how to be a shitty client:
- have a legacy database where column names are misspelled and everything is nullable
- hire external help which instead of helping break the ui (bonus points for breaking the api too)
- demand a very much custom auth logic but decide to use aws cognito for shits and giggles
- demand 1hr daily meetings
- demand biometric auth with 0 knowledge of how biometric auth works (the previous devs just had a face id prompt which does nothing and retrieved email and password saved on the device???)
- message me at 2am because you don't understand how timezones work + demand a build while you're at it
- call me a "heretical pagan" because i took a day off on a holiday you don't celebrate (???)

i could go on but i think this is enough

!dev

There’s this person at $work who never uses punctuation of any kind. She has mental issues and insists on neutral pronouns (and strongly advertises these) so I’ll use the indefinite to pretend to be respectful. It has multiple thoughts while typing a message and just keeps typing through all of them without stopping. It pauses not to collect its thoughts, to edit for clarity or to fix mistakes, to separate anything (including disjoint topics), to summarize, etc. (Though calling these “thoughts” is a huge stretch, given its lack of propensity for that particular subject.) It’s as if it has zero distinction between writing and speaking, and simply lets the mental diarrhea flow while their fingers do their best to keep pace. Reading these trainwrecks of thought — and gleaning any useful information from them — is always difficult and a little bit painful.

It is also in charge of IT security, which is more than a bit worrying. (But I hate the company with a passion, so it doesn’t bother me nearly as much as it otherwise would.)

starting another side project 😭😭😭😭😭

this Carter guy is now old enough to run for president!

mmmmmmm olives

Deleted over 1'500 lines of code over the last 2 days and replaced it with 80 lines of readable, simple, generic code.

And I'm feeelin' gooood 🎶

I’m writing a short story about Claire and Git. It doesn’t end well.

damn girl, you’re so basic your ph is 12

I'm averaging 3 hours a day outside of meetings. Mostly in 30 minute blocks.

Manager is wondering why I can't get work done...

me 2 weeks ago: "can we talk about the release?"
pm: *proceeds to circlejerk about story points for an hour every day*
pm today: "why is our release late?"

dear management, go fuck yourselves. seriously, go fuck yourselves

Only 1000 files remaining to finish reviewing this PR. I'm almost there!

Our customers are fucking incredible QA Engineers, holy fuck tits. Every single day, some fucking fuckface finds a way to break this garbage can legacy application that I've spent the last year combing over and patching as I find problems or are otherwise made aware of them.

Honestly, I have some QA background myself, but these types of issues would just absolutely never in a bajillion shitting farting years occur to me to do.

They are masters of breaking shit, I am so FUCKING IMPRESSED. Almost as impressed that this application hasn't been replaced after ten years of bullshit, and that the two massive fucking retards that preceded me didn't just do it the right way by accident or fucking kill themselves out of shame.

Tester has found an issue: controller input stops working when performing certain steps.

Creates a report and provides an attachment.

The attachment depicts some menu where, at first, the cursor moves around various options, then simply stops moving.

The problem:

Since this is a simple in-game recording, there is neither an overlay of the controller w/ a visual representation of the input actually being provided but not working, nor there is a camera recording available where I can see the tester pressing buttons on a controller.

For all I know, the tester put down the controller / stopped pressing buttons.

...I've also seen reports of animations not working... w/ fucking screenshots attached.

How the fuck can you see something not being animated in a fucking static picture?

So I’ve requested images for the dark mode because the existing images are very bright and look bad when dark mode is enabled.

After a few days the designer says that it’s done and sends me the figma link.

And what do I see there? He added the screens but in dark mode with the same bright images! 😂

I mean… even if he misunderstood me… doesn’t it look odd to him?

Everything is a fucking text.

If it doesn't work, it doesn't matter how fast it doesn't work.

