Work, the haiku:
(Plus more Dilbert)

“Where are you on this?”
“I’m where JIRA says I am”
“Ok, but how far?”

Scrum Master: Let's estimate the task. Chose your estimations individually, then we will reveal at the same time and discuss
- variety of votes, ranging from 1 to 8
Product Owner: I don't agree, this should be a 1 or 2.
Dev Team Lead: Agreed, this is why I chose 2. Let's vote again.
- All votes now are 1s or 2s

Good fucking job 🤨

Last week we made jira tickets to create jira tickets

Me: *Looks at calendar* Oh boy! A meeting free day - I can finally get X done!

Boss (after stand up): Are people up to do refinement and other Agile?

Been stuck in meetings all day (-_-)/

I miss actually doing my job.

Why does Scrum feel like micromanagement?

I seriously hate daily standup, ours go on for half an hour, sometimes longer and I have to listen to completely unrelated shit I don't know anything about. I cannot explain how disconnected I feel. I'm the only dev working on their website. Some days I don't even need to check in, I have nothing to say.

WTF is an agilist? Am I a codist now? This crap is getting out of hand. I’m really starting to dislike this industry- it’s the same thing we’ve been doing for years people, you’re just putting fancy names and certifications on top of it now.

I feel like resigning from a company that i joined 3 weeks back.

I don't like to code in PHP and the manager wants to stick on to that , no new developers joining the company and php is one of the reason. The code is a mess. Every now and then some other team come running for a change like one button to do some shit and then for a fix after 15mins of release.

So many database operations are happening manually. No innovation in the team. Developers are very boring , women being senior developers and team leads brings stability but there is no innovation , excitement or any enthusiasm. All my team members are very happy doing mediocre shit. Manager talks about agile development and they are following that at a level where every half a day some requirement changes.

I m tired of being a developer that fixes the same mediocre shit.

Its too boring.

FINALLY WE'RE AGILE! 👾

Next year I will strive to achieve the best test coverage on all our components and design all our new features using best-practice agile methodology with a realtime user involvement.

Reverend on 7 January: Fuck that, we need to ship this shit to production now.

I started a new job about a week ago in an R&D software house which is a completely different world from what I am used to.

I worked as a coder in small teams, sometimes with Agile but always sunk in multiple projects at once - requiring constant switching of sprint goals week to week.

Now, I am alone (first person in a "maybe-in-the-future" team), doing research and preparing a demo for the client. It's hella lot of responsibility yet I found it weirdly liberating - being on my own, in control of what I do.

It may change in the future when project will inevitebly grow, but for right now, a week in, I started smiling while coding and learning, which I apparently haven't done in years.

Why is it most companies think being “agile” simply means “let’s say we do work in two week blocks” but without planning or showcases or reviews, without estimations, with ad-hoc tasks inserted continually, priorities changing, tasks moving to the next “sprint” over and over …

But yes, these companies proclaim they are “agile” and do “two week sprints” when it is nothing more than chaos and rhetoric.

I’m starting to think that Agile means: fail fast, fail often, FAIL ALWAYS

I think the sleep deprived me is finally cracking under the weight of incompetent assholes.

We just launched a major project in some weird cocktail of Agile slapped with MVP and release to the wild in a waterfall, but it was premature, premature in the sense QA hasn't even finished their side of things, but because some fuck with with "manager" in their title decided they have burnt through the budget with incompetence and scrapped an entire element of the project and outsourced just so they could make a shittier version that doesn't even fucking work.

How hard do you want to fail before you will start listening to the people that now have to work around the fucking clock to clean up this horse shit of a mess.

I'm literally arguing over field mapping with multiple 3rd parties, when the fucking requirements state WTF this is suppose to look like. All because they didn't validate or test their own shit.

Why is EVERY FUCKING cock head in this industry a waste of space and cash! Is it really to much to ask for 1 fucking project to fucking go live that actually fucking works where I don't need to work 2 weeks straight (including weekends) after going live just to be sure that what shit does hit the fan isn't going to create a SEV 1 issue...

