89
Root
194d

Why are job postings so bad?
Like, really. Why?

Here's four I found today, plus an interview with a trainwreck from last week.
(And these aren't even the worst I've found lately!)

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Ridiculous job posting #1:
* 5 years React and React Native experience -- the initial release of React Native was in May 2013, apparently. ~5.7 years ago.
* Masters degree in computer science.
* Write clean, maintainable code with tests.
* Be social and outgoing.

So: you must have either worked at Facebook or adopted and committed to both React and React Native basically immediately after release. You must also be in academia (with a masters!), and write clean and maintainable code, which... basically doesn't happen in academia. And on top of (and really: despite) all of this, you must also be a social butterfly! Good luck ~

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Ridiculous job posting #2:
* "We use Ruby on Rails"
* A few sentences later... "we love functional programming and write only functional code!"

Cue Inigo Montoya.

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Ridiculous job posting #3:
* 100% remote! Work from anywhere, any time zone!
* and following that: You must have at least 4 work hours overlap with your coworkers per day.
* two company-wide meetups per quarter! In fancy places like Peru and Tibet! ... TWO PER QUARTER!?

Let me paraphrase: "We like the entire team being remote, together."

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Ridiculous job posting #4:
* Actual title: "Developer (noun): Superhero poised to change the world (apply within)"
* Actual excerpt: "We know that headhunters are already beating down your door. All we want is the opportunity to earn our right to keep you every single day."
* Actual excerpt: "But alas. A dark and evil power is upon us. And this… ...is where you enter the story. You will be the Superman who is called upon to hammer the villains back into the abyss from whence they came."

I already applied to this company some time before (...surprisingly...) and found that the founder/boss is both an ex cowboy dev and... more than a bit of a loon. If that last part isn't obvious already? Sheesh. He should go write bad fantasy metal lyrics instead.

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Ridiculous interview:
* Service offered for free to customers
* PHP fanboy angrily asking only PHP questions despite the stack (Node+Vue) not even freaking including PHP! To be fair, he didn't know anything but PHP... so why (and how) is he working there?
* Actual admission: No testing suite, CI, or QA in place
* Actual admission: Testing sometimes happens in production due to tight deadlines
* Actual admission: Company serves ads and sells personally-identifiable customer information (with affiliate royalties!) to cover expenses
* Actual admission: Not looking for other monetization strategies; simply trying to scale their current break-even approach.

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I find more of these every time I look. It's insane.
Why can't people be sane and at least semi-intelligent?

Comments
  • 6
    Because these fuckheads are doing this shit since ages and for them, it works. They no longer look behind the horizon

    Relatable situation.
  • 6
    Is it just me or did #4 happen twice and 3 got lost in transit?

    This is why I ignore job listings, just poke all the bears then work out what a job actually is at the interviews.
  • 4
    @C0D4 Crap! Fixed.
  • 7
    superhero bug fixing @Root to the rescue 😂
  • 8
    It's probably hard to be a leech of society, wholly reliant on the skills of others to make ends meet.

    Annoyingly, example #1 is probably just going to attract those who just splatter apply everywhere without any real skill.

    And #2 is just hilarious.

    It really makes me roll my eyes when those who don't know any better try to be "cool" and add those fun things in their position descriptions... I can't imagine what type of candidate they're looking for.

    That said, I saw a Microsoft ad today requiring 10years experience, which really seemed to fit the role they were looking for. Gave me hope.
  • 9
    @fattymiller "Leech of society" perfectly describes so many people I've met -- and most of the managers I've had.

    Ad #2 also mentioned blockchain, so they're probably looking for magpie/hipster devs
  • 4
    @Root hahah yup. Ive never heard the term magpie dev.

    But being in Australia during their mating season, I can imagine...
  • 7
    @fattymiller I love the term (: Magpies love new shiny things, are very chatty, and, well, swooping season.

    So it describes people that flock towards that shiny new library/framework/methodology/buzzword, sing its praises, and then trashtalk everything else. Repeat ad nauseam.
  • 4
    Haha.. TIL thank you!

    And yeah, those guys can be bad around clothes on a line.. would hate to see them around shiny concepts..
  • 1
    I think I applied for #1 😭

    I laugh at the stoopid ones that candidates must have experience in all languages and all tools for all time, but be a junior dev who doesn't cost so much
  • 1
    Whence already implies the "from." To say, "from whence," is like saying "$100 dollars" or "ATM machine."

    Also, recruiters are the worst.
  • 1
    "And this… ...is where you enter the story."
    Hm, an ellipsis followed by three dots… Wonder how that happened...
  • 5
    Besides 5 years with a framework that is nearly 6 years old, you also must have 10 years of industry experience on top of the master. However, don't be over 30 because then you're too old for our young dynamic dud team.

    You must be bright, but still dumb enough to confuse exploitation via unpaid overtime with dedication. Also, dedication means that your paid time isn't actually paid well.
  • 0
    Maybe because HR managers are not familiar with tech trends and they just put the words with experience they want and Tada~!
  • 1
    @Fabian Most of that was on separate lines, but I didn't want to fill the string with \n's
  • 0
    I had master degree in cs in the top university of this country.
    I started working on React about 2.5 years ago.
    I train power lifting almost everyday.
    The problem is... I don’t have time to sleep 😴 and I need a new job🥺
  • 2
    the interview reminds me once again: if you don't pay for a product, you are the product
  • 2
    Plot twist, they're all the same company
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