70
Phlisg
11d

Be me

- register on tinder, mentioning I'm a developer
- start using
- first profile
- I like this first profile, I swipe right
- IT'S A MATCH
- get immediately unmatched

Comments
  • 31
    Be me:

    - Register on tinder
    - Swipe yes on basically everyone
    - Swipe so many times you start seeing the same people
    - Increase radius
    - Still seeing seeing people multiple times
    - Get a grand total of one match
  • 39
    @Stuxnet "Aw, thanks mum"
  • 4
  • 7
    Maybe don't mention your profession.
  • 5
    @Stuxnet

    - and get no reply ever because it's either a bot, or some attention-seeking person*

    :D
  • 3
    Change profession to OO Rockstar.. or similar.
  • 3
    or be me... the only match on tinder is the coffee :D
  • 6
    At least you guys get options to swipe through. I tried tinder one time, the only profiles on there within a 100 mi radius of me were from the nearby university and minimum an 8 year age difference.
  • 12
    @C0D4 Nah, more like "Instagram influencer #vegan4life #livefree #lovehealsallwound".
  • 1
    @Jilano 😂I was trying not to lie to much. The OO would be lost and you have the rockstar to fall back on 🤟
  • 3
    @C0D4 Showing off my (poor) guitar skills, does it count? :D
  • 4
    @C0D4 I think I could pass for rockstar. I used to party like one anyway. As far as guitar and vocal ability, well...

    But then again it's not like pop culture really sets the bar very high, so yea maybe 😁
  • 1
    @Phlisg just make it believable.
  • 12
    Just put "I like travelling the 🌍, take you out for 🍣 and go to the 📽️🍿", and then make a selfie with borrowed expensive sunglasses in front of a rented sports car, wearing the tightest pink vneck shirt you can still hide your dev belly in.

    And then get depressed because you discover that most women on Tinder do something similar from the female side, once you're done digging through thick layers of makeup and lies there's only uninteresting filthy spoiled drama queens and severely irreparable broken souls on dating sites.

    I still think the real world is the best dating site for finding interesting people... But it's one which requires constant action, social bravery, practice, and repeatedly getting through awkward and shameful moments.
  • 8
    You have no idea how many "matches" you get if you mention that you have won the lottery. Twice. 😉
  • 1
    Been there, done that and got that one match (to-be-dismatched-soon) :p
  • 4
    @bittersweet Ah, I can't agree more on "real world is the real dating platform", but after trying that route, and being a passive guy (I'm a follower rather than an initiator), well, I don't end up meeting lots of new chicks, maybe 5-6 a year (!). I'm much more comfortable in this area too, I find myself boring online haha

    Hence why I thought I would go on Tinder, just to meet. Second difficulty on this platform, is how to talk about something that isn't boring, when the girl has left no details and her photos are bland

    Complicated world.
  • 4
    @Phlisg it doesn't sound like those particular girls are really looking to talk.
  • 5
    @Phlisg It certainly is way too complicated.

    The difficult part is that no matter which route you take, it takes a lot of creativity, time and energy to date. From both sides, there's just such a requirement for unnecessary rituals and hoops to jump through.

    It would be nice if there was an AI which would just say: "Here, I found you a partner, I've calculated that you would improve each other's lives, by 24.23% for the man, 31.54% for the woman. She will likes the silly gifts and footrubs you provide her with, and even though you hate her taste in music it will pay off because you have a 84% overlap in liked Netflix series. I will monitor your relationship, and if any boredom or resentment starts forming within 3 months I have another candidate for you"

    Wasn't there a black mirror episode about this?
  • 2
    @bittersweet Yes there was! Great one on top of that!

    Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
  • 3
    @bittersweet yea that AI already wouldn't work for me, similar taste in music is a requirement and unless it's something with Keanu Reeves in it then I'm probably going to be multitasking throughout the course of the movie. That usually doesn't get marked down as "quality time spent" in the relationship ledger.
  • 1
    @M1sf3t Haha I've seen those exceptionnal captures from Tinder where girls would be quite naughty (imagine the british accent with me saying that)

    Most couples around me, in Switzerland, were formed through Tinder... Way to go I guess :/

    @bittersweet Exactly, it's like taking a simple recipe, ie pancakes, and making sure to make it as impossible as ever. You have to rework the way you behave, the way you stand, breathe, look, smile, comb your hair, smell, clothes, attitude, ALL that while being super confident, having an incredible life everybody dreams about

    Come on. We're humans, not super-heroes stupid social networks try to push us to. Tinder doesn't help with that, so the only way is to try and manage in a similar way haha
  • 1
    @bittersweet truer words were never spoken (also a pun with your name)
  • 1
    @M1sf3t But that AI would match you with a girl who matches you, not exactly the thing I described above.

    @Phlisg I think it's about realistic experiences. There's this false advertisement effect which leaves a sour taste. So the options are being honest about flaws upfront, which nets you zero relationships, or the truths will seep into the light soon after you start dating, leading to short flings.

    Durable stable relationships are difficult.

    I kind of think if all dating profiles would be super honest, it would help.
  • 1
    @bittersweet yeah but try writing one of those super honest dating profiles.

