Glowing duck...

We were contracted into this big corporate company about 12km down the highway from us in the most congested part of the city.

We had a 1 hour meeting scheduled for the Wednesday that we had to drive in for, on the day before that we had to drive in for a 1 hour planning meeting for the next days meeting.

We had a 1 hour meeting to plan a 1 hour meeting...

Today started good, the latest PR merged in took our Flutter app to 66% coverage with 1009 tests.

This means we also have 1001 more tests than our companies other apps combined. 🤣

FUCK. So the bog boys get all in a panic about one of our best devs leaving.

They respond to this with 2 things, that I am aware of, 1 is to setup meeting with all the devs to see if they are happy, the other was this message sent to me from our CEO.

"Heya..We've decided to give you a one time thank you bonus.. will be paid at month end .. thank you for everything regards".

Today I find out what that "bonus" was, a nice 8% of my salary. Like HTF is that a "bonus".

Is @assmaster stalking anyone else, I’ve gotten over 20 notifications this morning because he/she has commented “Nice” on my rants or rants that I have commented on...

Seems very bit like if you ask me, poorly coded bot seeing as it’s only able to comment “Nice” but anyway.

Looking at their profile they joined today and have commented “Nice” on over 7k posts at time of writing.

I think some of us have moved past the apocalypse and some how landed in utopia.

Person online complaining their app build is slow and wants tips for speeding it up, apparently 23 seconds is too much time to wait.

Personally if my app build is going to be slow I prefer around the “how long it takes to make coffee” timeframe. Can’t even turn on my machine in 23 seconds...

I recon the new project is off to a good start...

Finally, proof that both Avast and Atlassian are shit...

It’s taken how many decades to figure out that Atlassian is nothing more than a well disguised virus.

I fixed a bug properly... Took down an entire application systems, sometimes you just gotta monkey patch that shit.

So it was a 15 year old cold fusion system and chrome had deprecated some window pop up feature, so I tracked it to the shared function that triggered this, fixed it there, tested it and even got it all past qa.

Turned out some of the other modules on the app had some other logic around this that made it not work there, they had implemented the fallback check without any fallback logic.

Time to rollback a 3 week sprint...

And today I renewed my IntelliJ license... bye bye money...

Yesterday’s dev achievement. Created a docsify project so that the rest of the company can start documenting their shot.

Something I had implemented in my team a while back, first thing this morning I get a message from the CTO to add mermaid support for his architectural graphs for his latest project.

Tomorrow’s dev achievement, 0 lines of code will be written after 9am.

It’s actually been quite a fun day, after some ranting on one of our slack communities flutter channel, myself and my team realized we were in a really good place to give back.

We have been working on a large scale flutter application for about a year, phase 1 is about done and we at 11k LOC.

We have been doing a big push for testing over the last 2 months and are at about 50% coverage. The thing we realized is that is the 1 place flutter has fallen short with documentation.

Very little about what we learned for testing our code came out of a google search, or it came out of cobbling bits together from numerous searches and sources.

So we decided we are going to plan and host a virtual meetup to discuss what we have learned and hopefully teach a few people some useful things and hopefully also learn a few new things too.

In addition, and as it has a longer shelf life, we going to setup a medium publication for the company and start a series to cover small specific topics, specific use cases or scenarios that we had trouble with and solved.

Today I had my first thing to type out, had worked out how to test that a function that was passed into a widget was called. So the parent passes the child and onTap function but you are testing the child not the parent as the child is reusable...

Anyway, so with that idea I got hold of marketing for some assets, setup the publication and proceeded to type out 3 articles today, all nice short ones under 2 min reading time.

It really is nice to give back, it’s not like I am Remi smart and can go and write BLoC, but I am smart enough to figure shit out and type it up so that the next guy hopefully benefits from my brain bashing.

So with all this new political correct bullshit pandering to the extra sensitive snowflakes, what do we call a “blackout” from now on?

I love business ya know, always soo damned smart.

Our current products code base is soo old it will literally up and stop working come December, from April we cannot launch new clients on it.

The new app should be production ready, at least the MVP with our most essential features.

A week from tomorrow a new senior dev starts so that he can build new features into the current app.

Forgive me for I have sinned.

I feel like I need a bleach shower after having had to write these methods in my Dart codebase

I love this new description for my job... Programming: pressing plastic squares in more or less the right order... 😂

@phrawzty

Pretty good haul, I see why developers really go to these conferences

Off to my first DevOps Days tomorrow...

Some recruiters are just pure genuises...

I installed Snapchat to try the gender swap filter...

I was bi-curious.

I just found a developers/designers worst nightmare...

My girlfriend is just like my linger, she keeps complaining...

A former coworker who is now also leaving the project that's being managed by a guy who'd make trump look like Einstein. Anyway...

Him: You know the idea of measure twice, cut once.
Me: Ya.
Him: Well we sitting with a pile of sawdust and no glue...

A dev posts a link to his website on a dev group I admin, first thing said site does is ask for my location. I look, no map not logically apparent reason for it, so I close the site.

Ask they guy why he is asking for such private info and he responds to tell me that he does not think a person's exact location is that private, and if he really wanted it he would just use the IP address.

Like how many fucking levels of dense is that.

A close button for a filter menu, according to UX, users could not figure out how to close it... We guessed those sames users also do not use windows, linux or mac os... WTF

Took a bit of time, but yesterday I sent in my resignation letter, long and some wat detailed list of grievances against the guy running the project.

Gonna suck to leave the team, but working for that man was tantamount to torture.

He actually gave me a lecture on Monday for not forcing my team to work unesesarry over time, because he can do nothing but make changes. I was also trouble for not doing his job and not treating my team like shit, as he does. According to him, forced overtime, disrespect are just the way leadership is.

Holy fucking monkey nuts my boss is such a cunt, he is soo damned ignorant, for some who worked in dev for 20 years, to tell another dev that is easy, should only need to change a few keys in order to be able to completely rewrite 6 months worth of work. Poor bastard was soo pissed he finished a whole bottle of whiskey.

I made him work from home today, we not really meant too, because you know, Developer do not do work if their duck dick of a manager is not there watching, and well it makes it a lot harder for him to make rediculously, moronic requests like that over slack.

Part of me was genuinely afraid he would same something equally moronic and said dev would try and kill him, which would put the rest of the office and the awkward position if having to help. Really complicated to cover that up and then get the stories straight and iron out the alibis.

The existence of my pm. He is extremely good at lose, unrealistic commitments and not giving a shit about the devs.

Here's hoping the interview goes well and I get to resign with grievance.

Soo much fun working for a cunt as a boss:

B: We getting soo close now, the plane is coming in to land.
Me: Yes, but the engine is busy falling off
B: Well, if we miss the deadline, its only us to blame.

NO YOU INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE CUNT, ITS YOU, ONLY YOU, 100% ENTIRELY YOU YOU SHIT FACED DUCK DICK.

Context:

We are on version 8 of our deadline, which was initially March, our next and final extension ends next Friday, we are this fucked ebcause all he fucking does is make bad descisions and pointless changes, we been telling hims once October to stop making changes if we ever want ot make the deadline.

Directly after he vommited that poes out of his mount he goes on to detail the massive change to the data structure that only needs to be changed as he refused ot listen to the developer when they told him not to do it that way 3 months ago.

How is it even possible that someone this moronic and incompitent can actualyl exist on planet earth. He is not even a flat earther.

WooHoo, lets miss this deadline, fuck yeah!!!

Has 20 tasks last week monday, had 50 Wednesday and 51 Friday, as of today we have finished 1.5 and deadline is in 6 day, and shit is STILL changing. Fuck YEAH!!!