What do you call a party with developers?

A git together

I'm so sorry.

alias wow="git status"
alias such="git"
alias very="git"

Result:

$ wow
$ such commit
$ very push

git everywhere

Git blame strikes again

"Let me just check devrant while the IDE is launching..."

Solution to all of our Git problems

git blame

Me: *just playing around with Git on my terminal*

Friend: "Man, you're such a geek, typing your git command on the terminal.. I myself can't use git without the GUI at all"

Me: *stares at him in silence*

Me: "Wait... THERE 'S A GUI FOR THAT?"

*true story when I was in college*

When AI meets git
- {turnoff.us}

I'm always the guy that does the work...

GIT Cheat Sheet

git commit -m "Finally finished"

git commit -m "Fixed a typo. now finished"

git commit -m "Oops a bug. Definitely finished"

git commit -m "False alarm. Yup finished now"

git commit -m "Another typo..."

git commit -m "ugh...."

$ git init

git blame
git fired
git depression
git divorce
git homeless
git commit
git job
git house
git wife --better
exit

This is my face when someone uses "git" and "GitHub" interchangeably.

The only thing hard about working with Git is working with people who don't know Git

I know all the git commands:
- git status
- git add
- git commit
- git push

Never trust a users input!

I just can't take a developer who has never heard of Git seriously

Git newbie

git pull --your-shit-together

Why is the "leave building"command now working?!?!?! Are you sure it's a Git command?? .... Oh shit.

Story time...

I keep my git histories clean.

Some of my coworkers, let's call them Jack and Jill, do not.

Jack, Jill, and I share a branch. They apply patches on top of this branch to make the code work in special environments. I pull from this branch and build my component against it.

Today, I did git fetch and noticed that the branch had been force-updated.

Uh oh.

Huh... this branch doesn't compile correctly...

Fuck.

I spend some time trying to figure out what's wrong, then I see that the force push was required because they just completely dropped a patch from the history. That patch happened to make some API changes, as patches occasionally do. I'm guessing that they just pushed from a local branch that had old history + a bunch of their hacks on top of it.

The patch was also big, since to make the API change you also have to update the use in every single test.

So I email them, asking why they had done the force push, and why they had dropped this patch that my component needs to compile. (This patch had been in master for awhile now). I also asked them to please restore the patch and any others that they had accidentally dropped.

Jack responds: "oh, yeah, I needed to do the force push because our component had a bug in it and I needed to update something. I tried to cherry pick the patch that I dropped, but it's too many files to resolve conflicts with so I'm not going to do it."

Motherfucking...

Jill responds: "we don't really have time to do to this work, can you apply the patch yourself?"

...but this wouldn't have happened if you had... you're the ones who... this patch was already merged...

FUCK YOU. You think I'm less busy than you are? You think I have time to CLEAN UP AFTER YOU because you don't have a FUCKING CLUE how to use git? Your mistake has caused a problem, and now you're going to try to put the consequences on ME? FUCK OFF! I'M DONE WORKING WITH YOU!

...but I want to keep my job. ):

Sometimes I name my project "suicide" so that when I do a git commit I could say that I committed suicide.

Whenever I mistype, "git status" as "git statsu", I thought I was speaking Japanese. 😂

No, I'm not "switching to FTP," it's about time your learn git mate.

Wtf?? Who wrote this shitty code???

* git blame *

Oh... Right... It was me...

Toughest part of git is writing the commit message

Begin a lazy fuck -> not taking the time to learn git while I've had plenty of time and now I still hardly know how to use it.

Okay, time to delete my old Skype account
1. Enter Skype name
2. Reset password
3. Captcha
4. Complete email
5. Enter email code
6. You are logged in now, please complete your profile first
7. Enter birth date
8. Add your phone number or second email address
9. Create new outlook mail
10. Got access to profile settings
11. Click on delete profile
12. Stop please first verify your email again
13. Enter code
14. Check all checkboxes that I am really sure to want it deleted
15. Click delete button

Fuck hell and that all again for my second account

I love when I accidentally write "git ass" instead of "git add". I laugh every time.

i'm a backend developer trying to work with css.

fml.

