I had an interview yesterday with the CEO of a startup going into Series A for the position of Principal Developer, remote. I've only ever heard of 'tech-bros', but I was unfortunate to meet one in-person. It went something like this:

CEO-bro: Good morning.
Me: Morning.
CEO-bro: It says here on your resume you live in X. That place is a shithole, and I have to look down on you because of that, bro. LoL.
Me: ......
(40 minutes of self-promotion pass)
CEO-bro: Anyway, we don't pay high salaries but offer bonuses for high performing staff instead. I'll ask HR to send you an offer.
Me: Let me think about it.
CEO-bro: One question bro. You have siblings?
Me: One.
CEO-bro: Parents still alive?
Me: No...what?!
CEO-bro: Yeah, me too. People like us don't let anything get in the way.

I wrote them an email this morning withdrawing my application 🤦🏽‍♂️

Companies who geo block their sites for no fucking reason can go fuck themselves.

So a bunch of retarded pharmacies in India, geo block hits from anywhere outside of India.

A thousands of Indians are living abroad with their parents and family living in India.

Imagine, I have to order medicines for my parents since they are not very tech savvy and I cannot do that because some rotten brained guava thought that it's a good idea to geo block access.

What is the fucking point in doing so? There are many such companies, especially Indian who do so. I have keep toggling my VPN because of this.

Got a job as a controls engineer. Told my parents.

Parents: Good Job!
Brother: Bro! How you make so much money?
Me: I went to a tech school and learned how to do technical stuff.
Brother: Oh... fuck that shit!

Everyone was really supportive. Been slowly gravitating from controls to more pure software. But a lot of the software I write is for controls and automation of machines.

I know a guy who writes everything in Haskell.

He started learning it because his parents got him into a math school (and math schools in Russia use either Python or Haskell), he liked it, but later he dropped out. Today, apart from Haskell, he only really knows HTML and CSS, and maybe some JavaScript.

He writes backend AND frontend in Haskell and uses some kind of JRPC stuff to manage all that. He told me that his life is a pure heaven. He IS RELEVANT (!!!!!!), his apps always run without bugs (because in Haskell you can mathematically prove that there are no bugs), they are performant, faster than C (because you can't write a complex enough app in C that will be as efficient as compiled Haskell, because it's you vs compiler). He doesn't have any problems in life whatsoever. He never got burned out, he never got anxiety or depression. He doesn't act pretentiously and stuff, he's just a normal person who rarely even mentions that he can program.

Science says it can't be done! You can't only know Haskell and be a relevant software engineer! You know what, he didn't _know_ it was impossible. He's like that grandpa from a meme, he got Alzheimers, but because of it he forgot that he had Alzheimers, and now remembers everything.

The fun thing is that he looks like a typical gopnik, with adidas suits and stuff.

What a gem of a person.

I noticed something...

I drink a lot of coffee. I also drink tea. But usually when I want something sweet. So, lots of sweetener.

Sometimes I go and make me a cup of coffee and a cup of tea at the same time. And then, then it happens.

When I want to sip from my cup of tea and I reach for my tea, everything is fine. Same goes when I want a sip of coffee.

But woe me when I want a sip of tea and accidentally take a sip of coffee. You see, it's not the rapid switching between coffee and tea, it's the expectation of taking a sip of sweet tea and getting bitter black coffee. Suddenly coffee is the most disgusting thing I've ever drunken.

But give me half a minute and then I drink a sip of coffee on purpose and I like it again.

Yet, while I don't expect coffee, I feel like a ten year old who stole a sip of coffee from his parents' mug.

So I surmise, my frontal lobe has detected coffee as something good and must override the fact that I don't like the taste or something like that. But to do so it must anticipate coffee. Anyone willing to experiment with that to figure out if that's normal or if I am just weird?

I was 8 years old the boy in the block invited me said I have something to show you. His parents bought him a Macintosh. He typed my name on the black screen and there was a response.
He said look it says “How are you?” And I was mesmerised got so excited I was like wow 😲
Guess what the text was actually saying? syntax error 😂 Little did I know at that time!!
I went home and told my parents, can you believe what I’ve seen today?? Computer responded me talked to me!!
On my birthday I got a Commodore 64 that year and the story begun.

College can be one of the worst investments for an IT career ever.

