73

FML. An overreaching supergenius "architect" and a database team:

A: "We have decided that apps should use mysql. Install a MySQL so we match cloud"
DBA: "we don't have an image or experience with MySQL. We have mssql and Oracle "
A: "ok, use mssql in data center and mysql in production cloud"
DBA: "that's... not going to work well"
A: "just do it!"

...

Me, reading this shit, sends email: "ignoring the fact that we have more than 500 queries in this application which will need to be checked and most likely rewritten, how are we supposed to test the mysql queries without production access?"
A: "just use mssql local and MySQL in cloud"
M: "... Just to make sure I understand, you want us to write queries for mssql, test them locally, and then write separate queries, with a separate SQL connection abstraction that deploys to production? Again, how are we going to test this?"
A: "no, use same queries, should be fine"
M: "they really won't, they're different dialects"
A: "do the needful, make work!"

If karma were a thing, this person would have long since exploded into a cloud of atomized blood.

Comments
  • 6
    😳what chaotic shit is this?

    At least have a cloud dev/staging environment if they want to pull this kind of crap, or better yet... just install MySQL locally or MSSQL on cloud and tell them where to stick it.
  • 8
    @C0D4
    I mean, there are ways I could remedy this locally, but I have this aversion to propping up idiots who won't listen to anyone else. So, not applying my own resources or effort to compensate.

    I'll just document this fuckery, my responses and let them wallow in their overpromoted idiocy when it all comes home to roost.
  • 6
    Dark ages are upon us devs
  • 8
    @SortOfTested I'd just start calling it [M]icroSoft[Y] SQL

    They'll never know πŸ˜‚
  • 3
    *immediatelly borrows minigun out of air*
    Die, n0000000b.
  • 2
    As usual people think they know better than those involved in development πŸ˜’
  • 3
    Does this guy have *any* credentials when it comes to databases or development?
  • 6
    @SortOfTested 'exploded in a cloud of atomiaed blood'

    Subarashiiiii!
  • 4
    @Hazarth
    No, he's a stuffed shirt peacock who shit into an first round h1b, shit into an architect slot by being the last person standing at an org in process of failing and now just walks around trying to put his tiny mushroom stamp on everything.
  • 2
    @NeatNerdPrime
    πŸ€œπŸ€›
  • 10
    If you are dealing with someone who is illiterate w.r.t. the technology you talk to them about, just translate the requirements into a common language.

    So use the next best interface, which us cost. Tell them, "will be done. We estimate cost for this request at around 650k $. And if they are not a client, but your employer/superior, just translate money to time, e.g. "sure boss, we estimate this to be completed in ca. 3 to 4 years".

    Make it tangible.
  • 2
    @Maer
    Definitely did. Unfortunately he's a windbag willing to lie to directors, so it's our word against his.
  • 6
    Do the 'needful'? So he is Indian?
  • 3
    @SortOfTested

    Why bother?

    Lay down all other work, fully live up the idiocy and watch the pile burn.

    Then,

    'sickness'-leave,

    notice,

    finally : stonks.
  • 2
    @SortOfTested name checks out πŸ˜€
  • 3
    "do the needful"

    Is this an Indian slang?
  • 0
  • -1
    500? Those are rookie numbers
  • 2
    This is far beyond the Peter principle. The guy should go back @ pumping gas.
  • 0
    Hey I am a thing, this guy is just a dicko, don't blame it all on me
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