...but you don't know how it should look, right?
Client: Ehm... correct.
Me: ...and you don't even know what color should I use?
Client: Exactly!
Me: ...and of course you can't link me a website you like which I can base on.
So now I have to invent something randomly that somehow will be the exact same thing you would like to see. Nice.1 -
Saw the following meme text on fb group.
"It took me 30 minutes to write the code. And 2 hours to fix the bugs."
But I thought it is not quite complete without this ending.
"And a single minute for client to totally dismiss everything." -
"The client is complaining that the data takes a long time to load."
Me, after investigating: "Does the client really need [not an exaggeration, actual figures] 130,000 rows of data?"
"I will show them these stats but they said they need it"8 -
That awesome moment when a fiverr client wants you to develop a cross platform mobile application that would share your battery charge(actual battery electricity power) via Wifi/Bluetooth. That too for a budget of $5. 🙄4
-
Dear Client,
Mentioning "Dear Friend" in email won't make your bug as top priority.
Seriously,
Developer3 -
A client just asked to reduce the budget on a project, which I have already delivered. fml. Also, I had a look at wakatime, and realised that I've spent over 100 hours on this project.4
-
I spend the whole day decoding Assembly code for special formulas that we require for a current project.
And the client doesn't have them anywhere else.
There's only that old desktop application - written in assembly.
My Pc and I never felt so close before...
If it sounds like it was fun, it wasn't.
NOT. AT. ALL.2 -
When your boss force you to go to client land and do some socializing, for God sake I'm a developer not a f***en public relations employee3
-
No matter how much we do for client, sponsor, do the app for free. They will still not be happy with me. Always trying to bullying me to get more things done for free. Plus the fucken asshole bad mouth about my company and doesn't recommend us to anyone.
This one client we did a website for free 3 years ago. Just came in today wants to revamp the website for free again but this time they want more features. What surprising is that they don't want our company link to be on the website as they don't want to tell the world that we made the website. According to my boss via sponsorship they have not given any client.5 -
When a client sends you an email with multiple question marks "????" Just because you havent answered an email solely stating "ok thanks" in the past 24 hours.
What am I even supposed to do with that dude?
PS we need to fix some stuff on his wordpress website thingy to which we agreed literally a day ago. First of all do you really expect we magically fixed everything today even or ehm at least try to be friendly instead of just sending a bunch of question marks thank you very much3 -
When a client writes a panic email: "That feature you built for our website, it does not function any more! Could you please check!" You have a look at it and it runs smoothly. You write back: "Can't reproduce the error. Everything works fine." Client answers: "Oh, now it's running again. Thanks for your quick help!"
-
The client asked me today to include Internet Explorer to the compatibility list. After 5 minutes of continuous refreshing, Internet Explorer finally shows me in developer tools that it does not support Promises and Object.assign().
At that moment, my Promise to the client also failed.5 -
#10
After I did some work on this nightmare codebase, the client kept switching goals. He Changed the task a few times, so I always told him that he will have to pay for all changes.
After a time he requested another change, so I stated that he has to pay the first invoice I sent him first. He started bitching around, that I didn't complete the work yet and so on. I saw where this was going. He didn't wanted to pay me, so I cancelled the work for this bitch.
😤
Read my revenge in #114 -
A newish client just sent a channel ticket marked as "urgent", which set off the alarm for everybody in the chain, with an amazon link to lingerie.
I seriously don't know how to react to this, since I really hope it was a mistake and not how he expects us at the next meeting lol
To send such a ticket you have to confirm your pin and confirm the urgency reason too by the way, so the only thing coming to my mind is, it was some sort of clipboard fail?3 -
So I had a meeting with a client, some time ago, asking for my expertise on rebuilding their websites frontend and backend within a month. I offered a very low price (as I am a student), which included 40 hours of work for 30$ an hour (normal price is ~120$). And done within 2 months. He turned it down by saying, that the price was 4 times too high... Clients are so demanding, but not willing to pay for their needs. He haven't found another yet. This was 2 months ago.5
-
Client: "I found a bug on your website. Its not possible to submit the contact form."
Me: "No bug. Its a feature"
#answerforeverything4 -
You know a website launch is going to go smoothly when:
1) it survives multiple reviews,
2) it's packaged up and sent to the client,
3) client tells you there's incorrect info,
4) incorrect info matches current site, and
5) client doesn't provide the correct info.
😑1 -
The client doesn't want to give me her PIN code from GoDaddy but I need it to make changes for her.
She told me that GoDaddy's Customer Support told her she can't give her PIN to anyone. I understand that. I told her what to do but she still wants me to do it.
