I’m surrounded by idiots.

I’m continually reminded of that fact, but today I found something that really drives that point home.

Gather ‘round, everybody, it’s story time!

While working on a slow query ticket, I perused the code, finding several causes, and decided to run git blame on the files to see what dummy authored the mental diarrhea currently befouling my screen. As it turns out, the entire feature was written by mister legendary Apple golden boy “Finder’s Keeper” dev himself.

To give you the full scope of this mess, let me start at the frontend and work my way backward.

He wrote a javascript method that tracks whatever row was/is under the mouse in a table and dynamically removes/adds a “.row_selected” class on it. At least the js uses events (jQuery…) instead of a `setTimeout()` so it could be worse. But still, has he never heard of :hover? The function literally does nothing else, and the `selectedRow` var he stores the element reference in isn’t used elsewhere.

This function allows the user to better see the rows in the API Calls table, for which there is a also search feature — the very thing I’m tasked with fixing.

It’s worth noting that above the search feature are two inputs for a date range, with some helpful links like “last week” and “last month” … and “All”. It’s also worth noting that this table is for displaying search results of all the API requests and their responses for a given merchant… this table is enormous.

This search field for this table queries the backend on every character the user types. There’s no debouncing, no submit event, etc., so it triggers on every keystroke. The actual request runs through a layer of abstraction to parse out and log the user-entered date range, figure out where the request came from, and to map out some column names or add additional ones. It also does some hard to follow (and amazingly not injectable) orm condition building. It’s a mess of functional ugly.

The important columns in the table this query ultimately searches are not indexed, despite it only looking for “create_order” records — the largest of twenty-some types in the table. It also uses partial text matching (again: on. every. single. keystroke.) across two varchar(255)s that only ever hold <16 chars — and of which users only ever care about one at a time. After all of this, it filters the results based on some uncommented regexes, and worst of all: instead of fetching only one page’s worth of results like you’d expect, it fetches all of them at once and then discards what isn’t included by the paginator. So not only is this a guaranteed full table scan with partial text matching for every query (over millions to hundreds of millions of records), it’s that same full table scan for every single keystroke while the user types, and all but 25 records (user-selectable) get discarded — and then requeried when the user looks at the next page of results.

What the bloody fucking hell? I’d swear this idiot is an intern, but his code does (amazingly) actually work.

No wonder this search field nearly crashed one of the servers when someone actually tried using it.

Asdfajsdfk.

I would absolutely love it if people would write their own stupid code instead of blindly mixing everyone else's mental diarrhea together and pouring the resulting mess into their bloody stupid IDE. At least then I could insult them properly. As it is, they're outsourcing their fucking stupidity to the lowest fucking bidder and then bragging about how quickly they get everything done. And management eats it up! No wonder everything is a slow, tangled, unmaintanable mess.

I can't fix much of anything because almost none of it is in my control. It's all autogenerated bullshit glued together with laziness and poor taste. "But Root, why is fixing this taking so long?" Gee, I wonder why. Maybe if someone had built it somewhere in realm of correctly the first time, it wouldn't have all fallen apart when someone looked at it the wrong way!

Seriously, there's no way this pile of stale fertilizer could have passed QA.

So yesterday one of the "senior" python developers woke me up at 1 am (we work in different time zones, and he knows how many hours I'm ahead) asking why isn't his code working. The error message was:

[ERROR] Runtime.ImportModuleError: Unable to import module 'app': xxx is not installed, run `pip install xxx` Traceback (most recent call last)

I am at lose of words and patience. Not only idiots who can't google simple stuff are seniors, additionaly we went from "DevOps is a culture" straight to "hey I'm developer in my silo, if it doesn't work on my machine it's DevOps problem, plz fix".

Please do not send me fucking messages saying “hi how are you?“ and then wait for my response before asking me what you actually want.

Manager: Messages not visible! bug ticket!!!!

Dev: oh fuck, there's an issue with our chat system, not good! _inspects ticket_ oh, it's just a display issue that actually is according to the previous spec, yawn...

Dev: please describe the bug better next time, I though we had a major outage, this is simply a small design issue...

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

I think I'm quitting soon guys. I literally do not get paid enough to deal with these incompetent idiots each day.

Meanwhile:

Management: forget your shitty salary, take one for the team, you get 3% of the shares in the company!!!!

