SkillsFucking fast golang backed rice as a service with cached hot Java beans Flawless rice.
Joined devRant on 5/15/2016
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My boss is the king of creating ambiguous/generic trello cards and misinterpreting obvious client emails.
What the fuck man? Get your shit together!!2
OMFG GOD BOSS!! JUST TELL ME ALREADY EVERYTHING I HAVE TO FUCKING KNOW ABOUT THIS FUCKING FEATURE!
EVERY FUCKING TIME I FINISH IT YOU GIVE ME SOME DETAIL THAT I HAVE TO REWORK PIECES OF IT!!
DUMB PIECE OF SHIT!!!4
My boss is never gonna fucking understand scrum...
Even though I have explained him countless times he still creates user stories named "fixes" and puts all tasks in it...
Dude, are you having a seizure?
STOP WRITING THESE FUCKING OBVIOUS SQL INJECTABLE CODE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!!!
BURN MOTHERFUCKER, BURN!!!3
You know that figurative bonner you have when working on new/exciting projects?
I used to be like that here...
Today I realized that I lost it a long time ago...
That sucks hard, every little script I do on the side I feel excited , every functionality I develop on the job is a fucking mirror of some other shit that no one uses on another mirror project that brings nothing new to the table.5
All the Linux servers I manage:
Uptime 300+ days
All the Linux server I manage inside hyper-v managed by our it:
Uptime max 7 days...
Wtf? Do you really have to restart the host machine once a week?8
boss: we should map all the possible ways to do things in the system so we can test them and make sure we fix the bugs.
Me: yeah, well, that is exactly what automated tests are for, every time we find a non-mapped way that breaks this we make a test out of it and fix, this ways we end up mapping the majority of ways.
Boss: yeah,yeah ... Let's sit down latter and map everything on a document.
I bet my ass we are never gonna have tests as a part of our workflow.3
Sometimes when I'm telling my boss how to do something on his computer or I am watching him explaining something to me and he seems like a fucking lost infant that never used a fucking computer in his life I just wanna say loud and firmly:
"What the fuck man? Can't you fucking just click this shit already? Your fucking mouse pointer is on it already, click this motherfucker for once!"6
Said jokingly to my dev lead yesterday: "or you could just use that VPN we have lying around lol"
The look on his face while saying: "v..pn?"
Like it was same mambo jambo from outer space written in Russian... Lol, this dude is so out of touch with tech :/4
Everytime someone compliments me on my work all I can't think of is:
- ok,ok, shut the fuck up and give me a raise already.5
EVERY FUCKING TIME I HAVE TO ASK FOR SOME DNS CONFIGURATION OTHER THAN A SINGLE "A" RECORD THE TI HEAD MANAGES TO FUCK UP...
WHAT THE FUCK IS SO HARD DUDE???
FUCKINGSUBDOMAIN > FUCKING.ALIAS.COM
THIS TIME OUR FUCKING PROVIDER CANT MANAGE ROOT DOMAIN CNAMES SO WHAT DID HE DO?
SIMPLE SAID "ALL DONE" AND ONE WEEK LATTER PEOPLE ARE COMPLAINING BECAUSE THE FUCKING ROOT DOMAIN ISN'T WORKING...
COME ON DUDE, JUST KILL YOURSELF.
AND FOR THE FUCKING MILLIONTH TIME: DOMAIN REGISTAR AND DOMAIN MANAGER ARE TWO SEPARATE FUCKING THINGS! YOU CAN REGISTER YOUR FUCKING DOMAIN ON GODADDY AND MANAGE IT ON FUCKING CLOUDFLARE BY CONFIGURING THE FUCKING DNS SERVERS5
The spaghetti monster is online.
Literally changes on the last minute.
Pushed to master, let CI/CD deal with it and left for lunch.
Bugs? Haha, sure.
Serious one? You can bet.
Do you care? Nope.5
OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU REWRITE A FUCKING PIECE OF CODE AND DON'T MAINTAIN ITS FUNCTIONALITY?
ARE YOU FUCKING MAD????
JUST SPENT 1 FUCKING HOUR TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THE FUCK THE DATA WASN'T BEING PASSED TO REDUX STORE!
YEAH, UNIT TESTING SURE IS A FUCKING WASTE OF TIME YOU DUMB FUCKING IDIOT THAT HAS MASHED POTATOES FOR A BRAIN!
