Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?

No sir, it’s Google’s Pizza.

Did I dial the wrong number?

No sir, Google bought the pizza store.

Oh, alright - then I’d like to place an order please.

Okay sir, do you want the usual?

The usual? You know what my usual is?

According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust.

Okay - that’s what I want this time too.

May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?

No, I hate vegetables.

But your cholesterol is not good.

How do you know?

Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Maybe so, but I don’t want the pizza you suggest – I already take medicine for high cholesterol.

But you haven’t taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago you purchased from Drugsale Network a box of only 30 tablets.

I bought more from another drugstore.

It’s not showing on your credit card sir.

I paid in cash.

But according to your bank statement you did not withdraw that much cash.

I have another source of cash.

This is not showing on your last tax form, unless you got it from an undeclared income source.

WHAT THE HELL? ENOUGH! I’m sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and WhatsApp. I’m going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me …

I understand sir, but you’ll need to renew your passport … it expired 5 weeks ago.

  • 13
    This is funny af. Sadly it is true af as well.
  • 7
    @ThaOneDude It's funny because it's true...
  • 7
    You say this but one of the local pizza shops around here legit does like half of those things 0.0

    Maybe it's... Begun
  • 1
    @RTRMS Humph.. Oh yeah. Well my sense of humor just fell in a toilet.
  • 1
    @lxmcf Dun dun dun.
  • 1
    @lxmcf oh that's nothing, back in the day before online orders when we still stupidly handed our CC info over the phone when ordering deliveries, one of the places near me was writing the details on post-it notes and leaving it at the cash register.
  • 1
    @RTRMS that some old skool CRM right there
  • 1
    I wonder if one can task a Google home to order the "usual" Saturday night :p
  • 1
    @XiovV Old enough.
  • 2
    @RTRMS oh Jesus fucking Christ...

    Btw I'm not one of these security based guys and I love google but I would murder someone if they left sensitive information about me on a post it note anywhere let alone a register :-/
  • 0
    Gave me a good laugh :-) but Yea, it is kind of sad that it is the reality
  • 2
    Haha I find it funny when Google try to act like they know nothing about you. At times, I'm like "Ok Google, take me home". Then Google maps will launch and start navigation to my house. Then when I tried to set up Google Home after my account is linked, they be like "enter your home address...." And I'm like, you really are going to pretend you don't know this already, Google?
  • 0
    @lotd that could actually happen quite easily. They just have to record what you most frequently buy using Google Assistant. Or make some sort of alias with "the usual" and whatever it is you'd like that to be
  • 1
    @Charmesal could be a fun prank to pull :p

    "keyword: usual; order dispatched"
  • 3
    All this could have been easily avoided by saying "sudo" 🤷‍♂️
  • 0
    Most taxe rules have a free range for a second income tax free. And that should be enough also getting the money as a gift should also be enough for the pills.
    All other parts are quite funny.
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