SkillsFucking fast golang backed rice as a service with cached hot Java beans Flawless rice.
Joined devRant on 5/15/2016
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My company has 2 android apps, I recently discovered they made/paid 2 google play accounts for that...6
I always tried not to judge people based on their location of birth/live but damn, these motherfuckers at work are making it hard.1
3 fucking years already that I introduced fucking git in this company and people still fail to grasp the fucking basics... Wtf?
If you push a fucking change wait for the fucking message ... If a fucking fail message appears telling you to pull before pushing to remote, just don't ignore it... Wtf... I can tell it is the case just by looking at the message template, I don't even need to read the motherfucker...
And its not that they are stupid, those are smart motherfuckers we are talking about...28
Every time I have to deal with my boss code and lack of convention and everything that makes a clean code I just want to scream like a bitch and punch him in the face without minding breaking my own hand.10
OH MY FUCKING GOD MY FATHER NEVER SHUTS THE FUCK UUUUP ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!¡!!!!11
So we are completely burned out with this project that had a fucking generic contract and my boss never had the balls (and never will) to say no to the client's endless requests and changes...
We are about to deliver it once and for all and they complain about one thing that I have already agreed to my boss that we would not do...
We tell the client that it is the case...
They email everyone involved in the project with a high level of drama on it...
I ask my boss, who is on vacation, on directions as to "how" I should tell them the fuck off...
My boss answer: I'm making a script to solve this issue and to avoid further trouble with it...
Ooo you stupid motherfucker! Can't you see you only bring more trouble with that attitude?1
My female coworkers ranting about "how can their partners be so stupid" on "never buying what they where asked for".
I explain to them some actions they might be doing that if done to me has the same effect like :
- asking for something and then start a non stop conversation about something else...
They look at me with a "how can you men be so ridiculous" face and say something like that...
I answer: well, try not doing those things next time and see if it helps.
They are gonna ignore me and keep living their lives without realising that men and women are fucking different...
I realized some time ago that when people ask you to do something and it is too generic, if you keep pushing for an explanation they end up getting angry at you as if you are the stupid one.
So funny, I'm always doing it on meetings now and laughing inside :)4
My boss decides on new languages/frameworks almost each new project...
These are the number of different languages/frameworks we are at...
Sometimes it looks like he is trying to even out by 10 :)2
Oh, my boss never fails to amaze me...
Every fucking time he talks about changes to someone outside the team he says something like:
"we always gotta be prepared for breaks because it is always like that, you change something here and when you see you broke something there"
All in a manner that *tries* to bring tensions down.
And every time I explain to him why the fuck automated tests are important and wtf they do he always manage to understand it as a waste of time...
I'm never gonna give up, motherfucker.2
So I'm in charge of planning how the projects are gonna be dealt with from now on and today my boss just emailed a list of changes to another dev, with the following fuck ups:
- I'm not copied
- He already did most of it
- It doesn't even exists on our Trello board
- Obviously not thought out and unplanned Bullshits that might change once again...
I was so fucking pissed that I didn't have a reaction, I'm absolutely gonna talk to him tomorrow first thing...2
Fucking government shifting day light saving time by two weeks making me rely on my phone time zone auto-update and wake up one fucking hour earlier!
Way to go Monday...4
My boss is the king of creating ambiguous/generic trello cards and misinterpreting obvious client emails.
What the fuck man? Get your shit together!!2
OMFG GOD BOSS!! JUST TELL ME ALREADY EVERYTHING I HAVE TO FUCKING KNOW ABOUT THIS FUCKING FEATURE!
EVERY FUCKING TIME I FINISH IT YOU GIVE ME SOME DETAIL THAT I HAVE TO REWORK PIECES OF IT!!
DUMB PIECE OF SHIT!!!4
My boss is never gonna fucking understand scrum...
Even though I have explained him countless times he still creates user stories named "fixes" and puts all tasks in it...
Dude, are you having a seizure?