She came up with the idea of teleconference between me, her and GoDaddy (is that even possible?). We live in two different countries.
She could just do it by herself (as I told her what and how to do) or give me the PIN... Nope, she thinks that it's my business to make things up.
Boss wants me to carry on this because she's difficult and may make us bad PR even if she's not right. He doesn't want a shitstorm to handle.
We made few projects for her in the past, she gave us access to all her WordPresses, FTPs, backups, authinfo codes etc but still doesn't trust us. She always thinks dozen times before she gave us some data.
And she's not even a business client. She runs a few blogs about her hobbies. She doesn't make money from them. It's not a big deal but she treats it like a treasure.
It's not easy to be gentle and kind :)3 -
Best Andriod client for Reddit?
The stock app sucks and is completely off the grid as compared to web version.16 -
I told my client that I'm attending a conference and I'm out for few days.
He wished me well.
He then proceeded to write me messages and emails each day to "make sure" if I didn't work on his shitty website.
I can't do it anymore I'd love to finish this and ditch him asap...2 -
Had design call with designer, myself and client. At end of call we tell client we're going to send a mock up and that it's just going to be a flat image/JPG, because we don't start developing the site until mock up is 100% approved. I sent mock up to client once it's finished.
Client: "Why isn't this working? I can't click anything and nothing moves."6 -
Jurassic Park was based on a cheapass client who didn't want to pay the right amount to the. Developer who single handedly protected everyone in the park.
-
Well, they are just fucking kidding
Unix guru on entry level... That moment, when you realise that client is too lazy to pick option intermediate or expert, but expects somebody to do evetything
5 -
I remember when I had my first "website job" and I put it on a test domain to show it to the client.
But when I changed things up in the css or something, the client wouldn't see the updates.
It took me a whole bunch of time to figure out it was caching. So I told him to use an anonymous tab. Fun time, back then..
How do professionals manage these things? :D6 -
when the client starts asking for so much stupid changes.
Me: Ok sur, I will email you about those changes and the estimate time.
Inside Me: I may look calm, but inside my mind I killed you 5 times with 5 different ways.1 -
Client A: "So, how about those features I told you yesterday? Can it work? Have you discuss it with your team?"
Me: "Yes, it would possibly have to extend the due date a little bit more..."
Client A: "Meaning?"
Me: "You have to pay more."
*Another 15mins awkward silence moment*
Client A: "I don't understand."
Seriously, get some other guy to do the meeting please...I am not good in PR....
4 -
MRW a client needs a site with new content but they leave to go on holiday and don't give you a list of content.
-
Question for my programing elders.
I am a high school student. If/when I am asked to make a client a website, what is the general price that I should charge? (Remember, I am a slightly inexperienced american highschooler, so I don't want to over or under charge them for my work)17 -
Me(to client): I'm the designer for your website. Should I proceed with the landing page?
Client: I...actually just want my images to be watermarked with my logo3 -
Today, a video appeared online of a game called StoneHearth, which is currently in open Alpha.
The video is about adding multiplayer functionality to this (originally) singleplayer game.
'Tony' is a hero! Because he initially designed the singleplayer game according to a strict client-server model, adding multiplayer is now a piece of cake. Good thinking there.
The structure of the game even made it harder for developers to hack around it, than just to follow the model. That is awesome. Kudos to Tony!
https://youtube.com/watch/...2 -
Been engaged in a silly-client-request VS stubborn-developer war since last week. They wanted a textbox where they enter decimals - generally in the form 1.234 - to automatically put the decimal point after the first number.
"What if it's 10.xxx or 100.xxx?"
"That won't happen"
"How much time will it really save them having to press another key?"
"Why, how long will it take you to do the fix?"
Etc, ridiculousness and rage increasing exponentially...
Common sense finally prevailed today. Just think of all those wasted milliseconds having to press the "." key.3 -
Tl;Dr: Client has no idea how much development costs
(Un)potential client has been asking to develop an AV solution for Android phones to sell on the play store. Problem is I know they're cheap fucks and won't pay for a proper development cycle. Just for an exercise I put together the minimum cost they are looking at if they cut back on a lot of things and purchase lots of things off the shelf and gave them a bare minimum cost of £4350. Which is utterly fucking ridiculous to think you could develop something even half decent for that. I mean we all know that AV is a bit of a joke for any serious threat, it just protects from the billions of pests in cyberspace, but I mean come on.
