AboutWeb Developer, brewer, guitarist, pianist, vocalist & composer
SkillsGolang, JS, PHP, Elm, Scss/Less, HTML, CSS
Joined devRant on 3/14/2017
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Anyone noticed that SitePoint is permanently "on sale", with discounts and stuff since they launched their premium programme 1 or 2 years prior?
When one sale ends, another one comes.
Plus now they hid away the subcategories, one must access them by knowing the subcategorie's URL haha
I have no understanding of this reasoning they have...1
All devices in the world:
Dev: can you gently copy the content of this dynamically generated <input> element and copy it to the clipboard?
Devices: Sure thing brah!
(and proposed solution on SO, ridiculous)
Mistakenly clicked on some old link in my bookmarks, fell on this. I still don't know what to think!
(Eat some JPEG, by the way :))3
Fack I hate this CMS we have. Using Fetch and sending data as encoded JSON doesn't get parsed nor recognized by the CMS. I was pulling my hair out, understanding the differences, switched back to XHR... and then noticed the buggar:
XHR sends data as "FormData()".
I switched everything to FormData and TADAAA IT WORKS MOTHERFUCKA
Lost a whole fucking day on this trying to understand whether it was my code or the CMS the problem.
Ah yes, of course, I had to reproduce the CMS on my machine, instead of having the developers lend us a "development" platform on it, so obviously I don't know what's happening under the hood :))))))))2
Manager to External : <badEnglish>We have problem with data feed, please fix</badEnglish>
External: Here's the situation <gives situation>
Me: Thank you! Here's the situation, but corrected <corrected situation>. Can we arrange a phone call on Friday or Monday?
External: Sure! whenever you like
Manager, this morning: where is the meeting for the phonecall?
Now I'm her fucking assistant. I had a glance a her calendar, it's full of full.
She'll soon ask me to cook for her and make her coffee too...
Shitty I don't have the qualifications for a proper developer job :((7
I am officially my Manager's own personal google.
"What is the Wifi Password?"
"I can't print this, can you help?"
"How do I switch keyboard layout?"
"How do I turn on the computer?"
"How do I close the door of my office?"
Soon she's going to call me "Ok Google, <stupid question>"10
Win10: your password has expired.
Me: ok *click*
Win10: oh btw I forgot which account has its password expired, so you have to write the account name
Me: ... Okay
Me: *resets password, then clicks next*
Win10: let me empty that form and let you redo everything without me showing you an error
Me: ....... Okay
Me: *same info*
Win10: sorry, can't find user "username"
Me: Ok you know what fuck off I'm restarting you
Win10: but I... *ded*
Win10: Hello Phlisg, please log in normally as usual
Me: what the fuck
Disclaimer: I use Linux, osx and windows ;)1
- register on tinder, mentioning I'm a developer
- start using
- first profile
- I like this first profile, I swipe right
- IT'S A MATCH
- get immediately unmatched25
wk142: geekiest non-dev activity
Definitely music production. Especially when using real instruments and capture their audio, so everything is quantized (i.e. fixed to time grid) and very tightly recorded. I make metal, 'tis a precise genre. For one riff it sometimes take 20 takes, since I record 4 times my guitar.
I've learned for the past 10 years how to compose, mix, masterize, but also learned how to sing, learned how to play the guitar, learned how to compose drums and using my keyboard to play drums (people are often surprised I can play double kicks @ 230 bpm) so that I can have a basic drum layer to further edit
Pretty geeky, not a common subject I talk to people about :D2
Fucking fuck fuckity keyboard autocorrect on windows (and on osx): NO FUCKING THANK YOU, FUCK OFF, STOP FUCKING AROUND WHILE I WRITE
I turned off fucking autocorrection on windows 10, I write an email in french, and every word that has a similar spelling in english gets autocorrected FUCK YOU OUTLOOK, FUCKING RESPECT MY FUCKING SETTINGS, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF CODED SHIT PILE OF SHITWARE
So much time lost correcting and recorrecting.
Oh, also: a phone is a fucking phone, a computer is a fucking computer, not the same device, not the same behaviours, fucking get that you fucking companies10
PM: Yes, so, could you please do those changes on this page tomorrow by 3 pm and push to prod?
