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Dude, it will be ok. I know that sounds dismissive of what you're feeling right now, but I really mean it.
I'm sure others will have some great advice, but for my small part can I offer two small bits of advice?
1) small steps; don't over plan everything. Have a broad layout of what you need to accomplish and make small wraps towards it. Little bits of work soon build into the final project. And small steps give nice little feelings of achievement.
2) get out and go for a 20 or 30 min walk. Let your brain chill out for a while. Do this a couple of times during the day. Even if you feel you've 'got no time!!!' - just do it. You'll come back feeling a little bit refreshed and maybe because you've let your big brain chill out, some of those big problems won't be so big. -
@feynman Thanks for the reply. I'll try to take your advice and use them.
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I second what @feynman wrote. And I want to add a few notes to his list.
1) make lists. Short term and long term.. What needs to be done right away, what can wait. Just writing shit down can be a stress reliever.
2) try meditation. If you're sick, you probably won't be leaving your home. I had a pretty good experience following some of Mark Williams' mindfulness meditation when I was low. https://youtu.be/CyKhfUdOEgs -
I know the feeling, that you think your effort is not good enough. There is no point in stressing yourself about that for a company. It is not yours, they buy your time. Get some distance! About your school you can relax, too. Explain your situation to your teacher/prof! Talk about how you feel and what your thoughts are. It will give you energy to experience support.
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When workloads overwhelm me - I like to prioritize in a special way: Identifie what is pressing and what is important. Things that are both pressing and important - do first. Then reevaluate! Have the courage NOT to do something. If your supperiors give you a hard time about it, hand them your importance/urgency list and kick them out! NOTHING is more important than your mental and physical health! Any supperior that thinks othervice has an entitlement complex and you should reevaluate of you want to work for someone like that! And this might help too: http://michaelingold.ch/blogreader/...
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Been there done that...
Physical exercising makes you more happy. A daily walk about 30 mins is enough.
Try massage. Not the cosy spa-variant, and certainly not the ones with happy ending. My employer gets me free massage every month, my muscles hurts 2 days afterwards but in a good way.
Get a new job. It's never to late! -
Thank you all for your comments!
To reply to you @h3ll, I think I've always been a bit pessimistic and depression isn't all that uncommon in my family, but for me all this started a few years back when there was a tragic event in my family. I've been struggling a bit with everything ever since.
I got help, then meds.
During the last summer everything felt good again so I slowly quit the meds, as they tend to numb everything down. Right now I'm back at them again, but everything keeps coming at me.
And you're right, I cannot enjoy anything that I used to. -
I've been described by a friend once as a "recovering everything", I have a list of issues I struggle with every day, social anxiety, depression, physical contact issues (I'm really not fond of being touched, I wear a lot of layers), relationship (specifically friendships) issues.
As @h3ll remarked I don't think there's ever a cure, at least I'd given up hoping I'd ever live without it (thanks for making me feel less isolated there) so... I made it serve me. I'm 30 now, I don't remember being a happy child, it's taken most of my life up to this point to accept all of me, the good and the bad.
Take all of your bad stuff and use it, make it serve you. My sadness I use to drive my humour. My isolation/loneliness I use to know how to accept others. My pain teaches me to never hurt someone, you are permitted to find things annoying and you can say so, but don't attack the person.
I found this helpful, maybe you will to: https://youtu.be/9AgCr2tTvng -
@feynman Great answer.👍🏼
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My best advice is dont under estimate the impact of doing "little things", big things are made up of lots of little ones. Also this article made a big impact on my happiness by focusing on systems in place of targets. http://jamesclear.com/goals-systems
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I have bipolar disorder. In my depressive episodes, everything is terrible and hard. The meds and therapy help greatly, but it's sort of like treating a cold with DayQuil. It makes the day bearable, but doesn't fix the problem.
@feynman is very right. Take a walk. Do something small. I find doing something that's an "easy win" greatly improves my mood. Go out and get coffee, take a shower. Try to find a friend to spend the day with. I know first hand how hard it seems, but it's worth it once you do it.
Stay strong, don't let it win. -
Hang in there. I've found doing spiritual work (like what do you really want out of life and asking and examining yourself) really helps clear things up. Going to spiritual teachers and gatherings you'll find that's where the
Psychiatrists and psychologists go for help, the teachers teacher basically.