Git merge <3

Gotta admit, I'm still finding out this git thingy.

😅

May I introduce you to my coworkers git repo

Today a Coworker got a little piece of paper acknowledging that he was a Git master, two hours later he fucked up all the branches.

Today I have my final exam in Computer Science *.*

Wish me luck🙏

Git commit -m "nothing to say"

Git log went wrong 😰

In case of fire:

Git commit
Git push
Git out of building

Crazy how git got its name:

The name "git" was given by Linus Torvalds when he wrote the very first version. He described the tool as "the stupid content tracker" and the name as (depending on your mood):

- random three-letter combination that is pronounceable, and not actually used by any common UNIX command. The fact that it is a mispronunciation of "get" may or may not be relevant.

- stupid. contemptible and despicable. simple. Take your pick from the dictionary of slang.

- "global information tracker": you're in a good mood, and it actually works for you. Angels sing, and a light suddenly fills the room.

- "goddamn idiotic truckload of sh*t": when it breaks

~ from github git

git commit suicide

Product: Requires Windows 7 oder better.

So i Installed Linux.

Git....
alias such=git
alias very=git
alias wow=‘git status’
$wow
$ such commit
$ very push

I forced my friends to use git(hub) as vcs because their project was in a usb-to-usb state, which was unacceptable for me. So I offered them my help and uploaded it (with a little bit of a forced consent) to github, to end this misery. Of course I helped them the basics of git. Now they automatically use git(hub) as vcs and to share their code.

I feel proud for this :)

Got my head detached today...

Good thing a simple git checkout solved it

Fell like I can finally vent this now I've calmed down.

Me: You've fucked the tree again
Junior: No I haven't
Me: It says there "Fixing merge conflicts"
Junior: Well it wasn't me I wouldn't have done a merge
Me: It has your name next to it...
Junior: Well that commit wasn't there a second ago
Me: it's dated for Friday...
Junior: Well if you hadn't committed to master and blah blah blah
Me: We'll if you knew know to use git we wouldn't have this problem.

You know you messed Git hard when your commit graph started to look like November Rain on Guitar Hero.

my thoughts on git

With the other members of the team refusing to learn git and making changes directly to the staging server i get to write the commit messages for everyone.

Log:
UPDATE: *informative details *

UPDATE: mark made some changes

UPDATE: colin made the same changes as mark but different

UPDATE: andrew undid all colins updates to change one link and I had to add them back in, thank gawd I commit the night before

BUGFIX: andrew keeps changing the database host to localhost and uploading it without changing it back

UPDATE: we all hate andrew

Git for pros only...
Credits: javascript.js

Don't forget to Git commit

Best Git commit msg I ever saw was nothing more than: "please work"
...found after a junior dev left our company and we were reviewing things

Git fetch, get pull, git push, git merge, git clone, git stash

A poem for git in git

Sorry John Doe, you're application for this job has been rejected. As we specified for this job you need to know about GitHub. In your CV you stated that you are an expert in git but our job requires the knowledge of hub as well. Good luck next time

What does a Git say to another?

Check this out man

git happens ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What I've learnt so far using git for the first time in a major project.

Git commit Suicide

Using a git GUI is like dulling a sharp knife in fear of cutting yourself.

"Who the fuck wrote this stupid shit!?"
git blame

It was me...

Had a fun little conversation with a potential employer...

Him: We use git for version control. To work with our team you'll be expected to do the same and be proficient at it.

Me: Not a problem. I am well versed with all things git! May I ask, what does your work flow look like?

Him: All of our source lives in a single repo and everyone commits straight to master.

Me: 😐...

Him: Conflicts will not be tolerated.

Fuck git!
Oh, it's solved.
I love git! Git is awesome.

A coworker blamed me that our git server is rejecting his changes. Turns out his commits are 200MB large each, including binaries of all newly added libraries. And I was all like:

Learn git before anything else...

Git...

Git...

