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Me: PHP, please load the images.
PHP: No.
Me: Come on PHP, the deadline is tonight.
PHP: Haha nope.
Me: What if I swap the libraries?
PHP: Still no.
Me: What if I add a symlink?
PHP: No. And also I hate you.
Me: *gives up and sends an email to the client saying we have to delay the release*
PHP: lololol jk here's the images haha
Me: :/6 -
<?php
wakeUp();
goToWedding();
while (atWedding() && bored()) {
browseDevrant();
}
goToTrainStation();
sleep(2700); // got there 45 mins early
while (trainIsMoving()) {
try {
workOnDevrant();
} catch (ProcrastinationException $e) {
// got distracted by devRant
}
}
goHome();
while (unrespondedStickerRequests()) {
sendResponse();
}
goToSleep();
?>11 -
Presenting my paper on PHP Security in IEEE conference today... Wish me luck. I hope it gets published 😃🤞4
-
He's stop writing Java because he thinks Java is inelegant. He write PHP instead.
Am I still on earth? 🤔31 -
I am working on another developer's PHP code, and I found a new way that he done the redirect after the login with PHP!
22 -
Clint want custom CMS with php,
*makes custom CMS with php
Client thinks it's not php coz it looks pretty.
*shows php code
client still not convinced it's php9 -
Sysadmin TIL:
Hiring PHP developers does not contribute to the quota of employees with disabilities.2 -
What if your programming language would be chosen by The Sorting Hat from Harry Potter?
You would sit like:
*please not php, please not php, please not php*4 -
So I dual booted my pc with Ubuntu a few weeks back. And I came to a conclusion today.
Um, windows needs to go.23 -
Initial steps of learning any new programming language :
*heck yeah I created a calculator. Guess I'll show my family that I actually can code! *
-hey mom, dad look I made a simple calculator using python B)
- uhm... That's great son but dont we already have one of those?
- yeah but like... this is completely different it uses a different programming language than what you and I have been using all this time.
- ah I see. Good for you then
*muttering to each other*
-are you sure he's got the aptitude to be a cse?
-at this point we can just hope.
Me:*stares blindly in my dark room contemplating why I'm alive*7 -
I learnt a bit of Java recently. I wish I didn't. Because I primarily work with php. Now I kind of dislike php.21
-
When you think php is pure garbage but this third party tool that you really need is fully written on it and you have to use it.
12 -
Subtle irony:
Tons of people rant about how bad PHP is on devRant.
devRant's is built using PHP.
Love it4 -
Noob mistake, forgot the rename an HTML file to a .php file; was wondering why things weren't working at all.4
-
"We want a perfect PHP dev"
... yea, and he will produce shitcode like
switch(true) {
case 1 < 2:
...
case $a == $b:
...
}
no thx6 -
Favorite co-worker conversations:
Guy 1: PHP can be plenty fast! Just put in APC, Memcached, and Varnish and you can handle just about any load.
Guy 2: So you're saying PHP is fast when it doesn't run.1 -
New "dev" at our company. One of his first questions. "Could an if clause have two conditions?"... /me *facepalm* ... where did my boss find this Person and what did he told him?4
-
Theres a saying that PHP stands for:
Pubertierende
Hauptschüler
Programmieren
"Pupils in secondary school are programming"3 -
After two extensive talks with a potential employer (they lasted for hours), I decided to accept the offer, although the salary was ~25% lower than at my previous job. Everything else sounded fantastic and I needed that desperately since at the previous company everything was toxic for years.
These new guys wanted a senior php dev because they had none of them, except only wordpress and drupal people who were not skilled enough to take other types of projects (they called them "custom php"). I liked it and thought I'm gonna shine there and quickly earn a raise because the agency will start earning more by getting projects that they were unable to even bid for.
First day at work and I got assigned to a new Drupal project, although it was supposed to be a simple restful API for a simple iOS app. It could be done in a week or less, with no rushing at all. But it had to be Drupal. And I happened to be around to hear that there is a queue of Drupal projects waiting. After 2 days leaving the office late and having my brain melted by nonsense I was looking at, I quit the job.
No offense to Drupal people, I really do admire you, but I just could not stand it after 8 years "doing custom php". It felt too much like being downgraded. But more than that I was pissed off by the fact that I have been shamelessly lied to and tricked to accept something I clearly said that I dont want.
