1059
BM32
2y

My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...

1. What is GitHub?

2. What is JSON?

3. What’s an array?

4. What is Get and what is Post?

5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?

6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.

7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.

8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?

9. What does NULL mean?

Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.

Fakin shyt for brains.

Comments
  • 207
    I liked the one where he asked: if an iPhone is offline can it it tell the server about it πŸ€”
    Does he even know what CTO means?
  • 90
    I don’t blame him. He was born an idiot. I glad the dumb CEO for hiring his friend. His idiot friend will ruin this company.
  • 21
    @BM32 I'm surprised how the company is still holding :S
  • 86
    Was he the guy who left equifax? πŸ˜€
  • 26
    @gitpush I’m planning to leave the company and ive stopped caring.
  • 9
    @nbamaral hahaha I think he must have been their chief security officer!!

    More like chief shitty officer
  • 2
    @BM32 wise choice ;)
  • 11
    @theScientist he fucker is 10 years my junior and he thinks he knows shit!

    I did some background checking on him. It tired out that he did don’t quit Intel or join us, he was fired!
  • 12
    Oh lord, it pains me to read this.. the ignorance of this CTO is to much to handle.
  • 5
    You have to look at it as a blessing: imagine you are like him, now, wouldn't that be a tragedy?
  • 9
    @BM32 how did he get into intel? :-o
  • 11
    @valium123 putting stamps on letters probably
  • 10
    ffs... what a moron.
    Well I think you can use his stupidity for your advantage... Just tell him some random tech words and make him feel good about himself...
    Eventually he'll get off your back
  • 25
    This guy is pushing the very concept of incompetence to whole new levels. Is he married? I'm just wondering who ties his shoelaces for him in the mornings.
  • 28
    "What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?"

    legitimate question ^_^
  • 21
    Yep, another qualified Chief Trolling Officer.
  • 4
    May the RNG Gods have mercy on your soul.
    ...
    ...
    Unless it was the RNG Gods that created this muppet of a CTO in the first place in which case.... Pray they allow for rerolls?
  • 2
    Holy shit....i believe it and I am scared.
  • 6
    The same shit happens in my workplace.
  • 8
    Sorry for the non-english expression, but porco dio, i hate when dumb people have some power
  • 21
    His head is null
  • 4
    This person does not deserve his position
  • 10
    Oh god get out of there. If i were you, i'd have died a thousend deaths just because of facepalming :o
  • 8
    Looks like it's time to GTFO as fast as possible.

    Stay strong mate
  • 17
    My fucking god, this dude gave me cancer... remotely. I can’t imagine being face to face. His mother should have swallowed...
  • 2
  • 5
    I'll just assume I just woke up and didn't read this post correctly. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
  • 1
    That's a joke right? RIGHT?! I hope you exagerrated because changing Backend languafe on a whim doesn't sound fun. Don't even mention the offline API call lol
  • 8
    Sometimes a company needs a dumb dude that knows how to direct.

    But the dumb dude has to understand and aknowledge it and really know how to direct.

    This dumb guy seems to feel smart, that is very bad.

    I am sorry, kick the crotch to reboot the brain.
  • 2
    I am legit sorry for you. Hope you find a better place.
  • 2
    WTF!!!!!!
  • 3
    Quit and watch the company collapsed from far away~
  • 3
    I will punch his face for way less than that
  • 3
    @BM32 if I were u I'd take advantage of the situation. You can easily tell him things will take twice as long, and just work on side projects (either for urself, or make more $$ by freelancing)!
  • 4
    See things positively..
    If he wasn't dumb you won't be getting up votes.. πŸ˜‚
  • 4
  • 8
    @gitpull No kidding, I literally, literally just closed my eyes for a few seconds and opened them again in the hope that I read it wrong! Mother of fucking god, this is. just. idk I don't have words for this level of retardness.

