As back end developer, I rarely have hands on production environment. When it happens, I need to ask my way around and since the office is empty that day, I ask the client directly. They give me a URL. Right away, I ask the credentials.
"Just connect to the URL"
"You mean, you have an open access of this software, having critical information of more than 50 000 persons, to the web?"
*Silence* "hahaha it appears that way"
Thankfully, a tactful manager handled the situation astutely and we never heard about it anymore.
Don't we love all happy ending?

Commit messages:
1- Defect 6380: fix update of user without end date
2- Defect 6380: fix update of user without end date 2
3- Defect 6380: forgot unit test
4- Defect 6380: fix test
5- Defect 6380: dammit!
6- Defect 6380: raaaaaah!!!!
7- Defect 6380: kill me now

When everything is important, nothing is.

When you come back to the first link you found googling and only now you understand it because of the bits and pieces you gathered meanwhile.

Better investigate before flying off the handle!

Please, make an effort!

[on any forum hosting the very question that keeps you awake at night] I'll come back to explain how it was solved!

Haaaa this moment you understand that, not only there is some old Java running INSIDE the oracle DB but also that it calls the app, that query the db, that run some more java, that call the app, etc.

stackOverFlow should also be praised because of their pickyness!

"I'll have to jump over the code..."
The Martian

Get a bug report, look at the code: it was fix a month ago by... Me. The look on the face of my colleague like I'm a wizard or something: priceless

Seconds before git blaming

Caller: Hi, I work with Google. Can I talk to the decision maker of [your company]?
Me: I am. (Ho, my god, this is finally happening, I'm the chosen one!)
Caller: Would you like to improve your visibility on Google by ...
Me cutting short: Thanks but I'm not interested.
*Click*
To myself: Raaah, me too I work "with" Google!

(no my phone doesn't do *click*, it does *bee doooom*, but well)

Today, I found a bad bug. I fixed it and tried to understand what happened there. Story description was ok, dev was done on time, review performed (1/3 of the time needed to developed), testers were happy: story was DONE.
I feel uneasy as all protocols had been respected, and still, the code was bad and features were broken :(

The first colleague who was happy to talk FOR HOURS about topics seen as small/irrelevant/would you stop you annoy me/gtfo.
Some heroes don't wear caps!

Come on devRant. I'm sure the podcast is fantastic. But I clicked on the little cross.
Please stop bugging me...