Anyway, they are freaking out because apparently that's a lot. Out of interest, what would be your ballpark figures for this.10 -
Never lose your sense of wonder when it comes to working with clients. Client berated us saying her data were outdated. Ok. Check the file the third party that generated the data is sending us.
Outline all stated discrepancies in the data back to the client, showing that everything lines up with what we are receiving.
Client is frustrated. Contact the third party in their behalf.
Third party support: “oh yea, client had us start sending data to your competitor like a month ago”
Bruh. Bruh. Bruh.
Fortunately the client wants to stay with us and is getting their data pointed back but how in the hell do you forget that. The reason the client when looking at competition (at least guessing looking at previous call records) is to get faster processing of the data coming from the third party. How are you gonna forget you turned off the sending when you are so worried about speed?! Most of our clients are running 7-8 figure businesses by the way.2 -
If I'm writing an app which has the sole purpose of receiving some data from a server, then sending some other data back (so nothing is stored locally) - what sort of stuff do I write tests for?
Client wants lots of testing to occur, but all of the tests I can think of wouldn't add any value -
I didn't know "bandwidth" can be so hard to understand even after 2 hrs explaining..client still wants widgets with autoplay videos..God why?4
-
me: I'll start making the site today. To make sure the project is up and go by the deadline, I need you to send some missing content. Please find attached a spreadsheet (with perfectly tought cella :) ) abot the missing content.
-- weeks go by, several mailing and phoning. site is ready. content zero --
client: why is the site not public yet?! you promised a deadline! I'm nőt paying, if it is not ready by tomorrow.
me: ok just send the content I requested.
-- 2days pass. no content --
client: thats it. i'm not payin'. here is the content ( much mire than designed ) upload it and we are done here!!!4 -
Me - 1+1 is 2
Client : Did you say 1+1 is 2
Because even i thought 1+1 is 2 and i think we should go ahead with 1+1 2 because that seems like a good thing to me.
***"1+1 is 2" can be replaced by some long tech discussion
#my brain hurts3 -
** this means words are muted **
Friday:
I send a mail the client a Google doc with elaborate details about evaluation of an Android tablet from a Chinese manufacturer.
Monday:
The client is upset, he says "You say there is no GPS chip on the tablet while the manufacturer says otherwise"
Me- "I have clearly mentioned that it has a GPS chip"
Client- Opens the Google doc, points to a sentence. Looks at me like I did something horrible.
Me - **This guys is either word blind or something else is wrong with him, the line reads 'GPS chip available'**
Me- "Look, it says 'GPS chip available'.
Client- **Blinks n blinks again** "Alright, but why did you share a Google document, why not PDF, docx"
Me-**Politely** "You can download the document in any format, look I will show you..."
Client- "It should have been in the mail itself ideally"
Me- **WTH** "We normally maintain a document for such things to keep everything organised, but if you want I will put everything in mail itself"
Client- "Hmm.. do both from next time"
Me- "Alright" **BS**
Client- "Why is the new feature taking so much time"
Me- "As planned earlier, we going to deliver it tomorrow"
Client- "Why not today??" **Gives a strange look.**
Me thinking - **Enough**
Me- "See, I am trying to integrate a smarten with a socket connection, reading it's data via exposed APIs that are hardly documented, we need faster performance so I need to implement caching, multi threading, offline handling, multiple processes to avoid memory fluctuations, sync adapter to sync data...."
Client- "Ok ok ok, it's fine if you give working build tomorrow"
Me- "Ok, fine"
#limit1 -
When client asks for stupid changes, its easier to make changes than to explan why you think it's stupid.3
-
No matter how many times, or whichever way I explain, he still doesn't get it. Are people so fucking blinkered they do not want to listen, or even read what you write. Back story, produced some web design visuals for a client, and fortunately he had the good sense to listen and employ a copywriter. She had the first draft done when i was putting together the styling, so i placed actual copy on the visuals. 2 weeks pass, still no answer. I send the same email to him, every 4 days and cc his PA for good measure. Finally, he says he wants to make some tweaks to the copy. I explain that any copy changes can be done via the CMS once the site is built, and can I proceed and build the site? He replies I need to make changes to the copy first. I explained again about the difference between the visual and the actual website, same response. You Fucking Infuriate me! Cunt!
-
A client brought us a project once related to drones. Our team came up with a great solution for the problem and pitched it back to the client. After going back and forth and beating us up on the price, they ultimately got cold feet and stopped responding to us.
Flash forward several months and wouldn't you know it, NASA and Lockhead Martin have the same idea and file the patent. Could have been sitting pretty if the client just went through and filed our design first which would have barely cost anything.2 -
Client said "should we add this moving newsfeed bar to make it look more modern?"
