Hahahaha fuck me, doing a backup for a friend into an old USB stick, windows is saying it will take 7 hours for 2GB 🤣🤣🤣

Petition for the pixelated avatars joke to be a permanent feature.

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:)

My boss:

Doesn't manage the fucking agile board..

Doesn't call for meetings when we need...

Decides randomly for sprints duration.

Decides to do whatever he feels better with an obvious lack of thought.

Decides what to do based on assumptions instead of FUCKING ASKING THE FUCKING CLIENT!

Oh you stupid piece of shit how many time do we have to go over me explaining you how planning works and you pretending to agree?

No matter how much I try my boss keeps trying to shove future or unsolicited features on every fucking current sprint as if we weren't delayed already...

Wtf dude? We get paid by delivery, let's just fucking deliver what they expect by each deadline and move on...

Big company asking me about query optimization during a DEV position interview... Do you really have no one better than me to optimize your queries?

I'm really afraid of your codebase now... Might decline if I pass...

IT Head: Hey, can you check out why application X isn't working? I've already restarted it and it isn't working anymore.

Me: sure.

Me 20 mins later: hey, looks like it is all good, website is normal, server resources are normal, etc...

IT Head: no no, the windows sync app isn't working.

Me inside: are you fucking kidding me you piece of stupid shit? Quit IT for good and die.

Hey, can you generate a spreadsheet from this no-sql database with these specific properties for me?

6 months later:
Hey, the spread sheet in the new database, now use it, I messed with it for the past months, had some trouble with data but it sure is better than the db, right?

...

Just die...

Sometimes its not love, you are just too horny.

So ... We have this century old , "respectable" government postal service that delivers and is the standard postal service on the country...

You buy something online and they send with it... 2 weeks...
You buy something online and they use private service... 1 day...

Yeah, fuck you too.

Looking for a new phone with good battery life, 6"+ screen, medium end...

What do you think about xiaomi?
Any other recomendation?

Thank you.

Why the fuck this moron thought it was a good idea to set a global onClick event in a react component and make it have the desired behavior for EVERYTHING instead of the only click he wanted to get?

7 places you can click were triggering redux dispatch and ajax calls that should only work on one place... Fucking hell...

Hey, how about we boost our dev team morale by giving them this cool project instead of these usual crud bullshit they deal everyday?

Nooo, let's pay some fucking amateur agency 5x they wage during 4 months to do it like a low IQ noob and expect them to maintain it later.

What would you choose:

- 35% raise + professional growth

- flexible hours with occasional home office but no professional growth

?

You know what really pisses me off?

Arrogant/Condescending people doing rookie mistakes.

If you are like that but delivers I suck it up and let it go, but if you don't? Lol... Be ready for the shitstorm.

New hire commit:

Message: Visual update

Gitlab: Showing 27 changed files with 21628 additions and 12296 deletions

Do I kill him before or after teaching him?

Every single dev I know that struggles with English struggles with coding.

Gonna keep taking samples throughout the years.

Every fucking time I explain why we should do things according to X and instead of giving arguments I'm only presented with "that won't work here" ...
Every time we are on a hurry because we don't do X ...
Every time we are delayed because we don't do X ...

I get less and less motivated to be here...

Soon they won't hear me saying anything and will keep wondering why everything just melted after I left...

I only have stories of dating affecting my code, relationships are so energy consuming... So much easier to be alone and deal with it.

Yeah boss, lets study Scrum extensively so you can:

- Create variable length sprints
- User stories that are meaningless like 'fixes'
- Tasks that should be User Stories
- Duplicated tasks/stories that are on the fucking backlog already
- Cross sprints on projects
- No meetings at fucking all to determine who will do what
- Assign people on vacation to current sprints

The list goes on...

An when I point things like that out lets just look at the guy who spent 6 months studying this shit, taught you ( at least tried... ) as if he is saying nonsense while our projects get delayed and our code spaghettifies because we are always in a hurry for lack of time to plan anything :)

Unlimited Money

Unlimited brain power

Immortality

Hiuahuuhaei we can't even coordinate a fucking simple web app and they wants us to use neural networks to identify super fucking hard stuff that is hard even for people to do by hand 😂😂😂😂

Years sitting like a contortionist for hours... One evening sitting straight and I have a neck pain for two days already :)

Just noticed my boss turned a nice and beautiful polymorphic code into a fucking hard to maintain switch case that now this mother fucker here has to maintain just because he probably thought it was too hard to understand.

I bet he finds it hard to fuck his wife in any way other than the one she needs to wear a strap on and tear his ass apart...

After years of struggle with nvidia on Linux across several devices I built my first AMD only PC and I have only one thing in my mind...

I suggested the other day that devs should not go to every meeting, actually I suggested they should be "sitting with headphones undisturbed" , everyone looked at me like this was absurd.

I wasn't running away from meetings because I suggested I should go to meetings to get requirements and such, instead of the whole team...

Am I missing something?

I just noticed that I'm super fucking anxious about whatsapp and such when people take too long to answer.

Although I have to stop looking at my phone every fucking minute (not joking) , people taking 5+ hours to answer is ridiculous too.

The company I work at acts on a field that I'm quite passionate about but what is frustrating me lately is the fact that people seem to acknowledge way more the programing skills of the leader of another non-dev team that has good ideas but isn't that well versed on the dark arts.

My company has 2 android apps, I recently discovered they made/paid 2 google play accounts for that...

I always tried not to judge people based on their location of birth/live but damn, these motherfuckers at work are making it hard.

3 fucking years already that I introduced fucking git in this company and people still fail to grasp the fucking basics... Wtf?

If you push a fucking change wait for the fucking message ... If a fucking fail message appears telling you to pull before pushing to remote, just don't ignore it... Wtf... I can tell it is the case just by looking at the message template, I don't even need to read the motherfucker...

And its not that they are stupid, those are smart motherfuckers we are talking about...