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The moment when you're failing the university, you desperately wish to drop out of it and your parents push you to inhuman amounts of things to get you to finish the bloody thing when not even a bachelor's degree will ever help you in anything and it seriously wasted 5 years of "studying" about things in food technology that were there in the USSR. I think you failed to notice that 26 years have gone after that. More years than my age is, basically, and the tech has moved forward so much I will never be able to utilise at least 80% of what I was "taught". Yeah, it's nice pretending you're somehow smarter than everyone else in your room when you have a degree like that, right?

I'm studying at a professional college right now and it's 11 AM to 5 PM five days of the week. How am I supposed to be able to combine a university that never helps one even fucking slightly if you have a job or something similar? And it also insists that it won't take away grades if you don't go there, but simultaneously it actually does that. I'm the type who cannot be made to do something in some cases even if there is no other way perceivable.

I just want to get a goddamn job that pays, but I need something that gives me salary of at least about 1000 USD equivalent to just be able to hopefully rent a small flat and have some money to spare.

Now I have to be going to the college. I might end up getting my PC taken away from me a THIRD time since me and my friends built it. And it's only been a bit more than a year since that :|

Did I tell you my age? 23.

And these people(my parents), think they can bitch, moan, take things away from me(the things that helped me all my life to not go insane from their actions), then scream at and even hit me if I don't act 100% the way they want me to.

AND THEY WILL SAY THEY WANT ME TO SUCCEED AND THAT THEY STAND FOR MY FREEDOM.

If there is some force that can help me out of this, I summon thee!

/endrant.

Sorry for that. I needed to have that out of my system.

Comments
  • 19
    I'm 21 now in my third year of uni and related that needs computing power and the same shot happens to me all the time
    Whenever I say I need to upgrade my GPU to make faster processing for my machine language projects, they are like "oh no which AAA titles games do u wanna play now?"
    I told them I have matured and playing games are not even my concern any more.
    They say "show up grades", and then I show somewhat close to 7 cgpa and they are like "that's avg. bring more next time and we will think about getting the upgrade."
    Just will end this bachelor's ASAP and run away to Switzerland or Czech republic or something where I will create my own shit.
    And the fun part they caught me doing internship/freelancing 3 times and ask me "why is money always of your concern, just focus on grades and u will get the money" and my earned money goes directly to their bank account.
    AWESOME.
  • 6
    This seriously hurts my heart. Hope you can get away from those shitheads.
  • 10
    I feel you. I'm 22 and my parents have no understanding or regard or care for my college life. They continuously refuse to acknowledge that engineering school is way harder than anything else and that I am not as intelligent as they wish and thought I was, back in high school when I was a straight A student.

    So now when I am barely passing classes and am satisfied and happy and proud with the grades I get (which are obviously comparatively mediocre to my high school grades), they are baffled and think I am just being lazy, not trying hard enough, or even worse, blame it on the meds I am taking to help keep me sane through all this stress.

    Also anytime I have lots of College work to do, they couldn't give two shits and still prioritize pointless shit or family events, not giving me the time and seclusion I need to get any work or studying done.

    I'm fucking tired of this ignorance already. But clearly you've got it worse off than even me, so I feel bad for you bro.
  • 4
    Yea same with me B.Sc 4th year at just 20 but never wanted it, always wanted to get into computer field but we don't have money for that. I am barely passing but I don't care of failing exam, I always give some time to programming books. After teaching whole year save enough money for laptop, will give more time now.
  • 6
    I know your pain, I was in the same situation two years ago when I wanted to quit my engineering college . That's two years wasted. Now I teach engineering college kids how to code so that they have something to get them through the day...So don't give up coding it's your life line
  • 9
    Your story sounds like so much like mine growing up:

    Physically and emotionally abusive parents who were extremely controlling, and demanded they live my life for me: Their choice of friends, hobbies, music, entertainment. Their choice of boyfriends. Their choice of major in college. If I did anything they didn't agree with, I was "wasting my life "and "making decisions I would regret." They'd go through my things and take whatever they didn't want me to have, and lie about it. They took my computer away for three months once because they didn't approve of who I was dating; I had to use their crappy one for school projects.

    If I made my dad angry, I'd get cussed out, thrown around, punched, hit with chairs, pinned, etc. I had so many new bruises every week...

