22
mort
3y

Anybody's a father here? My 10 months kid is giving me hard times waking at 2am and not going to sleep till 4am (it is 4 now, here). That's a really repeating problem. I'm loosing my focus at work, tired after few hours of coding, couldnt mange to learn after hours. Makes me frustrated. My PM understands situation (actually he have 5 kids!), tries to help. But can't figure it out how to overcome this. Any ideas fellow dads in code? To make it clear - I really love my son, but if I'll fail to keep my level at job I could loose it one day, don't feel like beeing able to find new decent job with current exhaust level. Also I'm the only one who makes money in our lil family, loosing job for too long means loosing the roof under the head for all three of us. My wife is barely living after beeing there for son whole day, so please dont point at her. Our kid is really demanding on attention and love, and thats like a sweet poison. Love kills.

Comments
  • 4
    My 23 month old daughter didn't sleep a full night until she was about 1 yr. My wife was breastfeeding her. She would normally wake up in the middle of the night once.
  • 3
    Can you telecommute and maybe work at night?
  • 1
    @jirehstudios mine one is breasteeded too. Was waking in the middle of the night influencing your job as mine? Have you overcomed it or just waited? Thanks for sharing! It cheers up a bit
  • 1
    @jirehstudios i did try, but 1st Im working at corporation wheres policy about 3 days/month offsite policy (pm helped me to overcome this for a month). 2nd It didnt help much, no matter of configuration, we end up missing few hours of sleep.
  • 2
    @mort I'm in a startup and had some seniority in my favor at that time since we were a small team. I was also telecommuting twice a week so you can imagine the flexibility that I was allowed.

    It wouldn't be fair to compare my situation to yours. Being able to telecommute really did help and my wife didn't start working until she was 8 months old.

    If you are somehow able to telecommute try out one of those baby hammocks that go around the chest/back. Maybe you can work on the computer while she falls asleep there.

    I don't know what else to say.
  • 1
    @jirehstudios thanks, thats much. Unlucky me - he does not sleep in those "hammocks". Hoping then that situation will fix over time
  • 4
    My son is 1.2 year old and until he was 1 he woke up about 3-4 times a night. We took a sleep consultant that helped us "train" him to sleep and after about 3 long weeks he slept whole nights. Then after a blissful week he got sick and went back to his old habits. Now he wakes up at about 3am we pick him up, take him to our bed and give him a bottle. Usually he sleeps between us until he wakes is up by playing with our faces at about 6am it's actually fun.
    Can't give you a real solution other than go to sleep some nights really early (like 9 o'clock) to recharge.
  • 1
    My son is 9 years old and he still wakes me up in the middle of the night with nightmares. I reassure him it's just a dream, and he's asleep in a second... Not me.

    When he was a baby I worked freelance, so I slept when he slept and carried him on a sling or had him by my side on his stroller.

    Did you try with swaddling (only legs giving he's ten months) or a sleepsuit/sleepsack? It helped a lot with my son when he was little.
  • 0
    Real nice advice. My first son is coming in about five months and I'm imagining myself in the same situation described.
  • 0
    If he drinks from a bottle (if your wife pumps and saves the milk) then you can add a little bit of baby rice cereal to the bottle before he goes to bed. This helped our first boy as it makes his last meal before sleeping a little heavier and helps him stay more full through the night.
    You could also try playing some quiet music all night for him, some classical piano or instrumental.
    My second son would only sleep in his baby swing for quite a while, until maybe 12 months, so we just put him in his swing and let it swing all night but that went through lots of batteries. But it worked to help him sleep.
  • 2
    If possible try to get one or two 20 min naps during the day it boosts alertness for one or a few hours.

    Remeber to set an alarm.

    I have an hour lunch and used that to get some rest in the middle of the day. It really helped with the afternoon.
  • 0
    @mort i feel your pain im a dad too and working with a kid can be exhauting what i suggest to you and that really worked for me is modafinil, you can order it online and it will boost your productivity like never one pill a day untill your son starts to sleep
  • 1
    Saving for when i get married and have a child 😂 good luck with your kid (sorry that i couldn't give any advice)
  • 0
    Same situation here @mort, have a son that is just over a year old now. I have also struggled at work during different periods, felt like a zombie sometimes 😴

    I'm home with my son for two months now and it's fantastic but seriously hard work. Non stop action all day, glad I get to eat anything and then being woken up every night. Breaks anyone but it will pass.

    How is your night routine?
    Is your wife feeding during the night?

    Our son usually fall asleep around 20 then he wakes up around 01 and is hungry. I'm doing the feeding now since I'm home so I give him a bottle of NAN. Have everything prepared by the bed and a small dimmed lamp so I can see what I'm doing without our son being woken up to much. As soon as he is finished we go to sleep asap.
  • 0
    He is in a little more sensitive period now so he sleeps in our bed a.t.m. when his not that we put him in his own bed next to ours.

    For the last couple of weeks he has been waking up again around 5-6 and is hungry again, same here, quick feeding and back to sleep.

    I highly recommend the Wonder Weeks app, it makes the rough periods easier. You can follow the childs different development periods and when there are fussy periods.

    It really helped me to understand and mange the tougher periods when I knew why and that it would pass soon.

    Keep in there buddy, it gets better!
  • 0
    I feel your pain and joy too. Just commenting in solidarity. Mine is 3 months old. I love him a lot. I try to sleep early coz I know he'll be up early so we wake up at 2 or 3 and by 5 he's asleep again. I get to do a few things between 5 and 7 then off to work
  • 0
    Really identify with your situation. Not a dad but have housemates who have a daughter who is almost three. She gets sick once a while and she stays awake all night crying. Each episode could last 3-5 days as we all keep awake trying to comfort her. I go work the next day feeling like a zombie. Hope you work it out fine. An amazing dad you are.
  • 0
    I slept a few nights at the couch, when it was affecting my work too much.
  • 1
    @jens-peter Exactly what I did and wanted to recommend also.

    My son is 3 now, but I also still remember the first "zombie" weeks or months. It's like running a marathon: You will get past that pain and when you look back it might not even seem that horrifying anymore (but I know, when you are in it it is a different kind of thing).
  • 0
    Is this a gadget? Expensive one? Usually expensive ones have a 12 months policy return... you could try that.
  • 0
    I have a daughter 1 year old and I've got to say that I think this situation is quite normal, I'm a student in the mornings and I have a full-time job in the afternoon so my daughter waking up at the middle of the night is somehow frustrating, but I think that the better you can do is to be patient, they are babies and their sleep cycle is not the same as us, I have some side projects that I used to follow up starting at 10 pm until like 00:30 because that was a safe timeframe for me haha, just try to stay focus on the job, remember not your goals or that you could be fired, but the fact that your decisions and performance is for your family and that the situation you are in is not the end of the world and it will stop some day, just find a motivation to keep the good work (I don't drink a lot of coffee but they say it helps)
  • 0
    @solocoder this is true, sleeping with parents and a bottle of milk could be your salvation
  • 2
    @vzqzac well, he do sleep with us and he is feeded during the night. But he just wake and stay this way at around 2am.

    But haha - 10pm to 1am is also my safe time when Id like to do some side job

    @thiagoavadore well I do not consider this a great option :P love this lil fella after all.

    @phorkyas well I hope so :)

    @elfico thanks a lot!

    @dustyfoot we need to keep it up, stay strong :)
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