    My condoleances @BM32!
  • 6
    What company is this!?? Asking for a friend that needs a job
  • 25
    Those questions seem legit to me, here are my answers
    1. GitHub is a website just like PornHub
    2. JSON is famous movie series starring Matt Damon
    3. Array is collection of objects
    4. Get is used to get data from post and post is used to post data to get
    5. iPhone cannot do that but Android phone can.
    6. There are lots of online convertor for .php to .java
    7. For .java to node.js is paid service there are no free services.
    8. MySQL stores data in text files. Now onwards I will use MongoDB (Database)
    9. NULL is nothing but a pointer to this
  • 0
    @Sunsette yeah I have to smile and pretend everything is ok so I get my shares. It’s not easy to hold my tongue and my fist!
  • 1
    @MaxS hahahha! I will have to use Star Trek phrases
  • 5
    These are all really easy questions:

    1) GitHub is an auto repair chain, don't know what that has to do with software but ok
    2) JSON is the name of my cousin's kid, which is strange to ask
    3) Arrays is what you do to pencil marks when you want to remove them, I do this when I print out codes
    4) Get is what the Gopher system does, if I recall, and Post is how you send mail
    5) the phone has to be on the line to do stuff with a PI. I would call Verizon in that case

    I'm hired.
  • 1
    @SHA-16384 hahahah, you’re hired. You seem to have all the necessary qualifications!

    When can you start?
  • 0
    I don’t know who you are but I wouldn’t flake this company on you
  • 1
    @Ma30h I do want to slap him. He keeps looking down my top to see if you can catch a glimpse of my boobs. Fucking pervert.
  • 4
    @teadrinker Apparently this guy is married he has a kid and he lives with his mother also. He also claims to have a PhD. I should have his credentials investigated. I have no idea how he got his job at Intel but I can understand why he didn’t last long there.
  • 0
    does the ceo know that the cto is wasting time & money big time?
    I mean if you built the backend in PHP for 11 months and then another 11 months for the Java one, and another 11 for the node.js one i see 3+ years of resources wastet.
  • 1
    @AleCx04 The sad truth of the matter is after living in Silicon Valley for 30 years, these kind of moronic incompetent fuck face fools are normal. They’re everywhere and the worst thing is there’s one in our office!
  • 1
    @IsDev Me too. That is the one thing I hate the most; incompetent people that passed themselves off as professionals
  • 2
    @Ederbit no it’s not a joke. Sadly I couldn’t edit my message and add more comments because I ran out of time. This app is the five-minute grace period in which you can edit your original message. That was a lot more bullshit that the sky said that I couldn’t add to my message. I tell you what I die a little every day working with this asshole
  • 0
    @falmesino I absolutely intend to do that. Maybe I should call Homeland security and have his visa application re-examination
  • 2
    @AnonyOps same here I feel demoralized working with him
  • 2
    @heyheni The CEO who hired this dumb CTO. The CEO is just as dumb if not worse than the asshole CTO
  • 1
    @BM32 I can only imagine. I’m so sorry...
  • 1
    @BM32 Strangely, after I posted that I thought "hmm... I wonder if he still lives with his mother..." !
  • 2
    @BM32 well that's just another reason to punch him 😑
  • 1
  • 0
    CTO - Java is Better.
    YOU - How ?
    ME - WTF !! Really ?? is PHP better ?
  • 0
    @AndSoWeCode sound like "My sperm querying lady" to him
  • 3
    @chiragiem36 wow iPhones are amazing! πŸ€”πŸ˜‚
  • 1
  • 4
    @gitpush apple is working on a future technology which they codenamed SMS. You can send 160 character text using it to a number even not when internet connection is not available. The server will read the text and respond accordingly. Though bloody androids had already cloned the project and already working on the same
  • 0
    @chiragiem36 damn Android guys - Sent from Sony Xperia Running Android 7.1 πŸ˜€
  • 0
    Dont remind of sony xperia ... Sony service fucked me badly ..Sidewise
    Damn sony xperia XA
  • 0
    @chiragiem36 it doesn’t matter if it’s good or it’s bad. A leader (CTO) should be able to justify all his directives and have his deductions based on logic, budget and time.
  • 1
    @BM32 atleast he was wise enough to switch tech stack twice.πŸ˜‚ Now he know that two more languages exist. A costly lesson. But sure, gonna help him with next company ( if he make it to?)
  • 2
    Another unqualified C level executive controlling technical roles, why am I not surprised?
  • 1
    You know what they say, "fuck up, move up"
  • 0
    No reason to hate the guy if he's unqualified, I don't think it's his fault they hired him.