    I was never allowed to get angry, ever, and if I did, it was somehow my fault and I got into trouble.

    ._.

    But things did get better:
    I cut them out of my life, and now only talk to them when I decide to. Which is very rare.
  • 26
    Thanks everyone for the support and to those sharing similar things... I wish you the best. @Ashkin, that latter is what I'm trying to do with the Web Inteface Development course. I know I will want to add a lot more to my knowledge than I will have by the end of it, but it's still a good start. I would really love to freelance, but I'm not really familiar with it, even though I probably should be.

    Also, I don't see how anyone would pay anything to the pathetic excuse of a human being that I am right now.

    Then again, I'm the person who survived more than 10 years of horrible things by saying the phrase "I have to survive, there's no other choice", on repeat.

    Whatever. Right now I'm writing a list of things I generally want to do. I think it's fair to say that my own expectations are crushingly high. I AM a perfectionist, after all, for better or worse.

    Shall I write the list as a comment? It may be a really dumb one, by the way...

    Fuck it. I will.
  • 5
    @BlueNutterfly: Absolutely.

    Also, I'm here if you want to talk, or need help with anything. I'm a full-stack rails developer, and have spent the past year almost entirely focused on frontend design/development.
  • 29
    1. Let Visual Studio 2017 install.
    2. Let Unity 5 install.
    3. Learn about both.
    4. Learn a bit of Blender.
    5. Learn a bit of PhotoShop(I'm learning it in the course, but I'd like more...)
    6. Learn Illustrator(same as above)
    7. Learn a bit of Android Development.
    8. Learn playing Violin, Cello, Harpiscord, Organ and remember Piano(I used to play, but gave up).
    9. Remember German and Russian(I have a freaking C1 level certificate in German and I understand Russian pretty well for a person who never really needs it that much. I also speak English, as evidenced by all of my activities here, and my mother tongue is Georgian. But I still want to learn more languages and not only spoken ones, but programming ones too...)
    10. Become a freelance developer. Sure, it may not bring a huge amount of money to a newb like me, but at least it will bring some income in.
    11. Start a fucking Game Development Studio!(The gamer in me shows, I guess?)
    12. Make games that people love.
    13. READ A LOT.
  • 20
    @Ashkin, thanks for the offer... I will keep it in mind! (^-^)
  • 3
    @BlueNutterfly and I thought I was unfortunate being born in my country :/

    I say do it like @Ashkin: cut the bad parts of your life out, be above it. It's not worth feeling bad over it. You know you're doing things right, not your parents, so take your life back from them and get up to speed without them. Coding is a really, really good way to do that, since devs are needed everywhere right now. Try to spend as much time as possible for your future, and when you can't due to your family, just endure it, don't waste emotions. Your time will come.

    I really hope you feel better after talking about this. Don't give up! <3

    (oh, and I really would like to do gamedev too :3)
  • 1
    Game dev is amazing ^_^
    I work for a small indie game company (full stack dev, sadly not working on the game proper). The pay is terrible, but I enjoy the work.
  • 3
    That's awful. My situation was a lot like yours, but I went to college about four hours away from them and if really helped.

    I don't know if you have the option to move further away, but I found that it's a lot easier to manage awful parents from afar. It really helps you set real boundaries.

    Keep your chin up, it does get better.
  • 22
    @starless Right now, no. I'm unemployed, which means I'm completely dependent on my parents financially. The web development course for me is my ticket out of there.
  • 23
    Continuation: Now my aunt that really wants to push me into doing a PhD gave me a deadline of a week to go to the university and get the materials for the subjects I'm supposed to be learning in this semester. Yeah, the problem is... The lecturers will not give me any points additionally even if I get 100% on every exam :|

    She's like, "Give me two weeks and you will know the subjects", as if my memorizing abilities will somehow receive an upgrade to make me remember something that is about as interesting as a bloody mosquito flying everywhere and not leaving you in peace.

    Also, she tells me that if I follow what she says, employers will be in line to get me to work with them as a bloody professor. Sorry, but I'm not awesome at explaining things. And my nerves are way worse than they should be at my age.

    I said I don't want that life. She doesn't listen. Last time I checked, I had a right to choose what happens in MY FUTURE.