I've been in university for the past 3 years and my views on higher education have radically changed from positive to mostly cynical.

This is an extremely polarizing topic, some say "your college is shite", "#notall", "you complain too much", and to all of you I am glad you are happy with your expensive toilet paper and feel like your dick just grew an inch longer, what I'll be talking about is my personal experience and you may make of it what you wish. I'm not addressing the best ivy-league Unis those are a whole other topic, I'll talk about average Unis for average Joes like me.

Higher education has been the golden ticket for countless generations, you know it, your parents believe in it and your grandparents lived it. But things are not like they used to be, higher education is a failing business model that will soon burst, it used to be simple, good grades + good college + nice title = happy life.

Sounds good? Well fuck you because the career paths that still work like that are limited, like less than 4.

The above is specially true in IT where shit moves so fast and furious if you get distracted for just a second you get Paul Walkered out of the Valley; companies don't want you to serve your best anymore, they want grunt work for the most part and grunts with inferiority complex to manage those grunts and ship the rest to India (or Mexico) at best startups hire the best problem solvers they can get because they need quality rather than quantity.

Does Uni prepare you for that? Well...no, the industry changes so much they can't even follow up on what it requires and ends up creating lousy study programs then tells you to invest $200k+ in "your future" for you to sweat your ass off on unproductive tasks to then get out and be struck by jobs that ask for knowledge you hadn't even heard off.

Remember those nights you wasted drawing ER diagrams while that other shmuck followed tutorials on react? Well he's your boss now, but don't worry you will wear your tired eyes, caffeine saturated breath and overweight with pride while holding your empty title, don't get me wrong I've indulged in some rough play too but I have noticed that 3 months giving a project my heart and soul teaches me more than 6 months of painstakingly pleasing professors with big egos.

And the soon to be graduates, my God...you have the ones that are there for the lulz, the nerds that beat their ass off to sustain a scholarship they'll have to pay back with interests and the ones that just hope for the best. The last two of the list are the ones I really feel bad for, the nerds will beat themselves over and over to comply with teacher demands not noticing they are about to graduate still versioning on .zip and drive, the latter feel something's wrong but they have no chances if there isn't a teacher to mentor them.

And what pisses me off even more is the typical answers to these issues "you NEED the title" and "you need to be self taught". First of all bitch how many times have we heard, seen and experienced the rejection for being overqualified? The market is saturated with titles, so much so they have become meaningless, IT companies now hire on an experience, economical and likeability basis. Worse, you tell me I need to be self taught, fucker I've been self taught for years why would I travel 10km a day for you to give me 0 new insights, slacking in my face or do what my dog does when I program (stare at me) and that's just on the days you decide to attend!

But not everything is bad, college does give you three things: networking, some good teachers and expensive dead tree remnants, is it worth the price tag, not really, not if you don't need it.

My broken family is not one of resources and even tho I had an 80% scholarship at the second best uni of my country I decided I didn't need the 10+ year debt for not sleeping 4 years, I decided to go to the 3rd in the list which is state funded; as for that decision it worked out as I'm paying most of everything now and through my BS I've noticed all of the above, I've visited 4 universities in my country and 4 abroad and even tho they have better everything abroad it still doesn't justify some of the prices.

If you don't feel like I do and you are happy, I'm happy for you. My rant is about my personal experience which is kind of in the context of IT higher education in the last ~8 years.

Just letting some steam off and not regretting most of my decisions.

!dev
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

My Mother was intelligent enough to get her phone stolen and screams at me over the phone of my brother why I can't do more than telling her the last known location

BECAUSE THEY SHUT IT DOWN
I CAN'T DO SHIT WITHOUT THE PHONE HAVING AN INTERNET CONNECTION

But what if they go through my files go into my bank account

THEY CAN'T BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PASSWORD ON IT

but they could crack it or something

NO THEY CAN'T WITHOUT TRYING FOR MONTHS OR YEARS OF POSSIBLE COMBINATIONS

but

NO BUT JUST FUCKING CALM DOWN IF THEY AREN'T THAT BAD THEN THEY WILL CALL ME IF THEY ARE ASSHOLES THEY NEED AT LEAST MAKE A FACTORY RESET AND DELETE ALL YOUR FILES
I CAN'T DO MORE THAN THIS SO FUCKING SHUT UP AND DON'T LEAVE YOUR PHONE AT A FUCKING WAITING ROOM AND DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING ON THE FUCKING INTERNET ESPECIALLY FACEBOOK

Thanks know I can't concentrate anymore........