Hey everyone in all seriousness I am gonna be out of the dev field now - hopefully forever. I’m back in school now and hopefully will become employed in emergency response. Before dev, I have had jobs where I could directly help people with their troubles and I could reduce a lot of chaos. I really enjoyed it and I want to kind of steer my life back towards that. I find that while I was an employed dev, I felt like I was contributing a lot towards corporate greed, this wealth gap problem, and a bunch of other stuff. It all felt morally wrong (to me - not judging here). I also felt the worse I have ever felt in a job - constantly burned out, depressed, lonely, sleep deprived, and almost even ashamed of myself of how I constructed my life thus far. I had some good times meeting some cool ass people in some cool ass places tho.

Now, even though I’m still sleep deprived and EXTREMELY poor, I’m very happy now. I am excited to start this thing I’m more passionate about. It feels good to not feel my head hurt every day from trying to fix shit that will always break anyways. I feel so relieved to be away from the meaningless turbulence of it all. Just wanted to share my lil success here!!

If you ever decide to become a manager, I hope every time you sit down, your chair makes a farting sound, but just once, so you can’t repeat it to demonstrate that it was in fact your chair and not yourself.

No one fucking knows how to handle/raise errors.

I feel like this is the least talked topic in all fucking programming industry. This shit needs to be tought even more than the fucking SOLID, DRY, KISS, YAGNI and other kinds of buzzwords that fancy devs love tossing left and right.

Basically everyone just does "whatever you dumb error just dont bother me". They will just log/return null/ignore the errors and be in their oblivion with bugs propagating upstream the call stack.

"Throwing errors you say? Ew, why do you want to produce more errors?". Yeah, right, just stick another log/return null/or ignore the fact that the monke calling your function with bullshit arguments.

"But bro it's so difficult and time consuming and it would never happen!" Yes, you fucker! Yes! Programming IS fucking difficult if you want reliable systems! Did you not know that!? Well now you do! Go and fucking learn it!

FUCK!11!1!!

Im on vacation and my boss is terrorising my phone number. Having answered after the 5 th call he claims I’m not on vacation until i sent out a handover to all my colleagues. Fuck this shit I’m so done with them

Pre-Soviet poster:
“Young negro's first misfortune”
— Why are you crying, little boy?
— Well, my parents caught a tourist, cooked him and promised to give me his brain. But now they're telling me he had no brain — he was pro-October revolution!

I made a Product in my free time (after work hours)

it's a SAAS thats supposed to be an add-on to apps and websites

Added it to my own apps (what better than Test in prod) and over months fixed its pitfalls n ngl, even im impressed by its core tech and resilience

But thats kinda it -.- Ik I should make a landing page and launch it etc but I lost the will the day the "core tech" was 99% perfected
Im a Product guy not a businessman T__T

It's the weirdest mental block ive had in a while ffs.

Holy shit, it just hit me.

I'm an IT engineer who's irl also doing woodworking. And masonry.

Is this a dream life or what

Kiki’s meme of the day

Is it OK to lie to recruiters about your current salary to get a bigger increase if applying for jobs?

One of them told me I should lower my preferred salary (even though I've done research on the market) because it is more than the norm of a 10% increase.

I want to earn what I deserve, not what some titface recruiter dictates.

js amiright

Why do otherwise intelligent people think chatgpt code is a good idea if they don't know what the code does?

I am a bit in shock by this prospect. I asked about some lines of code that was using some templates I had not used before. The response was "I dunno, chatgpt." This person is really really smart. Yet deploying code that they don't understand completely. This seems dangerous and irresponsible. I ended up rewriting the function I had questions about. It was significantly shorter and didn't do a fuckton of copying strings around.

WTF is wrong with people? Are people afraid to think? Now I want to get out before this kind of shit becomes the norm.

I’m a porcupine. I’m a skunk. I’m Kanye. I’m Trump. I’m JavaScript. I’m PHP. I’m a cockroach. I’m black mold. I’m lead in your water. I’m common cold. I’m a seagull. I’m a rat. I’m a pigeon.
You touch me, you regret it.

Jlivejlivejlive
The formula is simple: be scared of everything
— George Washington

pwned!