"Hey mate, how are you doing?"
*deep sigh* "It's tough, but I'm managing"

I don't think it's a coincidence that the word managing is often used as a synonym for "Technically alive, but not in a state where I can progress personally, or add any value to my environment".

Now imagine packaging that desolate self-perpetuating feeling of apathy into a farce, propped up with practiced smiles and meet-speak, and calling that daily routine a "career".

Some years ago i attended to a summer school abroad. I instantly built a connecection with this one girl, we spend the whole week together, talking, sharing humor, deep conversations etc. We also won the prize for the best project together. I guess it looked like the beginning of a love story for the rest of the course. For me it didn't exactly, actually I didn't had much romantic feelings for her; she was the arrogant, manipulative type I thought I could handle a friend but never as girl friend. We shared some darkness so to say. But I really hoped for a new close friendship. Since she had a boyfriend back home i thought she most likely wanted just the same. Anyway I was a bit worried she might want more because she made me quite a lot of compliments and told me how she liked me.
And yes, she wanted more: Whenever we talked on the phone after the summer school or met (she lived in a city not far away from mine by coincidence) she begged me for help with coding. She had a well paid as extremely interesting PHD position with a topic between political science and computer science. Besides classical humanities methods her topic would require a lot of coding though. But she had zero, absolutely zero clue of programming, and, as it turned out, zero interesst. I told her from the beginning she would have to learn quite a lot or pay someone to code for her. It was far too much to do as a favour by a friends or such. And, since it was part of her fucking PHD it would have been cheating somehow of she didn't do it herself. But instead, she kept texting me if I could 'help to fix some bugs', sending me unrelated code fragments she copied from SO and not even tried to understand. So I told her to fuck off at one point. After all it was not that we have been friends for decades; we only knew each other for a couple of months an spent only one week together. So thats it.
But I still think of it from time to time and it makes me angry because it feels like she was only nice to me because she thought i am this nerd guy who falls instantly in love to a charming good looking girl and does everything for her. I did neither at all but indeed wanted to be friends with her, thats bad enough. It even makes me more more angry that she actually has this awesome PHD project about politics in the fucking digital world and think of programmers like this. And that she will succeed without understanding anything bacause in the end there would have been a dude who did all the work for her I bet.

Fun fact: I got my first job on starting of week 77 as a developer. Coincidence! I hope not.
Even devrant syncs with my life now.

So, update on the ransomware attack on the health ministry in Brazil: wasn't a ransomware.
They just rerouted the DNS.

Apparently they've been trying to issue a vaccination passport, and the federal government has been pissy about it. And now everyone appears as unvaccinated. What a fuckin coincidence huh

Just fucking hate how expensive and hard to find a cheap SMS gateway

And as in cheap, I mean cheap as send email

I found Cheap Global SMS and it doesn't have a professional website nor a good API but it is way more cheap

Downside? I must pay with a payment gateway made by the same company (coincidence?)

And NO WAY I'm sending my id to a payment gateway that no one uses

I'll try sending some random image to see if they accept it

But, still, no confidence to put my credit card in there

Last week summary:

-questioning my identity (I’m cleaning and realised I forgot I used to like many activities I forgot and decided to give them more time)
-questioning how tf my unconscious seems to always plan ahead of me (ah yes I can do this cause I prep… why tf did I prepare for this?)
-questioning my skills (just a standard imposter syndrome, nothing to see here, move on)
-questioning my worth (as above)
-questioning how tf somebody connected to a secret account I have (spoiler: they don’t know and it’s a crazy coincidence… but now I know secrets about them 😏)
-randomly freezing during everyday life for all the above points

Job wise all is cool, tho 🎊

OCT 31 = DEC 25 = GLU 17