Me: Yeah sure! Noted :) (task is to "untick" a checkbox in a page's settings on our CMS)
* the next day -- 11 am *
PM: erm yes so please can you do the changes I told you about, it's getting urgent and you didn't start it already and it stresses the hell out of me because today is friday and it needs to be up and running fine for Monday 12pm and you don't work on weekend so I'd like yo-
Gah, I just received this Ubuntu 18.04 VM with 8 cores and 8 gigs of ram, and since it'll be a production server both serving public and "private" networks (yes, shout at me, but projects won't be about hosting sensitive information, I wouldn't put all that on one server), and I'm struggling between my options.
Docker, or not docker?
The server's main use is to host our growing blog and install Varnish, which will hog some ram after a while. I use Laradock for my dev projets, it's really easy to develop with it, but I am unsure if it fits a production environment with performance, security and traffic load in mind :(
I read Docker has stability issues (in 2016-2017), and can bring the machine down with it, I don't know if I should just install the software (nginx, apache, percona/mysql/maria) without "containerizing" it and go for it
I'm lost xD7
Fuck, I love soundcloud but as an artist without any reputation, it fucking sucks when you upload a song, get an instant "love" from some random "promoter/bot" without the bot having the decency to listen, and when I look at the bot's profile, they "love" tracks that are not in my genre >_< (and manage to listen 60 minutes-worth of music in 1 minute...)
Not that I care whether people listen or not (it's more an ongoing portfolio to see how my mixing evolves over the years), but at least listen to it for 5 seconds2
So here I am, coding and listening to some song I'm currently working on to be able to define its artistic direction, and... I think windows wants to tell me something...2
You know what's funny?
Being called Jason.
Developers when talking about APIs and similar stuff: "So if you connect to our API you can get XML or JSON-" <pause>
<looks at me with a smirk like "haha! JSON/JASON LOL!">
<I gently smile like saying "yes. yes. I know. Thank you">
A normal day on my CMS as a Service...
URL: https://go to CMS
> Login screen: enter credentials, check checbox "remember me" (which doesn't remember you)
> redirected to SSO (single sign-on welcome page)
> Re-enter URL to go to CMS
> Fires up second browser on second screen, do the exact same things as above
--- Code editing
As it's a very modern CMS, you have to edit the code via the CMS using a bulky and honestly shitty editor (or rather: they didn't spend time configuring it to be at least semi-decent).
Plus default white horrible theme.
> Go to "/themes"
> Scroll all the way down the page
> Enter filename in search box
> Click the "Edit" button, which is a small button located right next to a much bigger red "DELETE" button. When you middle click (as I always open files in new tabs) on the DELETE button, it DELETES without confirmation. In such cases, you lose up to three days of work asking the providers to set it back up for you via their backup - and charge you for that. So sorry for deleting an *important* file
> Edit the file.
> Save the file - it takes 3 seconds. Upon saving, rescroll again to where you were in the code.
> On the other screen, refresh dev view of current template
> Wait 5 seconds
> If there are any special blocks, they all load via a semi-synchronous AJAX request (it's async, but they load one by one), the same time you waited to refresh your page.
> Notice you forgot adding some markup
> Re-edit the file, save...
> OH NO - I'VE BEEN BACKGROUNDEDLY DISCONNECTED. Back to Login page.
> Enter credentials.
> Am not on the CMS, but on the SSO
> Navigate back to file
> Re-write new changes
--- Manager comes in:
I need to you edit XXX objects in DB Manager (a big PHPMyAdmin if you will)
> New tab, go to https://DB
> Although still connected on CMS, I have to re-enter credentials
> Am redirected to SSO
> Re-enter https://DB
> Find the object (20 seconds of loading)
> Find the appropriate field
> Find out the field is in fact another object located elsewhere
> Uff, thank goodness, there's a shortcut button to directly edit said elsewhere object
> Operates on elsewhere object + save
> Re-edits original object + save
> ERROR 500, APPLICATION UNEXPECTEDLY CRASHED
:') painful much?
(for those who ask: yes i've got plenty of mind-reflexes in order to minimise losses)2
I don't know if I should cry or laugh...
Our CMS is a CMS as a Service. So, our providers, for me they all suck, everytime they make a development, everything breaks.
Today's flash news?