Dev: what fucking shares, you haven't even converted to a corporation yet, THERE ARE NO SHARES

Management: ...

Dev: ...

Oh yeah and they called me at 6:30 PM today: "so i guess you are winding down for the day"

fuck outta here i haven't been working since 5 you fucks

jesus i swear some people need to screw their fucking head on straight, so far gone into the hUsTlE CuLtUrE they don't even know what reality is anymore

Manager logic: Adding "somehow" to the front of the JIRA title for the JIRA description is super clear and helpful.

Example:

Title: Chat screen doesn't work
Description: Somehow chat screen doesn't work

I find a decent place to work, with interesting problems to solve, decent fellow devs, and a decent salary.

If one of those lapses, I start thinking about moving. Life's too short to be working on boring stuff, working with idiots, or working for pittance.

If I hear the word "techie" one more time from management, I'm gone lose my shit!!!

I don't go around calling them "managies" all day!!!

Idiots. Idiots everywhere. The next big trend in software engineering is to take a whole bunch of idiots, give them the basic knowledge to write code, and then dedicate a whole lot of competent developers' time to either fixing errors made by those idiots, or attempting to make "safer" tools so those idiots don't screw up as easily.

Part of a banking website is broken, it has been for 2 years now..

Since I really need to use that part, I thought I would put in a formal complaint so someone might fix it..

After a few days I get an email back saying that they thought I wanted to know which browser was compatible with their banking website..

No you idiots, that isn't what I was asking, I was telling you which browsers I had used, and what the error message was in each one in turn.

So I've replied to the email, trying to explain that again in an even more idiot proof fashion I hope they can understand..

Though I thought I had written it very plainly the first time that their website was broken !

Imagine naïvely treating your ONLY full-time employee like a robot that simply accomplishes tasks for you on a whim without even waiting for or even acknowledging their feedback (when that feedback has +10 years of experience of product development over you).

I wonder what it's like to operate at so idiotic a level on a day to day basis.

I don't care if you have all the fucking "vision" in the world, I'm actively searching for new positions, especially the ones that pay me double or triple what I'm earning now. I'm outta here, pronto tonto

Yeah, you founded a fucking company, been there, done that, 2 times even. just shut up

Ok, YOU fuck up THREE (!) times, and send me new text for the app, each time saying its '100% finished, no errors' and expect me (each iteration) to do it IMMEDIATELY

Why don't you go fuck yourself, do your damn job, do it right, and THEN contact me instead of running around like an childish preschooler with a pair of scissors

Who wants to destroy the internet with a piece of electrical tape?

Introducing my team's thought process, everyone!

#fullcirclefullcircus

Yeah, I definitely work with idiots.

Jesus titty fucking Christ people are stupid. I hate everyone in the software development lifecycle that isn’t a developer or isn’t technically minded. Everyone else seems to be a fucking goofy arse mother fucker.

I just got in trouble because I fixed a defect that never should have been fixed, even though in yesterdays standup they brought it up and asked me what the status of it was. Apparently I was just supposed to estimate the defect and see how long it would take to fix. Why the fuck wouldn’t we do that in a grooming session or a sprint planning session, you are just begging to confuse the devs. Absolute mud sharks.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning

I was watching "hacker reviews hacking scenes from movies", and god forbid they brought a woman to do the analysis. A lot of butt hurt boys in the comments, that women left the kitchen and got into programming.
This aside, the combination of ignorance and arrogance was just wow. I mean, if you want to be a dick, at least back it up with skills.
Don't make claims about how "GUI is the single most important piece of any software". *laughing in embedded programming*

you fucking idiots

why do you always base your library components on some dumbass clown fixed width / height system?

everything should be flex by default, anything else is absolute amateur clown town pile of dumbass horseshit...

...i'll brawl and take down anyone who says otherwise

you waste my time, you waste other's time, when everyone has to go hunting around for your stupid library's unorthodox way of styling

thanks again for wasting and making my evening a living hell

So fed up with so much today.
- Idiots who have the word technical in their job title and get paid way more than me but are about as technical as my teacup
- Stuff breaking for no reason
- People thinking that I have nothing better to do than look at their shitty code for them
- My own grumpy arse

I would just say I’m sick and go home, but I work from home and don’t want to talk to anyone.

