Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API

From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
Search - "idiots"
-
I’m surrounded by idiots.
I’m continually reminded of that fact, but today I found something that really drives that point home.
Gather ‘round, everybody, it’s story time!
While working on a slow query ticket, I perused the code, finding several causes, and decided to run git blame on the files to see what dummy authored the mental diarrhea currently befouling my screen. As it turns out, the entire feature was written by mister legendary Apple golden boy “Finder’s Keeper” dev himself.
To give you the full scope of this mess, let me start at the frontend and work my way backward.
He wrote a javascript method that tracks whatever row was/is under the mouse in a table and dynamically removes/adds a “.row_selected” class on it. At least the js uses events (jQuery…) instead of a `setTimeout()` so it could be worse. But still, has he never heard of :hover? The function literally does nothing else, and the `selectedRow` var he stores the element reference in isn’t used elsewhere.
This function allows the user to better see the rows in the API Calls table, for which there is a also search feature — the very thing I’m tasked with fixing.
It’s worth noting that above the search feature are two inputs for a date range, with some helpful links like “last week” and “last month” … and “All”. It’s also worth noting that this table is for displaying search results of all the API requests and their responses for a given merchant… this table is enormous.
This search field for this table queries the backend on every character the user types. There’s no debouncing, no submit event, etc., so it triggers on every keystroke. The actual request runs through a layer of abstraction to parse out and log the user-entered date range, figure out where the request came from, and to map out some column names or add additional ones. It also does some hard to follow (and amazingly not injectable) orm condition building. It’s a mess of functional ugly.
The important columns in the table this query ultimately searches are not indexed, despite it only looking for “create_order” records — the largest of twenty-some types in the table. It also uses partial text matching (again: on. every. single. keystroke.) across two varchar(255)s that only ever hold <16 chars — and of which users only ever care about one at a time. After all of this, it filters the results based on some uncommented regexes, and worst of all: instead of fetching only one page’s worth of results like you’d expect, it fetches all of them at once and then discards what isn’t included by the paginator. So not only is this a guaranteed full table scan with partial text matching for every query (over millions to hundreds of millions of records), it’s that same full table scan for every single keystroke while the user types, and all but 25 records (user-selectable) get discarded — and then requeried when the user looks at the next page of results.
What the bloody fucking hell? I’d swear this idiot is an intern, but his code does (amazingly) actually work.
No wonder this search field nearly crashed one of the servers when someone actually tried using it.
Asdfajsdfk.rant fucking moron even when taking down the server hey bob pass me all the paperclips mysql murder terrible code slow query idiot can do no wrong but he’s the golden boy idiots repeatedly murdered mysql in the face21 -
I would absolutely love it if people would write their own stupid code instead of blindly mixing everyone else's mental diarrhea together and pouring the resulting mess into their bloody stupid IDE. At least then I could insult them properly. As it is, they're outsourcing their fucking stupidity to the lowest fucking bidder and then bragging about how quickly they get everything done. And management eats it up! No wonder everything is a slow, tangled, unmaintanable mess.
I can't fix much of anything because almost none of it is in my control. It's all autogenerated bullshit glued together with laziness and poor taste. "But Root, why is fixing this taking so long?" Gee, I wonder why. Maybe if someone had built it somewhere in realm of correctly the first time, it wouldn't have all fallen apart when someone looked at it the wrong way!
Seriously, there's no way this pile of stale fertilizer could have passed QA.rant idiots import * fragile monstrosity leggy devs why code when you can steal no independent thought npm mentality9 -
So yesterday one of the "senior" python developers woke me up at 1 am (we work in different time zones, and he knows how many hours I'm ahead) asking why isn't his code working. The error message was:
[ERROR] Runtime.ImportModuleError: Unable to import module 'app': xxx is not installed, run `pip install xxx` Traceback (most recent call last)
I am at lose of words and patience. Not only idiots who can't google simple stuff are seniors, additionaly we went from "DevOps is a culture" straight to "hey I'm developer in my silo, if it doesn't work on my machine it's DevOps problem, plz fix".14 -
Manager: Messages not visible! bug ticket!!!!