Well, basically any page containing some user-made dynamic objects are **empty**
But not only on our site, on their whole network of clients that use their CMS. Everything is broken.
They release new features (I should call them bugs rather) every week, and yesterday's update concerned these pages.
And for the record, they don't test. They wait that we come back and complain to see if their shitty development worked or did not.
This CMS is even worse than your first project in HTML - I mean, your first word document on your mama's computer when you were 3.
Seriously. What kind of non-quality is this?8
A headache starts popping in my head like modals and popups on websites, so I decide I should take a pill and proceed to get myself some water (yeah, I cannot stand headaches for more than 2 minutes).
As I enter, the room is only populated with the "cleaning lady" (she's quite aged), I tell her "hi" and proceed to grab a glass of water.
"Hey, you are good in IT right?"
That lady is impossible to escape once she wants to talk to you.
So my skills as a developer were used to configure her facebook...
Hope my headache starts leaving soon, it worsened by a factor of 9000 after that traumatic episode.1
My PC when I use it: "..."
My PC when I look at something on my phone: *gentle fan hum*
My PC when I resume activity : "..."
My PC, 5 minutes after leaving it: **VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV**
** sits down, still big fan blowing, open up the task manager to see what's bugging the system **
** PC calms down **
I have an overly attached PC?16
Doing some stupid shit-ass presentation on powerpoint. I hate this kind of work, so brainless.
PM doesn't know anything on how to create presentations, each slide has 150k words at size 10, bazillion images with a width of 1x1, and badly taken/prepared. Fonts sizes are all different (still surprised she managed to keep the same font family) between blocks.
And when I tell her that: "well I expect from you to make to make that kind of suggestions and fixing it".
How to waste a brain. Going to spend my whole day on fixing this mess.
Plus at some point she had some keywords and she had the idea of "oh, let's make a word cloud thingy". All of these tools are useless, the only decent one is "PLEASE PAY TO DOWNLOAD YOUR SHITTY CLOUD". Won't pay a shitty dime for your shitty app that I'll use once in my entire life, plus your shitty shit is overpriced.
Today's going to be a bad day.1
My phone is fucking hot.
I mean, nearly hand-burning hot.
Google services seem to be the cause, but disabling it... doesn't cool down the shit phone at all. Destroys a 1 amp charger. Tried uninstalling it and updating it again... nope!
Been doing this since this morning, no updates yesterday or anything - weird. It started when Inbox would keep crashing, even after a restart.
Time to change phone?8
*Gets a call*
*Gets phone out of pocket, phone goes silent*
*Checks who called... PM*
*Calls back PM*
Pm comes in 2 minutes later, I asked her why she called me and said:
"Oh I didn't manage to use my badge to enter the building, I was calling you but suddenly the badge worked"
PM: "Hey, can you send an email to SysAdmin I can't print in colours?"
And vagues off to a meeting.
Me: "what the fuck"16
Could not execute "sleep()", as main thread was busy thinking about why a beautiful girl would just handle me her number.
Ok we did get on well but it was unexpected nevertheless
Thank you brain for wasting my day 👍11
So I bought myself some computer glasses after feeling uncomfortable looking at a screen with "bare" eyes (I don't wear corrective glasses).
But the other day, I lost them.
I looked for them everywhere, under each grain of dust I could find. They were nowhere to be found.
Reluctantly, I bought new ones. They arrived today, I unpack them, test them, and then do some flat cleaning. I lift some envelope and...
My first pair was sitting there, innocently.
** Makes a design for a landing page, in a Single-page format. My designs are usually clean and "aerated" (breathing, uncluttered). **
** Pm comes in **
Me: Oh hey! I've finished my mockups
PM: Ah nice, let's see... ** comes to my screen **
PM: Not bad, but can you remove this spacing, this spacing, and this one and this one... oh and that one too?
** corrects them as she says, everything starts looking cluttered and I dislike it **
PM: Great! Can you export them in pdf?
