Some recruiters are just pure genuises...

I installed Snapchat to try the gender swap filter...

I was bi-curious.

I just found a developers/designers worst nightmare...

My girlfriend is just like my linger, she keeps complaining...

A former coworker who is now also leaving the project that's being managed by a guy who'd make trump look like Einstein. Anyway...

Him: You know the idea of measure twice, cut once.
Me: Ya.
Him: Well we sitting with a pile of sawdust and no glue...

A dev posts a link to his website on a dev group I admin, first thing said site does is ask for my location. I look, no map not logically apparent reason for it, so I close the site.

Ask they guy why he is asking for such private info and he responds to tell me that he does not think a person's exact location is that private, and if he really wanted it he would just use the IP address.

Like how many fucking levels of dense is that.

A close button for a filter menu, according to UX, users could not figure out how to close it... We guessed those sames users also do not use windows, linux or mac os... WTF

Took a bit of time, but yesterday I sent in my resignation letter, long and some wat detailed list of grievances against the guy running the project.

Gonna suck to leave the team, but working for that man was tantamount to torture.

He actually gave me a lecture on Monday for not forcing my team to work unesesarry over time, because he can do nothing but make changes. I was also trouble for not doing his job and not treating my team like shit, as he does. According to him, forced overtime, disrespect are just the way leadership is.

Holy fucking monkey nuts my boss is such a cunt, he is soo damned ignorant, for some who worked in dev for 20 years, to tell another dev that is easy, should only need to change a few keys in order to be able to completely rewrite 6 months worth of work. Poor bastard was soo pissed he finished a whole bottle of whiskey.

I made him work from home today, we not really meant too, because you know, Developer do not do work if their duck dick of a manager is not there watching, and well it makes it a lot harder for him to make rediculously, moronic requests like that over slack.

Part of me was genuinely afraid he would same something equally moronic and said dev would try and kill him, which would put the rest of the office and the awkward position if having to help. Really complicated to cover that up and then get the stories straight and iron out the alibis.

The existence of my pm. He is extremely good at lose, unrealistic commitments and not giving a shit about the devs.

Here's hoping the interview goes well and I get to resign with grievance.

Soo much fun working for a cunt as a boss:

B: We getting soo close now, the plane is coming in to land.
Me: Yes, but the engine is busy falling off
B: Well, if we miss the deadline, its only us to blame.

NO YOU INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE CUNT, ITS YOU, ONLY YOU, 100% ENTIRELY YOU YOU SHIT FACED DUCK DICK.

Context:

We are on version 8 of our deadline, which was initially March, our next and final extension ends next Friday, we are this fucked ebcause all he fucking does is make bad descisions and pointless changes, we been telling hims once October to stop making changes if we ever want ot make the deadline.

Directly after he vommited that poes out of his mount he goes on to detail the massive change to the data structure that only needs to be changed as he refused ot listen to the developer when they told him not to do it that way 3 months ago.

How is it even possible that someone this moronic and incompitent can actualyl exist on planet earth. He is not even a flat earther.

WooHoo, lets miss this deadline, fuck yeah!!!

Has 20 tasks last week monday, had 50 Wednesday and 51 Friday, as of today we have finished 1.5 and deadline is in 6 day, and shit is STILL changing. Fuck YEAH!!!

Companies new policy.

Deadline is looming, we need to work super hard and be super productive so we will set 3 meeting each day to check on how productive you have been in the last 2 hours...

Happy days, yesterday we updated form 16.3 to 16.4 and thanks to them fixing the bug in 'getDerivedStateFromProps' my broken code is now breaking.

Don't you just love it when features inadvertently depend on bugs. The entire component ONLY worked properly because of a react bug.

So this just happened... This is a PR I just got, fucking lazy developers...

YES!! 3 days till deadline and I am in a meeting discussing core descisions that have not been made yt...

It's official, I am quitting...

Boss walks in today while we busy discussing how to write up the new endpoint we need from the api and tells us there is too much discussion and as only woman can multitask, Dumi is the only person that can be productive...

The level of desire to give my boss a positive klap right now is too damned high.

Cunt flies us across the country to work 4-5 hours of unpaid overtime every day for a week to fix his Royal fuck up, some of my guys decide they gonna take the later uber into work cuz we gonna grab a run or an extra hours sleep cuz we fucking tired after a 13 hour day and this is the shit we get:

No wonder they call it Slaapstad 😜 - guys, no later than 8am at the office please so we can make a collective start.

"Don't worry about pagination, we can just send the whole database to the front-end" ~ My Boss, being serious AF.

Worst of all, he has worked in system development for 20 years, he is not meant to be this stupid.

Its funny cuz its true.

Original deadline 2 weeks ago
New Deadline 2 weeks form now
API been down for 2 days and counting

~3 months worth of work left to do, if we lucky, to meet requirements for deadline…

never before have I been happy to be asked to work overtime, but for once, fuck yeah...