Sometimes I wish I was driven by positive reasons, and not by self-loathing and sense of worthlessness. I didn't have an actual vacation for over 3 years.
I am now in Thailand with my parents, and I am working my ass off to meet IROS/RAL deadline instead of chilling. The urge to continue working is really compulsive. I am very tired.
On a brighter note, the early experiments I ran look promising

!dev
monthly mediocre life crisis checklist:

✅ boring job, no learning, taking away 8 hrs/ day

✅ wasting 4-5 hours doomscrolling

✅ being a mediocre Android developer in a shitty company not upgrading his skills

✅ trying to learn webdev from a paid course but not getting any progress there

✅ having 15 paid leaves but a shitty friend cicrle which isn't nterested in going out

✅ 0 solo travel with no knowledge in driving any vehicle

✅ no girlfriend/ lady friends to talk to

✅ porn and boring nature killing any signs of being interesting

✅ gaining fat and ugly body

✅ simping at the gym

✅ hateful parents quarreling with each other everyday

✅ having sad life with no mental peace

things going correct in life

⬜ getting salary on time, able to afford bread

⬜ still try to workout 5d/week

⬜ still try to make small web projects

So fed up of existing.

I am not saying that I am suicidal, but if a truck was accelerating towards me, I would not bother to move.

Even though I consider myself decently successful in life in terms of career, friendship, and to some extent, family. I strongly feel that I am in a very wrong environment.

I have zero trust, safety, love, and nurturing care from my parents and others around me.

I lack physical privacy, psychological safety, and emotional void.

My hypothesis is that if I was in a better environment with slightly lesser responsibilities and needs better met, I could have achieved wonders. With that, who wouldn't?

Why do we exist? Just to suffer?

So,

A) I suck at digital drawing.
B) They have not invited me to the third interview like they said they would in the second interview.
C) I am still working on the PhD application. Still think the CV is bad, the SOP sucks, and back and forth emailing professors about recommendation letters. I am not built for this, but who is. So out of comfort zone. So unrelated to actual research or brain capabilities.
D) Moving in with parents is all fun and games and "I can do this", until you get stuck inside with them for over a month because of lockdowns.

... I hope next year is going to be better...

Do one thing... That's where the trouble starts.

Yeah. Architecture and separation, these are the foundation.

If you don't do these two in a proper and sane way, you most likely end up with the rotten pile of shit most companies call micro services.

Hot glued unmaintainable mess of deprecated shit stapled together by a custom framework abomination cause no one gave a flying fuck to properly design it.

I see these things daily.

I write the reminders every week.

"Hey, lil retarded dev, you don't need that dependency, you can just use languages feature XY added in version XY"

"But that's how I always did it"

Moments where you want to apply violence from the category "inhumane".

Or even more retarded: Yeah it does everything that was written in that one epic that took 6 months with 30 devs to finish.

I sometimes really wonder how some people managed to survive till they got the job. Parents must have been pretty vigilant 24/7...

In reply to atheist in another rant ;)

The IT guy my parents had often at their home.

This guy thought me how to manage our network, how to create mobile apps. How to debug problems and so on. He sparked so much interest for computers in me and now i can't stop fiddleing around with computers.

Also this "electrician" who worked for my parents.
Basically he fixxed old keyboards, loudspeakers and stuff like that. He thought me about resistors, transistors, blue prints and how to solder stuff.

"Lötzinn blödsinn"

They both started my journey into the rabbit hole of technology.

Looking around where I work, I'm reminded of when I was young and ambitious, like all the other kids around me at the time, with a dislike for all the older dudes and dudettes in upper management. With the exception of three other guys around my age, everyone, including the CEO, was in high school, middle school, elementary school, or not even born yet when I started my career. Just like them, I was plucky and chatty and (trying to be) funny and social. I didn't know how fast I would go from that set to the old fat guy that they look askance at and wonder how I'm still around with my weird ways and "boomerish", socially retarded behavior. What's really galling is that I'm solidly Gen X, like some of them, but I guess I talk more like a Boomer because my parents were older when I was born and I was kinda raised in that mindset. I'm the office schlub now. A man out of my time. And I've never been in any kind of upper management, even. I am Kevin Malone.