    Why am I even here?
  • 1
    You are all awesome be strong! I was at UNI for less than 2 years but being there made no sense for me I struggled with everything associated with the UNI & dropped out I got over it & enrolled at the local CC & realized after a year that it was more of the same BS so I dropped out from there too Now I code @ home I hope to get a job soon I have been coding for 3 years from free online resources I try to code everyday but life gets in the way so I call myself an "on & off coder" to respect that I dont have control over life Doing this alone will lead to many problems like depression weight gain disinterest etc.
    Try to have some good online friends who are always saying positive things not necessarily towards U, just in attitude & whose goals R aligned with yours (otherwise become invisible).
    Get out the house once a week, dont have to be a social thing, just walk to get some coffee & find a bookstore
    Work comfortably & Sleep well
    I got a loud sound machine ;)
    LOL my longest rant ever!
  • 20
    I checked the uni schedule. Guess how the lectures are aligned? Specifically on the times where I am supposed to be at college. I guess they want a Hermione Granger case in real life xD
  • 1
    @BlueNutterfly it sounds your bar is set up much higher than your aunt's and parents' bar.
    Just keep doing what you love, and one more tip, you have 20 things in your list which eventually you'll get to all of them, but now choose only one, probably the one that you both like and might make money so you can live wherever you'd like to.
    In my first rant you can see I was also messing up with blender lately 😀 it's awesome but will probably not make you much money at the beginning. Maybe try sticking to the web development if you like it, and if you need any help with either the programming or freelancing (I did a bit of it before univ) I'll join the chore here and you're free to ask me as well!
  • 23
    Thanks, everyone for the lovely words and the support!

    Oh, happy birthday to devRant and a late happy Pi Day!
  • 2
    Hey, I know that feeling just too well, being 26, studying and everything weighs down on you...
    But before I started my studies I had a full time job as a Dev already and soon noticed that, unfortunately, one needs a Bachelor nowadays, no matter how good you are.
    So heads up and get through it, I am sure you can make it :)
    Believe me when I say that everything will get easier eventually :)
    You are in a phase of your life, like most people in their twenties, where everything is changing and not constant and the future seems weird. But please believe in yourself and don't give up!
    If you ever feel lost get someone to talk to (I got a cat :-D ) it sure helps :)
  • 2
    Hey there @bluenutterfly
    I read through your post and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry that you are going through all of that. I understand how hard it must be with all of this pressure on you, on top of a desire to be better & rise above the bullshit.
    You seem like a very smart and capable person, I think you could do really well if you tried freelancing. Making $1000USD/month is very doable even for a novice developer! I would recommend focusing your efforts on an in-demand language that you find interesting like Java or SQL - or even go for "two birds with one stone" and learn C# so you can get more familiar with unity as you work towards a job. I think if you focus on becoming independent as soon as possible, you much more easily focus on what YOU want to do with your life, not what others tell you to do :)
    Good luck, and if you're ever interested in talking about unity development let me know, I just started learning about it!
  • 19
    @devoutpost Thanks for that... It seems I will not be left alone unless I do what they say. Story of my life...

    So now I have to sign up for the master's program, prepare for that little exam, study at the college(my aunt thinks colleges are for idiots when I came across that college from an aquaintance of a friend on the Electrical and Computer Engineering faculty and he flat out said he learned more in the college than the university. Oh, she also says programming is not an in-demand profession, wants me to build her a website for free and makes fun of me, but when confronted about it, she goes full denial mode), AND also somehow finish studying at the university before I can sign up. Oh, and bring her the materials that I'll be needing to study by some magic.

    My whole family seems to think I'm some kind of goddess in how much I can do if I tried, while at the same time not letting me make even ONE serious decision in my entire life.
  • 19
    And the thing about those matetials is that we get them in electonic forms. We DO have books, but we can borrow those for about a day or two. Lecturers send us the materials one or a few times a week, depending on the lecturer.

    She might be a terrible person to deal with, but she's definitely slightly better than my parents. Yesterday my mother sent me a message saying that she feels like crying because I don't feel the need to rely on God(I get why people would make up the concept, but really? Telling me I should rely on some imaginary authority?). Then, when it's needed to prove that she even cares about me, she only acts according to her "feelingz". That was a deliberate typo.