GO ROT IN HELL YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!
NOW IF I DON'T FIX THIS SHIT MY ASS IS ON THE LINE BECAUSE I MADE THE FUCKING FUNCTIONALITY THAT YOU BROKE?? NO FUCKING WAY!
I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE MY BOSS, I'M GONNA GIT BLAME THE SHIT OUT OF YOU IF ANYONE PISSES ME OFF!2
So my boss sent me a msg at 00:05 to update production.
And here I was at 7:30am reading it with a poker face thinking "no dude, my working hours are not like that, lol. Get a life."5
Every job interview I go through I feel more certain that I need to get out of my job asap and more doubtful that I wanna work with these companies.
Hey boss, I see you working saturday 11pm updating these fucking cards...
That is why you manage to "do the impossible" , get a life dude... go be with your wife and "soon to be" kid.
Damn, no wonder he always says the deadline is possible.2
Oh boy... Oh boy... Deadline closing in and still no pushes by my boss...
I just realized the most fucked up shit that leads me to wanna runaway from this job even more...
On the beginning (3 years ago) I used to be really thrilled , plan things really professionally, make models, uml, all the shit, try to fix things and everything you should expect from a great dev.
The problem is that in 3 years I had to "replan" so much things and so desperately quickly and have so many rework with such shitty projects that I kind of panic every time I have to plan something and I end up thinking I'm not capable of developing complex systems anymore.
All because these fucking managers that never make their mind, so my mind sees this:
"Fuck, 10 months for this shit that could have been done in 1 ? You suck dude."
Actually is management that sucks.
I've been doing some small projects on the side, just for the sake of it and boy, I'm rocking it.
My self esteem is coming back on tracks.
Fuck those fucker, they can die chocking on their own misery.2
So we have this fucking project that came straight out o Satan's anus managed by 3 fucking PMs that each of them seem to be on a different drug and none of them seem to talk to each other despite the fact that they don't shut the fuck up on meetings.
They end up asking for conflicting changes every fucking time... Like:
PM1: change this to red
PM2: change this ( same thing ) to blue
PM3: should be green
Every day I stray further away from sanity. Maybe I'll be the 4th PM in some months by this rate of craziness my mind is diving into.
Our team changed to Linux about 3 years ago already and I can see some of them struggling to insert some commands when I'm talking to them.
How the fuck do you struggle to `cd` into a fucking directory?
Ok,ok... I've linuxing full time for 8 years already, I understand I've been through this... But come on! If some one said to me on day ONE "dude, you can cd /full/path/of/fucking/whatever" or " ~/ means home" I would be doing it from day one.
Probably I'm overreacting but wtf dudes? 3 years... Step up your game.18
Just discovered a major bug in a frontend app of ours that might have been collecting wrong data in a form for months already :)
That is what happens when you put a back end Dev to do front end and back end while demanding rework every fucking 2 days for 9 months straight.4
Hey boss, I see you are on a rampage with those trello cards, they all flying to the done list... How about you push to gitlab at least once a week too?
You gonna have to deal with the conflicts alone you dumb fuck :)1
This project is taking my soul out of me...
Every time I have to change something that has been changed countless times in the past 9 months and every time I see the clusterfuck it is becoming I literally feel my energy being sucked away.
Thank god I'm being interviewed by other companies already...4
So... After this bullshit https://devrant.com/rants/1523838/...
Me: hey boss, so.. I made a list out of those PowerPoint's on Trello ( more than 50 cards ) , can we sit later to priorize them?
Boss: well.. We can but for me all those are important. And we are gonna have those other requests (THIS IS THE HUGE ONE) next week.
Me inside: aaaaahhhh... Scream to your faceeeee!!! I'm gonna kill you and use your skull as a fucking mug!!! Motherfucker!!!
Our deadline is end of this month :)4
Woohoo we asked for a prioritized list of changes , we got 2 power points instead.
Yeah, fuck you too.4
Motherfucker, every fucking meeting on this project we have a fucking 3 week deadline to accomplish the fucking impossible.
And now they practically want me to rewrite the whole fucking application.
And my fucking boss can't fucking shut the fuck up and keep having "ideas" on new thing.
YEU FUKCING STUPID PIECES OF SHIT!!! HOW CAN WE ADD SHIT WHEN EVERYTHING IS HALF ASSED BECAUSE WE DONT STOP ADDING SHIT? FUCK YOU!7