Quited my Job.

So... How to spend half a salary in a day...
Go to the shrink after like 3 years of not completing my burn out treatment.
Btw been having health problems lately, incapacitating stuff.
Got so many medication that im using a grossery bag.
Also had to quit my job... I just can't work can barely think, have no strength and a pressure in my head all day.
Now.. I was a temp, working in shifts on a shitty badly paid job, so fk it. 3 weeks down time, then I just quitted...
Now, on my parents house, getting 1 day of sick leave means a person doesn't want to work... How am I gonna tell them that I quitted... Lol
A few years ago I had to ear stuff like your lazy and don't want to work up to the day I got couth trying to cut my wrists... And I'm against suicide.
Now I dont know if I should hope my recent health problems are burn out related or not... Because some of the other possibilities are quite bad... I mean worst.
Can't think, fealing depressed because I hate to not be able to give 100%... And I just keep looking at my CNC machine... Finnaly got enough pieces to finish my project, but I can't get the will to do so... And it's there, in front of me, the opportunity to create my own job...
Life sucks

actually, I'm reposting to this week's rant (Family support you got becoming a dev?) because I remembered some stuff. and also because reading other people's rants reminded me of stuff. The fam and I have changed dynamics, but there is a ten-ish year span that we kinda got along, and I constantly forget about it. (because what good does nostalgia do?)

So, about the fam support.
Parents were both devs. Engineers, to be specific. So yeah, I was around the material all the time. but I was not specifically interested and they didn't push it. (They were busy with other dramas in fam and society) I was more of a bookworm. an imaginative kid, who liked to spend time either reading a fantasy book, swim, play basketball or hang out with her friends. The whole programming thing came way more natural to me than one could imagine. Me getting into uni for it was pure luck because I didn't have the grades for the other thing I wanted. (which, thank fuck, I'm doing way better now) So yeah, the support was not really required. Except for food-clothing-shelter combo.

I did want to become an astrophysicist as a child tho, which they didn't really support. Bummer.

FUCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!

I need to get off this frustration out of my system.

I have a autistic retarded sister who has less than a half brain cell.

Evolution from fish to humans was faster than completion of a task assigned to this faggot.

I fucking hate her. Why was I born in this family. Fucking why!!!!!

Autistic narcissistic cunt. Horrible human.

Doesn't have any friends, no family member cares for her, entitled bitch, earns less than $75 a year.

Whenever we meet, she makes sure to belittle me in front of our parents and gives advices and gyaan on how superior she is and how much waste of oxygen I am.

Constantly mentions that my career choices are stupid, whereas she is doing great (in reality she isn't even able to score a simple degree and no one is willing to hire her).

Acording to her, I have zero financial literacy and she is a genius (in reality I am managing the entire family finances and providing for everyone).

Even when I ask her about something, she says that I am asking stupid questions where as in reality she is an anti vaxxer. God damn fuck!! She was stopping my parents to get vaccinated. Fucking bitch.

There's a simple 20 minute task regarding some tax work and she took more than 2 weeks to even comprehend my request and now screams at me for raising the request on the last day. Bitch WTF! I told you well in advance and now you fuck me up entirely.

My parents are so fucking biased and will blindly side her because she is a girl and using this argument they have destroyed me emotionally over years.

Yes, I no longer care for any of these maniacs and want to leave this place asap.

For now, for the life of me, I am ready to pay more than $3500 extra in taxes than deal with this woman child.

Brothers and sisters I have ascended

From my early chilidhood I was taught by my parents & society that I should put effort into doing things that I "MUST", be kind and polite to others

Tis' all bullshit; never lift a finger if you do not feel like it; never help people free of charge; if you dislike a particular undertaking then it is not worth even an ounce of effort.

We live in a society.

Something tells me those fucks at the coop won't pay me on time. Last time I called I got this woman telling me how I can'T ImprOviSe FreElAnce ProJecT, and that I had to go back to belgium so she could explain to me how to register my contract.

I said I was in a different country. She didn't care. Apparently those stupid c*** still live in the 2nd millenium when everything had to be done using paper.

