Why can no-one, not one single solitary fucker, on StackOverflow get it through their thick skull that when I call PHP's http_response_code() or try to get $_SERVER["REDIRECT_STATUS"], I want the response code from Nginx? No, not Apache. No, I don't want to pass a status code FROM PHP TO NGINX, I want the response code. FROM Nginx. TO PHP.

In what fucking universe does PHP know more about the response code than Nginx? It doesn't. Nginx knows the response code, because that's the fucker that redirected to the error page. I want the error. Passed to the page. From Nginx. To PHP.

NO, http_response_code() DOES NOT MAGICALLY FUCKING WORK, IT RETURNS 200 BY DEFAUL- fuck it.

Oh boy do I sure love designing site layouts for mobile! The limited screen space makes me think about what's absolutely necessary to have on screen at any given time, and I need to account for both portrait and landscape. I love a good challenge - aaaand done! Time to check it out.

Ah, fuck, the browser has completely disregarded the text sizes I specified and headers of any size take up the entire screen space.

Ah, fuck, the browser has decided that 4 pixels of padding should be 32.

Ah, fuck, the browser has made the executive decision that images should be whatever size it's in the mood to display today.

Ah, fuck, all this enormous text has also wrapped itself to one letter per line.

Just a wild thought here: maybe mobile browsers should actually respect CSS rules.

Not much, honestly! My "desk" is actually a really shallow IKEA shelf - for a while I had a small collection of game figurines, bobbleheads and snowglobes lined up next to and on the base of my monitor stand, but more recently I had to make room for a Raspberry Pi, emergency bottle of HP Sauce and a drinks coaster.

My desk is tiny. Also I'm almost out of HP Sauce, please send help.

UI designers! Please understand that whilst animations are pretty, people don't want their webpages, apps and game UI elements jumping around when they're trying to interact with a button.

So Firefox for Android recently received an update that, stripping out 90% of the browser's functionality aside, has two glaring issues:

1_ about:config got disabled, so any options that, say, scaled webpages to not look like they're made of Duplo are now totally ignored. Enjoy your toddler websites!

2_ The search bar auto-hides. On every scroll. It changes the viewport size when it hides, making webpages frantically jump around and change CSS rules. There's no option to turn off auto-hiding. Twitter already jumps around like a rabbit on the strongest crack carrots can buy, and they somehow made it WORSE.

F%^&

Name a more iconic duo than web developers on help sites and having pissing contests over which modules they use instead of actually answering the question!

I've been a web dev/server admin for all of about a month now, and only known PHP for about a week of that, and the one thing really that grates on me isn't PHP's odd function naming inconsistencies or at times outright trash documentation, it's the other developers who, when asked a fairly straightforward question about why a mysqli function won't return something, demand you use PDO instead.

Please. I'm running a LEMP stack on a Raspberry Pi here, I'm trying to keep dependencies to an absolute minimum because the SD card is tiny, the Pi will catch on fire if it runs any hotter, and more dependencies are more potential points of failure. Just answer the damn question. I'm not going to install PDO for something I know I can do anyway just because it makes my code look slightly prettier.

Honourable mention to all you Node.js developers out there too, with your thousands of useless npm dependencies. I salute you.