    Now would I work at a place where I thought I was severely unqualified? Probably not, but for enough money, maybe πŸ˜‚
  • 1
    Again. Company please.
  • 0
    @nosoup4u who says that? I’ve never heard that phrase before.
  • 2
    @BM32 Maybe it's a blue collar thing. My background is blue collar and military prior to getting into this industry. I figured it was a well known saying. In any case, it's one I've heard all of my working life, haha. There's often merit to it as well, apparently.

    In any case, I feel your pain, and I hope it works out for you.
  • 1
  • 0
    I feel you! I know people always give on about the Java/Javascript confusion, but I literally got into a fight with my boss because he wouldn't believe me that they were not the same thing.
  • 0
    @s0nic12 are they same now?
  • 0
    @chramori176 it is his fault. He deceived everyone. there’s plenty of blame to go around that he’s an asshole And doesn’t deserve to be in my vicinity
  • 2
    Wait, did you rewrite the codes from php to java for real? Just because that kind of CTO said? OMG. You deserve a better company, leave dear.
  • 2
    @magic0822 yes, we started to do that on Monday. I presented my opposition to my CTO by he said I have to do as the CTO demands or I should find a new job.

    Needless today I have stated to look for a new job. I can’t take this BS any more.
  • 1
    @BM32 I hope you do find a new asap.
  • 0
    5, 6, 7 and 8 are just borderline retardness.
  • 1
    @nik123 so you’ve met him then?
  • 0
    @suprano thank you.
  • 0
    @BM32 no I was talking about the questions.
  • 1
    @nik123 sarcasm is lost on you my friend
  • 1
    These should be questions coming from a coffee guy, not a CTO πŸ˜‚
  • 1
    @BM32 usually I use <sarcasm> for that, I thought you were serious.
  • 1
    @nik123 you are right though, the guy’s a moron and he give me a hard time just because he’s unqualified to understand my answers.
  • 1
    I like number 8
  • 5
    I had posted todo on another thread as it’s related, I thought I’d post it here...

    The dumbass CTO emailed me this weekend asking “what is big data?”

    I replied: “...it’s when you use a large font in your code...”

    He thanked me. I bet he will be at some presentation and will reference using large fonts in an IDE
  • 0
    This is what happens when you fake it till you make it goes wrong
  • 1
    @BM32 really is he that dumb ? or you are just trying to win us against him, so that you can persuade CEO to fire him, for personal gain or some other reasons ?
  • 2
    These are frightening questions
  • 1
    @BM32 explains what he spent his time on in class.
  • 2
    A friend of a friend can uhh.. Gray hat troll him, ya know.. if you’d like.
  • 3
    @AnonyOps if that happens there is a serious possibility he will ask her to write a whole OS, a more secure one you know😜 because why not?!
  • 1
    @koukou πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ But Tails already exist!
  • 2
    @AnonyOps I can imagine the conversation, “ and what breed is your dog?” 🀣
  • 1
    @koukouπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
  • 0
    I dont you just say to the boss that he is not qualified for the job? I wouldnt stand for that kind of dumbness.
  • 2
    What's Java?
  • 1
    @jalebiBhai My CEO is a dick. The less I say about in the better as he is the one that introduced me to DevRant!

    Anyway I’ve started to look for new work so I don’t care about that company anymore. I don’t like the stress and I don’t like to be demoralized by dumb colleagues
  • 0
    @valium123 That’s if he actually went to school. He claims he has a PhD but won’t say which university he attended. Kind of suspect, do you think?
  • 1
    @AnonyOps We should talk. This guy sexually harassed me so yeah we should talk. Not sure how you can PM me here. I’m new to devRant so I don’t know all of its features
  • 2
    @koukou I’ll be sure to use a large front!
  • 0
    @WorstVarNames Well it doesn’t help that they are best friends and they’re from the same country. So I’m sure when is helping the other for the countless favors. Who knows? But the bottom line is I’ve stopped caring.
  • 1
    @BM32 is he indian ?
  • 1
    @isaacWeisberg surely Java is the parent of JavaScript; No?
  • 0
    @jalebiBhai No comment. I don’t want to upset my southAsian friends here.
  • 0
    @BM32 asia or south asian πŸ˜‚
  • 0
    @BM32 you don't worry ... I am from india. In case there is some kind of widespread protest, trust me, my support will live with you
  • 1
    @jalebiBhai funny thing is my other Asian colleagues are disgusted by this individual
  • 1
    @BM32 πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
  • 0
    I was having doubt, since you liked that comment where I asked if he/she/other is india. Now I am more sure.