I "Git Pushed" my friend to "git commit" with a girl he likes for long time

But now my other friend wants to "git rebase" on top of her ....WTF

Now need to resolve this merge conflict 😂😂😂

git merge

Git for kids

$ git push --force origin master

Stupid tech guy: "You should use Windows, it's bettter"
Me: "No i quit Windows and use Linux"

At the end of the day he updates Windows and got a BSOD...

I laughed and walked off

I wish i could git reset --hard my life

I just started using git. it is unbelievably useful. What an idiot I was that I didn't start using it earlier. I LOVE GIT!

Installed Ubuntu Linux on my cousin's PC... Age 12... He starts earlier than me... :/
But I'm proud of him :)

* git add .
* git commit
* git push
* git the f*ck out

My git commits are mostly "did shit and stuff" or "changes by David Bowie"....

Git!=Github

git commit -m 'fixed the issue with my light switch'

guy add proposal.txt;
git commit -m "Wish me luck";
git push

always pull before commiting.

Friend: Check out that hot chick over there
Me: git checkout -b hot-chick

#foreveralone

git pull
git push
git pull
git push
git merge XY
git release vNewBaby

> git commit -m 'fixing what I broke earlier'
> git pish
> git: 'pish' is not a git command. See 'git --help'.

Did you mean this?
push
> you know I meant push, why can't you leave me alone and just do it

alias "git commit"="git reset --hard HEAD"

Every time I mess up my git branch I usually find that its pretty futile to fix it with fancy commands like 'git reset', 'git prune', 'git rebase', etc. I usually find it easier to just start over from scratch.

They should really add a command for that

'git fuck-it-start-over'

3 Easy step to learn and use git :
1. git commit
2. git push
3. git gud

Guess it's time for my annual "git is not a backup tool" rant.

Git is not a backup tool. Do not use git as a backup tool.

The purpose of git is to provide a medium for linear sequencing of atomic changes, usually corresponding to a feature or bugfix. Misusing git as a backup tool encourages you to make and push low quality commits, where several features or fixes might overlap several patches, depending on when you decided to stop working for the day. Or it forces you to use nastier tools like history rewriting, which doesn't work that well in distributed environments.

It also fails to backup anything that you don't push to the remote repository, like your reflog (which I'm pretty sure can't be pushed at all!) or any files that you have locally and aren't quite ready to commit yet.

If compressed archives are the poor man's version control system, then git is the poor man's backup mechanism. So don't do it!

I forced myself to use git on my latest projects. And the more I use it, the more I love it. I can relate to all the git-love here on devRant.

My favorite git commit messages:
- "Changed Something"
- "Fixing Something"
- "asda"

Use git or get hit

Night before flying internationally includes the following checklist:

- check VPN works, can access frontend sites and hit the backend
- git push

Git > svn
...Just saying.

Some days you get git, other days git gets you.

Code with syntax coloring fascinates my young nephew, so after I commit and push, I let him do his thing then later I do a
git reset HEAD --hard

Sometimes I forget that not all Terminal commands begin with "git."

git ls
git less fileName.ext
git cd ..

git commit -m "last"
git commit -m "last1"
git commit -m "real last"
git commit -m "real last 1"
git commit -m "real real last"

I forgot to git fetch, so I spent quite a while doing exactly WHAT MY TEAMMATE HAD DONE JUST HOURS AGO

got commit
got add
got pull
got push
...

Typos.. every.. Damn.. time.. so I assigned an alias for got = git

One day Linus Torvalds will make a statement about git like: "Why is everybody using this? It was just a joke!"

Cup cup = new Cup();
Tea fruitTea = new Tea();
cup.fillWith(fruitTea);

Rant firstRant = new Rant();
firstRant.addText("CodingMode.start(CodingZone.getBestZone());
firstRant.addTags("java", tea);
cup.drink();
firstRant.post();

I just wrote "git vomit" instead of "git commit".

Typed "git" instead of "get" twice this morning

Fb Source: is it git or jit?

Me: whyyyyyyy would you start this?!

Who the hell is responsible for this mess?!
*git blame*
Oh, it was me...

Git is fun.

There are two types of people in my comp sci class.

