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23 hours later:
Is it still not working, or the problem was fixed by itself?

No fucking internet and someone mixed everybody's chair.

This company is on fire!!!

Oh, I got this one! Because outside is raining?!

How can I get Edge on Ubuntu?

Sophia - a humanoid robot with AI
Carl - just a guy

Carl: Can you make pumpkin pies?

Sophia: No

Carl: Can you make pumpkin pies?

Sophia: No

Finally, Sophia builds a pumpkin pie printer.

Carl: Can you make pumpkin pies?

Sophia: Yes

Carl: I can't stand pumpkin pies!

fixing problems on ISS

Have a great day!

QA: As a admin, when I select 'ALL' in currency drop down, then all currencies should be available for users

Dev: I believe ALL stands for Albanian lek

I think I'm very fucking far from ok

- What a shitty code!!!

said a guy who watches stand-up comedy while coding

Bought a new android phone and spent an hour:
* uninstalling apps
* disabling automatic updates
* disabling recommendations
* disabling sending anonymous usage data
* disabling notifications

It's like playing hide and seek but without fun

The Pirate Bay: Database maintenance, please check back in 10 minutes. 13

Me: [F5]

The Pirate Bay: Ok

How to solve problems in Java: change the language

Sometimes I just go on autopilot:

every morning I buy bananas and then eat them during the day

one day I forgot to buy, but still ate bananas

searched my avatar on google images

Cortana! What the hell are you doing in Skype for Linux?!

every Monday we have to complete company's timesheet for the past week. So we receive memes as reminders

stackoverflow these days:

How to [land a rocket on Mars] using java 8 streams?

I wrote a message to the scrum master complaining how unfair is that QA added new acceptance criteria after I finished the story

he sends me back a GIF

and that's all

TDD:

it's almost done, I just have to add unit tests

[me, struggling to make a decent demo while errors are popping out and the client gives his feedback]

- Dude, dude ... dude

- What ?!!

- You keep saying "downland" instead of download

I install keyloggers just in case* someone asks me to restore their accounts

Just a safety pin:

If you ever, ever find my real name and go through my rants, then you should know

no pun intended
I love my job
I love my workplace
and above all

Me, trying to get rid of a crappy project

don't remember the password, but give me the keyboard and I will login

Me: Hey, I need to know when the user double clicked this.

B: It's easy, just put a try catch with DoubleClickException

Me: ...

B: ...

Me: and how about right click?

B: RightClickExce...

Me: Ok. I'm out

you know you are in some deep shit when project manager asks for username and password on dev environment

... and as bonus: IE is his default browser

Me: Hans, Get ze Flammenwerfer!!!

Hans: Why?

Me: The fucker rejected my PR because "calling twice the same getter is a code duplication". I swear, he always tries to find something!

WHERE 1 = 1

Building dynamic SQL since 1987

Me: Hans, Get ze Flammenwerfer!!!
Hans: Why?
Me: They use long instead of big decimal!
Hans: How do they handle the floating values then?
Me: Before sending the request they multiply by 100 and on receiving they divide by 100