Sorry, I'm pissed at the incompetence of others I need to deal with on a daily basis. It's not like this field is insanely hard. A little attention to detail and self validation, verification goes a long way. But clearly that's a rarity.

Once this shit is stable and actually works, I'll be pulling out the mop to clean up half this shit just so it actually works.

Oof, I'm getting to old for this bullshit.

Agile is a fancy word for we, the top Dawgs can change the requirements at any time and you dev peasants will have to deal with it.

Nothing like a new year to rekindle that old pile of backlog issues from 2016.

Never trust organizations who claim to have adopted the agile mindset, saying they use SAFe or Scrum or w\e, unless the teams themselves say that they have full autonomy for the release process. Because the upper management is not agile. Especially in older organizations. Typically they are the ones who will have the final say if teams don't have autonomy.

As a consultant, I joined a team on an organization who says that they're using SAFe. "Scaled Agile Framework". There is absolutely nothing agile in that horrid process.

Agility only happens at the team level. That's where we seem to improve the ways of working. Levels above, nothing happens.

I've been on this team for a year and we haven't released ANYTHING to customers. So those "release trains" are sitting on their stations.

Upper management refuses to green light a product release to customers that doesn't contain everything they want in it. In their mind they have the "perfect product" in mind and it needs to be perfect before it can be delivered to anyone. Fighting them on that idea has proven pointless. They don't understand what an agile mindset it. At the moment we are providing zero value to customers.

The MVP release date has been pushed for over 6 months now because nobody can come to a conclusion as to what needs to be finished before the release. They can't accept that we'd just release it now and keep iterating it. Everyone from the team members to the organization leader to their grandmother has to green light a release. People argue about minor nuances. Semantics. Big manual regression tests are needed to make sure that everything works. When a minor bug appears, PO's lose their minds and start calling out developers to investigate and fix it, and to set up more gateway checks that these things don't happen.

Organizations don't adapt the agile mindset very easily. Frustration sets in. Waterfall is forever.

I've really begun to resent working with an organization where everyone above the team has a complete industrial mindset. Everyone seems to look for someone to blame, covering their own asses, and that leads to gateways and checks to make sure the quality is good before showing anything to anyone. Typically the agile mindset accepts failure, learns from it and moves on, continuously improving. Blame should not be a part of it. Failure should be a lesson on how to improve. Damn some people are just dinosaurs.

I am I the only one who doesn't like sprint demos? I don't care what someone else worked on. Yeah they wrote some code that does stuff, great. I don't have time to understand it and when I have to fix it I learn it.

Showing up to work every day after 25 years of this knowing that I really kind of suck at my job and feeling like I’ll never get to a point where I can say I’m fully caught up to the level of knowledge others I work with have or that I’m expected to have. I suppose this is a bad habit of attitude but it seems to be an actual reality for me with every passing day, week, month, and year. It’s all just too much and my brain just isn’t as agile as it once was (and it wasn’t all that agile to begin with).

The ugly truth about PM tools is that they empower stupid people disproportionately more than competent people. "It's the person, not the tools' fault" is a false dichotomy that perpetrates the convoluted workflow anti-patterns, plugins-for-my-cute-charts hell, overload of red herring metrics, documentation fragmentation and overall enterprise bureaucracy that justifies the existence of otherwise useless positions.

Kanban: large companies doing the wrong things more and more efficiently.

Dev goals for 2022? Best and worst DX in the past?

Wish to prioritize customers with useful business goals who are open to sustainable web dev, usability and accessibility.
Want to use even more CSS and find a way to use new features like parent selectors without sacrificing compatibility.

Continue learning and using Symfony, but also continue with my full-stack side project using JS or even better TypeScript for the backend also for the backend.

Best developer experience: getting new customers for my own business after leaving a company last winter.

Worst developer experiences:

Corporate customers with large budgets and design agencies seem to fancy all the antipatterns I thought bad and obsolete, like carousel content, animations everywhere, and autoplay videos on the home page. Poorly written, poorly thought, and sometimes contradictory, requirements. Customers and agencies changing their mind halfway through a project.

