Showing up to work every day after 25 years of this knowing that I really kind of suck at my job and feeling like I’ll never get to a point where I can say I’m fully caught up to the level of knowledge others I work with have or that I’m expected to have. I suppose this is a bad habit of attitude but it seems to be an actual reality for me with every passing day, week, month, and year. It’s all just too much and my brain just isn’t as agile as it once was (and it wasn’t all that agile to begin with).

You’ve had a job in the field for 25 years. Fuck comparing yourself with others cuz youre only gonna compare yourself with the above average and never the average.

The fact youve maintained employment in the field for longer than ive been alive (on top of everything that’s changed in the 25 years) says clearly you dont suck that much

@Stuxnet Thanks. I’ve been reflecting lately on my career trajectory. I have seen and done a lot and so many things have changed since when I first started. And it seems that even though my official title has been “developer”, I’m really more talented at managing development mainly in a way that avoids me having to do much development myself. I find ways to delegate the hard stuff to others. Or I cope with a non-mathematical/logic-handicapped brain by copy/pasting my way to a solution via StackOverflow (hence my username). I just hate feeling that dependent on others to solve problems employers have expected me to solve in hiring me. It’s bitten me in the ass more than once.

@stackodev Do NOT reinvent the wheel! You *don't* have to figure out everything by yourself. You *are* doing your job when you copypaste from stackoverflow (I hope you don't do it mindlessly but think through which fits your case). You've done the hardest part, you've figured out the problem and found a solution for it!

I feel such a cheater when I fix a ticket in 5 minutes of work. But I fix it in 5 minutes because I've put in the work & hours *before* it. I know what I'm doing and I've worked for that knowledge. Supposedly not as hard as some people have to but in comparison I lack the soft skills.