It looks like fucking crap and costs 100€ per Year.. i guess we should not add this peace of shit. -
When you are creating a tool for a direct client that has no idea about development. She asks you to develop a tool to open a log file and format in a specific way inside Excel.
Ok, this is simple. In about 4 hours I can do that. After delivery and the client has tested, they answer: "Oh, it's working fine. You just forgot to include Y".
Of course Y were not in the initial scope. They supposed it was as it would makes sense to them, but at first they just asked a tool open a log. Ok, not a problem, I will implement it.
Weeks after implementation they answered it was not working with another specific file format (from a not industry default tool), but they have this client and my code should work with it too.
Ok, let's implement that. I had to change some functions and with some extra hours I could make it work. Once more, after delivery, they said the tool has to use a specific formatting for this file extension, that was not only different to the others, but I had to rewrite the entire code to make it work.
At least they paid me some extra hours...4 -
*background: client has told account manager he's not paying any more money till his site is done, not only is it the most in-depth WordPress site we've made, but we'll beyond the scope of the signed contract. He sent a few more edits over the weekend which I ignored because we have a team meeting later to discuss he client and where to go from here.
account manager comes in and says he has a call from client looking for me. I tell him that he should probably take a message as I'm not in the mood to be belittled by the client and we have a meeting later to discuss him anyways, we'll call him back.
AM: Come on, he says it'll only take a second and I'll be here so we can do it on speaker.
he transfers the call and we start talking in my office, before the client has even finished his first remark, the AM has left the room. Now we have the least social person in the office talking to the client when both parties are less than happy.
I managed to keep my cool and not tell the client to fuck off, and made sure I was clear about not promising any of his new edits.
Phrases like "that will take time and money" were used a lot.
There may be shots fired at the meeting later.4 -
Built a quick mockup for a custom CRM as the client was unsure about the UX/UI and wanted to see something before going ahead, used an online tool for the example.
Client wasn't happy when they saw the overall breakdown of costs. They didn't want to pay as much because "most of it was already built"5 -
Client: How many days do you need for this project
Me: 6 months
Client: That's too much. I researched and found that it shouldn't consume more than 3 months
Me: I'm sure you didn't researched on gradle building process (-_-) -
2 weeks ago we finished building worldcup totalisator app (where people can predict match outputs and get points) for client.
So yesterday, everyone in office were questioning who’s gonna win, Poland or Senegal, and I just connected to database, got average score of all user made predictions and posted picture in slack, so they finally can shut the fuck up.
5min later boss came:
Boss: where did you get those scores from?
Me: database
Boss: nice, can you do that for all other matches too?
Me: hmm, yea, it’s possible
Boss: awesome, so what other nice things you can do with all that data?
Me: ...
You just fucking can’t imagine how I am tired from all this worldcup thing, I was before it actually started, it was a terrible client, who doesn’t even knows what he wants, and now boss comes asking me to do statistics, when I just fucking wanted everyone stop talking about that stupid shit... -
The moment when client test team rejects a fix as it "doesn't work" when it's clear they haven't read the documentation 😂2
-
(rant) -> !rant
Wrote a long ass email to our stupid client explaining why the fucking feature he's draining our souls for is useless. With technical reasons, benchmarks, links to references, alternatives... and with the approval of our manager.
He replies with "no, this is not approved". With no will to discuss anything.
I go down to my manager, blood boiling, and told him that I cannot deal with that sort of arrogance. I did all I could to properly explain what a fucking twig would've understood.
Turned out my manager has already replied defending us. Just didn't want to get us involved in the bs.1 -
When a client keeps trying to bring down the price and then keeps adding on changes needed to be made to his website....really about to just walk away. FMDL3
-
Fun day at work.
Client sends me requirements over WhatsApp voice notes.
Says he can't send email because hes too tired.
His Requirements don't make sense.
I figured out what he wanted and then rewrite the requirements using simple language and less jargon.
Hes not happy. I reduced two paragraphs of his "requirements" to a single sentence which make more sense.
His voice notes seem like rambling.
Ugh.
He comes up with features for this webapp that cannot be tested unless you build the companion app which is coming up later.
Now he wants us to design the screens for the app which we will have to use our designer for.
Expensive. Considering most of his app is not completely thought out.
I have no idea what to do now.
We still haven't completed the requirements.1 -
Client: Thank you for this and all your hard work we will review and get back to you EOP Friday before final submit.
Us: We have been working to a deadline and have actually finished early which meant that we would be able to submit on Friday, at the very least by the afternoon. One question...is this your time EOP Friday?