This poor fella is asking a simple question we've all asked it before.. It makes me angry to see that some beginners get discouraged thanks to the toxic community at stackoverflow, many of the idiots on stackoverflow forget that they were once beginners and didn't know a thing.. Even if the question sounds stupid for you, why can't you just help them, instead of being an ignorant smartass.. 😠

At a large enterprise-sized company, you are protecting the code and product from outside / bad actors constantly trying to break in. (🧠)

At a medium or small-sized company, you are protecting the code and product from clueless customers or users who can potentially break things for themselves. (🧠🧠)

At a sTaRtUp, you are protecting the code and product from being destroyed by the incompetent owners themselves. (🧠🧠🧠+)

Some idiots ripped off our work and code that was open sourced and wrote a paper on it and got it published from some cheap publisher. Even for me to some benefit of doubt or consider that probably they worked on advancing our research….they didn’t even give us any credits!

Heights of shamelessness!

FYI, we already had an IEEE paper published!

I don’t mind if you guys have any suggestions on how I can get back at them. I don’t think a rant is going to calm me down for what they have done.

I am so sick and tired of hearing “AI” everywhere all the time. Yeah how about we integrate some AI into your super smart toaster so that it knows when to start preparing for when you put toasts in it in the morning.

Not even mentioning all these idiots being like “oh yeah AI is becoming sentient. Oh yeah AI is gonna take over the world”.

Brother the current state of AI is just machine learning, it’s a stupid pattern detector and generator it doesn’t have thoughts, emotions. Please just stop it.

Trying to get my 'patience for Idiots' threshold back up to 15 minures. Not easy.
The problem is - you need to listen to them talking for 20 minutes before 30 seconds of relevant and actual info comes up.

Sweet lord jesus I fucking hate React! I hate whatever those idiots at facebook or whoever decided to change how everything works 15 fucking times in the span of 4 versions. For fuck sakes, the errors are shit. The documentation is shit, the answers to questions are useless!

I hate this fucking framework with a burning passion, I want nothing more than to shove the entirety of the populous that developed this garbage up zuckerburgs ass and then drown him in a vat of boiling piss and motor oil.

Fuck react.

I'm managed by idiots who don't fully realize the nightmare they're creating.

They're making small operational changes, but hundreds of them with zero evidence to back their claims up.

When I bring up how it actually works, and how operations actually work I'm told I don't use the tools as much as management does and that my feedback is limited to how I use the tool.

So now I'm just gambling that they won't fuck up too bad before I get that sweet sweet sellout money and just letting them fuck everything up they want without any warnings from me.

I'm quickly learning that the phrase of the year is, "Fuck em".

Why is it what so many developers think that they are the sole genius surrounded by idiots and completely lack in interpersonal skills or the ability to see other people's arguments as valid? Honestly, with some people it's like working with an emotionally stunted teenager. I literally spoke to someone yesterday who thinks it's impossible to come to a compromise or agreement about anything unless there is a third party to arbitrate and mindlessly insists on his own way in literally every disagreement, even after admitting his logic is faulty. It's like watching a spotty 17 year old argue about politics online I swear it.

I think I used to rage more at complete idiots when I was younger because I had the time and energy to do so

Now I've seen it at least a million times and just don't give a shit anymore

Modern programming is like racing against the Universe: programmers try to make code for every idiot, the Universe breeds new kinds of idiots. So far, the Universe is winning outright.🧬

What the fuck are some people doing at this line of work.. Our former product owner, half a year later, creates a high priority bug ticket of a faulty user flow WHEN HE WAS WITH THE TEAM MAKING THE SPECS FOR THIS FUCKING FEATURE! YOU FUCKING NUMBSKULL DIMWITTED CUNT! THIS IS NOT A BUG IT IS AS YOU FUCKING MORONS WANTED IT! SO FUCKING PISSED AT READING TICKETS LIKE THIS BY MORONS LIKE THIS!

"I need the login credentials for the CMS service"

*sends the email confirmation email*

"No, I can't confirm your email for you. In plain English: send me the email and password to login."

"Ohhhhhhhhh"

Literally what the fuck is wrong with these people.

I swear we're all fucking doomed.