1. People who use git

2. People who drop out because noone wants to collab with them

Learning Git

git push --force...🔥

git stop
git talking
git about
git git
git please

git merge

-> everyone at the company uses git
-> asked to change some stuff
-> boss says "don't remove the old code, just comment it in case we need it in the future"
-> ...
-> ???

My IT leads git commit history. Lol

I can neither commit to my girlfriend nor commit anything to git.

Git is life

Wanna gently annoy your coworker? Every time they send you an idea about something code related, just respond with:

"git checkout shitty_ideas"

A git commit message ending with a question mark probably contains questionable code.

First git commit readme.

git merge conflict
😁😁😁

I want to make a git hook for servers that rejects pushes if the commit message has the word "also" in it.

"Linux is shit because nothing works on my new DOM 2017/2018 laptop!"

Yes it's true that nothing will work if you put your finking ubuntu 14.04 installation with a fucking old 3.13 kernel in your new Laptop!

Update. Your. Fucking. System.

the shortest horror story:
git merge

Happened way too often: after a bunch of 'git add's, 'git commit's and 'git push's trying to close console with 'git exit'.

When you broke the build but your team hasn’t done ‘git blame’ yet.

Learning git

Me: How can I delete pushed commits from origin?
Colleague: Just do git reset --hard and then git push -f
Me: But this is dangerous
Colleague: Wait, I'll do it myself
Colleague: Done
Me: But nothing happened
Colleague: Fuck. I just removed all changes on my own branch

Remember kids, clear out any login credentials before doing git commit and git push!

/smacks himself

git reflog, git reflog...git FUCKING reflog!!!! Ah fuck this, I'm taking the kids out. 3hrs later.... Oh shit, i was in the wrong directory. A good fresh air clears the mind.

devops showed me another alias today
git fap
fap=fetch all prune

git add -all
Error: did you mean '--all' (with two dashes ?)

Every.
Fucking.
Time.

I finally learned how to use git, and now I'm in love with it

I'm going to teach web dev at a coding school in a few months. In the teaching plan, students have to learn git. But we are told explicitly to only teach using github desktop and not the command line because it puts students off.

I'm not sure how to feel about this

Race to git push -u origin master

I feel that I'm using
git push --force
too much.

Anybody else feels this way too?

When you git blame a crap line of code and find out it was your commit

Exactly my feelings when I switch between TFS and Git

I have previously worked with a company where they were copying project codes through a USB and making local backups of the whole project with dates and not using git.

Commiting Prod credentials to git.

new git alias :
mergetool : rm -rf .
just delete all conflicts in code

Just git inited, wish me luck ;D

If see another "n case of fire..." (git) post...

Self-storage seems very git hub inspired 😂

Falling in love with Git !

git blame

git push origin master --force

How do you explain git for non-techies? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

I dread the day that Slack has a “... has read this message 2 seconds ago” feature. Please Slack, continue letting me pretend I haven’t seen that message that I don’t want to reply to.

PM asks me how to use git. 😑

git: 'fucked' is not a git command. See 'git --help'.

just another day in the Git pull room

I like my new name... I fking need this command

One of my teachers pronounces the 'g' in 'git' like the 'j' in 'jet' and it confuses me each time he says it

"git reset --hard HEAD~1" after push

I just noticed visualizing git is like a timeline with alternate realities and a lot of time travel. The main branch is the main timeline and the branches are like fixes from the past to try and make the future better they merge when the future is fixed otherwise if someone or something fucked up time traveling it becomes the main timeline.

When unicorn goes down during git-merge conference!

wk108 is truly wholesome. thank you all for making me smile.

Race to 'git push' be like

What is a git?

I know it's not recommended to write git commit messages in past tense, but it makes more sense to me to use it. Maybe I'll change as I grow and learn more in the programmer world, but as for now, I'm going to be a rebel and ignore convention😎

just bought (rented) my first dedicated server, for flipping 10€/month. let's see how it goes! boy, am i excited for my new toy...

Never `git rebase` when you get home from the pub....

This summer, i will have all the time in the world. I will be finally free (as in, alone at home). And, most importantly, i will have a months old kitten to take care of.

I'm so excited.

Git or SVN?

Git takes a while to git git, but when you git git you git git.