Client: Yes
Us: That'll be 2 in the morning here and a Saturday.2 -
We've told our client they can test their brand new distribution modul with a new test account already 42 times (not exaggerating, I counted). At least half these, we've sent also the test login data which they could use.
Just now, a new issue message from them says distributors couldn't see some data, we should fix the problem. Well, they already can't see those, but client has logged in with their own account again for testing... -
Me and my mate was building a website for a client a while ago with react. I got the client from him.
All of a sudden he said, the client doesn't want it anymore for some vague reason. So I stopped developing and left it in our git repo.
Months later I found one of his website using the website I created with react for that client with some UI changes :/3 -
Client A: “What does that little button do? It looks so not fit in though. Can we just remove it?”
Me: “It basically serves as a sort function and to make those data look more tidy when you first input them. Especially when it comes from many sources, it .....blah blah blah.... So it's quite inportant to stay there according to UX basic.”
Client A: “??????????”
Me whispering: “Jon Snow.....”
Client A: “Sorry, what?”
Me : “Noooothing~ let’s talk about the other module shall we?”
5 -
I think my client have a gift, he always know exactly where not to go or not to click...
Man, let me show you the prototype with peace !1 -
Had this client for which I did some work on agreement. The agreement was fairly well laid out and the work was well defined. We delivered on time and he was all good. Move forward a couple months and this guy comes back asking for changes, upon which I said we'd need a new agreement because the last one expired when the job ended, but he didn't want a new agreement and to not make a point of it we didn't. We made the changes and I invoiced him, as we do, and then he starts accusing me of trying to rip him off and calls me a child. Stopped working with him after that3
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Project manager asked me to directly communicate with our client.
BUT, he told me what to say and what not to say.
BULLSHIT! All of these business "etiquettes" and formalities are just a waste of time for both the clients and us.
If only I could, I would simply cut all these nonsense and just communicate honestly.2 -
I made a client who installed w7 on a macbook and used ie7 for years use chrome, so he i don't have to fix his website for Internet Exhauster.1
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A client wants revisioning on revisions, so he could check if the revisioners were doing good work...
He wouldn't answer then question: "Why not doing the revisioning yourself?". -
!Rant
How to tell a client that you are currently busy with other client projects once those are done then I can I take their project.3 -
I asked the client to give me a 768 video, still gives me a 510, then rants that the video on their site is blown up and the people's head are cut off... WTF1
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It's a shame how you as a freelance web developer complete a project and hand it over to client and you check it over and over and you never find the client use the project.
It hurts my feelings really really bad.4 -
I got my first client! I am programming an autohotkeys program for my job to make inputting on their site way easier. It was mostly my idea but, they were onboard!
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Finally looked at the client who overbuilt his WordPress site that I'd gladly build him a new dedicated custom site for $150k and 12 months.
Even if he says he'll take the offer I have no intention of helping this person. Every time I say edits will be done in two days, he spends the next two days sending me emails with more edits to do on top. Today alone I received 78 emails from the client, 46 from the PM which were forwards of other edits. The entire project was handled wrong from the start and no one has the balls to tell him he needs a better solution than WordPress or what our agency can provide. We have a few hundred clients, he's lucky to get one week turn around time on anything more than copy changes. He wants form functionality changes weekly because he's always got a new idea, the current form has over 30 fields for users to fill out, all required, and he's always asking for more.4 -
Ok so today marks one week of harrassing our client to deploy.
Finally she calls in today after agreeing to deploying tonight, and says "oh no! We tested it today, it's not ready, and we'll need this functionality on the backend tomorrow, thanks!"
So, because we don't really have a choice, we must dev a new functionality + API + interface for tomorrow.morning (it's 9PM right now) -
Before I came along, my company was processing orders of type X by hand, taking many hours and being at greater risk of human error. So as a temporary solution, I crafted a console app to do the processing. Then, this app is needed to be accessed remotely. Because adding a newer .NET to a handful of servers was just too much to handle emotionally for management, the console app was revamped to a web app. During this revamping process, I was having my client send me an email so that I could initiate the processing myself until a friendlier UI was available. Well, I finished last night. I sent them an email explaining that it was live, gave them the address, and gave myself a high-five. A moment ago, I get an email from the client insisting that I process those orders quickly so that I don't cause a delay in shipping. FML!! Did they even READ the email I sent them?? They've been suckling at the teat for too long. Adding insult to injury, since the revamping project began, the client would CC my boss every time they emailed to have an order processed as if to hint at their frustration that the project wasn't done yet. Grr....