STOP WRITING THESE FUCKING OBVIOUS SQL INJECTABLE CODE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!!!
BURN MOTHERFUCKER, BURN!!!3
You know that figurative bonner you have when working on new/exciting projects?
I used to be like that here...
Today I realized that I lost it a long time ago...
That sucks hard, every little script I do on the side I feel excited , every functionality I develop on the job is a fucking mirror of some other shit that no one uses on another mirror project that brings nothing new to the table.5
All the Linux servers I manage:
Uptime 300+ days
All the Linux server I manage inside hyper-v managed by our it:
Uptime max 7 days...
Wtf? Do you really have to restart the host machine once a week?8
boss: we should map all the possible ways to do things in the system so we can test them and make sure we fix the bugs.
Me: yeah, well, that is exactly what automated tests are for, every time we find a non-mapped way that breaks this we make a test out of it and fix, this ways we end up mapping the majority of ways.
Boss: yeah,yeah ... Let's sit down latter and map everything on a document.
I bet my ass we are never gonna have tests as a part of our workflow.3
Sometimes when I'm telling my boss how to do something on his computer or I am watching him explaining something to me and he seems like a fucking lost infant that never used a fucking computer in his life I just wanna say loud and firmly:
"What the fuck man? Can't you fucking just click this shit already? Your fucking mouse pointer is on it already, click this motherfucker for once!"6
Said jokingly to my dev lead yesterday: "or you could just use that VPN we have lying around lol"
The look on his face while saying: "v..pn?"
Like it was same mambo jambo from outer space written in Russian... Lol, this dude is so out of touch with tech :/4
Everytime someone compliments me on my work all I can't think of is:
- ok,ok, shut the fuck up and give me a raise already.5
EVERY FUCKING TIME I HAVE TO ASK FOR SOME DNS CONFIGURATION OTHER THAN A SINGLE "A" RECORD THE TI HEAD MANAGES TO FUCK UP...
WHAT THE FUCK IS SO HARD DUDE???
FUCKINGSUBDOMAIN > FUCKING.ALIAS.COM
THIS TIME OUR FUCKING PROVIDER CANT MANAGE ROOT DOMAIN CNAMES SO WHAT DID HE DO?
SIMPLE SAID "ALL DONE" AND ONE WEEK LATTER PEOPLE ARE COMPLAINING BECAUSE THE FUCKING ROOT DOMAIN ISN'T WORKING...
COME ON DUDE, JUST KILL YOURSELF.
AND FOR THE FUCKING MILLIONTH TIME: DOMAIN REGISTAR AND DOMAIN MANAGER ARE TWO SEPARATE FUCKING THINGS! YOU CAN REGISTER YOUR FUCKING DOMAIN ON GODADDY AND MANAGE IT ON FUCKING CLOUDFLARE BY CONFIGURING THE FUCKING DNS SERVERS5
The spaghetti monster is online.
Literally changes on the last minute.
Pushed to master, let CI/CD deal with it and left for lunch.
Bugs? Haha, sure.
Serious one? You can bet.
Do you care? Nope.5
OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU REWRITE A FUCKING PIECE OF CODE AND DON'T MAINTAIN ITS FUNCTIONALITY?
ARE YOU FUCKING MAD????
JUST SPENT 1 FUCKING HOUR TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THE FUCK THE DATA WASN'T BEING PASSED TO REDUX STORE!
YEAH, UNIT TESTING SURE IS A FUCKING WASTE OF TIME YOU DUMB FUCKING IDIOT THAT HAS MASHED POTATOES FOR A BRAIN!
GO ROT IN HELL YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!
NOW IF I DON'T FIX THIS SHIT MY ASS IS ON THE LINE BECAUSE I MADE THE FUCKING FUNCTIONALITY THAT YOU BROKE?? NO FUCKING WAY!
I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE MY BOSS, I'M GONNA GIT BLAME THE SHIT OUT OF YOU IF ANYONE PISSES ME OFF!2