I worked in 5 different country so far. It was always painless, administratively speaking. Here I'm broke, I'm supposed to make more money in a week than my parents in a month but I'm about to go live in the wood. Joke of a country.

Guys I think I might have adhd and I might be bipolar. Except I have brown parents that aren’t very understanding

Our parents keep reminding us about the time change that happens every half a year. To remember that the clocks need to be adjusted. And we, the children, keep reminding them, that most devices are already connected to the internet and use the time servers for reference. Which surprises our parents every time. 🙃

Quite amazingly, yes!

as a matter of fact one of my parents is actually also in information technology or related field so there are very much aware of how in demand the job is and how difficult it is as well and the best part is a lot of my engineering friends are also switching to computer science and just because it is the better choice of because of how over saturated the engineering field is so yeah i think i have a better career choice than most of my peers

(PS: I used Speech to text here so forgive the grammar errors)

My parents didn't care at all. I guess they were just glad that they didn't have to pay for my expenses anymore, which they barely did anyway. Both have worked in physically demanding jobs and were extremely restrictive in the amount of time I could spend with computers.
Fucktards.

Doctor: "I have some news about your baby."
Parents: "Don't tell us the gender, we want to keep it a surprise."
Doctor: "Oh I get it, you're those type of people. Okay, well IT is not breathing."

upcoming life choices :

- leave home( and a lifestyle where i live/eat rent free, save 90% of pay check, start work at 12pm and end at 4pm but still renowned for being the most productive engineer, workout and party) to live near office and wfo 3 days/week

- quit a relaxed job + look for a similar role in highly competitive/unstable economy + stay at home with parents who are very much controlling, and repeatedly quarrelling amongst themselves and/or with me/my choices

yepp, both points are true about my home life: its a physical paradise as well as an emotional hell

Woke up and got a fking fever out of nowhere. My vision delays when i turn my head while walking, feeling unstable physically, brain feels like its melting, headache, im hot and have high temperature, burning from inside and at one point i started hallucinating the more movement i made, literally saw someone walking in front of my bedroom while no one was there. And then started seeing circles triangles and square shapes in my vision but for a short period of time. I live with my parents

Wtf is this???? Did i experience mental burnout from excess stress and studying???

Gotta make a bullshit deck, not really my job, but I guess it makes a change...

Right-click, save image.

It's a webp file...

...oh just FUCK OFF WEBP YOU F-oh, actually, I'm making this in Google Slides. That's literally their own format! I'll just save these as webp, no need to worry.

(ten minutes and lots of saving later)

Drag a webp file into Google Slides, in Google Chrome:

"Sorry, this format is not supported."

Even your parents hate you, webp. Time to have a nice bath with a bar heater, webp.

I spent 4 months in a programming mentorship offered by my workplace to get back to programming after 4 years I graduated with a CS degree.

Back in 2014, what I studied in my first programming class was not easy to digest. I would just try enough to pass the courses because I was more interested in the theory. It followed until I graduated because I never actually wrote code for myself for example I wrote a lot of code for my vision class but never took a personal initiative. I did however have a very strong grip on advanced computer science concepts in areas such as computer architecture, systems programming and computer vision. I have an excellent understanding of machine learning and deep learning. I also spent time working with embedded systems and volunteering at a makerspace, teaching Arduino and RPi stuff. I used to teach people older than me.

My first job as a programmer sucked big time. It was a bootstrapped startup whose founder was making big claims to secure funding. I had no direction, mentorship and leadership to validate my programming practices. I burnt out in just 2 months. It was horrible. I experienced the worst physical and emotional pain to date. Additionally, I was gaslighted and told that it is me who is bad at my job not the people working with me. I thought I was a big failure and that I wasn't cut out for software engineering.

I spent the next 6 months recovering from the burn out. I had a condition where the stress and anxiety would cause my neck to deform and some vertebrae were damaged. Nobody could figure out why this was happening. I did find a neurophyscian who helped me out of the mental hell hole I was in and I started making recovery. I had to take a mild anti anxiety for the next 3 years until I went to my current doctor.