"Agile" daily meetings, not giving devops necessary repository permissions, and making Webpack mandatory for no real reason.

In the same meeting
Well be moving on to open source technologies. You are devs and are expected to learn this on your own. Preferably on your own time
Minutes later.
Well be holding an agile workshop and also outside consultants to help the managers.
I left a few months later for multiple reasons.
I did stay for the first month and helped set up the angular project and structure. But i had to train a person who never worked with angular or anything frontend. It wasnt her fault. She was a developer and expected to learn on her own even tho she worked just backend before.

Does anyone else it fucking ironic that Jira is the go to tool for "agile" development? The amount of bloat, buttons, etc all make non-agile the task of filling out all the stupid forms and assigning all these shitty irrelevant details makes it a turn off.

Returning to tech after 3 years working with agile, training and coaching Scrum, Kaban and XP practices. Applying for team leadership positions. Advice?

A philosophical question about maintenance/updating.

There is no need to repeat the reasons we need to update our dependencies and our code. We know them/ especially regarding the security issues.
The real question is , "is that indicates a failure of automation"?

When i started thinking about code, and when also was a kid and saw all these sci fi universes with robots etc, the obvious thing was that you build an automation to do the job without having to work with it anymore. There is no meaning on automate something that need constant work above it.

When you have a car, you usually do not upgrade it all the time, you do some things of maintance (oil, tires) but it keeps your work on it in a logical amount.
A better example is the abacus, a calculating device which you know it works as it works.

A promise of functional programming is that because you are based on algebraic principles you do not have to worry so much about your code, you know it will doing the logical thing it supposed to do.
Unix philosophy made software that has been "updated" so little compared to all these modern apps.
Coding, because of its changeable nature is the first victim of the humans nature unsatisfying.

Modern software industry has so much of techniques and principles (solid, liquid, patterns, testing that that the air is air) and still needs so many developers to work on a project.
I know that you will blame the market needs (you cannot understand the need from the start, you have to do it agile) but i think that this is also a part of a problem .
Old devices evolved at much more slow pace. Radio was radio, and still a radio do its basic functionality the same war (the upgrades were only some memory functionalities like save your beloved frequencies and screen messages).

Although all answers are valid, i still feel, that we have failed. We have failed so much. The dream of being a programmer is to build something, bring you money or satisfaction, and you are bored so you build something completely new.

It’s me or Scrum trivialize developer’s skill development? My company replaced almost all the training with Googling and “peer to peer training” in which some junior with no teaching experience prepares a presentation/lesson on some technology and then shows it to others.
Following this logic with all the true crime which I’ve watched I should be a detective.

Agile ways of working has us do more customer collaboration, but I just despise talking to business owners who are so stuck in their ways of thinking and working. Their opinion is that they're reached such a high level of efficiency, that learning new things and changing their way of thinking now is useless. Especially if they come from an industrial background. Often it takes a lot in me to not just explode in their face when I hear them claim how they know what's best for the product, while we developers try to advocate that we need user feedback to know what the outcome of something is.

1 - Correct me if I’m wrong, but in true Agile, a product owner ought to be able to interact directly with the dev team, and vice versa, in the card/conversation/confirmation process of creating, estimating, and executing the user stories, correct?

2 - If Company “A” contracts with Consultant “A” to have software developed, and then Consultant “A” then contracts with Company “B” who then contracts with Consultant “B” to do the development, who would you define as the Product Owner?

3 - If Company “B” is barring Consultant “B” from talking with Company “A” and Consultant “B”, is Agile even possible?

At work I have to multitask on way too many projects and to make it worse there is a lot of red tape and I have to waste a lot of time surfing buggy documentation websites, switching VPNs and praying for CI/CD to work rather than writing code in the fucking editor and for me repetitive tasks and context switching are productivity killers since they prevent me to enter in a state of flow and I keep daydreaming or distracting myself.