Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

  • 3

    And then?
  • 5
  • 26
    I laughed so hard at this.. take my +++++++
  • 35
    The programmers around me were just asking why I'm literally on the ground laughing
  • 24
    In Swedish (maybe more languages?) newspeak, the word "problem" has been replaced by "challenge". Our prime minister took it one level higher, calling problems "opportunities", like the manager in the OP. Sounded weird when he said "We lack 700,000 homes for the year 2020, which is a fantastic opportunity".

    BTW, even the first euphemism level is semantically wrong, because a challenge is something that you can chose to accept or not, whereas a problem is something you've got regardless of whether you want to accept it or not.
  • 1
    @trogus another animation idea?
  • 3
    @praveenpuglia syntax error
  • 3
    @epse can't fix. Deployed to production 😝
  • 9
    I hate these super positive managers that have no clue about what's happening. They just talk and try to make you feel inferior or inadequate and pretend to be the most important people in the company. If you don't listen to your devs and your team, then I just have to say a big "FU*K YOU".

    Your rant made my day :D
  • 2
    Stupid managers everywhere.
    Suck this DDoS opportunity a-hole.
  • 2
    Guys what's Ddos?
  • 3
    @sharurox stands for distributed denial of service and means that thousends of highjacked computers attacking a server until it breaks.
  • 4
    @sharurox AKA ouchies...
  • 1
    @heyheni is there a way of ddos proofing a server. Building the software in such a way it will not break?
  • 0
    @SweetHuman i mean so ddos proof that it won't break at 1tbs and 1-2 million devices. Not adding more hardware, I am interested how would such software be built?
  • 3
    @SweetHuman denial of service is actually a broad term, which can encompass multiple different types of attacks (even unintentional ones.)

    A DDoS is more specific and typically floods a system with more traffic than it can process, and blocking offenders is difficult because there are so many.

    This all happens long before it reaches the Application Layer. Ultimately, this means that software cannot solve this (aside from software implemented in the network infrastructure such as network appliance firmware)
  • 2
    @SweetHuman no but usually you don't run your service on a single server. You run it on a cluster aka the cloud, which means, it just moves your stuff to another ip / server.

    The guys from www.cloudflare.com have a blog about how they secure their service.
  • 4
    10/10. My favorite post so far.
  • 10
    @sharurox ddos in a nutshell is basically server gangbang
  • 2
    Oh, Lucifer in heaven, I can't breathe from laughing so hard!
  • 0
    :D :D

    Boss : :/
  • 3
    This got trogus' attention. Proof: https://devrant.com/rants/1223025/...
  • 1
    11/10 would recommend. This is quality, take this ++.

  • 0
    This just shows where an uninformed positive philosophy falls apart. Always be positive, and always be informed. Also, LMFAO! I've always appreciated sarcasm!
  • 1
    @AlexDeLarge I thought Lucifer was from Hell district :D
  • 0
    @freebug That was in his later years, lol!
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