Im rubbish at git, everyday I end up ruining my repo and have to start fresh

Git: the occasionally frustrating, dangerous, and infuriating VCS you can't believe you were living without.

I don't know git

This is what Git Branches look like while working with an awesome team

Me: we should take this project a little more serious, follow the coding standards and please let us use git!

Pal: Oh sure.

//made a new repo and the first commit, sent the link and prepared everything (Granted access etc.)
//2 weeks later

Me: What's up, I already got quite some commits and you haven't pushed anything so far.

Pal: Pushed? what do you mean?

Me: I'm the talking about the git repo, I'm the only one contributing.

Pal: Oh yeah git, I installed it but I have no idea how that stuff works. I opened Git gui but i don't know what I'm supposed to do. I got everything in the Dropbox tho.

Me: ... ... ... FUUUUUUUUU WHAT THE FUCK MATE ARE YOU SHITTING ME, THE HELL DO WE HAVE GOOGLE FOR AND WHY DIDNT YOU ASK, LIKE WTF SERIOUSLY I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU TO USE GIT.

😣

Honestly, without git version control I wouldn't know how I could manage my project properly. Git is awesome in so many aspects <3

*spends 2 hours actually coding and working on the project*
*remembers hasn't made any commit*
Welp, guess it's time to do the git shit.

One day i started to code.

One day i was told you will not code without git.

Many days i lost code on git because i was ignorant.

Today i reset the act of commiting without losing all my shit.

Git reset --soft HEAD^

I didnt event sweat it ;)

Today i feel like half a boss!!!

my company uses svn for source control. just found out the guy in charge of the repo actually uses git and just has all developers use svn because "there's less of a learning curve". WHY?!?! Git is so much better!

In case of emergency:
git commit
git push
git out

Learn git, Learn life! 😊

`git push origin master --force`

alias suicide = git reset --hard

I think of git as if it was my dog. For added fun name your remote "slippers". Then you can exec "git fetch slippers"

That time when your company use subversion for a git repository...

JUST DO GIT!

git push --force

How hard is it to make a git GUI that is 1) pretty 2) not sluggish 3) bug-free?

$ git gud --force

ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME, WINDOWS?

I finally give in and install your stupid ass update, and what happens? let's just skip the part where i sit around for 30 minutes because apparently it takes 30 fucking minutes to install 300MB - by stallman's underpants, that's 150KB per second!
and when windows FINALLY feels like it has finished fondling it's binary-balls, what is waiting for me?

about 10 stupid-ass data-consent notices straight from satans anus, more weird yes-or-maybe settings for cortana (bill gates' ex or whatever that is) which i don't even USE, my browser speed dial has been complemented by about 7 links to SHOPPING SITES and once i sort that mess out i get a notification that the german language pack has successfully been installed.
SUCK MY FUCKING D*CK MICROSOFT, the ONLY thing i want to do with that language pack is SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. i can't even uninstall that moronic piece of shit. FUCK YOU.

Something to cheer you up mid-week:

> alias yolo='git commit -am "DEAL WITH IT" && git push -f origin master'

does the -- button even get used? like, ever?

What's your favourite git client and why?

People who delete a repo and clone again instead of a hard reset because 'they can't undo the changes they made" are the kind of people who shouldn't be using git in the first place.

Git on VS doesn't want to ignore the files I've added in the .gitignore.

Still no shell for command line.

Well, looks like my changes will be filled with DLL files.

its funny because Git is the fkin master lol

Why is there `git stash pop` but no `git stash rock`? Come on, man!

when the trying-to-be-fancy fucktards call git as "jit".
------NOOOO------

Cleaning up after yourself if so damn important. Even your git repos:

# always be pruning
git fetch -p

# delete your merged branches
git branch --merged | grep -v master | xargs -n 1 git branch -d

# purge remote branches that are merged
git branch -r --merged | grep -v master | sed 's/origin\///' | xargs -n 1 git push --delete origin

Best git commit messages ever(sarcasm):
- Fixes.
- Changes.
😥

The moment you realize your co workers don't really know how to use git....

git log .. I see what you did there

Is it just me or "git blame" is just the best feature of git?