"So the client just asked when we will have [feature] ready for testing."
*Confused looks*
Turns out the project/account *forgot* to tell us about a major feature that the client wanted. I should get paid extras for miracles.

What do you mean you no longer want the feature? We have developed the feature, we have tested the feature, we have sign off for the feature. You are getting this feature, whether you like it or not!

No, you do not 'know Java'. If you really 'knew Java', you would never, ever make that claim.

Instead of deprecating the class and adding a comment, why don't you just replace it with the new stuff? ffs, we estimated for replacing!

No, I'm not going to approve your one-line fix. It will introduce more problems in the future. Fix it the way we agreed on this morning!

When every second 'rant' on devrant is a variant of xkcd's sudo joke.

A class named HelperUtility.

Testers who keep on filing bug reports after being told that ALL 999 errors are caused by a specific back end system

We'll just put the Git repository in Dropbox. That way we have two version controls!

Getting up at 3 in the morning to be at the office for a 4 am go-live "in case something goes wrong"

When you spend a week removing unused code from the codebase