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An entirely typical exchange at work:

PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?

ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?

PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.

ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.

PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.

ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.

6 hours later…

ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.

PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.

ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?

PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.

ME: Babelsets?

PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.

ME: There are users!?

PM: Of course!

ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.

PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?

ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?

PM: Yeah.

6 days later…

ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?

PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.

ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!

1 hour later…

ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.

PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?

ME: What cron?



ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.

PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.

ME: Right. I’ll change it...

PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.

ME: What visual?
...

Comments
  • 177
    Holy shit man I feel sorry for you
  • 93
    No wonder your nick
  • 82
    @dontPanic thanks. I feel sorry for me too.
  • 67
    Snigglefuck.
  • 27
    Take a ++ for sadness. Holy shit man.
  • 16
    ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Made my day
  • 14
    Been there, done that.

    That's why I don't move a finger until I know the whole picture.
  • 3
    hahahah wtf is wrong with him?
  • 27
    @DeadInside you deserve an extra ++ for gubblefluff and snigglefingers.
  • 41
    Thanks for the support everyone. This is the kind of shit I have to deal with every day. Briefs and tech specs are rare. We're always on a really tight deadline so it's common to start work on a project before we know what we're building. It then morphs into something closer to what the client wants with each 'amend'. The PM is also a Director so there's only so far I can push him to correct his bad management. Besides, he claims that it's all the client's fault. FML.
  • 8
    It is not the PM's fault for not being able to deliver and manage the project correctly it is the fault of that damn HR who hired this kind of PM to manage a project! It is you who made this happen despite the fucked up requests PM here is just a useless human ...
  • 3
    What visual...

    The nullTard thinks he is only asking you to do the specific parts, while his wise as? looks at the bigger picture.
    But clearly that's !helping๐Ÿ˜
  • 10
    Why you won't just ask for a full project specs? I don't get it. You accept new requests and don't even ask if that's all that is to be done. IMO the fault that you have to deal with something like this is on both sides โ˜บ
  • 5
    @sarneeh, I want to ++++ you.
  • 8
    I guess i can speak for everyone here, reading this killed us inside... Now i'm only speaking for myself but i would punch-kill that pm with such bullshit additions...
  • 10
    @sarneeh Wow. Not thought about asking for the full specs before. I'll totes try that. Thanks. ;)
  • 7
    @DeadInside not as a criticism, but really there should be a way to just refuse to do the job without at least semi-proper requirements? Some email with explanations? Something?
    Surely it will be easier for your boss to ask this from the client upfront rather than try to find a new dev.
  • 7
    This is gold haha. I am going through something like this right now โ˜น๏ธ
  • 16
    @elazar you're right but it doesn't work like that here. Even the written specs are later (verbally) amended. Then we get sent files like 'clientFinalAmends_final-v3.updated.docx' that may or may not supercede the verbal stuff. Any interaction with him is the same:
    Me: Can I get you a sandwich?
    PM: Sure, can I have a cheese one.
    ...
    Me: Here you go. It was £2.
    PM: Ta, I'll pay you later. Oh, this is on white. Did they not have better cheese? Where's my drink?
  • 7
    I feel like I'm reading an alien rant from Rick and Morty
  • 13
    I completely fucking lost it at "There are users!?" ๐Ÿ˜‚. I feel so fucking sorry for you, man!
  • 1
    I remember to say it in the meeting. It is not about what you want or what the client wants. It is about what the project actually needs.
  • 8
    @DeadInside I don't know if it was a sarcasm or not ๐Ÿ˜€ But anyways - man, you're a programmer. If there are people that disrespect you and your time by not giving you full specs even if you ask for it - just kick them in the ass. You will find a new job easily. Peace bro, didn't want to sound offensive โ˜บ
  • 6
    @sarneeh yes that was sarcasm. It's the only thing I can do well. FYI you didn't offend me at all. Your criticism is a valid one.
  • 1
    How do you do it!
  • 4
    Have a +1 for GubbleFluffs.๐Ÿถ
  • 4
    hahahaha i can so relate to this. well written
  • 2
    ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚so good. Can totally relate
  • 3
    Man you literally are @DeadInside I feel sorry man..you have amazing patience though
  • 7
    @dfox give him stress ball anyway....
  • 1
    You can run man!
  • 3
    You must be one hell of a Dev!
  • 1
    I think he's trolling you, I still don't know what a Gubblefluff is
  • 2
    Oh no! If only they could tell you from the beginning EVERYTHING you need to know. Such a waste of time and suck a lack of communication!
  • 2
    What the fuck did i just read?
  • 2
    I love how your username directly coressponds to the context of this story
  • 4
    Man, that is easy to solve, you do not code shit until a brief, docs and the stupid mockups, graphics etc are delivered and approved.

    One you teach people that, you will start getting it. Demostrate with data why working like this is more expensive and time wasting.

    Blame it on them for miss use of coman resources and stablish the mees of specs.
  • 3
    Woah, that's one hell of a communication issue. I think I'd strangle the PM after third request...
  • 2
    Stress ball here you come!
  • 1
    Rant at +666...cant bring myself to break that by adding another ++!
  • 1
    Holy crap. Thanx for this. Been laughing so hard I had trouble finishing. I understand completely.
  • 2
    @elazar Before leaving my last job I constantly asked for full specification to resolve this same issue I had. I asked all questions I could to grasp all requirements and suppress any late surprise. The fact is there were always unspoken requirements. When you have no idea of what is expected, all questions you can come with are not enough.
  • 0
    Sounds like a joke of PM....

    And this is why written brief is a must
  • 0
    This is a fucked up situation. All developers hate it.

    Tell your PM to learn some coding skill, so that he can have more empathy...
  • 0
    Just finished a project like this.
  • 0
    That is pretty accurate..lmfao
  • 0
    And I want it for yesterday!
  • 1
    Your comprehension needs a reward.

    Here take my ++ good sir.
  • 0
    Feels bad man...

    When tasks are not defined correctly, hell comes to you.
  • 0
    I remember the boss never mentioned the possibility of booking many different rooms with a total amount and details in one single invoice until the last day, I mean : he was always seeing a book now button next to every room and never said that he only wants one single button for all rooms, I ended up redoing most of booking and invoice and payment features.

    That question : "Why can't I book many rooms at once?" felt like eating lemon peels.
  • 0
    This is too good
  • 0
    Oh man this is a great rant. I love it and hope that a comic comes out for it.
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