Hahahaahahah

A while ago (few months) I was on the train back home when I ran into an old classmate. I know that he's a designer/frontend/wordpress guy and I know that he'll bring anyone down in order to feel good. I also know that he knows jack shit about security/backend.
The convo went like this:

Me: gotta say though, wordpress and its security...
Him: yeah ikr it's bad. (me thinking 'dude you hardly know what the word cyber security means)
Me: yeah, I work at a hosting company now, most sites that get hacked are the wordpress ones.
Him: yeah man, same at my company. I made a security thing for wordpress though so we can't get hacked anymore.
Me; *he doesn't know any backend NOR security..... Let's ask him difficult stuff*
Oh! What language did you use?
Him: yeah it works great, we don't get hacked sites anymore now!
Me: ah yeah but what language did you use?
Him: oh it's not about what language you use, it's about whether it works or not! My system works great!
Me: *yeah.....right.* oh yeah but I'd like to know so I can learn something. What techniques did you use?
Him: well obviously firewalls and shit. It's not about what techniques/technology you use, it's about whether it works or not!

That's the moment I was done with it and steered the convo another way.

You don't know shit about backend or security, cocksucker.

*Me Calling the NSA..

[NSA]: Hello, how can I help you !
[ME]: Hello, this is the NSA right?
[NSA]: Yes
[ME]: Since you are recording all phone calls, I have a little request.
[NSA]: And What is that?
[ME]: My mom called me couple hours ago to bring something from the supermarket, her phone is off.. What did she told me to bring?
[NSA]: beep..beep..beep

The "startup idea"-guy starterpack ... "I just need some one to code it."

*Evil Laugh*😈
Credits:9GAG

(was teaching C++ to a newbie)

Me: aight, so to print a statement, you type cout.

(Proceeds to do so)

Her: um, okay but printer is not connected.

Me: aw, you poor thing.

Anti-virus cable to reduce virus noises

Looking at my code for 10 minutes. The switch case is always going to default. Almost about to break my head.

I FORGOT TO PUT FUCKING BREAK AFTER EACH CASE. WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY

Me: Nice codebase I have here :smug:

Me 1 year later: Wtf who wrote this shit!?

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." - Douglas Adams

Can you tell me why this command doesn't work ?

Just Bruce Wayne things