Dev: oh fuck, there's an issue with our chat system, not good! _inspects ticket_ oh, it's just a display issue that actually is according to the previous spec, yawn...
Dev: please describe the bug better next time, I though we had a major outage, this is simply a small design issue...
Manager: ...
Dev: ...
I think I'm quitting soon guys. I literally do not get paid enough to deal with these incompetent idiots each day.
Meanwhile:
Management: forget your shitty salary, take one for the team, you get 3% of the shares in the company!!!!
Dev: what fucking shares, you haven't even converted to a corporation yet, THERE ARE NO SHARES
Management: ...
Dev: ...
Oh yeah and they called me at 6:30 PM today: "so i guess you are winding down for the day"
fuck outta here i haven't been working since 5 you fucks
jesus i swear some people need to screw their fucking head on straight, so far gone into the hUsTlE CuLtUrE they don't even know what reality is anymorerant i for sure break devrant too much so much rage amazing rage ok thats enough tags how many tags can i make rage hatred done please stop burnout7 -
Manager logic: Adding "somehow" to the front of the JIRA title for the JIRA description is super clear and helpful.
Example:
Title: Chat screen doesn't work
Description: Somehow chat screen doesn't work7 -
Imagine naïvely treating your ONLY full-time employee like a robot that simply accomplishes tasks for you on a whim without even waiting for or even acknowledging their feedback (when that feedback has +10 years of experience of product development over you).
I wonder what it's like to operate at so idiotic a level on a day to day basis.
I don't care if you have all the fucking "vision" in the world, I'm actively searching for new positions, especially the ones that pay me double or triple what I'm earning now. I'm outta here, pronto tonto
Yeah, you founded a fucking company, been there, done that, 2 times even. just shut up6 -
Ok, YOU fuck up THREE (!) times, and send me new text for the app, each time saying its '100% finished, no errors' and expect me (each iteration) to do it IMMEDIATELY
Why don't you go fuck yourself, do your damn job, do it right, and THEN contact me instead of running around like an childish preschooler with a pair of scissors4 -
I find a decent place to work, with interesting problems to solve, decent fellow devs, and a decent salary.
If one of those lapses, I start thinking about moving. Life's too short to be working on boring stuff, working with idiots, or working for pittance.1 -
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning2
-
I was watching "hacker reviews hacking scenes from movies", and god forbid they brought a woman to do the analysis. A lot of butt hurt boys in the comments, that women left the kitchen and got into programming.
This aside, the combination of ignorance and arrogance was just wow. I mean, if you want to be a dick, at least back it up with skills.
Don't make claims about how "GUI is the single most important piece of any software". *laughing in embedded programming*24 -
So fed up with so much today.
- Idiots who have the word technical in their job title and get paid way more than me but are about as technical as my teacup
- Stuff breaking for no reason
- People thinking that I have nothing better to do than look at their shitty code for them
- My own grumpy arse
I would just say I’m sick and go home, but I work from home and don’t want to talk to anyone.2 -
This poor fella is asking a simple question we've all asked it before.. It makes me angry to see that some beginners get discouraged thanks to the toxic community at stackoverflow, many of the idiots on stackoverflow forget that they were once beginners and didn't know a thing.. Even if the question sounds stupid for you, why can't you just help them, instead of being an ignorant smartass.. 😠13
-
Some idiots ripped off our work and code that was open sourced and wrote a paper on it and got it published from some cheap publisher. Even for me to some benefit of doubt or consider that probably they worked on advancing our research….they didn’t even give us any credits!
Heights of shamelessness!
FYI, we already had an IEEE paper published!
I don’t mind if you guys have any suggestions on how I can get back at them. I don’t think a rant is going to calm me down for what they have done.7 -
Sweet lord jesus I fucking hate React! I hate whatever those idiots at facebook or whoever decided to change how everything works 15 fucking times in the span of 4 versions. For fuck sakes, the errors are shit. The documentation is shit, the answers to questions are useless!