** PM goes away **
** Proceeds to re-make the mockups more "breathing" with an evil smirk **9
LONG RANT ALERT, no TL;DR
* Writes an email to colleague about why I can't create a page on our CMS without at least a H1 title. She wants to me to put up an image with text on it (like a flyer), for multiple reasons, I say I need a textless image. *
30 minutes later:
* Casually plans a frontend optimization project, by looking at files on the CMS, in order to make further development easier and less time-taking*
*** EMAIL NOTIFICATION ***
* clicks *
"Hello, this is [Graphic designer] from the company who created the image with text on it. I do not understand why you can't put display:none on your <h1> tag. Also, being a web company, we are used to making themes and my solution of display:none will work. It's pityful to work on a design only to have it stripped out from most of its concept. If you can't do that, do tell me what resolution you need."
My first reaction:
"Dear [Graphic designer], I am managing our corporate identity, our backend and frontend codebase, I am a graphic designer myself, and am also SEO-aware. For at least 8 reasons (redacted, 'cuse too long), I will need an image without text. As told to my colleagues, I need a 72/96 DPI 16:9 ratio image, 1920x1080 is a good start but may be bigger. Also, looking at the image, it'll have to be in JPG, at 100% quality, exported for the web. Our database software will optimize the image by itself."
Reasons are about SEO issues, responsiveness issues, CMS tools issues, backend and frontend issues.
Instead, I sent following email "We can't. Image please."
I mean seriously. A bit of clarity for you:
In my company, nobody has the slightest idea what I do. They don't understand how a computer works (we all know it works by magic, right?). So of course, when one thinks what we don't know, we know it better than the one who knows, my colleague thought our CMS was like a word document, and began telling me how I should display her bible-length text-infected image, by using some inline css styling display:none.
I tell her "nope, because of my 8 reasons". She transmits that to the agency who's done the visual, now I have this [Graphic designer] not understanding that there are other CMSs than Wordpress on the web, and she tells me, me being one of the most aware on this CMS we have, how I should optimize my site?
Fucking shit, she connects on our CMS for 1 second and she'll get cancer since it's so bad. I'm in the process of planning a whole new rewrite so the website is well designed (currently I am modifying a base theme made by an incompetent designer). I know the system by heart and I know what you can, or can't do.
Now I just received an answer: "so it's only a pure technical problem". NO, OUR WEBSITE WAS CODED BY A CHIMPANZEE WHO THOUGHT WEB DEV WAS AS EASY AS WRITING "HELLO WORLD" ON A SHITTY CMS THAT FORCES DEV USERS TO USE A FUCKING CUM-WHITE-THEMED EDITOR TO EDIT THE WHOLE SITE!!!
I can't just sneeze and "oh look, it's working!"1
Minding my own business in a crowded train, listening to full blast music. As the song changes I sort of heard an announcement but didn't get the subject.
Guy in front of me does a 180° and starts talking to me. I thought he wanted some guidance, so I removed my headset and never did I regret more doing that, that guy just went on and on about his life and stuff that I don't care about, until he got off his stop. Ironically, before he left off he said "you know my mama always told me that you should ignore people you're not interested in" (Forest Gump Swiss edition? He didn't have a box of chocolates though)
I was like "yes, fuck off, not interested in your bullshit", but well, noticed he might be sensitive.
After he left some teens just came and pretended I didn't exist as they invaded my corporal space. Pushed one gently as he was leaning on to me a bit too much.
People must see me as a help point, you know those terminals where you can browse stuff... That's me. The Father of them all.2
Someone give me courage to change my job :( I'm bored-out at work and am not motivated to write some applications, as I'm thinking I'm going to get paid less or not given a job I want (I have a basic certification, no degree in CS)
What was your most ridiculous story related to IT?
Mine was when I was quite small (11yo) and wanted a graphics card (the epoch of ATI Radeon 9800), looked at the invoice to know what kind of ports I had in the pc (did not open it), then proceeded to brat to my dad to get me a new GPU
So we where in Paris, we went to a shop, vendor asked me "PCI or AGP?" and said AGP.
Paris > London > Isle of Skye roadtrip followed, then as my dad brought me back home in Switzerland, we opened my pc...
And we couldn't fit the GPU in the basic old PCI port. My Dad was pissed. He frustratedly tried fitting the GPU in the PCI slot, but nope. (He's a software engineer though)
At least the GPU had 256 mb of ram :D
Gave it to my brother 6 months later at family gathering
To this day, my Dad still thinks I cannot handle hardware, although I have successfully built 10+ pc, and still cringes with a laughing smile when I talk to him about it haha