AboutI do dumb things with code and on occasion write some pretty neat stuff.
Skillsc, c++, c#, java
Joined devRant on 5/12/2016
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Is it common to have QA and Product Management in sprint planning? Cuz they are derailing sprint planning SO MUCH!!! I am internally screaming. Aaaaaaaaand they just extended the scope of one of the issues. Neat.11
Anyone use slick for carousel navigation? Have you had to deal with slow building of the carousels? How did you deal with it?11
Ever work on a codebase that's so shitty, that if you do something in a generally accepted and expected way the entire product shits the bed? Cuz that's the situation I am in. Been working on the same fucking feature for like 4 sprints because it keeps being sent back because every time I adjust it to the shittiness that is currently in the baseline, someone changed something and it explodes again. And the worst part is that this is a well known and established problem. Basically every engineer, except the guy who wrote it of course, hates this system. Hates the baseline, and hates the platform. Yet I'm the one who is "losing trust" with the team, even though I get my shit up and running early all the time. They just break the foundation every time.11
QA people hurt my head. "I found this issue" cool write it up. Proceeds to not write it up. "Hey this isn't working" yeah your on the wrong PR. For the 80th time. "Hey I just found out 4 days after deploying this key feature is no longer working" did . . . did you test it? I'm irritated. Probably because all of my tickets got sent to triage because I pushed them to the wrong PR. My life hurts. The burn out is real.
In case anyone wonders why I am PC over mac, I just had a macbook pro crash on me under a load my HP POS I bought 3 years ago for $750 calls Tuesday.24
So my boss tells me that industry standard for serving images is that you have one image on the server that is approximately 3x larger than the largest size you need it to be and resize it on the client side as you need. However, a lot of the tutorials I have seen online lead me to believe that is not true. Is it? Because I have to serve up a whole lot of 150kb images for something I didn't even want to do in the first place and it's causing serious performance issues, even with lazy loading.5
You know, I don't mind getting dragged if I deserve it. But it would be nice to have ALL the information I need to make an estimate BEFORE you hang me out to dry.
First I was told that work on this issue could be kicked down the road since we were getting big contracts. The next day the issue was in the sprint.
I tell you I won't be able to get it done with the business critical stuff you said absolutely had to be done that sprint (turns out we had 3 months of leeway even before COVID). You say alright cool. We push it to next sprint. The next day you say we have been pushing that issue too much and we absolutely have to get it done this sprint. At least have it so QA can look at it by Tuesday.
I give a preliminary look to QA cuz I found a bug, but they can test other shit about this fucking issue, but then get shut down fucking again because it isn't code complete.
STOP. MOVING. FUCKING. GOAL POSTS. AND. GASLIGHTING. ME.
And as a bonus, I disagree with the necessity of this work in general. I think it's fucking stupid, unnecessary, and zero value added. It's a management jerkoff issue that is going to piss off all of our users.1
Kind of thinking of making one of those COVID-19 infection simulators. Might be interesting to use a particle swarm type of algorithm for it.10
My job forces me to work 9-6 with a one hour lunch. Since I am forced to be full time wfh, I eat while working and take a nap during my "lunch".
I am much more productive.5
*when forced work from home started*
Boss: look guys, since we aren't gonna be in the office we need to prioritize communication and fully utilize Slack, email, and company phones.
*today at 4pm when release is supposed to happen*
*1 hour later*
Me: what's going on with the release?
Coworker: QA found something late breaking we're trying to roll it back.
*1 hour later*
*Release is 3 hours late and it's an hour after quitting time*
In a meeting about how to make the app I am working on worse. They want the same ad to pop up every ten minutes during live video to plug and get sign ups for a newsletter. And in mobile they want it to take over the entire screen. It's so user unfriendly.2
Had food poisoning and was out for 2 days. Now we're all 100 wfh cuz of coronavirus so I was going to catch up. But then our build and deploy engine went down and since it is controlled by a third party vendor, we have to wait for the ticket to be fixed. I think the powers that be are telling me to get drunk, fuck the schedule.
Work wants me to scroll to invalid fields after validation on a form. Is there actually a use case for that? Because it sounds terrible.21
I like style checkers. I really do. I may not agree with any of the rules they force upon the rules, but I will bury that for consistent code. That said, why, oh why, does this damn thing have to fail out the build rather than just warning me in the IDE. This fucker takes 15 minutes to build and when it fucks the build, it's a huge waste of time.