Question: is it a red flag if I'm "not supposed to" blog about tips and tricks I've found at work (not even code level, just organization and general design patterns)? Reason given to me: "we need to be careful about due diligence and intellectual property for our investors to be satisfied". Am I working with idiots?

Here I am for three months trying to implement TypeScript in this project that was a dump when I picked it up.
And then some morons get assigned to the project and just start adding @ts-nocheck everywhere?
Like, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

And then you wonder why the project is bug-ridden??
FUCK THESE PEOPLE THAT CALL THEMSELVES JAVASCRIPT ENGINEERS!! NO WONDER JS GETS SUCH BAD PRESS WITH ALL THESE CLUELESS IDIOTS TO WHOM STATIC TYPING IS JUST AN OBSTACLE TO THEM CHURNING OUT LINE AFTER LINE OF "CODE"

Making calls, meetings, and "brainstorming" half-baked features or designs or any other slop bullshit for 12 hours a day?

Wow, you are an impressive "startup bro"!!!

Coding, testing, running emulators, tests, reading technical documentation, ensuring product success in the real world, and implementing efficient full stack software for 12 hours a day?

Fuck you!!!

These are the expectations of management. Just remember, what they do is "extremely difficult", but you are simply just a resource queue that takes input and converts it to real-world implementation.

Give me a fucking break

Fail fast. But also... someone in a different area screwed up really bad.... so everyone can now enjoy this turning kit on productivity called a change freeze... it may be lasting for months... also... we're going to be putting a higher emphasis on productivity. So do more, but also, don't. Because we're freaking idiots.

Best advice from and to myself though:

"Don't work with idiots"

I'm sure it will change my life when it happens.

So this will be my first rant/story sorry if it gets too long.

So finished work and I was like finally some days off, went to bed, woke up the next morning, went to near city to take care of some work, went back and I noticed they were digging the ground near my place, as I've found out from neighbors they were changing some pipes, well ok no problem arrived home, sat on my PC to study a bit and do a bit gaming, but guess what?? NO INTERNET well ok contacted the ISP, the idiots told me it will take them 2 days to arrive WTF? is this 2018 or 1918?? I was so pissed off but ok the next day they called me that they arrived, they checked and said that they will need to fix some wires they will return the same day.. so I've waited few hours but no internet, the asholes didn't came, so the next day they arrived and guess what?! the idiots that digged the holes cut the wires, instead of fucking contacting the ISP to ask for supervisor to tell them where they can dig they didn't know what was the fire for and they thought oh well lets cut the fucking wire, and instead of stopping and contacting the ISP about their mistake they continued with the digging and cut the wire at 3 places, so the ISP at the end called the police, the plumbers that did the digging where just laughing, why do you laugh you primitive ashole, even 10 year old would first ask if it can continue if it finds something that he didn't know about it (I call primitive the person not the job title), and the best part is that the idiots not only they cut the wire at 3 places they also took part of it out of the ground and then they filled the holes back! Now I won't have internet for 2 fucking weeks, yes in 2018 this is happening, at that moment I was so pissed, but kept my cool and contacted the ISP to give me LTE USB stick to use it for the next 2 weeks, sadly they couldn't do that wtf??? So I asked politely who will pay the damage for me not working for 2 weeks and they said that they will gladly pay the damage.. So I was confused because that literally meant that they will compassed me for the 2 weeks, so I re-asked are they sure about that and they said yes, so lets see what it will be done, in the meantime I solved the internet problem by using my phone to access internet on the PC.. But still its amazing how primitive people can be and how ISP don't have alternative solutions for such cases, just to point out this sam ISP bragged how they will be among the first to bring 5G when it arrives... LOL

Now that I'm back in Belgium stupid windows decided to switch to dutch for some unknown reason. I don't speak dutch, you microsoft idiots.

Jesus christ those who use this retarded operating system really like to be patronized huh?

Fuck the idiots yelling monopoly and use that that bullshit execues to justify a system should be changed after a couple of years by a new company.

Especially when its a new banking system that is so poorly developed due to a critical archichical design failture on the authorization layer, resulted in on when a lot of people login at once you had a chance to get someone else session informations instead of your own.

Just being so insecure in general. And dont get me started on how unstable the banking system infrastructure is.

But hey at least the it isnt a monopoly anymore by paying a new company a double digit million amount to develop a new banking system after a couple of years after the last system were developed.