This happened a year ago. I now earn 2.5x more money than those guys offered and work in a very healthy environment. In the meantime, I heard that the other guys shut their company down.3 -
The only way to feel comfortable coding on PHP is using classes and methods, I feel like home (Java)
10 -
Me a year ago:
// Pieces together a deadbeat crappy php-script
"Man... PHP is shit"
Me now:
// Gets paid to create controllers for php framework applications
"Man... PHP is THE shit!"4 -
You study PHP, OO, Design Patterns, TDD, Zend Framework, Laravel, AngularJS...
Then you find a job, it's Wordpress...4 -
Anyone remember when PHP was a straightforward procedural language and not a pseudo-objective mess?
#saturdaynostalgia10 -
Started writing PHP as a tag for a rant and the third suggested tag is "PHP #facepalm". What are people trying to say about PHP? 😝
1 -
Been quite some time since I have last worked with PHP, but it is that time again.
New project, demanded that PHP being used.
*clicks knuckles10 -
The feeling, when you realize that devRant uses PHP as main language... priceless..
haters gonna hate :D
Thanks, @dfox7 -
You'll have more pain convincing people that you CAN write a decent app in PHP, than writing one.
#noHatePlz4 -
I like PHP.
It's not as bad as its reputation. Just because it's easy to learn, does not mean it's bad. In fact, with a framework like Laravel or Zend it's not so simple and keeps the whole spaghetti code developers away, which led to the bad reputation.11 -
Today I found out that in PHP 7.2 when you have variables $a and $b which are both integers, and you do $c= $a + $b, $c is not necessarily an integer. Why, just why, PHP?6
-
The moment you enable the PHP warnings in your company and you want to delete all your coworkers code.
#why #you #do #this #to #me3 -
when I got hired my boss wrote a cms in php that's 50,000 + lines of php code, without a single line of documentation. Yeah can you tell how my first few weeks went?1
-
That feeling when you finally use @ before a few functions in PHP to suppress warnings, since the whole application is a hack which miraculously works anyways.
The feeling of finally getting close to deploying it.5 -
I gave a chance to PHP using Laravel. My conclusions: Laravel is such a great framework, PHP sintax is hell but its a powerfull language.4
-
Hey guys. I have nothing to rant about the last few weeks.
I want to buy a book about advanced php. Cool ninja stuff I could do on backend... Do you have any suggestions for me?4 -
Cheers to those Java developers who think they will be richer than PHP developers because Java has a more complex syntax.12
-
I'm working this whole weekend to rewrite/move an old custom made shop extension to the new shop.
The amount of possible SQL injections is too damn high and this piece of shit the creator calls code is the most pitiable thing I have ever seen!
I don't how you can call yourself an experienced programmer if you create SQL queries by concatenating strings and variables in raw PHP, copying the same fucking includefiles to 10 different folders and use all of them in random places.
I'm not angry at all, I just want to castrate you with a blunt, fake swiss army knife so mankind is safe from you multiplying yourself.3 -
Today is was the smoothest PHP session I ever had!
Implemented OTP system for a project in about 2 hrs without any hurldes.
Php is awesome with OOPs!
Now I can get a good Sleep. Goodnight !7 -
I'm sure more than 50% of the Devs who claim to hate PHP either don't use it, or only claim to hate it because, well, you know... it's the Dev way.
19 -
The reason why I don't trust php:
var_dump(0 == "0deadbeef1");
var_dump(7 == "7deadlysins");
(both return true)4 -
Workarounds are great. I remember one time, I had a server that let anyone access any file as long as the knew the right path. I wanted to store data in a .txt (it wasnt secure passwords or anything, so calmyourtities), but then had access too it. Now, this server wasn't running anything except PHP, so I created a database.php, and within was just some php tags. I ended up modifying the database.php from other PHP scripts and storing all the data as PHP comment, then parsing thru it as I needed, so loading mydomain.biz/database.php wouldn't show the data. ex of my database.php (to all that might not understand because I'm bad at explaining):
<?php
//USER1:DATA1
//USER2:DATA2
?>2 -
I have an exam in 4 hours. I've been studying all night and now I can't seem to retain anything.
I'm fuckin screwed.
8 -
When you migrate from PHP 5.6 to PHP 7, if you use MongoDB, be careful, the driver is not the same ! So you have to rewrite your implementation !1
-
2 years ago I told myself I'd never learn PHP. 2 years later I'm a desperate college student in a town where the only web dev companies rely on PHP. I didn't want to cave and learn such an obsolete language but it's looking like I have no choice. Goodbye, innocence :'(15
-
PHP => The bad performance when using lots of data. Also I hate the possibility to do everything in 3 ways.6
-
Had my first interview for a part time Php job at a student company at my school yesterday.
