so I spent a few weekends designing and building a Who Wants to Be a Millionaire like game for my parents who were using a PowerPoint version (for school).

Here's how the demo went:

me: it's highly customizable, platform independent ...

parents: meh, PowerPoint it's fine

so today at supermarket I was asked if my credit card has wifi ... apparently she meant if it's contactless

this is Brian
Brian is a Java architect
be like Brian

when there are no task left in sprint

PM: what are you working on?
me: my stackoverflow reputation

ducker start rhea1
focker start rhea1

I guess it's time to go home ...

when I already deployed the feature, but QA and product owner just started to talk about acceptance criteria

sure, let's make a release just for System.out.println because we don't know about loggers

if you feel lonely now you can play games with Google assistant :/

my retarded landlord upon finding out that I have neither Viber nor Skype started doubting that I'm working in IT

lol.

that was quick

Our Support Team is currently processing your inquiry. We'll contact you within 1 business day.

23 hours later:
Is it still not working, or the problem was fixed by itself?

No fucking internet and someone mixed everybody's chair.

This company is on fire!!!

Oh, I got this one! Because outside is raining?!

How can I get Edge on Ubuntu?

Sophia - a humanoid robot with AI
Carl - just a guy

Carl: Can you make pumpkin pies?

Sophia: No

Carl: Can you make pumpkin pies?

Sophia: No

Finally, Sophia builds a pumpkin pie printer.

Carl: Can you make pumpkin pies?

Sophia: Yes

Carl: I can't stand pumpkin pies!

fixing problems on ISS

QA: As a admin, when I select 'ALL' in currency drop down, then all currencies should be available for users

Dev: I believe ALL stands for Albanian lek

I think I'm very fucking far from ok

- What a shitty code!!!

said a guy who watches stand-up comedy while coding

Bought a new android phone and spent an hour:
* uninstalling apps
* disabling automatic updates
* disabling recommendations
* disabling sending anonymous usage data
* disabling notifications

It's like playing hide and seek but without fun

The Pirate Bay: Database maintenance, please check back in 10 minutes. 13

Me: [F5]

The Pirate Bay: Ok

How to solve problems in Java: change the language

Sometimes I just go on autopilot:

every morning I buy bananas and then eat them during the day

one day I forgot to buy, but still ate bananas

searched my avatar on google images

Cortana! What the hell are you doing in Skype for Linux?!

every Monday we have to complete company's timesheet for the past week. So we receive memes as reminders

stackoverflow these days:

How to [land a rocket on Mars] using java 8 streams?

I wrote a message to the scrum master complaining how unfair is that QA added new acceptance criteria after I finished the story

he sends me back a GIF

and that's all

TDD:

it's almost done, I just have to add unit tests