I worked as an implementation engineer at a local startup run by a very old engineer. He taught me how to work and carry myself professionally while I learnt very little technically. A year into my job, seeing no growth technically, I decided to make a switch to my favourite local software consultancy. I got the job 4 months prior to my father's death. I joined the company as an implementation analyst and needed some technical experience. It was right up my alley. My parents who saw me at my lowest, struggling with genetic depression and anxiety for the last 6 years, were finally relieved. It was hard for them as I am the only son.

After my father passed away, I was told by his colleagues that he was very happy with me and my sisters. He died a day before I became permanent and landed a huge client. The only regret I have is not driving fast enough to the hospital the night he passed away. Last year, I started seeing a new doctor in hopes of getting rid of the one medicine that I was taking. To my surprise, he saw major problems and prescribed me new medication.

I finally got a diagnosis for my condition after 8 years of struggle. The new doctor told me a few months back that I have Recurrent Depressive Disorder. The most likely cause is my genetics from my father's side as my father recovered from Schizophrenia when I was little. And, now it's been 5 months on the new medication. I can finally relax knowing my condition and work on it with professional help.

After working at my current role for 1 and a half years, my teamlead and HR offered me a 2 month mentorship opportunity to learn programming from scratch in Python and Scrapy from a personal mentor specially assigned to me. I am still in my management focused role but will be spending 4 hours daily of for the mentorship. I feel extremely lucky and grateful for the opportunity. It felt unworldly when I pushed my code to a PR for the very first time and got feedback on it. It is incomparable to anything.

So we had Eid holidays a few months back and because I am not that social, I began going through cs61a from Berkeley and logged into HackerRank after 5 years. The medicines help but I constantly feel this feeling that I am not enough or that I am an imposter even though I was and am always considered a brilliant and intellectual mind by my professors and people around me. I just can't shake the feeling.

Anyway, so now, I have successfully completed 2 months worth of backend training in Django with another awesome mentor at work. I am in absolute love with Django and Python. And, I constantly feel like discussing and sharing about my progress with people. So, if you are still reading, thank you for staying with me.

TLDR: Smart enough for high level computer science concepts in college, did well in theory but never really wrote code without help. Struggled with clinical depression for the past 8 years. Father passed away one day before being permanent at my dream software consultancy and being assigned one of the biggest consultancy. Getting back to programming after 4 years with the help of change in medicine, a formal diagnosis and a technical mentorship.

One of the funniest memories of my teenage years is when I fucked a girl and she was anxious about her parents might hear us, so I pressed play on her laptop and “I can never be your woman” by White Town started playing, and we were too busy to chose another one. Still one of my favorite songs 😂

We had an ADAM/Colecovision unit before this, but I don't really count it, as it was more of a console for us than a computer.

In 1986 dad brought home a Tandy 1000 SX. It had an Intel 8088 processor, 64k of memory, and no hard drive. With dual 5.25" floppy drives, our write-protected DOS 3.1 disk stayed in drive A almost all the time. Games and other software were run from drive B, or from the external cassette drive. For really big games, like Conquest of Camelot and Space Quest 3, we were frequently prompted to swap disks in B: before the game could continue.

Space Quest, King's Quest, Lords of Conquest, Conquest of Camelot, Chuck Yeager's Advanced Flight Trainer, several editions of Carmen Sandiego, and at least a dozen other games dominated our gaming use. We wrote papers with WordStar, and my parents maintained their budget with Lotus 1-2-3.

A year or two later, Dad installed a 10 MB hard drive, and we started booting DOS off that instead. Heady days.

Parental Programming: noun 1. Between chaning diapers and preparing milk bottles you contemplate about the code you are going to write. So in the 5 min you get to do it you can punch it out almost perfectly before you have to clean vomit from a carpet.

what is the point of me being here i do nothing but sit in my room and do absolutely nothing. i have no car. i have no job. i have no money. i cant do shit i cant go out with my friends bc it’s always i need money to anything. i’m not good at school i’m so fucking far behind i’m practically a freshman i have no point in even doing anything i’m so useless. so easy to replace i just want a life. i want to live in the city so i can get a better job or even a job at all i wanna go places do things get a car and a job see the boy i’m so in love with. but i cant i’m so trapped in this house it’s not even funny. i have no phone as soon as i leave the house. i cant call or text anyone important. i wanna graduate. move out. go to cosmetology school. live with the love of my life. start a life. move on with this shitty one i’m living now and pay for my own things. but until then i’ll just dream and dream about everything i could have and do. i wish i was that kid who had money who got handed a car from there parents and got to leave the house with no troubles like how am i gonna pay for this or who’s gonna get me how am i gonna get there and back. i want nothing more then to just be happy and be accomplishing things but i can’t. i am the worst daughter ever.