If I have to guess, it all went pretty well.
Let's hope I make it to the second interview round 😁10 -
New dev at our company. After two weeks he has finished a feature for a project. Want to merge it into the dev branch ... he worked in the master branch.2
-
When will the cookies(PHP) expire? Non-programming answer: It depends if you put it in the freezer or not LOL1
-
Authors of articles that say PHP is past because "it doesn't separate concerns" and "it just spits out HTML within logic"… please don't write about something you don't know2
-
Serious question: why all the hate on PHP?
I've been using it as my main language, and genuinely like it. Tried Java but find that to be typing a fuckload to get the same task done. Javascript is nice, but still, i prefer PHP (probably mostly because i know it).
Just really curious, what have i been missing?17 -
Passing variables by reference in nested functions using PHP.
If you miss an ampersand your afternoon is very long.
😝😝😝😝😝4 -
PHP...
When I first learned to code - like everyone - I felt the need to try as many programming languages as possible. After the comforting syntax of myClass.MyProperty/myClass.MyFunction()/C#, the $ symbols everywhere made me want to vomit...
Fast forward 2 years later. I learned a bit and wanted to make a website backend. Checked my hosting - which was purely a frontend thing at the time - free PHP hosting or £15/month for ASP .NET hosting...
I begrudingly wrote my first .php file, hating my life.
But by the end of that night my relationship with PHP was already cemented.
And that's why I like PHP.4 -
So this code was once in the PHP source
int size;
size = EXPR;
if (size > INT_MAX || size <= 0) {
return NULL;
}
dest = calloc(size, sizeof(char));1 -
> be me
> change theme in vscode
> syntax highlighter stops working for php
> panic mode
> removed personal settings for php
> removed all settings
> back on default
> ohshitno.xml
> find a github issue, marked as closed
> sleep
> wake up
> start working
> cannot work without syntax highlight
> find another github issue, saying the theme I want doesn't supports syntax highlighting
> fml.xml
> back on default2 -
I regularly diss on PHP in office but the truth is just that the developers before me wrote bad code. It was bad code in PHP alright but they had a whole framework to use and at least organize their code better but they didn't use it.
I have seen their JavaScript code too and it was all in one file.
P.S. I have no idea under which condition they had to write the code. The app was initially outsourced.5 -
I wouldn't mind PHP that much if HTML templates with it weren't such verbose and borderline illegible nightmares 😢😢😢3
-
Overheard PHP developer say: "I don't like Node.js, it should be more like PHP where everything is async."3
-
I don't know why some people hate PHP, I mean maybe there are some stuff that may annoy you but personally I think it's cool language.5
-
When searching through an array,because I also program using Java,i always end up putting for(x=0;x<array.length ;x++){}
Now in php I have to deal with this
10 -
Best co-worker i have had was a 25 old guy with narcolepsy. He fall asleep every hour for about 10 minutes.
-
When your internship boss orders you to work on a PHP project. And you see that the original maker of code has repeated things a million times
2 -
Don't let PHP be the last language you code after other languages at the end of the day.
Been staring at:
$message = "Hello " + $name;
For a whole hour trying to figure out what's wrong.2 -
I was so excited about my new job, which was described as programming with Python, Selenium and Scrapy. But all I do is debugging shit from previous dev since one month in Python, PHP and C#.
-
My current project: PHP microframework that makes building REST API kinda 'easy'
But I've read some articles online that building APIs using PHP is a really bad idea. I guess I just wasted my time. Lol. I hate myself.
8 -
https://youtube.com/watch/...
I didn't know PHP was created as a "template language" and Rasmus Lerdorf(PHP's creator) himself rejected PHP to be a "business logic language" at first. But PHP 7 Freaking rules!4 -
<?php
$i = -10;
do {
echo "The number is " . $i . "<br/>";
$i++;
} while($i <= 7);
?>
Just for the heck of it:p23 -
one of the most anoying error in php is headers already sent -_- one single white space will fuck you up3
-
The moment where a colleague writes code in php... declares a variable but does not assign a value... fresh palms3
-
MMMM
Why the actual FUCK does PHP not throw errors for undefined variables.
FUCK
I've spent more time going through code (mine and others) to find mispelled variables than actually fucking writing code. One poor bastard had a delete statement, and a where clause in another variable, which he mistyped. Oops.
CRASH DAMMIT, LET ME KNOW.
aAAAaAaaaaaAAAA12 -
I spent hours trying to figure out why imagettftext() in PHP wasn't working...
