Back in the day, I joined a little agency in Cape Town, small team small office with big projects, projects they weren’t really supposed to take on but hey when the owner of a tech business is not a tech person they do weird things.
A month had passed and it was all good, then came a project from Europe, Poland to be specific. The manager introduced me to the project, it was a big brand - a segment of Lego, built on Umbraco (they should change the name to slowbraco or uhmmm..braco somewhere there) the manager was like so this one is gonna be quite a challenge and I remember you said you are keen on that, I was like hell yeah bring it on (genuinely I got excited) now the challenge was not even about complexity of the problem or code or algorithms etc you get my point… the challenge was that the fucking site was in polish - face palm 1 - so I am like okay code is code, its just content, and I already speak/familiar with 13 human languages so I can’t fail here ill get around it somehow. So I spin up IIS, do the things and boom dev environment is ready for some kick ass McCoding. I start to run through the project to dig into the previous dev’s soul. I could not relate, I could not understand. I could not read, I could not, I could not. - face palm 2 - This dude straight up coded this project in polish variable names in polish, class names in polish, comments in freaking polish. Look, I have no beef with the initial guy, its his language so why not right? sure. But not hey this is my life and now I should learn polish, so screw it, new tab - google translate, new notes, I create a dictionary of variables and class etc 
3 days go by and I am fucking polish bro. Come at me. I get to read the previous devs soul through his comments, what a cool dude, his code wasn’t shit either - huge relief. So I rock on and make the required changes and further functionality. 

The project manager is like really, you did it? I am like yeah dude, there it is. Then I realise I wasn’t the first on this, this dude done tried others and it didn’t go down well, they refused. - face palm 3 -

Anyway, now I am a rock star in the office, and to project managers this win means okay throw him in the deep - they move me to huge project that is already late of course and apparently since I am able to use google translate, I can now defeat time, let the travelling begin. - face palm 4 - I start on the project and they love me on it as they can see major progress however poland was knocking on the door again, they need a whole chunk of work done. I can’t leave the bigger project, so it was decided that the new guy on Monday will start his polish lessons - he has no idea, probably excited to start a new job, meanwhile a shit storm is being prepared for him.

Monday comes, hello x - meet the team, team meets x

Manager - please join our meeting.

I join the meeting, the manager tells me to assist the new dev to get set up.

Me: Sure, did you tell him about he site?

Manager: Yes, I told him you knocked it out the park and now we just need to keep going

Me: in my head (hmm… that’s not what I was asking but cool I guess he will see soon enough -internal face palm 5 - )

New dev is setup, he looks at the project, I am ask him if he is good after like an hour he is like yeah all good. But his face is pink so I figured, no brother man is not okay. But I let him be and give him space.

Lunch time comes, he heads out for lunch. 

1hr 15mins later, project manager is like, is the new dude still at lunch.

We are all like yeah probably. 

2hrs pass 

3hrs pass

Now we are like okay maybe something happened to him, hit by a car? Emergency? Something… 

So I am legit worried now, I ask the manager to maybe give him a ring. 

Manager tries to call. NOTHING, no response. nada.

Next day, 8am, 9am, 10am no sign of the dude. 

I go to the manager, ask him what’s up. 

Manager: he is okay. However he said he is not coming back. 


Non-dev crap.

I feel like I experienced so much shame in my life that I have become desensitized to it.

I cleaned up last night but I placed a box of dildo in the shelf so that I would remember sending it back. I didn't think too much about it since I was planning to reschedule a repair that's supposed to happen today. I talked to the admin and I was able to get a work permit early in the morning so we didn't have to reschedule and the workers arrived before lunch time.

A few days ago, I mentioned wearing a corset while working helps with my posture since I cannot slouch with it but this was a full-blown leather corset I wore last night and forgot it was under one of the pillows. The workers said they need to flip the bed over to get some extra space so I removed the pillows and saw the corset. I thought whatever, it doesn't look that kinky.

I went back to work as normal. I was in the living room attending meetings and testing some shit. Completely normal work day. I got up to drink some water when I saw the workers resting, one of them has his back against the drawer. No, I did not whip him and scream at him to go back to work. In my head, "That drawer has no lock (I live alone) and it has all the shit. All the shit." I'm talking lingeries, ball gags, dildos, anal plugs, nipple clamps, and you know the rest. I thought, fuck it, I'm hungry and told them I'm just gonna go down to get some lunch. I've been working with these guys for four years so stealing is not really something I'm concerned of. Not to mention, they cannot get out of the building until I sign their papers after I get back where I would see if anything is missing.

Normally, I'd be paranoid that they might accidentally open it if his shirt gets caught into the handle or something. Who knows, they could be nosy and just open it. I thought, "Whatever, they'd be the one acting awkward if they see the crap that's in there anyway."

So benefit of the doubt, I'm good. No kinky shit blatantly out in the open. Wrong. That fucking box of dildo in the shelf is there. It's right fucking there and I couldn't be bothered to snatch it away thinking they already saw it anyway, I would just look guilty if I suddenly took it and hid it. Besides, it doesn't even look like a penis or a fleshlight. It could be a tiny massager for all they know.

Note to self: Keep your stuff in the sex dungeon.

How do one see very old rants from their profile? I think it is limited by default Neither navigator nor pagination at the very bottom.