Not strictly dev, but seems like the right audience

Me, before November 2014:
"The chances of MS open sourcing .NET are slightly lower than the chance of seeing a pig flying over a frozen hell."

Sometimes, it's great to be wrong.

This was me until someone told me to press :q or :wq if I wanted to save :')

different kinds of doneness:
- The German kind: The method is thought through, implemented, documented, errors are handled and thoroughly tested.
- The "other" way: The method is there ... somewhere

I'd like an Report as off topic-button. Ten reports and it's removed?

For the love of God, we don't care that you're failing to get 15 ++'s to get your sticker. Obviously, if it didn't get a measly 15, then your rant wasn't that relatable/funny/likeable. Ranting about ++'s isn't going to get your crap rants any more ++'s

I'm pretty damn tired of script kiddies talking about Java being slow like they know shit.

Just. Stop.

Looking for jobs on craigslist when you notice many of them are pyramid schemes.

When recruiters send you shit like this:

"I have an exciting opportunity on hand that I hope will be very much of interest. Please share your best contact number / time to call for a confidential discussion. Kindly find my contact number below if you want to contact me directly. Thank you and look forward to hearing from you."

Just fucking tell me the position you are hiring for! It saves time 😡

When the client decides not to do a feature because he finds your estimate unreasonable, then tries to add the missing functionality as a "bug" to another feature that's already estimated.

You know you spend too much time with computers when the opportunities for new knowledge and time saved from a book titled "sed & awk 101 hacks" get you very excited

When you see (condition === true) T_T :')

I feel like half of my life is setting up dev environments

Client: We want you to copy this iOS app as it is.
Me: But some of the ui components are not android specific. The android user is not accustomed to this.
Client: We don't care, we want the same application.

Ahhhh... Deadpool.

When you bring work home at the weekend with the hope of getting loads done and then you have a brain freeze and can't remember what you need to do first ....... 😡

When you realize you're gonna have to recover that fuckin .swp file

don't forget to release build ;)

sometimes i leave work and cant really pinpoint exactly what i have accomplished, due to all kinds of non-coding tasks :(

More often than not failing to leave actual work, at work.

find out that client was testing in IE... on a MAC... WHAT??

Trying to explain to your S/O why a particular snippet of code is so fucking sexy and exciting -- then you get the "WTF are you talking about? 😐"

Don't worry, we can refactor it later.

When you work your ass off to meet the deadline and once you miraculously make it, the client decides to wait with the launch for a few more weeks.

This code is due today.... So tell my again why you're changing the requirements /now/?

When all your work is due, and you're busy as all get out.... And there's /literally/ a fire drill 😡

When your job gets unnecessarily difficult because too many people work on the same files, and then they ignore your changes in version control. I waste more time redoing work that was already done and ignored . . .

Quote by my non-techie co-founder: when a developer says a new feature takes X amount of time, you always have to multiply X by PI to get the actual duration 🤓

Boss: I don't know what you're saying, it's all Yoda speak.

Me: Idiot, you are.

When you slog many nights and whole weekend to complete a particular feature and then..
The client changes the requirements :|

WHAT THE FUCKIN FUCK..