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That moment you start feeling like a taxi with a client who keeps asking for more things to be changed while we keep charging.
Feels weird1 -
When you spend months putting together a major update for the original scope of a project, release the update to a client, and the first thing they say: "Where's that new feature I asked for last week?"
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Created whole UAM System in Product for client. After the deployment client asked me
"In which table should I run the query to create a new user." -
Client sends a message that the mobile app is crashing and displaying a message that is nowhere to be found in code.
neither frontend, nor backend.
Do they even know which app they are using?!1 -
Am doing an online shop for some client as a side project. The client never requested a module enabling an admin user to manipulate listed products. Now this cheap genius wants to be able to login as a seller and manipulate whatever products they've listed. So I told the client it's not possible to do that because passwords are stored as hashes. Now, can you Guess who's storing clear text passwords ?
May shit never hits the fan.3 -
PM show's me a brouchure for a client. And said can you make open animation in PDF? Like unfold.. We want it for tomorrow. Hhahahahaha3
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client has no clue what he wants and keeps changing the requirements of the projects; wants to deploy "to a desktop app like electron but faster, but also as a lib for developer to use on a server like a CMS" 🤦🏻♂️; takes two hours in a call and literally tells me that he want to "hear himself speak" so he can clarify what he needs...
me: NOP3 -
My client told me that she was not happy with her website because there were unnecessary boxes on one of the pages.
Me: Unnecessary boxes?
Her: Yes, at the bottom of the contract page.
Me: boxes... Boxes... Wait, did you mean the footer?
Her: Yes. They are not relevant. Please remove them.1 -
went to client presentation yesterday. client wasted 2 hours on discussing non technical matters like what data goes on the field when we were asked and did develop as per their data. just looked at a page and kept on saying it's their mistake for the unclear term. didn't even reach the part that we went to to show3
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I have just slept for a minimum of 5 hours. It is 7:47 PM atm.
Why?
We have had a damn stressful day today.
We have had a programming test, but it really was rather an exam.
Normally, you get 30 minutes for a test and 45 minutes for an exam.
In this "test" we have had to explain what 'extends' does and name a few advantages of why one should use it.
Check.
Read 3 separate texts and write the program code on paper. It was about 1 super class and 1 sub class with a test class in Java.
Check.
Task 3: Create the UML diagram of the code from above. *internally: From above? He probably means my code since there is no other code there. *Checks time*. I have about 3 minutes left. Fuck my life.*
Draws the boxes. Put the class names in each of them. A private attribute for the super class.
Teacher: Last minute!
Draw the arrow starting starting from the sub class to the super class.
Put my name on each written paper. And mentally done for the day. Couldn't finish the last task. Task 3.
During this "test", I heard the frustrations of my classmates. Seemed like everyone was pretty much pissed.
After a short discussion with the teacher who also happens to be the physics professor of a university nearby.
[If you are reading this, I hope that something bad happens to you]
The next course was about computer systems. Remember my recent rant about DNS, dhcp, ftp, web server and samba on ubuntu?
We have had the task to do the screenshots of the consoles where you proof that you have dhcp activated on win7 machine etc. Seemed ok to me. I would have been done in 10 minutes, if I would be doing this relaxed. Now the teacher tells us to change the domain names to <surnameOfEachStudent>.edu.
I was like: That's fine.
Create a new user for the samba server. Read and write directories. Change the config.
Me: That should be easy.
Create new DNS entries in the configs.
Change the IPv6 address area to 192.168.x.100-200/24 only for the dhcp server.
Change the web server's default page. Write your own text into it.
You will have 1 hour and 30 minutes of time for it.
Dumbo -ANGRY-CLIENT-: Aye. Let us first start screenshotting the default page. Oh, it says that we should access it with the domain name. I don't have that much time. Let us be creative and fake it, legally.
Changes the title element so that it looks like it has been accessed via domain name. Deletes the url and writes the domain name without pressing Enter. Screenshot. Done. Ok, let us move to the next target.
Dhcp: Change lease time. Change IP address area. Subnet mask. Router. DNS. Broadcast. Optional domain name. Save.
Switches to win7.
ipconfig /release
ipconfig /renew
Holy shit it does not work!
After changing the configs on ubuntu for a legit 30 minutes: Maybe I should change the ip of the ubuntu virtual machine itself. *me asking my old self: why did not you do that in the first place, ass hole?!*
Same previous commands on win7 console. Does not work. Hmmm...
Where could be the problem?