    Let me go through events once again. Maybe there's a clue I am missing out
  • 0
    Could be pakistani too... Are you from states ? But not many pakistanis make it to US, specially in software industry

    Hmm
  • 1
    @jalebiBhai I try to like everyone’s comments as a way of thanking them for posting on my thread. I’m new here am I doing this correctly? Or should I not be hitting the plus button?

    But I hit plus on your message because you hit the nail on the head! It was my subtle way to let you know you guessed correctly.
  • 0
    @jalebiBhai I think the less said about his Ethnicity the better. I don’t want to come off as a racist or anything mean like that. I don’t think it’s his background that’s the problem I think the fact is dishonest man is the issue
  • 0
    Agreed. But I also believe ethnicity also plays a role in developing a person's mindset
  • 2
    @BM32 lol check for any criminal records too.
  • 0
    @jalebiBhai a lot of pakis do actually.
  • 0
  • 2
    @BM32 you should 'out' him in an anonymous blog post and just share the link here, so that we all know who this idiot is.
  • 0
    He could be me
  • 1
    @jalebiBhai who know he might also have a criminal past :-D
  • 2
    can't even Complete it and started laughing with "FU*K". Why do these people even exits. Makes me think that I am Over Qualified for the CTO position in your company. * Proud Moment *.
  • 1
    @BM32 who is this great company that employs such talents ?
  • 0
    @valium123 that makes sense. :)
  • 0
    @valium123 I think he may actually be a member here so that’s why I’m watching what I say. I don’t want to get fired and not have a job secured elsewhere
  • 0
    @jalebiBhai I’ll tell after I leave
  • 1
    @secrethash you over educated CTOs!!!
  • 1
    If he is here then he would not wait to be named. You name him or not, he will know who are you
  • 1
    And I wonder such stupid dumbholes exist on this forum
  • 1
    @BM32 πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
  • 0
    @jalebiBhai Yeah but I won’t get into any legal issues.
  • 1
    @BM32 oh yeah
    EcmaScript 2, what a days these were
  • 2
    "Fakin shyt" 😎. Now that's something new.
  • 2
    πŸ€—πŸΏπŸ€— subbed for updates
  • 2
    @BM32 oh yeah that stress ball! Congrats!
  • 1
    @atomicTurtle I’ve enjoyed people’s responses. Thanks everyone.
  • 3
    @jalebiBhai I think I will name and shame him and quite possibly post his LinkedIn webpage here when the start up failed
  • 1
  • 0
    @jalebiBhai I doubt it!!! Just so long as I’m out of there when the shit hits the fan!
  • 2
    @BM32 let me find you a job then
  • 1
    @jalebiBhai I’m i Silicon Valley. It’s not hard to find a job here.
  • 1
    But it's hard to find a good collab. here
  • 3
    I'd just leave the freaking place... With such dumb people at the wheel of the company I doubt it would be an interesting job anyways....
    Surround yourself with idiots and they're gonna transform you into an idiot too. Surround yourself with better people than you and become a better person yourself.
  • 2
    If that CTO were any dumber and any more arrogant, he could become president of the United States.
  • 2
    Well, to give him some credit, anything is better than PHP.
  • 0
    @conmarap Why do yout think PHP is the worst?
  • 0
  • 0
    @conmarap That's not an answer. First of all, there were only a lot of opinions like "PHP is crap", but nobody really says why it's crap. Opinions, no facts. Secondly, I was asking you, why do *you* think PHP is the worst? Because so many others say it's crap? Have you even programmed PHP yourself?
  • 0
    @TerriToniAX my post there answers the question of whether I've programmed in it. I have roughly 5 years of experience in it and I can, confidently, say that it sucks.
  • 0
    @conmarap Ah, looked again and there it was. In your comment there you say "there are things PHP is just horrible at.".

    Such as?...