Thread topic: religion, philosophy, matrix

Summary: skip if you don't like these topics, stay if you want to find out why the conclusion has relevance to programming

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Ok.

Let me get this straight:

There are 4 founders of the BAYC NFTs.

1 has a fasist/nazi pseudo name
1 has a racist pseudo name
1 has a satanic pseudo name
1 has a pedophile pseudo name

Their logo is a copy of Nazi Waffen Totenkopf emblem, which was the German division force of the Nazi concentration camps

And they became billionaires.

Ok

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Sam bankman the founder of FTX crypto shit robbed people for 32 BILLION dollars. And hes not in jail because he donated most of that money to democratic political party, leaving himself 1 billion dollars as allowance. Now that he bought political power, politicians protect him. So he's having fun in the bahamas and penthauses, having generational wealth and enriching his fraud parents.

Ok

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Balenciaga. They posted photos of female children holding fluffy toys with BDSM sexual bondage. Books on the table, with excerpt of Michael Borremans, who draws "art" of naked children covered in blood and being sacrificed in rituals. Then a book of "The Cremaster Cycle", which is a demented image that symbolizes "the murder and resurrection of Abiff". Hiram Abiff was the central character during Masonic initiation rituals as the culmination of a three-part process. Etc

Balenciaga is a multi million dollar "brand".

Ok.

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What i learned through all my years of existing on this planet is, being good and doing good, does not pay off. I still live in the matrix. I am still a slave. I am still playing the game of earn to survive. Even while doing software engineering. And I don't know 1 single wealthy person who has obtained all that wealth by doing something good.

This has further lead me to realization: God doesn't help you get rich or wealthy. God doesn't give a fuck if you're rich or poor. He aint gonna help you. But do you know who will? That's right - evil forces will help you get wealthy. Funny how that works?

Because I am christian and believe in God, pray to God and did good all my life - I haven't received anything good in return, my life has not improved, in fact it has devolved and became worse.

Therefore, I came to a conclusion: I will switch teams. I'll let the evil demonic forces take over and guide me to wealth. I'm ready to scam, defraud, develop ponzis and step on corpses and people to get out of the matrix. Perhaps this is how and why good people turn into villains?

Now you understand.

I dont ask to be on the top. I just want to Not play the Matrix game. Which is the game where you have to earn to survive. I want to get into any store and buy whatever i want, without worrying how much does it cost or asking for a discount. People dumber than me do it. But i cant? That means there has to be a loophole in the matrix. An escape plan is possible. I tried escaping since 2018 and failed. For 4, almost 5 years. Because i was trying to escape through good forces. I'll now try to escape using demonic forces and perhaps I'll end up like BAYC founders, FTX founder, Balenciaga brand and many others similar to them. Ending up even half of their success or a fraction - I'll be more than happy. I am not happy living in poverty. Im getting sick of it. I'm getting sick to be underpaid $600/month for doing a job as hard as software engineering, even with a CS degree. Life is not meant to be slaved away till 65+ years old. I can't even afford to buy a car with this slave salary.

So forgive me God. Im just tired of life. Im tired of being a slave. Im tired of watching my parents become older, weaker and still working. I'll shut down all of my morals and I am ready to rob people in Web3 using all of my programming knowledge that has been undervalued.

"A little boy asked God for a new bike for his birthday, but he knows God doesn't work that way. So he stole a bike and prayed to God for forgiveness"

Ugh, no.. You got yourself from dirty dental-dams of “Jif” believers, all the way to passed bass-ackwards. That PR is raw sewage and your demoted back to entry-level if not intern. Oh and while you’re crying with Morty’s dad; consider a career change. Most importantly, just forget WAN ever existed and go back to your parents first PAN device to play solitaire.

-

Sincerely,
All engineers, reviewers and testers who clean up your leaking dirty diarrhea lines.

Apart from the fact that I arrived at a good framework at work to play in problem space than in solution space, this post is more about self realisation and a slight progress in my happiness levels.