Check the IP of the ubuntu server once again. Fml. Ubuntu did not save when I clicked on the save button the first time I have changed it. Click on save button 10 times to make sure it really is saved now lol.
Same old procedure on win7.
Alright. Dhcp works. Screenshot.
Checks time. 40 minutes left.
DNS:It is your turn. Checks bind9 configs. sudo nano db.reverse.edu.
sudo nano db.<mysurname>.edu.
Alright. All set. It should work now.
Ping win7 from ubuntu and vice versa. Works. Ping domain name on windows 7 vm. Does not work.
Oh, I forgot to restart the bind9 server on ubuntu.
sudo service bind stop
" " " start
Check DNS server IP on win7. It looks fine.
It still doesn't work. Fuck it. I have only 20 minutes left. Samba. Let us do this!
10 minutes in. No result. I don't remember why. I already forgot why I have done for it. It was a very stressful day.
Let us try DNS again.
Oh shit. I forgot the resolver!
sudo nano /etc/resolv.conf
The previous edits are gone. Dumb me. It says it in the comments. Why did not I care about it. Fuck it.6 minutes left. Open a yt video real quick. Changes the config file. Saves it. Restarts DNS and dhcp. Closes the terminal and opens a new one. The changes do not affect them until you reopen them. That's why.
Change to win7.
Ping works. How about nsloopup.
Does not work.
Teacher: 2 minutes left!
Fuck it.
Saves the word document with the images in it. Export as pdf. Tries to access the directories of the school samba server. Does not work. It was not my fault tho. Our school server is in general very slow. It feels like they are not maintained and left alone like this in the dust from the 90s.
Friend gets the permission to put his document on a USB and give the USB to the teacher.
Sneaky me: Hey xyz, can you give me your USB real quick?
Him: sure.
Gets bombed with "do you want to format the USB?" pop-ups 10 times. Fml. Skips in a fast way.
Transfers the pdf. Plug it out. Give it back.
After this we have had to give a presentation in politics. I am done.6 -
client: Your sh** page doesn't work, i haven't been able to do a single sale in hours...
me: have you tried to reload the page?
client: Of course i... oh wait, that was the problem, thanks anyways1 -
Rewriting some fractal generation code for a client in Python. his original code was in Visual Basic. he sent me his original code as a fucking Microsoft Word document...............
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Fuck when your client find a bug in production, but you can't replicate in your developmment environment. So sad 😣2
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Just done with the second meeting of the day with the same client. The client decided to arrange another on Monday :-/6
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Some Coworker has the opinion that when providing a webservice always the client has to send the SQL Statement to the server/service because it has to be of full control of everything...3
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3 weeks back took a bug..
**long rant**
Looked into it and found that it is exist in older version(say V1) as well.
Sent mail to client stating i can fix this in current version (say V2). Since V1 is already released and our current code stream is V2 and so if we fix in V2 , the code will not reach V1 code base.
**explained to client**
Client : I mean if you fix why it won't work in older release.
Me: Explains how code streams will work.
Client : Okay.. but it will support the functionality in V1 , right ?
Me: (*internally* are fucking kidding me? It won't work dumb ass.) No. It won't work in older versions. I am fixing it in V2.
client: okay.. Let's proceed.
Me: Done code changes. Send code to review. (we have to send review to upper level manager).
Manager1 : I didn't liked this part. can you change this ?
Me : sure. Done.
Manager1 : Now i liked it. Sent review to Manager2.
Me: why the fuck ? Are you not sure about my changes are good?
Manager 2: I liked it, but need some log changes.
Me: Fuckkkk...... Let me change this.. Done. Now can I promote those changes?
Manager2: No we need to send review to client manager as well.
Me: Goddammit.. Okay.. sent review.
*After a fucking week..*
Client Manager : Looks good. Push the code.
Me: Finally..
(This process took 18 days which would have been completed in 3 days if there is only one peer review)
Now the other guy from client whose tracking the bugs reported why it took so long to fix it.
I think my client manager is over paid and can't even know how his company code stream works. Fuck you . why client has these lazy ass old fucking "I don't look into my email" type people. God I hate these "I am in rich country" people.2 -
Working on a WordPress site for a client after not touching WordPress in a long time. At least they are minor functionality additions, and thank God for plugins...2
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Page lists data for user. Edit button replaces the line with a form for the data line with save and cancel buttons. Both buttons replace the form back with the simple line (oc save button only does so if post was a success).
Client writes they can't go back after clicking on edit - forgets to say, where in the World they want to go back to, when they get their initial page back with updated or unmodified data depending on their button choice. -
Question:
Were you hired by a company and develop software FOR that company?
