>be me
>drop out of uni studying civil engineering
>"self-taught" "web programmer"
>start freelancing in 2010
>Make money, feels good man
>clients keep me busy, feel important
>Code just for the fun of it
>be 2019. Married, code to make ends meet
>lose all interest
>mere sight of the ide makes me want to bash the screen
>have zero motivation
>never get any projects done
>become broke af
>look at old friends on fb. They are "Something".
>look at real software engineers and programmers with education
>realize I am an imposter
>start dropping all projects and studying theory
>become more broke
>start taking "motivation pills" to just start working again
>lose all motivation and pissed at all the real programmers and engineers for their success
>be me on May 20, 2019 at 2:56 AM
Yep, this is the end.

Welcome to the devrant - Worlds best depression curing online facility!... Now if you please wait for the experts to take care of you and your mental state. In the meantime I highly recommend to read the most upvoted stories, which will shed some light and smile into your poor soul.

Sad ;-;

Be me:
> high school drop out (2004)
> never went to uni
> did webdev for the fun of it
> built text based games from 2006-2010 for the sense of achievement, plus what better way to learn then drop into a very large project.
> ran ecommerce logistics and data entry for small business
> had kids
> dropped life savings to move to another city
> picked up new role several months later (was broke AF and needed something to pay the bills)
> quit job due to clients blaming dev for clients bullshit, plus the constant micro management and emails at 11-12PM on a Sunday saying "hey be at work by 9"
Like wtf, why would I be checking work emails that late.
> went back to being broke AF
> picked up another role with a major company
> many years later Im full stack dev, sysadmin, and do automations.
> got thrown into Salesforce development as previous dev quit and the company didn't rehire for almost a year.
> still have no qualifications
> probably should get certified in something.

If I can do it while being under qualified to have minimum wage job, I can't see why others cant make it too.

Hopefully, you will find your pass to greatness.

How fucked am I if I'm going through this in my 20s?

1- I have a computer science degree, it didn’t do shit for me. The uni i was able to afford was shitty and I had to teach myself everything just like you. Those “real software engineers” you’re pissed at are simply better than u and me because they had opportunities and strokes of luck we simply did not. Like being able to go to a really good uni or being introduced to the field at a young age. I get pissed at the fact im not as good as them too but i found peace in knowing its not my fault I had less opportunities, and think of the millions of programmers that you with your experience already surpassed.

2- hating the mere sight of an IDE is normal, I love to code and everything but I once stopped altogether like you and couldn’t stand the sight of a computer screen. I later found out its not because of my confidence as developer, its because I simply hated the idea of having to work so much to make so little money in comparison to some people who are rich and do nothing.

Hang in there, hopefully you’ll find a better opportunity which will re-ignite the feeling that made you pursue and work hard for the dev life you have.

@Rematix

I'd say you'll bounce back pretty quick. You still have great brain plasticity. You can change your state easily. Ease up on the coffee, maintain good sleep hygiene and do physical work or sports. Those are just some of the things I didn't do and paying for it now.

Hey there; this is actually a condition you can seek help for. It's called imposter syndrome:
https://psychologytoday.com/us/...

As long as you have breath in your lungs, you still have the opportunity to fight back.
No matter how hard it's gonna be. No matter how long it's gonna take. You're still in control.

I don't understand you guys when you're say you make shitty money. I'm self taught shitty dev with 1.5 year experience and I earn more than 80% people in my country. Maybe your expectations are too high?

@C0D4 "got thrown into Salesforce development"

...Ah. You're one of us. I'm so, so sorry.

@M1sf3t Heh. Having said that, much as I might moan about Salesforce development, their events are certainly great for filling up the sticker book ;)

@AlmondSauce I'm yet to meet a dev that chose the SF way 😅

@AymanH 'Those “real software engineers” you’re pissed at are simply better than u and me because they had opportunities and strokes of luck we simply did not' - not necessarily, some of them worked hard, did much more than the bare minimum and never stopped learning. You don't get that from going to a "good" university and getting a degree, you get that from a natural drive to grok things and then spending hours and hours actually grokking things. In software, a university degree doesn't mean you're a good developer, it means that you *might* have an understanding of the fundamentals (C's get degrees) and have made some toy projects using outdated tech.

@PaszaVonPomiot

That was me 7 years ago. Making good money. It didn't last. The money, the motivation, the energy all of it.

.

I hope OP is still alive... He has family to support!

You need to realise you chose something adventurous years ago, you were off the beaten path as many of us. You probably took the best decision for you at that moment.
Nowadays things are changed, you must adapt. It's not always easy, but that's it.
It has nothing to do with degrees or being better at developing.

@PaszaVonPomiot technology and development has increased in complexity and being outsourced at other countries. That's the law of business.
You are probably now living in your country the "wave" that others countries experienced years ago.
Just remember that it could happen to you too.

Anyway, I always thought that one way out could be teaching.
Online courses or private schools, code camps, etc. Teach what universities or schools cannot teach, i.e. practical things.
Just an idea. With age and experience it's easier to take the role

sad.

@AymanH me now on the end of my computer science year on my shitty campus, actually where I need to teach my self so much than I get on campus.
Can even start to type I single code, because I am really frustrated how to finish it up, and make this to put to an end.

X-Men, get up, dust urself, get a loan, get to a private school, get good wine and most of all surround yourself with newbie developers

Maybe networking with other devs can help you - checkout a near conference to get the spark back.

Also accept that you cannot control the opportunities that will present themself to you or how much you will be paid.

You do any sports/activities? Might help :) best of luck man

I had the same problem ... I loved it again as I had to help a friend with a simple game out. I added new features, thought about what could be the best approach to implement different things and played with various ideas like best ways to beat the player ... Sometimes what it takes is just that thing what got us in this profession :)

What also helped was to try different things ... I played around with areas in IT where I was interested in, but did also different things in rl
Chewing the same thing for a long period is just a pain in the ass

@M1sf3t I actually worked for a guy who owned a cam modeling website. The camgirls, camdudes earned more money in a day than I do in a month. LOL

@M1sf3t I think there's a site called livecoding where people watch you code and donate if they like it. I think having a huge breasted lady sit beside you while you type would really help people motivate.

@deviloper I guess I'm in the country that is cheap to outsource it services to. So this makes me the lucky one as I can pick and choose jobs as I see fit.