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I love listening to music and reading on the train every morning. On my way to the station, I get a text, "DUDE. ***** committed suicide."

He was a good friends of ours from high school. I remember once he got a few of us to go caving on homecoming since none of us had dates. He'd never finish a candy bar; would give half of everything away. He once drove out to California to try to start over; lasted three days and came home, but through a girl he met he was in Hawaii for a year.

He lived a lot of life, and he had a heart of gold.

I didn't get out my ebook on my phone. I didn't even put my headphones in.

I had lost another close friend from University while I was overseas. I remember being in the city art gallery when I got the news. I walked right out to the harbor, fell to my knees and cried. I always thought one day I'd be home and could shoot the shit with my old roommate. Now he was gone, and the only thing I had from him was a text from 10 days before saying, "I haven't been doing too well, but thanks for asking."

I'm back in another software engineering job, on the train to an 8-to-5, shakin it for the money. I couldn't read on the commute. I just looked out that window as the train car descended into the subway, and thought to myself, "What am I even doing anyway?"

I'm in my mid-30s; too young to be losing people like this.

I'm sorry man. I wish we had caught up sooner. I wish you weren't gone, but I know you're at peace.

Comments
  • 6
    Sorry to hear hear that. My condolences, man.
  • 8
    Wow. This moved me alot. In the end we will always cherish moments and laughters with friends.
  • 4
    That's rough...Sorry man!
  • 8
    fuck this hurt me as well.. I think that many of us forget to cherish life. and when we want to feel happy, we do not know how. or at least I feel this way
  • 4
    Condolecences from my part, man.
  • 4
    Sorry.

    And thank you for sharing
  • 19
    Have a hug man: 🤗

    I had this recently as well, someone jumped in front of a train and I got annoyed due to the delays. Finally on a train when one of my best friends says this in our group chat:

    Just heard from my mom that my brother jumped in front of a train at *names the line I'm on at that moment*

    That hit me as a motherfucker.

    Stay strong!
  • 6
    @linuxxx how often do people jump in front of a train to where it annoys you? 🤔 curious
  • 3
    @dalastTomCruise It happens a little too often here if you ask me :/
  • 3
  • 3
    @linuxxx Is it real? Did your brother died? Seriously....
  • 3
    @CozyPlanes Nono as I said the brother of a best friend!
  • 3
    @linuxxx Oops, so he was killed? (I may sound like a person who wants to hear whether a person died or not but i am just curious because i don't have close people who has those stories and experiences.)
  • 2
    @CozyPlanes He jumped in front of a train and died instantly, yes.
  • 4
    @linuxxx Oh, ok. Send my wishes to your friend and his parents.
  • 3
    @Floydian yeah....
  • 4
    My condolences. Dealing with loss is tough, especially when it's unexpected. My cousin didn't even leave a note.. I know how you feel.
  • 3
  • 2
    Condolences, man 😞
  • 3
    Condolences to @djsumdog and @linuxxx
  • 3
    I am not sure what to say to you man. I know you are feeling something. I also had (and probably still have). I still don't know what to say to myself. My current solution is to do my best at moving forward and trying to hold on to those that I have now. We would think that with all this technology advancement and upgraded gadgets we would have better chance of knowing stuffs, knowing things, knowing people. But I very much doubt it. That's why I do my best to meet up and catch up with people that are valuable to me every week or at least every month. Sometimes just simple "yo, how's everything?" is enough. Sometimes I had to read a few previous updates, photos and comments.

    Anyway, don't feel so depress. Big hug.
  • 3
    This hits me pretty hard cause I've been majorly depressed the past couple of days. I'm sorry for your losses man; it really sucks.
  • 2
    @RiderExMachina

    Me too.

    Everyone, cheer up!
  • 2
    Hope the best for you all.
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