Bit of back story, I am tech lead on a massive project that has been run like a complete shit show, the PM who also happens to be the brains behind the project seems to think we are miracle workers and for the first 9/10 months of the project would make significant, like delete a weeks worth of code and start over changes, 3-5 times per week. There are features for the v1 release that have been built in excess of 5 times. I have been saying since October that even without all his constant changes, we will NOT make the deadline, and naturally as is part of my job I argued against every unnecessary feature he tried to implement, eventually he pulled me into a meeting to tell me how much he values my opinion, I need to stop arguing with him and he does not want to work with yes men (I have a rant about that convo already).

I believe our CEO finally started smelling a rat as he insisted on joining our daily stand-ups, during which said PM scripted some lovely stories to disguise the fuckup we are in, and since has assigned another PM to take over and do proper project management and risk analysis.

That is where the email comes in, a lot of the work assigned to me will miss the deadline by a month, honestly I am impressed that it is by so little and so few people will not be missing it, but anyway, he probably spun a few stories there too.

So I spent part of the work compiling the most perfect surgical response as not not actively throw him under the bu, but create a quite a few questions that they hopefully as, as himself and the CEO where cc'd into the mail.

And the jist is, the deadline itself was still impossible and 8 of the 10 tasks assigned to be have ZERO back-end whatsoever, and those tasks are about 80/90% integration to said non-existent back-end, some of those services and data structures have not even been planned yet and we are a week past the deadline and 3 weeks from the just as useless extension.

Bad devops...

Best conversation I ever had with a manager.

Pulls me off into a meeting and in the same breath tells me he values my opinion, must not argue with him and he does not want "yes" men. Lol

So this bloody hilarious, I submit my PWA to windows store, mainly for shits and giggles, see how the whole thing works and all that.

App gets approved, I go in and run another submission to upload a few extra screenshots, at this point they block it as I do not have a privacy policy, but accept user authentication, which is not the case, so after a few days of back and forth I ask them to attach a screenshot, so turns out I need a privacy policy as when the users click on the map link which opens Google Maps in a NEW window, has a sing in button.

According to them, this is 'Opening within my application" and I am apparently able to access user details via google own sign in link, not SSO.

So as a joke, after some frustration I wrote up a privacy policy, what is an even bigger joke is that they accepted it…

This exists solely for the benefit of Microsoft who are having trouble comprehending the fact that RTMS Events does NOT have Authentication.

Microsoft believes that as the application uses Google Maps, and when Google Maps opens a “Sign In” button appears, that I am able to access your personal information.

As any reasonable person will understand, that is not the case, logging into Google Maps/Google for the benefit of using Google Maps in NO WAY gives anyone else access to your personal information.

So to be clear, I do not have any interest or access of any kind to your personal information, should you have any concerns about your privacy, remember, that the “Sign In” button is for Google, not RTMS, take up any issues with them, I am pretty sure they have a REAL and actually NECESSARY privacy policy.

http://rtms.events/privacy.html

So guys, for those of you that know what a burn down chart is, this is my teams, aka Front-end ONLY for end of March.

My new favourite quote...

"I can't be the only one worried about the deadline"

By boss speakign ot my team who is expected to deliver 6-8 months worth of work in 5 weeks time...

Too bad he does not know he IS the only one worried, when you going to miss a deadline by that much when you never agreed to it in the first place, have not seen a single API and the scope is still actively changing and lets not forget we have no DevOps yet...
why the fuck would you worry...

It has finally arrived, WhatsApp adverts are official...

Finally, he has arrived

Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?

No sir, it’s Google’s Pizza.

Did I dial the wrong number?

No sir, Google bought the pizza store.

Oh, alright - then I’d like to place an order please.

Okay sir, do you want the usual?

The usual? You know what my usual is?

According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust.

Okay - that’s what I want this time too.

May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?

No, I hate vegetables.

But your cholesterol is not good.

How do you know?

Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Maybe so, but I don’t want the pizza you suggest – I already take medicine for high cholesterol.

But you haven’t taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago you purchased from Drugsale Network a box of only 30 tablets.

I bought more from another drugstore.

It’s not showing on your credit card sir.

I paid in cash.

But according to your bank statement you did not withdraw that much cash.

I have another source of cash.

This is not showing on your last tax form, unless you got it from an undeclared income source.

WHAT THE HELL? ENOUGH! I’m sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and WhatsApp. I’m going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me …

I understand sir, but you’ll need to renew your passport … it expired 5 weeks ago.

The fun times, watching the little weenie down voting the guy who thinks vanilla js is better than jQuery. Here I thought devs were meant to be more intelligent, yet somehow a 30kb wrapper for js is better than js itself...