Hi there fellow Devranters,
I am new here but my problem is pretty old. You see i stumbled into coding totally by accident. That was about 5 years ago. I have been learning ever since.
But the problem is that each day I just feel less and less of a programmer, more of a failure. I started with python, from sololearn to various ebooks.Then C++ and finally Ruby. But I still feeal weak.Despite the projects that I have worked on I still don't feel good enough. Most especially in Ruby.
I have a friend who is also into coding and coincidentally started about the same time as I did.The difference is that he learnt at university and I am self-taught.We used to talk a lot but we don't anymore,I feel too ashamed, an impostor even. I am scared he'll ask me something and I won't know anything about it.And I once taigjt him OOP. Right now I can't even code a hello world program without reading a whole ebook on python just to be confident.
We had dreams with my friend on a dozen or so projects that would have put us on the software dev map, but I keep avoiding him so much we have barely started any. I am afraid he'll find me too amateurish to work with.
I learn everyday to expand my knowledge,I have subscribed to a gazillion software related stuff on all social media platforms I happen to be in.But deep down I feel insufficient. I have been going through rants since the few hours I joined and it doesn't sound gibberish to me.Neither does other people's code when I go through it.But I am ashamed of mine I end up deleted after it runs successfully.
I just don't feel like a software developer, I don't even know what it takes to be one even. I learned 10 languages focused on 3, laughed at memes only devs get, used linux and loved it too but still I feel like an impostor. I used to be happy about all the things I taught myself, I onced dreamed of working at Google and later having my own startup back home.Now my friend and a couple of his friends have a small start-up and I feel ashamed of myself.
I don't feel like what I know is enough and learning only makes me feel worse, so bad I am scared of coding again now.Yet I just can't stop learning, I feel incomplete when I don't do anything dev related,but I don't even feel my speed is fast enough when I type on my keyboard.
😥😥

I just had to re-run some old scripts written in python, after a year and a half without using the language. Much spaghetti code, but strangely inebriating. 😯

Its been a month since i opened Android studio, and am feeling so weird doing the things now i do.

I had been learning and developing apps for almost an year( not exactly any big apps, but kinda in a learning phase, making prototypes, learning about the internal workings, reading blogs/articles,etc ) . Although i did got a few internships and earned some money, i didn't felt any good calling myself an Android developer with insufficient skills.

Frustrated, i just thought of taking a break, as my college was also giving a pressure of its own. Meanwhile i got a python data analytics scholarship from some 1 day competition at clg., So last September and October have pretty much gone into that. Python being an old friend seems like a pretty fun thing to do, and am totally into it (for now)

But java seems to let go of my hands even faster. Even though i used to waste much of my time reading how stuff works or checking out ui/animations , i did coded some stuff and made cool prototypes. i had a feeling that one day this all learning will be over and i will be able to code apps with ease... But now, it feels am going back to stage Zero. I feel as if i can't even write a hello world app.

I hope my poor little codebase is documented well enough to accept me back.
Don't leave me, java . We are on a break :'''(