I hate this fucking framework with a burning passion, I want nothing more than to shove the entirety of the populous that developed this garbage up zuckerburgs ass and then drown him in a vat of boiling piss and motor oil.
Fuck react.16 -
It's official, I've come full circle:
"I assume you're not looking for a new opportunity right now, but do you know anybody that might be interested, or do you have someone to refer?"
Yes, let me do more work for you, even though you aren't interested in me at the moment. Shameless linking to a previous post which is the same: https://devrant.com/rants/5404347/...
At this point, I'm convinced its going to repeat until about 2050 when the entire software industry comes to a complete and catastrophic standstill.3 -
Modern programming is like racing against the Universe: programmers try to make code for every idiot, the Universe breeds new kinds of idiots. So far, the Universe is winning outright.🧬4
-
I think I used to rage more at complete idiots when I was younger because I had the time and energy to do so
Now I've seen it at least a million times and just don't give a shit anymore -
I'm managed by idiots who don't fully realize the nightmare they're creating.
They're making small operational changes, but hundreds of them with zero evidence to back their claims up.
When I bring up how it actually works, and how operations actually work I'm told I don't use the tools as much as management does and that my feedback is limited to how I use the tool.
So now I'm just gambling that they won't fuck up too bad before I get that sweet sweet sellout money and just letting them fuck everything up they want without any warnings from me.
I'm quickly learning that the phrase of the year is, "Fuck em". -
What the fuck are some people doing at this line of work.. Our former product owner, half a year later, creates a high priority bug ticket of a faulty user flow WHEN HE WAS WITH THE TEAM MAKING THE SPECS FOR THIS FUCKING FEATURE! YOU FUCKING NUMBSKULL DIMWITTED CUNT! THIS IS NOT A BUG IT IS AS YOU FUCKING MORONS WANTED IT! SO FUCKING PISSED AT READING TICKETS LIKE THIS BY MORONS LIKE THIS!7
-
I really want to boycott StackOverflow right now for their fucking stupid asses.
They are fucking idiots. You know what they just did? They banned me from asking questions when I have only asked a few, with zero down-votes but no up-votes BUT I ended up having to answer all but 1 or two of them myself!
Not only that but I have also contributed by answering questions too.
Now I can't ask questions? Because my questions weren't popular?
FUCK YOU StackOverflow. You don't know what makes a great QA site.
Suck my fucking cock.
"You have reached your question limit
Sorry, we are no longer accepting questions from this account. See the Help Center to learn more."13 -
"I need the login credentials for the CMS service"
*sends the email confirmation email*
"No, I can't confirm your email for you. In plain English: send me the email and password to login."
"Ohhhhhhhhh"
Literally what the fuck is wrong with these people.
I swear we're all fucking doomed.5 -
Best advice from and to myself though:
"Don't work with idiots"
I'm sure it will change my life when it happens.3 -
Trying to get my 'patience for Idiots' threshold back up to 15 minures. Not easy.
The problem is - you need to listen to them talking for 20 minutes before 30 seconds of relevant and actual info comes up.4 -
Fuck the idiots yelling monopoly and use that that bullshit execues to justify a system should be changed after a couple of years by a new company.
Especially when its a new banking system that is so poorly developed due to a critical archichical design failture on the authorization layer, resulted in on when a lot of people login at once you had a chance to get someone else session informations instead of your own.
Just being so insecure in general. And dont get me started on how unstable the banking system infrastructure is.
But hey at least the it isnt a monopoly anymore by paying a new company a double digit million amount to develop a new banking system after a couple of years after the last system were developed.6 -
So this will be my first rant/story sorry if it gets too long.
