In the project management system we use with our clients I see file named, 'instructions for backup.'

I open the file and all it contains is my name and phone number.😑

Thx Google but I have different views on what counts as entertainment.

Life can be simplified with code. We're all running on an infinite loop. Eventually, we come across an unexpected bug and crash.

Why do most C++ developers stop after one child?

Because multiple inheritance is a headache.

JSON Bourne

HR - There is a 2 years gap on your CV!
Candidate- I was in Yale.

HR - Oh wow that's great! You're hired!

Candidate - Yay! I got a yob!

Made the mistake of telling friends and family I know how to make websites.

Sorry I can't make you a Airbnb like website for $200 🙃

Headphones are in, colleague calls my name, I take them out a little annoyed at the interruption.

Colleague: what did one window say to the other?
Me: you're such a pane you know that?
Colleague: no but fuck! That's better