Some older woman in my building tried to cyberbully me. She found a back door because the building’s online message board emails everyone in the building and those emails have a link to email the author.

You bet I snitched on her to building management after she continued to email me after I had asked her to stop and told her that her email was offensive. I don’t tolerate people who make assumptions about my ethnicity and use that as a reason to send me demeaning messages.

And you bet I contacted the developers of the building’s message board about the backdoor. And of course they implied that I could have prevented this and sent me instructions. No, I could not have prevented this and those instructions they sent me would have never applied to my comment on the message board.

I was wondering how many years will I get for killing muggles who approach me with ideas about the "Next Facebook Idea" after hearing I am a programmer?!

Would be possible to be freed of all charges?

I've been working on this fucking instagram connector for 4 weeks now, mainly due to idiotic red tape

Now the time has come to get it approved. I'm supposed to let them know how to test the connector with a test user. but FUCKING facebook's test users don't even work as test users! their own spam catcher identifies their own test users as bots!!!!

I mean what the fuck!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THIS APPROVED IF YOUR TEST USERS DON'T FUCKING WORK AS PART OF THE TESTS

AAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS IS FUCKING INFURIATING

Today i saw someone complaining that you have to edit a config file on ubuntu to change the behaviour of the laptop when you close the lid, which in my opinion is simple enough.

But what triggered me was another argument saying that how it would be if cars will require a mechanics degree to drive them.

Well maybe then there won't be so many fucking idiots on the road blocking the traffic in almost every fucking city bigger than a peanut plantation.

I swear, people believe they deserve to use the best things without a single clue about how they work.

So I work at a big IT company. Keep in mind you could say I'm lucky to be here my last job was as a mechanic. So they put me on this team filled with the most draining kunts I've ever seen.

I have been here for about a year and I am yet to be put on a project, so im just training. They asked me to get certified to be on a project which is complete bullshit because every other fuckwit is on a project and noone is certified.

ONTOP of this, there's no work to be done anyway, yet they keep hiring fucking Grads. LIKE FUCK OFF, get work for the rest of us first you fucking IDIOTS.

Anyway, the cert is the driest fucking content, like kill me now, I try to read about it and I just want to blow my fucking brains out.

Like is IT all like this? I used to work at a web design company and that shit was fucking fun, but paid like $2 an hour the cheap fucks.

Anyway that's my rant, I'm sitting my exam tomorrow for this cert and honestly, I don't even know why. I literally know ZERO. fucking going in to guess this shit. would rather go down to bunnings buy the coarsest piece of rope and just dangle like a fat dick.

Anyway cheers lads. have a great day

I work in an international company.

So my coworkers are Idiots without Borders.

The HR for my last employer sucks.

After I left, my employer changed record keepers for the 401k before I could rollover the funds to an IRA. I thought, “It will be fine. I’ll wait until they finish setting up the new record keeper. Then, I can do the rollover.”

When the blackout period was about to end, I didn’t receive any instructions about the new record keeper. The funds had been transferred already and I called the old record keeper to confirm it was done by my former employer. I think, “Maybe they forgot to contact me because I’m no longer an employee.”

I email HR and ask when I can expect instructions on how to access the new record keeper. Idiots send me instructions for the old record keeper and how to file for a distribution. HR had actually called the old record keeper for these instructions when the funds were no longer with the old record keeper. WTF 😤

It takes all of my strength to write a civil email. I remind them that funds were transferred nearly 2 weeks ago by them to a new record keeper. I repeat that I need instructions on how to access the new record keeper and I don’t need instructions on how to file for a distribution from the old record keeper.

I’m effing glad I don’t work there anymore. I can’t deal with that HR’s idiocy anymore.

We find our hero, fullstackclown🤡, again harrowed by idiotic management.

Our backdrop and set: A Google calendar appointment was booked between the managers and fullstackclown. fullstackclown had created an all-day appointment for today which reads: "fullstackclown on site".

With the scene set, let us begin our tale..........

Manager: Are you going to be on site today?

fullstackclown🤡: Do you see the appointment I booked on our calendar stating that indeed I will be on site today?

Manager: ...

fullstackclown🤡: you are an absolute idiot

Manager: ...