So finished work and I was like finally some days off, went to bed, woke up the next morning, went to near city to take care of some work, went back and I noticed they were digging the ground near my place, as I've found out from neighbors they were changing some pipes, well ok no problem arrived home, sat on my PC to study a bit and do a bit gaming, but guess what?? NO INTERNET well ok contacted the ISP, the idiots told me it will take them 2 days to arrive WTF? is this 2018 or 1918?? I was so pissed off but ok the next day they called me that they arrived, they checked and said that they will need to fix some wires they will return the same day.. so I've waited few hours but no internet, the asholes didn't came, so the next day they arrived and guess what?! the idiots that digged the holes cut the wires, instead of fucking contacting the ISP to ask for supervisor to tell them where they can dig they didn't know what was the fire for and they thought oh well lets cut the fucking wire, and instead of stopping and contacting the ISP about their mistake they continued with the digging and cut the wire at 3 places, so the ISP at the end called the police, the plumbers that did the digging where just laughing, why do you laugh you primitive ashole, even 10 year old would first ask if it can continue if it finds something that he didn't know about it (I call primitive the person not the job title), and the best part is that the idiots not only they cut the wire at 3 places they also took part of it out of the ground and then they filled the holes back! Now I won't have internet for 2 fucking weeks, yes in 2018 this is happening, at that moment I was so pissed, but kept my cool and contacted the ISP to give me LTE USB stick to use it for the next 2 weeks, sadly they couldn't do that wtf??? So I asked politely who will pay the damage for me not working for 2 weeks and they said that they will gladly pay the damage.. So I was confused because that literally meant that they will compassed me for the 2 weeks, so I re-asked are they sure about that and they said yes, so lets see what it will be done, in the meantime I solved the internet problem by using my phone to access internet on the PC.. But still its amazing how primitive people can be and how ISP don't have alternative solutions for such cases, just to point out this sam ISP bragged how they will be among the first to bring 5G when it arrives... LOL4 -
Some older woman in my building tried to cyberbully me. She found a back door because the building’s online message board emails everyone in the building and those emails have a link to email the author.
You bet I snitched on her to building management after she continued to email me after I had asked her to stop and told her that her email was offensive. I don’t tolerate people who make assumptions about my ethnicity and use that as a reason to send me demeaning messages.
And you bet I contacted the developers of the building’s message board about the backdoor. And of course they implied that I could have prevented this and sent me instructions. No, I could not have prevented this and those instructions they sent me would have never applied to my comment on the message board.7 -
I was wondering how many years will I get for killing muggles who approach me with ideas about the "Next Facebook Idea" after hearing I am a programmer?!
Would be possible to be freed of all charges?2 -
Can you summarize why earth is a terrible planet?
Sure that’s easy. The world is full of idiots that don’t understand what is important. 😐9 -
The HR for my last employer sucks.
After I left, my employer changed record keepers for the 401k before I could rollover the funds to an IRA. I thought, “It will be fine. I’ll wait until they finish setting up the new record keeper. Then, I can do the rollover.”
When the blackout period was about to end, I didn’t receive any instructions about the new record keeper. The funds had been transferred already and I called the old record keeper to confirm it was done by my former employer. I think, “Maybe they forgot to contact me because I’m no longer an employee.”
I email HR and ask when I can expect instructions on how to access the new record keeper. Idiots send me instructions for the old record keeper and how to file for a distribution. HR had actually called the old record keeper for these instructions when the funds were no longer with the old record keeper. WTF 😤
It takes all of my strength to write a civil email. I remind them that funds were transferred nearly 2 weeks ago by them to a new record keeper. I repeat that I need instructions on how to access the new record keeper and I don’t need instructions on how to file for a distribution from the old record keeper.
I’m effing glad I don’t work there anymore. I can’t deal with that HR’s idiocy anymore.1 -
1. Like solving and exploring how things are made/done, I want challenges
2. Can work from home, or any place in the world
3. I don't have to deal with idiots around me
4. Bonus: Money is good of course. -
Leave it to an investing company 'dUe DiLigAnCe' document to list the following requirement:
"Schema of computing infrastructure setups for development, testing, and production"
Ah yes, the highly technical and well-known term of "schema of computing infrastructure"
God I hate business people, so clueless
BRB going to start my own business and make real money. if these neanderthals are top investors, i can be too2