What do you guys think on day to day basis?

What's usually on your mind?

My mind: sex, girls, career, money, food, work, sex, women

"what do I have to do next?"
"why are they screaming this time...."
"did I forget anything?"
"how much time do I have left for/until this?"
"I wonder if I'll have time and energy today to start dabbling with nix"

that's 90% of my thoughts.

my inability to die young, gloriously

Guilt, anxiety, PTSD flashbacks. Literally nothing more. I mean it.

Unresting Death, a whole day nearer now.

What's next, laundry? Damn the Psycholonials soundtrack is a vibe. Am I being weird? Lol what a question, I'm always being weird. Did anyone see that? Eh, they probably didn't. Eventually I'll have to do that DB cleaning task, we should send it this week. When did I vacuum last? Well it's 11pm, shouldn't wake up the neighbors. Did I file my taxes? Oh yeah, I've not had contract work in years. Wasn't it Matthew's birthday this week? I should respond to the D&D scheduling convo. Why did I stand up? Oh yeah, laundry.

Keep developing these projects.

Mostly weed, programming, climbing, eat,

Amphetamine, coding, self maintenance and that's it. No issues, worries or whatsoever. I can't handle the news, not even advertisements because they actually affect my mood seriously. So i don't read that and pay for youtube premium. It's a small price for a happy life.

@kiki where does the guilt comes from?

Lol nearly same as you, plus gaming.

drugs I have to take that I'm late taking, what do I wanna do now, don't fall asleep again Jesus fuck why can't you do a 24h sleep schedule, this feels good RN to be doing, planning food for absolutely no reason (new obsession), really fucking random epiphanies, connections between information i've learned over the past 3 years when my brain wasn't working or capable of making interdisciplinary connections, being mad at people for being annoying, at things for being designed bad

I like the feel of this podcast, cozy
I'm now annoyed at this code
I should pamper myself with 12 items here. maybe best if I do them one at a time?
ooo the weather is nice. floating powder being swished by the wind is niiice

I should take drugs. I should order more drugs. there's thIs TV show I've been watching and it's so vibe. I should get stoned and binge watch it today. my boyfriend keeps distracting me cuz I love fighting, and now he's being sweet. fuck so distractable

WHICH OF THE 50 VIBES DO I WANT?!

@retoor it’s just inertia at this point
I’m so used to feeling guilty that it became the norm, and I’m now just feeling guilty 24/7

@kiki find feeling that's the opposite of what you're feeling when you're feeling guilt and press that button

there was a weird fucking video I found once. it was some esoteric thing. but one section was on polarity and I tried it and it works. I didn't even wanna try it because it sounds like abdicating responsibility and I'm too macho for that, but I'll try stuff even when things seem dumb. anyway it works. I didn't use it much though because I ended up improving due to other reasons probably, but sometimes I remember it and use it again and it's always enlightening

(also this video is annoying because it does too many sales pitches and psychological sales tricks but whatever)
https://youtube.com/watch/...

@kiki sounds hard, hope you'll get rid of it.

@retoor

@kiki ooorrrr... knock on your neighbour's door at 3am and ask if they saw your monkey (and then "remember" aloud that you put it in a dishwasher and go home), so you would at least know what you're feeling guilty for.

“I’m so fucking tired.”
“I feel like shit. I always feel like shit, but today’s a bit worse.”
“Dear gods, what do I have to do now?”
“I just want to rest.”
“I wonder what projects I could work on?”
“…right, I won’t be able to because I’ll be too tired”
“Fucking fucking fucking fuck-fuck”

This is a lot of my internal monologue.
Goddamn endless fatigue.

“I just want to feel normal again” :(

@Root I thought you would be on a pink cloud with new kiddo.

@retoor More or less yes :) Oxytocin is nice.
But I thought this was more general.

And I am still tired all the time; definitely moreso now.

@Root just found out what it is. Nice.

@retoor there's meditation music videos on YouTube that should release oxytocin... and the comments are all pregnant women trying to induce labour. it's so fucking weird

@jestdotty top comment on those videos is from @Root :p

@retoor let's make you a mommi

Keep developing these projects.

@kanyewest @feuerherz is my kiddo already.

The point of life. How everyone is just living their life not thinking that we all gonna die someday and there is nothing we could do about it.