I literally don't know what to do anymore. I mean it's RIGHT THERE IN YOUR CALENDAR. HOW MUCH MORE CLEAR DO YOU WANT IT TO BE?! DO YOU WANT A TWILIO APP THAT SENDS YOU A PRERECORDED VOICE MESSAGE IN MY VOICE, CONFIRMING MY CALENDAR APPOINTMENTS?!

What type of mindset causes this type of behavior of double or triple checking things as simple as a calendar booking? Honestly shows a complete breakdown of normal mental functioning in my opinion.

godddd you know this all would have resolved itself a lonnng ass time ago. a LONG time ago. if punishment would just come to these idiots.

These idiots need to unfuck themselves

Right now
Because this is getting ridiculous

1. Like solving and exploring how things are made/done, I want challenges
2. Can work from home, or any place in the world
3. I don't have to deal with idiots around me
4. Bonus: Money is good of course.

Leave it to an investing company 'dUe DiLigAnCe' document to list the following requirement:

"Schema of computing infrastructure setups for development, testing, and production"

Ah yes, the highly technical and well-known term of "schema of computing infrastructure"

God I hate business people, so clueless

BRB going to start my own business and make real money. if these neanderthals are top investors, i can be too

Letting my hateful spirit breathe some: I recently have remembered that no one called me during my 4 months of chemotherapy. Debating if I should cut off everyone I know previously because I know I can’t trust them anymore. If I can’t trust them with my life, why would I ever speak to them? Why would I ever care to see these idiots? What is preventing me from going to their homes and ending it for the mental anguish they have given me?

Somebody spare me from all these idiots with savior complex

Another day and I’m wondering if that female is 35 and I’m 56 but I’m having difficulty with that assumption because I guessed that before

The chick who bent over and posed retains her nice legs however

Wtf to do ? Can’t remember all the things I tried till I’m close and I don’t want to give up this phone because it’s useful Jesus

Seriously what group of idiots traded real life in this country for this shit ?

Instead of balancing the grand economic equation by creating semi pampered slaves we could have just improved and cleaned up things and had a shared labor pool for the jobs that everyone hated that we didn’t have enough felons to fill

Course so far as I can tell the country is brimming over with felons doing all the crap jobs and not suffering to the level those jobs should cause them too if that’s the system we’re supposedly embracing

Has anyone spidered the web and repos and found info about the Linux distros for comparison ? Like packages and vendor support and kernel ? I feel like fedora is just debian with newer software that uses rpm

On another note I'm wishing these idiots had just let me work straight through as a developer or tax auditor etc because I'm not working in Dickson just so they can steal my car again after working hard and honestly to improve my fucking situation

As I said as I remember things and that was a pretty big one

All the time people spent fucking around and the world went in a circle and I said this last time

Fucking people should have to hand me over a check for the number of times I bought that damn car !

Optimizely/Episerver is such a fucking piece of shit I want to fucking kill everyone who made this god forsaken mound of rotting garbage. I don’t even know what the history of it is because the documentation is convoluted as shit and poorly written. Whenever I Google something about it, the top answers are fucking 10+ years old and have not a god damn thing to do with the original problem. But guess what, they still use the same fucking useless error messages as they did 10+ years ago. Fucking idiots. The community for it doesn’t help at all. It’s fucking impossible to learn anything about it. Even the experts in this don’t have any idea what they are doing. Fuck this shit. ANYTHING that’s related in any way to Microsoft, or even mentions Microsoft, can suck my cock. FUCKKKKKKKKK.

oh - my - jesus titty fuking christ

i went to install lineageos on my fone because stock has a lot of shitty and annoying features, and back when cyanogen mod was a thing, it was always the default go to...not any fukin more

camera is already shit, and i mean i use camera as basic as can be. no options to do dick. cant turn off camera shutter sound without root and re/moving a file.

so i find an alternative...huh opencamera? k sounds fine even if it's not "as good as stock" - no - also shit. no delete? so what? everyone's just fukin perfect and never takes a bad picture? "wElL Is iT ReAlLy sO HaRd tO Go tO AnOtHeR ApP To dElEtE" FUK YOU. and these idiots apparently used to have a non-intuitive way to delete but now it's gone?

could frickin write a encyclopedia sized book on why android and google are suffering from brain parasites. but this shit just takes the cake