    Step 1: Get some friends
    Step 2: Keep those friends long enough for them to get to know the real you
    Step 3: if you can’t marry one of those friends, get them to write a dating profile for you.
    Step 4: Repeat

    Or do as I did and just marry your best friend.
  • 2
    @bittersweet I was getting more at it being difficult to train one that would take in all the variables and weight them properly.
  • 3
    @bittersweet

    Fairly accurate description.

    On your scale, I fall into the "irreparable broken soul" category, but hey, if one was down for unlimited friendship and would give me enough space (and time), I'd be ok with fixing myself on my own. Just pointing out that tinder is not the issue, the lack of patience and the need for immediate results and the whole manic pixie dream girl dilemma is the issue. Tinder is a tool, but culture and society is what you're dealing with.
  • 4
    Be me

    - don't use Tinder
    - use.. uhmmm.... nevermind
    Don't be me.
  • 1
    So, if you're not getting matches, then you're not representing yourself well enough. If you're getting matches, going on dates, and then being let down, then your personality is the issue 😜 (that's meta. I'm taking a piss at myself as well)

    From another perspective, I'm a girl with hundreds of matches, none of which really talk to me or try to hang out. 🙁 The ones I've been on dates with, always end up at some point saying "let's be friends and see where it goes" to which I reapond "great! Let me know when you want to hang out. 'Cuz I'd like to get to know you more!" after which they nearly never contact me.

    Even in real life, I've had enough relationships to write a book. But I haven't found that one person who won't end up saying "it's all too much" (generally referring to my life and all the dramas. which by extension it also means me, myself. )

    So I'm coming to terms with being single forever. 🤷🏻‍♀️ (doesn't mean that I don't get laid 😉)
  • 2
    @NoMad you know this is just speculation but I would venture to guess that most of your matches that chat you up and agree to go out are probably just as threatened by your intelligence as the baggage that you are most likely overthinking you come with.

    The matches that aren't are all probably back here at devRant still trying to figure out how to say hi.
  • 0
    @jeremyIglehart

    Yeah honest dating profiles would only work if ALL profiles were honest.

    And ++ for "I wanna ruin our friendship, lets be lovers instead". That song always gets in my head because it's a good idea.
  • 1
    @NoMad I see both gals and guys suffer from the same problems, especially on that particular platform. Slight exception: guys are "SWIPE EVERYTHING RIGHT" and girls are "SWIPE EVERYTHING LEFT", according to what I've seen around with my friends. So, with that in mind, when a girl swipes right, she knows she's going to match. A guy? no friggin' clue. And then a match happens, the girl doesn't even dare answer. I mean wtf, don't swipe right or at least have the politeness of saying "sorry, no can't do", no messages is just frustrating. I guess it's the same for you when guys don't answer.

    Funnily though, is how guys react to you when you say you want to know them more. Personaly I would be delighted, I'm surprised it's not the case for most other guys?

    Joining you on staying single forever, but with the "purity" of the singleness haha :D
  • 0
    @M1sf3t Jesus Christ son.

    You must live in a bfe town too, huh?

    (The 100 mile radius part)
  • 2
    @Stuxnet yep... closest city is hattiesburg. Aside from the usm students, not many people really use anything beyond facebook for socializing. Guess we generally just all know each other already 😂
  • 0
    @M1sf3t I was so glad to move to a city with like 5x the population of my county and 50x the population of my town for uni.

    But yeah I was just complaining about dating back home with someone bc if everyone basically knowing everyone. It's a pain in the ass, really.
  • 2
    @Stuxnet I've done my best to stay out of the dating circles in my hometown. The normal people seem to have met straight out of high school, leaving the only single people left to be those that are absolutely fucking crazy. Think there might be something left in the water from the nuclear testing they did here in WWII. Either that or all the mercury in the river, catfish tend to soak that shit up over time and thats a big part of our diet. Us common folk anyway, the restaurants all serve farm-raised but who has the money for that.
  • 1
    @M1sf3t

    I thought the same, which is why I do two things:
    1. I've also been seeing phd students. So intellect is a randomized variable now. Results are still the same.
    On another note, yes, my baggages are small but many. And it's no overthinking, I know they're there, because they cause occasional rise of social anxiety, sometimes even leading to minor panic attacks. (ever seen a girl take too long in the toilet mid-date? 40% chance she's dealing with anxiety. Not because you're oh-so-special but because of the weight of her experiences and all the "what if"s)
    2. I also initiate conversations with some who seem less extroverted. Some of those even unmatch as soon as I say hi 😂😂
  • 2
    @Phlisg 🤔 why do you think girls instantly match? I've swiped right on many guys who didn't match. And guys have standards as well so not all guys swipe right on every girl!

    Also for those wondering about seeing the same people, it's because those people have deleted their tinder profile and opened another one 😛
  • 2
    @NoMad now see I think that last thing happens so rarely the gesture winds up being cause for suspect. The first couple of times it occurs, guys aren't sure whether to be flattered or to assume someone is trying to hack their accounts 😂
  • 2
    @NoMad It's what I've seen being done around me :D

    I'm suspecting a large presence of bots on the app too, just there to pollute everything...
  • 0
    Groucho Marx wouldn't swipe right on anyone who swipes right on him.
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