That said, anyone know how to get check style rules out of Maven and put them in IntelliJ? Myself and my team would love you forever.3
Any of you guys use jsch for sftp in Java? Do you know who invented it? Where they live? If they have dicks that can be punched?6
I need a compelling case for why we should not support IE11. Apparently 10% of our user base uses it and "it fucking sucks and breaks all the new shit you want me to do" is not an answer. And a possible HR violation.21
My most consistent enemy at work is this fucking system I have to work in, holy shit. Not only is there no default support for shit you would really think there should be, no real control over the interfaces with the UI, and the far too complicated method they use to magically make said interfaces, but we also have to use their build environment to build this shitty thing. So builds take anywhere from 4 to 12 minutes a pop and ridiculous style guide will stop the build, no questions asked, for dumb violations like spaces between if and (. And it doesn't catch these, sometimes, until 7 or 8 minutes in. I have wasted so much time on this. And seeing as we work in 2 week sprints that are really 7 to 10 day sprints based on whatever hair goes up my bosses ass and have to deliver feature complete in those two weeks, I can't really afford all this nonsense. I used to joke about having an alcohol problem, but I think I actually may be developing one at this point.
Question: is it common for a boss to make you stay late because your teammates are working on something big (that you're not involved in) and they're staying late? Because he touts that it's team unity, but I feel like it's false imprisonment.9
Anyone ever work with Hola Spark? First task at a new job is to integrate with it and any tips, tricks, advice, or lessons learned would be appreciated.
Been a really long time since I posted on here. Sucks when you get stuck in a lab that bans cellphones.
BUT I got a new job now. No classified stuff. I can actually talk about what I do specifically now!!! And after a week I can almost maybe do my job one day.7
So I'm finally doing the job I was hired to do 2 years ago, with the promise of working 1.5 years ago, and scheduled to work 1 year ago as the project slips about a 1.25 years.
The project is on it's 3.5th year of a 3 year plan and based on the architecture of the project, the project architect started a degree in software architecture 4 years ago. In Latin. When his first language was Japanese and his second was Indian English while this was a US company. And his entire degree was in Lisp, PHP, and html, this project is in C#, and his professional background is in Fortran.
This is a man who is no longer on the project, not allowed to contribute or talk to us about the project, and what little documentation he left us is in Swahili translated from Korean via Google translate from the second year Korean language major exchange student from Russia who got really into meth and Telenovelas.
It is every version of MV* without the M and with every definition of * including some he made up and some that have only been proven to exist via machine learning algorithm written in SQL statements.
This project represents an implementation of the presentation tier of an n-tier application, yet attempts to reimplement the other n-1 tiers in html5 and the dreams of children.
The new lead is a former engineer that couldn't begin coding until he figured out how to map all of his variables to his former cars and girlfriends inclusively and learned his management skills from the big book of micro managers and that one time everyone else in the office was sick but the intern. Who now has a girlfriend whom he works 200 feet from so he isn't 100% thinking with his largest head. At least from observation.
Yet, I still can't bring myself to go be with the whales/become an accountant.
Whenever anyone asks me why I dislike C++ I'm just going to point to this current app I'm working. Had a unit test with an extern method declaration that had 7 or 8 different parameters. No big. Problem is that the ACTUAL definition of the method had 1 less parameter than the extern declaration. It worked perfectly fine in x86. Ported to x64, compiled fine, hard crash at runtime. Debugger not a super lot of help. Took me a couple days to figure that one out. Also I am broke so I can't even drink the pain away. Neat.
I hate when they give new people that don't know the software the job to update requirements. We used to have 2 use cases that touched a functionality. Now we have three. The requirement was added for the third case. He held us up bitching that that the newly added requirement for Case 3 didn't include Case 1 and 2. Dude. That shit has been in the software for 4 years. Those requirements were written by requirements guys that are better than you. Don't waste my time with semantics. Only I'm allowed to waste my time on semantics.
I have been gone a while. Sorry. Workplace no longer allows phones on the lab and I work exclusively in the lab. Anyway here is a thing that pissed me off:
Systems Engineer (SE) 1 : 😐 So we have this file from the customer.