Sleep helps too. Everything in moderation though. :) -
I think in our society it's hard not to feel overwhelmed and the responses here speak for themselves. The thing is, we tend to want to be faster, better, stronger all day every day. People chase stuff that they don't even need in their lives. Try to appreciate the stuff that you have (physical health, food, shelter, freedom) and not focus too much on the stuff that you could have (better job/car/home). This one is really hard for me, but I try. Sometimes I feel down and no matter how bad it feels, I know the next day I will be well again. Also think about what the worst case scenario really would be (doing another semester, finding a new job), whenever a door closes, another opens. Don't see things you do as work, see them as an opportunity to learn (life and work). Sometimes I just DGAF for a day to come back stronger the next. Your circumstances greatly contribute to your well-being, if the job is too stressful or is not fulfilling you, maybe that's a sign for you to move on...
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@shizpi I might actually check that out, the free sample looked promising
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Most of us has been there at some point when everything seems fucked up but that's how we learn right not to make mistakes next time. About the code part always always plan out the steps (algo) that ur program will be executing to build up a bigger system and then move to coding. Now what you can do is you can start thinking in terms of steps and fix where you think u made mistakes
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I was in a bad place not too long ago and really wanted to quit my job and go someplace where nobody could find me. I was sick of my life and every night I wanted to just die in my sleep.
I really believe that talking to your friends about your problems helps a lot. They might not be able to help you but you'll learn a lot about yourself when you have that talk. And that's what helped me. I told myself I could not let my life come to a pause because of whatever was wrong with me. One thing that helped a lot was music. I play the guitar so I figured why not translate my feelings into songs. And I ended up writing about four songs out of all the anger and hopelessness that exists within me.
Today I'm going to perform these songs in front of a small audience. I think I now also look forward to all the challenges that come with my job.
I think we all need a way to effectively express ourselves. I hope you find that. Good luck! -
@aadilp Wow, how did the performance go? Very inspiring in a way.
I've talked to my therapist a few times after this post and the main theme seems to be that I should try to figure out ways to vent all the stress out. Exercising would be one, but I've never been able to hold on to that as a hobby. I might try it once more.
I play a lot of PC games which does help getting my mind of everything for a while, but doesn't really allow me to express myself or get the stress out.
Maybe something that requires being creative or artistic would be a better fit, who knows. -
@kiksu- I hate exercising. I hate sweeting, but for 6 months I've been exercising every week. All I did was paying a personal trainer. I can't just cancel because I don't feel like it, or skip it.
So, even if I'm not fancying at all doing exercise that day, after I'm done with it, I'm happy I went. -
@kiksu- It went well. Though I could have used a better audience. Haha!
I think we've all got to find that one thing we have always wanted to do. For me, I always wanted to make music. So now it's not only become my escape from everything, but also one of my passions.
I often tell people to try to write down what they're feeling. Not necessarily for others to read, but to gain some insight into their own mental state. And it really helps once you hit that moment of clarity and are able to see yourself from a different perspective.
Related Rants
It changed my life, really. 😁
!rant
Sad to make my first post here a depressing one, but I really hope that some of you have some tips to help in this line of work.
If anyone of you suffer from depression, how do you cope with it? How do you keep yourself motivated and don't start this self-loathing that I'm currently in? Other than antidepressants or therapy (already have meds).
Why I'm asking is because I have a very tough time getting motivated these days and right now I really need to be most active. I need to do a lot of small and big stuff at my work and at the same time try to graduate from school. The deadline for my thesis is at the start of May, which surely seems far away now, but it does not feel like enough.
The more I understand the systems that I'm working with, the more I can see how much I may have f*cked everything up and I build this never-ending list of tasks for myself in my head to try and fix everything. Which leads to a complete lockup with anxiety and I can't get anything done.
I don't believe in myself or my code anymore. I'm afraid of pushing anything to production. I also don't have anyone else to help me with my work, as I'm the only developer in the company (we have a service provider where most of the big stuff happens).
To add to all this, I have been sick for the last 4 days.
I truly am in a bad place right now.
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depression
anxiety
school
work