    I have 11 yrs experience of PHP and sure, it has its caveats like all languages, but I don't agree that there would be no worse language. I haven't tried all the 2000+ or so (anyone has the figures on how many languages there are in the world?) programming languages, but based on those that I do have experience from, I'd say Basic is the worst. It's a charming, fun and lovely toy, but useless for any serious development.
  • 1
    @TerriToniAX lol Brainfuck is an even worse language, It's a charming, fun and lovely toy, but useless for any serious development. I don't hate php i just don't see why I would use it when I can use node Js lol. I think languages are very subjective and you will have fans for all languages e.g. https://red-gate.com/simple-talk/...
  • 3
    @gitpush CTO stands for Cool Title Officer. Everybody knows that. Wink wink @BinaryProvider
  • 1
    @kilobytelogic never thought of that, then I'm a CTO :P
  • 1
    @gitpush, it depends. Is your title CTO?
  • 0
    @kilobytelogic naaa I'm a regular Dev πŸ˜…
  • 0
    @gitpush i thought so. The "Cool" in CTO is something are bestowed upon you by others. Nothing to take lightly! Actually, formally, I think the CEO simply appoints the coolest guy in the company.
  • 0
    I don't own an iPhone but I'd imagine number 5 is possible. I expect there should be an event that is emitted when the phone is about to shutdown, a background service could listen for this event and call the API.
  • 1
    @bb6xt the clue was in the question. It’s offline.

    In our case, the device goes offline when the user enters an area without any connectivity, no WiFi, no cellular.

    In other cases, as in your example, shutting down; iOS doesn’t report to Apple it’s last known location. However, this data is never diaper to you as the owner of the device or is as I. Develops of services. The iPhone also periodically turned itself back on just to report back to Apple its location and then shuts down again.
  • 1
    @kilobytelogic I’m the CMS. Code Monkey Slave
  • 0
    @conmarap why do you say that?
  • 1
    @BM32 I misunderstood the question. I thought the question was if it were possible for the phone to call an api when shutting down. Thanks for clearing it up for me.
  • 1
    Chief technically an officer
  • 1
    @BenjaminKay8 thats right, my title only!
  • 2
    Thanks everyone for your kind comments. Working g at this hellhole has been, hell!

    I’ve decided to leave and form my own new start up. My husband has been very encouraging and is helping me to launch business. We will be producing a mobile app. He will make the iPhone app and I will make the backend. Now I just need to find a good Android developer. Can anyone help me?
  • 1
    @BM32 I would warmly recommend you to take a look at unity3d. It is an excellent multi-platform framework with compiler (native app) that can be used for apps and games alike.

    More than 50% of games on AppStore are written in Unity.

    Ppl however have wrong perception that it is for games only. It is extremely powerful, GPU-based framework that can do absolutely anything u want.

    You can also write your own plug-in for it in case there is any function that you need, and does not already exist.

    Nothing beats it. And on a button click you can get native app package for all of the following systems:

    Android, Android TV, iOS, Apple TV, OSX, Windows, Linux, Windows Mobile.

    Coding is done using either C# or JavaScript.
  • 1
    P.S.

    It can be used for free, with Unity logo shown as splash screen. You can use it like that during development and testing.

    I don't wanna leave link here (not sure about policy on sharing links on devRant), but will be first link in Google search :)
  • 0
    If I were you, I'd quit.
  • 0
    Those are perfectly legitimate questions
  • 0
    Dude.. i know all the answers...cani be the CTO please 😁
  • 0
    @shaji Question 1 actually isn't that bad, after all github hasn't been around for very long. Questions 2...3 are perfectly legit if you're new to web dev, questions 4 and 9 are legit if you're new to any dev. The rest of the questions are just dumb.
  • 0
    Oh my ! This guy is fuckin stupid!
  • 0
    Pack your shit .. live your life
  • 1
    What is computer ?
  • 0
    Even I knows more than your CTO and I have no formal studies in CS.

    What an amazing company you work at.
  • 0
    Bloody hell, what a colossal moron. How did he even get the job...?
  • 0
    "What is Github?" completely astonished me, and it's mildly infuriating that someone would say that when they're working for an IT company.
  • 0
    Feels bad..., I hope you can find another job with at least some "normal" coworkers.
  • 0
    I wish I can unread thisπŸ˜₯. I would have over reacted on him..
  • 1
    I'm only half way through and my brain hurts already
  • 0
    The "Because Facebook uses it" one is already amazing but the "If an iPhone is offline can it call an API to say that it is" for me is 100% CTO genius.
  • 0
    Wow this can't even be real lol. Sadly I think it is :(
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