    Father? Well, I really have very little to say about him. He works really hard and well, I appload him for that, but it doesn't change the fact we end up arguing way more than we should. We're both hot-blooded to the extreme. Fun fact, I might be the more hot-blooded type. Maybe because of the shit I faced.
  • 19
    In the comment above the one above this I said before I sign up. It was a typo. I meant to say before I go through that exam...
  • 19
    Update: Now I fucking get to see how much my family treats me like a retard for saying that the university will not fucking bear me not showing up and only going to the exams :|

    They also scream at me, but if I even slightly raise my bloody voice they tell me I'm screaming at them.

    Lovely.
  • 2
    @BlueNutterfly
    As long as you are in this toxic situation, your motivation, decision making, and mood will be negatively affected.
    Please, I honestly believe that doing everything in your power to leave and be self sufficient would allow you to live a real life free of this tyranny
  • 20
    @devoutpost But right now I really have nowhere else to go, no way to be even remotely allowed to do anything I want unless I fall in line OR I suddenly hit jackpot and take off with some unreal success. I'm not a miracle. I'm just a human.

    I know. That is also why I have to be forcing myself to get out of bed every day to get to things. It's been affecting me for quite a while and it's gotten to the point that this is something I'm dangerously used to.
  • 2
    This rant touched me deeply. I was in your situation for a long time. One day I let my father know that I was now bigger than him and, though the physical abuse stopped, all the others intensified. He pushed me into studying the career he had studied because I was economically dependent but after 3 years I dropped out. I got into a community college (free in my country) while working on anything I could find. The most ridiculous thing is that parents usually force you to be a doctor or an engineer, mine are artists and they could not make peace with me being interested in science. Religion was all they could focus on. Working left me no time to study and had to drop out of college too. I honestly thought it was never going to get better. I had to sustain not only myself but my sister because my parents kicked her out for being a lesbian. Once she finished her career, she pushed me (in a supportive way) back to school. This time I could choose... (Long story short, things get better)
  • 1
    Wow. Your parents are retards.
    Mine used to be like this, but they somehow realized that I can keep my shit together on my own.
    I'm almost failing in literature in hs, because i never study and people think i'm stupid, but i just did this thing called matura exam in english, and guess what? 100/99 anwsers are correct and I only used the third of the time that was avaliable where people would only get like 60-70-80 right.
    I also have a passion for music, i have 6k tracks with a higher end stereo setup.
    I love photography and programming also, and gaming too.
    In the past year my parents finally started to get supportive, i even got a gtx 1070, last year i got the sound system and DSLR.
    Also, despite almost failing hs i'm going to get accepted into my university of choice with a scholarship, where i will learn outdated stuff about programming, but they want me to finish it, so i guess i'll do. They at least let me choose it.
    I really feel your pain and hope that you get out of there ASAP.
  • 2
    I didn't read this completely, but from start of the first line, I got what you were about to say. I am exactly where you are, right now.

    It's not about money or "I don't want to study ( worst reason ever anyone could think of I want to drop out )", but the actual thing is, which sadly nobody sees but only brag about, during times when they want to lecture, "Time". It's always about time. I want to drop out, because I don't want to waste this mightiest and most precious element of the world.

    I hear from my mother, the project I am working on, can be done later or my uncle says ( who was a Grade A officer ), it's not time to gain experience but to study. But I am not learning anything at college. All I learned is how I am wasting my precious time. I hate myself when I watch myself wasting time and not doing anything.

    Things will be completely changed after one year. You won't have that time again in your life. Parents still think college is place of knowledge.
  • 2
    Damn...I crossed limit for the first time... I felt emotional...
    Contd... "Which is not true anymore, in today's world. It's not the same thing that used to be, before"
  • 2
    I had thought of running from home many times, but I cant. Maybe it's the guts that I don't have or simply because "the bond with my parents and family". Sure I was beaten sometimes due to my own faults or some cursed words from my mother, but they do love and care about me.
  • 1
    @BlueNutterfly eyez on the prize! You seem to have a plan laid out, follow the path towards achieving YOUR goals, Live YOUR life the way YOU want... I appreciate that what supposed to be a support system is a weight dragging you down(whatever their reasons are) and it can take a toll on you but take a deep breath and continue! Have you read the story “ are you a carrot, egg or coffee bean”?? Be a coffee bean! (Unless you can be batwoman 😜)
  • 2
    Oh dear ...
    That must be horrible :/

    Sorry to all. I mistakenly clicked the "post" button :)
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