Me: 😑 Neat.
SE1: 😐 It passes on our system.
Me: 😑 *see prior*
Inner Me (IM): 🙄 is it taught in systems engineer school to talk one sentence at a time? It sounds exhausting.
SE1: but when we test it on your system, it fails. And we share the same algorithms.
Me: 😮 neat.
IM: 😮neat, 😥 wait what the fuck?
Me: 😎 I will totally look into that . . .
IM: 😨 . . . Thing that is absolutely not supposed to happen.
*Le me tracking down the thing and fixing it. Total work time 30 hours*
Me: 😃 So I found the problem and fixed it. All that needs to happen is for review board to approve the issue ticket.
SE1: 😀 cool. What was the problem?
Me: 😌 simple. See, if the user kicked off a rerun of the algorithm, we took your inputs, processed them, and put them in the algorithm. However, we erroneously subtracted 1 twice, where you only subtract 1 once.
SE1: 🙂 makes sense to me, since an erroneous minus 1 only effects 0.0001% of cases.
*le into review board*
Me: 😐 . . . so in conclusion this only happens in 0.0001% of cases. It has never affected a field test and if this user had followed the user training this would never have been revealed.
SE2: 🤨 So you're saying this has been in the software for how long?
Me: 😐 6 years. Literally the lifespan of this product.
SE2: 🤨 How do you know it's not fielded?
Me: 😐 It is fielded.
SE2: 🤨 how do you know that this problem hasn't been seen in the field?
Me: 😐 it hasn't been seen in 6 years?
IM: 😡 see literally all of the goddamn words I have said this entire fucking meeting!!!
SE2: 😐 I would like to see an analysis of this to see if it is getting sent to the final files.
Me: 🙄 it is if they rerun the algorithm from our product. It's a total rerun, output included. It's just never been a problem til this one super edge case that should have been thrown out anyway.
SE2: 🤨 I would still like to have SE3 run an analysis.
Me: 🙄 k.
IM: 😡 FUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOU
*SE3 run analysis*
SE3: 😐 getting the same results that Me is seeing.
Me: 😒 see? I do my due diligence.
SE2: 😐 Can you run that analysis on this file again that is somehow different, plus these 5 unrelated files?
SE3: 😎 sure. What's your program's account so I can bill it?
IM: 😍 did you ever knooooow that your my heeeerooooooo.
*SE3 runs analysis*
SE3: 😐 only the case that was broken is breaking.
SE2: 😐 Good.
IM: 🤬🤬🤬🤐 . . . 🤯WHY!?!?
Me: 😠 Why?
SE2: 😑 Because it confirms my thoughts. Me, I am inviting you to this algorithm meeting we have.
Me/IM: 😑/😡 what . . . the fuck?
*in algorithm meeting*
Me: 😑 *recaps all of the above* we subtract 1 one too many times from a number that spans from 10000 to -10000.
Software people/my boss/SE1/SE3: 🤔 makes sense.
SE2:🤨 I have slides that have an analysis of what Me just said. They will only take an hour to get through.
Me: 😑 that's cool but you need to give me your program's account number, because this has been fixed in our baseline for a week and at this point you're the only program that still cares. Actually I need the account to charge for the last couple times you interrupted me for some bullshit.
*we are let go.*
And this is how I spent 40+ useless hours against a program that is currently overrunning for no reason 🤣🤣🤣
Moral: never involve math guys in arithmetic situations. And if you ever feel like you're wasting your time, at least waste someone else's money.10
Our systems lead is trying to tell our software person how much adding unit tests would cost. It also sounds like he wants TDD to be added in after the fact. And he's bitching because the software guy won't move forward with it until we get it with the customer. He also wants all of them automated, but doesn't want to accept that that is going to cost a lot. Like a lot, a lot. This is a guy who doesn't know algorithms (had to explain dykstra to him), doesn't understand the tech stack we are using (I had to explain .net versions, the JIT compiler, and garbage collection to him), and seems not to understand hardware (I had to explain floating point math to him), yet he feels qualified to tell us how long it is going to take us to implement automated unit tests for major, complex features.
My colleague and I have 12 years of college and 10 years of experience between us. Can't figure out how to connect a fucking phone headset.2