"We need you to build a feature on our website to stop people taking screenshots. I can use the print screen key and then easily print out our website design. You need to make the site design harder to copy".

This is an extract from a recent client email I received. To say I'm in shock is an understatement.

Made my day this 😂.

Scary thing, this is from one of those overly formal passive aggressive emails with 8 stakeholders copied i and an exclamation mark in the subject line.

The client thinks they have a genuine complaint.

It's seriously scary :/

I don't...

Holy shit 🤔

I think he mistook programming for sorcery. Tell him that feature requires a sorcerer on the team.

Tell him about CTRL+U, he'll flip!

@Letmecode Or test for the key and as soon as pressed, create a black div that covers the whole page, and set the opacity to 0 again after a few seconds.

Its impossible :) same with "we need to disable right clicking to stop people from viewing the code"

Here's how you do it. I just came up with this.

Have the page divided into a bunch of different pieces controlled by different CSS classes, and then on a very fast timer, hide and show the various pieces in quick succession so your brain makes it look like one picture. Then any time you take a screenshot you'll only see a small portion of the page!

I'm obviously not serious. What a stupid request. I swear to god I don't understand how people can have such a flawed understanding of computers and still be in positions of authority. Ok this was a client in this case but I can just picture a manager asking for such a thing.

@inferiormartin Sure I'll need to "develop a feature" to stop someone taking a screenshot via their phone too :)

@busuu It's a semi hobby for someone with a big budget.

Solution: have no website

Tell him it can be done, but you have to bring in "outside help"; a very reclusive contact you have who won't work for less than 1 grand

Make an alias.

Whitelist only thier IP.

"Feature" requirements met

@unfuckers-inc lol "won't work for less than a grand"

To protect your website from right click and print screen register listener for these events and when they occur hack the client who triggered this with ‘wanna cry’.
If anyone contact you and tell you how your site fucked his PC, tell him: “free encryption service, man”.

Harder to copy just means design something absolutely fucking ridiculous, like arngren.net

Build a computer virus which will disable printscreen on their PC. Auto download it when they visit the site and voila. Stupid people will run the virus since they want to have a working site.

@Treighton I have no empathy for that blend of arrogance, greed and ignorance.

If I were you, here's the realistic options if take:

a) Document all their security holes, charge them top dollar to fix them, then cut off contact.

b) Make an alias, use 7 proxies to deploy a blog naming and shaming and them post it here and every social media any devs will ever see. SEO it matching their keywords so it comes up on Google next to theirs.

If the client doesn't want people to steal images then water mark the living shit on every single image on the website.

...

If the client is talking about the design all together then you better get a new client 🙏

I like @Tasperen 's idea. Delete the entire website, then send him an email saying "done. No one can copy our design now."

Tell them to wait a few days for your quantum PC to arrive. I heard they have this feature built in through the principle of superposition and the observer effect:
As soon as someone looks at their Logo, it disappears from view.

You can do that by simply not making a website!

@KiKoS It'll be there, client just can't see it before it vanishes. 😂

HAHA /dead

@KiKoS Ha, guess that is an option. Will pass onto my client :)

@trilleplay nope, he's a client not a developer :)