Can't get pestered by the PM when we can't find one to hire. 🤷‍♂️

My office has a "Friday Memes" playlist full of all the songs too embarrassing to play the rest of the week.

Something breathtaking about a smooth transition from Linken Park to Default Elevator Music.

When you're on the way to a client with two colleagues and take the back seat... so you awkwardly stare out the window for an hour because it's too noisy to speak to the guys up front.

Taxpayer funded UX design.

Spent a whole day building custom OnDeserialize events for a complex import project... Find out Microsoft XmlDeserializer completely ignores all serialization callbacks.

Fucking cunt.

About 8 years ago I had a choice, go developer or system administrator. I chose developer and never looked back.

Then I've spent the last week or so - on and off - perfecting a Boxstarter script to setup our Software Developer laptops, right down to the Visual Studio Code extensions and Visual Studio Code Standards.

Boot up a new computer, join it to the domain and start the script. It's therapeutic to watch.

I actually enjoyed it... am I a closet system administrator?

I told my boss I'd been offered a job somewhere else with a better position and pay and he presented a reasonable counter-offer in under two hours which included an on-paper promotion and matching payrise.

I stayed. 🙃

I recently discovered Chocolatey. I like it.

The feeling when you receive a screenshot of a window, and try to close the screenshot with the window close button.

Been asked if we can make a few "minor tweaks" to a Visual Basic 6.0 application last worked on in 2013.

I haven't coded in Visual Basic in approximately 20 years, the project can't be opened in Visual Studio 2012 or above and the code I've seen is a dumpster fire.

Please send help.

1. Needed to access an old SVN backup.
2. Didn't have an SVN client installed.
3. Realised GIT comes with an SVN proxy included.

Cool, I'll just quickly download the repository via SVN.

> git svn init

... git sequentially downloads each of the 1800+ revisions and applies them individually.

It's cool, I didn't want to do anything productive today anyway.

Straight to the point.

McDonald's starts it's arrays at zero.

Actual patch notes from one of my companies repos.

Just got this gem from Facebook.

Shameless memery.

Sick of my colleagues letting the door slam right behind my head when they leave.

Apparently the fire hose in our building wasn't connected to the water main, because the legislation stated the building owner had to install a fire hose, not connect a fire hose to the water main.

Thar feeling when you have more LinkedIn connections than Facebook friends.

Updated my Azure aide project to ASP .NET Core 2.0.
Works perfectly in develop in Debug and Release.
Deploy to Azure.
502.5
No error logs, no feedback, no explanation.

K den.

Thursday lunch time.
Seems like a good time to update to Windows 10 1803.

Started off with a prototype with about 20 backend data points per hour and 10 concurrent front-end users. Total dataset in the 10,000s.

Now about 5 backend data points per second and 500 concurrent front-end users. Total dataset in excess of 20,000,000.

Brace yourselves, the GDPR pop ups are coming.

Found a dumb mistake I made in a query in my project.
Reduced page load from 10 sec to < 1 sec with an hour's restructuring.
Had just assumed it was slow because of my super cheap Azure DB subscription... 🙄

Tried to factory reset my laptop.

Ran Windows Update on shutdown anyway.

My suggested company outing to the local video game museum is being sponsored by the bosses.

Client: "We want you to build us a quick prototype / proof of concept. Don't make it too neat, we'll rebuild it before we go live."
Also client: "We already have a working version, why would we rebuild it?"

Office internet has been slow as shit the last few days because at least three employees are all individually streaming the Olympics to their machines... and one overlayed on top of the server status monitor.

Wrote a 217 line script to import/export email templates.

Slightly less painful than hand crafting the 37,000 line SQL query.

The green text BBC Micros at my first school, circa 1992.

I was pretty good at Snake.