Damn file permissions!!
3 -
I wrote a blogging platform around 3.5yrs back in PHP. My friend uses that, and apparently wants me to update the code. To which I refused saying that I am too busy. But the real reason is that it is one of the purest form of cancerous shit I ever wrote. I can't even look at that code now. Its like abandoning your own child, because it is too ugly... Here's a snapshot of the code, I don't even know what this does anymore..
Moral: Don't give your code to your friend no matter how shitty it is, you will end up providing lifetime support for it.
1 -
Need to do some PHP for my class next week, problem is I hate PHP so I just distracted myself and wrote a bunch of Ruby code today...4
-
Question!
So I read some complains about php can someone clarify me why people don't like it ? Also should (for example I but I mean in general new web developers) learn it or is php slowly dying and there are better languages that can replace php ?
*grabs a popcorn17 -
I wrote 170 lines of PHP code consecutively and I haven't ran it yet...
I'm scared of sending that form.3 -
I'm starting with php on Ubuntu and using xampp. Obviously I been having trouble but when I find the solution for every problem I yell OH MY GOD IM A FUCKING CRACK MOTHERFUCKA
5 -
so what's on the list for today? writing unit tests for a broken php app because NO ONE THOUGHT TO WRITE THEM BEFORE HAND.......
-
There was a problem in my enterprise last week that I couldn't repair because it was my school time. So, for a week, the person in charge of deliveries couldn't import directly the adresses because the csv generated by the site had an error. I came back this morning and managed to correct the error.
In fact, the whole csv was generated in PHP, with code like:
$txt .= $code.";";
But for an unknown reason at the generation, the csv decides to crop 5 characters at the end of the documents, so the last semicolon and the country code were absent. So I had to add a string at the end of the document ("dgdgdgdgd") so it crops useless characters.
I really hate when I don't understand.2 -
Framework advice
Good PHP framework for website development - symfony, laravel or any other.
I would be creating e-commerce site, web services for apps, etc. and MYSQL database.9 -
These one is about recruiters.
I'm a Zend Php 5.3 Certified Engineer and have it listed on my linkedin profile and also being a php developer for the last 6 years.
Got this recruiter on the phone.
Recruiter: Hi, i saw your profile on linkedin and think you're great fit for a position i have available. Do you have any experience in PHP?
Me: Hangup the phone.1 -
I finally attempted php, I wrote a bunch of scripts to fetch data... I feel like I have betrayed myself 😞😞😞
I should have just absorbed the cost of azure 😭😭😭 now am a php dev.... The things I'm about to do, the horrors I'm about to put out into the world.... Pulling your hair out will be the least of your worries, dear maintainer forgive us all, always and forever. 😳1 -
I fell in love with the “Limonade“ PHP-Framework recently. It's a really cute, little and easy framework. I have so much fun creating Web-Apps and Websites with it!
You guys, should check it out!2 -
I was having a really bad day today until I saw PHP PornHub Programmers on my commute home Really made my day. Credits Reddit2
-
Stuck here with PHP doing his PHPices and just get to think about something really important... If two cats starts to fight is this a CATastrophe? Ok, better fix this amazing SQL exception.
-
Ok. I'm working on a small website, and MOTHER OF OF WEB DESIGN.
I try to set up WAMP, but it takes me 2 F-ING DAYS.
SO THEN THE FREAKIN HTML SCRIPT REFUSES TO WORK. AND THEN, ONCE I FINALLY GET MY HOPES UP, WAMP DECIDED TO JUST NOT WORK TODAY, SO I SPEND 3 HOURS FIXING THAT CRAP, AND THEN AFTER THAT PIECE OF HELL, I CAN'T FIND ANY EXAMPLE CODE OUTSIDE OF ADVANCED WEB DESIGN, SO I SIFT THROUGH THAT, JUST TO FIND HOW TO MAKE IT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL A DATABASE IS. THAN I REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO INSTALL MIRE PROGRAMS. THAN, I REALIZE THIS GUY IM LISTENING TO IS USING A MAC OS X ALTERNATIVE. SO IM DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET THIS TO WORK. AND THEN, *POOF* ALL MY WORK IS UNREADABLE SPAGHETTI.
ALL FOR A DAMNED TEST.
TL;DR, Php is not good if your working offline.10 -
everyone has one function that they have to look up every time they use it. for me its str_replace() in php. i can never remember the order of the parameters...and ive been using it for almost 10 years....3
-
!rant
Since I'm a front-end developer I've been working on PHP quite a lot lately, not only for front-end but also for back-end stuff, data conversion and image manipulation.