Or...
Were you hired by one company and build software for a client or attend work at a client's office?4 -
Meet up with a new client, everything looks good feature wise and planning. Then the $ hits & I get hit up the fucking ass again.3
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Trying to shutdown a client remotely using "Shutdown -i" and it's not working...
Google, you're my only hope2 -
FUCK ALL THE CLIENTS
So we have something with boxes in whuch we present products and we agreed with the client that its only allowed to stay in the layout if they want to delete or add products. Which means the Layout always hast to be either 2-3-2-3-2... Or 3-2-3-2-3... So they have to delete to and add two or just delete two. But TODAY they wanted to fucking just delete ONE!!!! So I talked to my boss and we came to the conclusion that we will build a placeholder for empty boxes... Everything is nice and dandy UNTIL I built that FUCKING placeholder.... Guess what.... The client wanted a second one to be removed... FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE. I WOULD HAVE NEVER HAD TO BUILD THAT SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE IF YOU TOLD US RIGHT AWAY. FUCK CUSTOMERS. -
All pages are done properly, here comes the client editing the pages, now its messed up... Still my fault 😭😭😭
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Any examples of a a good client? Please mention your story! Let's see if we can have some good clients! :D3
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Getting feedback from a client like: "on mobile left is right and right is left"
Wtf am i supposed to make out of this1 -
a client to whom I literally have to repeat everything 2-3-5 times before it gets through his skull and even then he keeps asking stuff which I already answered to.
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I got a client to build a LMS. What are some easier way to complete the project? I am thinking of using wordpress with some LMS plugin.2
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I'm working on a pretty big dataviz project. There was supposed to be a deadline at the end of the month for a first full demo.
This morning I wake up to an email from the client saying the deadline moved to next Monday and they just "forgot to tell me before".
Also, the dev from the client's company who is supposed to prepare the data/API to be used for the project said he'll be able to send something at the end of the week.
They're clearly not going to get what they want for Monday...2 -
FFS specification of this feature changed for fourth time in a matter of like two weeks. Flipping client, I bet he's gonna be asking again why is the project taking so long...
I am so glad I don't have to interact with him, I might say some unfortunate things to his face. -
+devteam -client
+So... Here is our program that you can do many things such as... (3628463 features)
-Nice can you export data to excel
+fffffuuuu......1 -
Client: I need to organize this data in my database, just let me create any folder, and folders inside folders. I mean, it is a database so you can create folders right?
Me: I'll see what I can do
Inner me: NO, F U, that's not easy, that's not how databases work, WTH is wrong with you4 -
So the product has been labeled "ready for launch" for months, but the client has apparently been procrastinating and weren't ready.
Finally, earlier this week, they claimed they were set for launch, and that I should prepare the final bits.
And now they demand additional functionality which requires refactoring code.
Sigh. Why, oh why?1 -
I have an unfortunately low number of folks nearby who I can rant about foolish client behaviour to where they'll understand my frustration. It's the kind of stuff you don't want in writing forever on the internet but seriously some of the crap people do to sabotage their own success is mind boggling.1
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Agency adventures: Client always asking for bespoke hardcoded changes in the system. They want to save budget, so you suggest to make a admin screen for that frequent change so they can manage themselves and not pay you to do. You make that. Client keep creativity on top levels, asking for changes not supported by the new feature and that still have to be hardcoded.
Now, after the time estimates, they kindly ask: "can't you use that admin page to speed up your work?". -
When the client you're working for decides to swap the hosting for the CRM integrated site you're working on with no warning... for the second time in the project.
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!Rant
Client wants an app compatible with IOS, Android and desktop. I only have experience with Android and desktop.
Would you guys recommend anything I should look into to make this process easier, without having to develop 3 separate versions for each platform?8 -
So, apparently my client was about to demo the web app that I've just built to many potential users. The audience/users however is an top notch CEO's, and management from various companies.
Oh god, I hate working with them. They just so lousy and perhaps ocd or smtg idk. They literally changed the concept in the middle of development, and event CHANGE THE NAME of the company days before the demo. God, I hate it.
Should I update the repo with dickbutt pics and deployed it asap? I've prepared the branch btw. Its just a matter of click now lol -
</rant>
I know this is not the place to be asking questions but does anyone know about a ftp/sftp client that syncs your bookmarked servers with some cloud solution (e.g. Dropbox, ...)?
This would be really nice to have for teams/people with multiple laptops.4 -
Trying to have a sit down meeting with a client and they just keep telling me that they are to busy. Looks like I will be twiddling my thumbs till they are done.
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