39
Root
10d

When I'm tired, I can't do a damned thing. If it takes effort or concentration, I'm useless. Games are just frustrating. If it's something enjoyable, I simply can't care enough to enjoy it. If I read a book, I can't focus on the words, and won't remember anything I read. If its mindless like watching Netflix, I won't remember the next day, or rather I'll remember just enough to ruin it for myself.

So why not sleep?

Because I've been feeling like this every day, all day long for months. No, that vile liquid called coffee doesn't help. If I rest my eyes and stop thinking for a few minutes, I wake up a little and can function normally for a minute or two before passing out again. I'm not depressed, or at least I don't think I am. I feel like my brain died or got replaced with a lizard's.

And this sucks because I'm still during the probation period at work, and learning the sprawling and intricate codebase is actually challenging. And they're giving me large tickets because I was a dummy and impressed them too much.

Idk what's wrong with me, but I hope it stops soon.
I miss being able to think and plan and do anything besides just struggle to stay awake. 😞

Comments
  • 3
    Take a small break and do different activity, go to travel even to another state, change the air. It really helps me when I am like you described.
  • 5
    I hate to be the one to break it to you but I can confirm I'm a manic depressive in what you have sounds exactly like all the symptoms I had before I was diagnosed. What most people don't understand is that it is not a lifelong thing, that is a myth. It can be a situational thing. Or it can be a seasonal thing. Or genetic. Or genetic brought on by circumstances in your environment. Lot of things can cause it. Your body Knows Best. So the very best thing you can do is sleep and that's exactly what I do. Unfortunately we are in fact human and our bodies have human limits sometimes those include needing more sleep. Depression can also be caused by exhaustion and vice versa. I like to think of it as the lazy teenager inside of my brain going on a protest strike against my adult responsibilities. Get well and get rest and God bless.
  • 2
    You described brainfog , fatigue, low energy and problems concentrating or accessing your long term memory. It sounds like a burnout. Thats no wonder since u are triggering your fight or flight response with coffee daily. Try to quit coffee or any other stimulants for a while. Eat more veggies (check how much potassium and other electrolytes you must be having daily). It will take time but energy will come back eventually. I know everything now seems helpless and you feel stuck but try to make a change, do some research on reddit. One step at a time.
  • 0
    Maybe it's just the lack of sun? Because it's winter? I get this every year, but this year is particularly bad. I sleep plenty and do naps every now and then, but I still feel like I just pulled two consecutive all nighters
  • 5
    best advice: get a blood test to see if you have some nutrient deficiency, check if @epse is right.

    somewhat good advice: you could try some 10/15 minutes early in the day (or as soon as you can) of either:
    * a walk outside
    * high intensity training
    every 2 or 3 days (so you don't get even more tired) and see how that goes. you should know after day 1.
    it's a very low investment of time so I think that works with kids.
  • 3
    I would ignore comments 2 and 3 in this thread, they are diagnosing you over the internet.
  • 3
    These days it seems like giving it your 110% is a sure fire way too get yourself more of everyone else's work.

    Sounds to me, like you are dealing with burnout. I hope you get some rest soon.
  • 1
    Maybe its called anxiety? Or depression?
  • 2
    ---- Comment part 1 ----

    Hello Root,

    I've learned this one quote from the survival tv show called 'Alone' (2015): "Just because something's hard, that doesn't mean you have to give up".

    I too suffer from your described symptoms and the only thing that helps me somewhat is growling my teeth and do things anyway.

    Once, I read this article on why people perceive time to go by faster and faster - and the reason is that the brain ignores all the repetitive and mundane things. So, you have to find something of meaning; not games, not books.

    Although you can't be 'diagnosed' over the internet, I do see a point in that you might need better nutrition, sleep and exercise, for if you lack in that area, it might lead to these symtoms.
    Seeing you lack sleep could mainly be physiological but also psychological (which has of course effects on the physiological).
  • 3
    ---- Comment part 2: ----

    It's interesting you mention a lizard's brain because our brain (apart from the cerebral cortex) is not very far from it. We're built for nature and perhaps you might need to get out there and walk through nature for a while, gather your thoughts, let the blood flow through your legs, your brain and such.

    What it sounds to me like is that you're going through the popular epidemic more and more people are going through: a meaningless routine. At least break it somehow. Take steps to see what changes.

    Summary:

    try {
    - get in touch with nature
    - change routine
    - focus on sleep, nutrition and exercise (and perhaps make a healthy routine out of that. I know gym makes me energized and super positive (yeah, endorphins)!)
    } catch (DidntWorkException) {
    log();
    reportBackToDevrant();
    } finally {
    changeYourLife();
    }

    Kind wishes,

    CaptainRant
  • 5
    @Wisecrack I'm not bipolar. I don't think I'm depressed either, though I very well could be.

    @Coffe2Code @zemaitis It does feel like burnout, but focusing on work doesn't trigger it or make it worse, so I'm not burned out from work. Also, reddit is practically the worst place to find correct information.

    @hash-table I don't think its anxiety either, but I'll look into it.

    @epse @jesustricks I also suspect nutrient deficiency. I'll try to get some tests done soon. Hopefully it's something simple.

    @CaptainRant A vacation sounds wonderful, same with having some nature time. I live in a desert, though, so there isn't much around here. I really think it's a combination of missing some nutrients (as I changed my diet considerably about six months ago) and not having any peace and quiet to work, or time to relax. I feel like I'm always stressed because it's always noisy and chaotic so i can't focus to get anything done, and lately that's started feeling more like burnout.
  • 1
    @Root best of luck!
  • 3
    Sounds like burnout. If you do some amount of caffeine and take a 30 minute nap it may help, but the unfortunate reality is that you may need a break. Alternatively, you could have depression (I have heard that symptoms present differently based on gender, age, race, and other factors), ADD, or GAD. I have GAD and felt similar to how you describe until I got treatment.
  • 1
    This reads like a long list of the symptoms of my depression. The lack of focus, the complete inability to take joy in anything at all, the tired lifeless existence. If you have access to any kind of therapist or counsellor, I would recommend having a chat with them and talk about all of this. Therapy is one of the best things to happen to me, and I only wish I'd taken steps earlier, before it manifested itself into a serious mental illness. Feelings like these usually have their root in specific causes, and the only fix is to dig them out and deal with them.
  • 2
    @sodaTab "The reward you get for being the best at digging holes is a bigger shovel." - Terry Pratchett
  • 0
    @jesustricks at least we are trying to help and giving suggestions
  • 1
    I suggest getting in touch with a mental health care specialist, also if you trust your boss let them know.
    It could very well be depression or low mood. Until you discuss it you won't know what to do. I did CBT and that sort of helped. Little things like going for a walk, exercising, reading a book before bed, sharing my thoughts and feelings helps me.

    Some days I get told I'm doing a good job or overworked, but currently I feel I'm just bored, slacking and fed up, but that's a reflection of my own mental health
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