I've found that it's quite pleasant to work with thanks to the tons of documentation around and how straightforward it is.
I don't get how much hate it gets but I assume it's because I'm only starting to work with but damn, you could even build a car with it!2 -
All the people I know guiding me through my coding career say to use PHP. Are there any real drawbacks I will see using PHP over Python or another language for server side scripts? Or is the PHP fear/hate just a meme ?11
-
I'm not trying to say that PHP is not consistent, but it's the only language where you can use two styles of typage in a function definition:
function myFunc(ArgType $arg) : ReturnType
{
//...
return new ReturnType($arg);
}
You must decide, PHP... Not use both... -
I have a question i want to learn java and php. So is it ok if I learn it together. Or should learn one first completely than second?3
-
Oke... I do NOT want to start a war about PHP because i am usually a big fan, but this just blew my mind.
round(null) = 0
HOW DO YOU ROUND NON EXISTENT?5 -
I always give up learning PHP, it's like after 2 years I will be saying this again, why I don't get excited to learn it.I want to learn it because sometimes I don't get a job as PHP is not one of my skills, so was thinking about future proofing myself. Any suggestions where to learn? I can devote one hour at night daily.8
-
I recently got an assignment of converting 600+ PHP 5.6 files to PHP 7, where I also have to update to different coding conventions *sigh*
I then later found out about regex, and regex search in atom.io :D I'm now strongly considering making a converter, that goes after my clients spec, does any of you have experience with that?3 -
Looking for advice here.
Is it wise to use nginx instead of Apache if running php (in regards to the LAMP stack)? And can php be kept strictly in the backend? I've never used php before and now I get the chance (yippie) so I want to hear what you guys have to say. Previously I've used node. And also, can frontend libraries like react or vue be used alongside php or is it just going to turn into a smorgasbord of nonsense.
Thank you for any advice :)7 -
Why is it that PHP 7 has all mysql_ tags disabled by default.. it's such a pain to change everything.6
-
What is the easiest way to convert a PHP/MYSQL app into android app?
My client needs it urgently and I'm not getting paid. So I don't intend to put much effort into it. It's just a gesture of goodwill.14 -
PHP was made to become the language propulsing main e-commerce frameworks... because of those dollars everywhere
-
I did three years at uni doing Computer Science. Spent most of the time doing java and algorithms. Now I'm a PHP web dev. :)
-
Spent the whole day trying to get php driver for mongoDB to work.. made a php script that connects to remote db, the connection kept returning null/false no matter what i did.. in the end i uncommented a code below that fetches data with the "null" connection and suddenly I see data printed out 😐 well f you too very much 😡
Tomorrow I'll finally play with mongo 😊 i hope it won't be too much of a pain with php2 -
I really need help with a little php problem. Would be great if someone with php skills could help me :)
I am trying to implemt an API in a php script that uploads files directly to google drive, but i dont know the Location where the API has to go.3 -
I recently went from being a java/python web developer to a PHP firmware developer. I've never written in PHP before and I keep typing $("# when I go to type a variable reference. jQuery has made this transition annoying to say the least =P3
-
Just a question people. Consider me a noob.
I have worked on php for a project. It's not too advanced or something but I don't get why people hate it so much.
I really need reasons.2 -
No real favourite method, however that being said the most useful little bugger in PHP when having to deal with badly documented libraries had to be 'get_class_methods( ___ )'
-
The only reason the barbaric, Apache server requiring, disgusting non-intuitive syntax having, pain in the dick to set up language known as "php" is even still around AT ALL is because of laravel...just let it die already...
P.s. - work is making me learn laravel/php17 -
When you make PHP assignments a year ago and a year later the teacher wants to check them...
PHP update broke everything :/4 -
Once upon a time I saw a PHP file for different kind of reports for an inventory system that had 32000+ lines in it.
-
// doesn't work.
/* nope */
<?php /* uhhh */ ?>
Only devil decided that we have to speak PHP on nearly all our comments. -
Does any one know how to install ffmpeg for php on server
On window or Linux server? I want to use ffmpeg for merging the sound on server.5 -
Tried downloading blocktrail php sdk ended up waiting 15 min to download 79 dependencies for it to work
-
For those who hate to like PHP. I have an issue. Character encoding.
A semicolon ' is replaced by ’
A fullstop . is replaced by ' Â
Any ideas?9
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