Monsoons started in India. The vibe somehow had always been melancholic for me triggering SAD (aka seasonal depression).

However, this year I find it cosier than ever. Hot showers, lazing around on a holiday when it's pouring outside, watching my favourite show/movie. I feel very relaxed in the moment, even when work and life is not as expected/under control.

What I realised is that my problem can be solved. I need a bigger house. That would give me privacy, some personal space for hobbies, and put a barrier between me and parents easing the tension and clashes. I could then get married, and with all the money I will save (from not buying a house myself), can be used to pursue hobbies like music, art, travel, etc.

Whenever I relax, my sleep pattern changes where I have longer duration of deep sleep with many dreams (perhaps processing everything). Does anyone else experience such a phenomenon?

Anyway, life doesn't get easy or hard, we just learn to put up with shit.

My partner and I are in a free relationship, and there is a solid reasoning behind it.

When you stop seeing sex with the other person as magical sexual utopia, when you realize that merely having sex with someone else is not the reason to leave your partner, your relationship becomes much stronger.

In monogamy, your real partner competes with imaginary utopia, always loosing. In polygamy, your partner doesn't compete at all, because you know that you are always welcome, no matter the affairs.

I've seen enough broken marriages, including the relationship of my own parents. I've seen enough families of my relatives, where people love each other, destroyed by just one affair with someone else. I don't want this in my life.

Polygamy is the entire new level of acceptance and loving your person as a whole, without making them hide their fantasies, without making affairs a taboo, without being judged. Monogamy is a stubborn relic of the times of inquisition.

I created this theory, and we brought it to life. The sheer amount of the insight we both got is beyond any explanation. My current relationship is the strongest one I've ever had, and I had a lot of them because you know, I'm kinda hot.

One year on, we never had a single argument. I chose that person, and we are close. We have many things in common, we built many things together, we love each other. Our relationship is the major opposing force to my anxiety and their depression.

I won't let monogamy destroy that because some child molesting priest enforced it centuries ago. Transhumanism wins.

Does being dictate consciousness or does consciousness dictate being?

In this layman form, the answer is undefined. But let's dig deeper.

The layman form doesn't account for the difference between discrete and continuous. Without that difference, the paradox of Achilles and the Tortoise can't be solved. Yes, it took from ancient Greeks up until 17th century to solve it, introducing that distinction.

Both being and consciousness are discrete entities. This way, technically being was the first, because you were born to it. But when you became self-aware, your consciousness started to dictate being, and not the other way around.

If being truly fully dictate consciousness, then consciousness can be cut away by Occam's razor. In the same way, your parents are technically the reason you exist at all, but if that fact fully dictated who you are, then _you_ could be cut away in similar fashion.

Contrary to that, if consciousness fully dictated being all the time, being could be cut away too.

So, yes, being created your consciousness. But later, when your consciousness was created, it started to dictate being. This is the only way they're both can't be cut and are aligned with the timeline.

!tech
( sorry to those who have to bear with my non tech posts that i put too often. my tech/work life has been fine so far, its my personal life that is fucked up and venting it anonymously gives me some peace/solutions)

I sometimes feel that being brought up in a loveless home where i have only seen parents fighting and throwing abuses/stuff at each other, i haven't got the knowledge about how to raise a loving family.

The only goal we seem to have is to fight out our misery-filled, middle class life, and keep running for getting wealth.
Le my parents:
- Go outside in evenings/weekends? nah why bother, we don't wanna see each others' faces
- Spend time/ share room together? nah why bother, we don't wanna see each others' faces
- Family trip? nah why bother, we don't wanna see each others' faces . We can take our trips separately with our our religious/work friends
- visit relatives? nah why bother, relatives are bad.

I am not blessed with a lot of relationships, so i like to compare each of the bonds i got. I am playing the role of a son/single child and friends of some dudes. I am currently not playing the role of a lover, so i don't know about it, but my relationship with my friends is more exciting than mine with my family.

Those guys just wanna do everything together if it had been in there hands. 3 out of our 5 guy gang has joined the same group, 2 of them live on the same rented floor , and 2 of them work in same office. They want to keep their 24 hrs as a chill gang hanging together, but we somehow have restricted our group hangouts to weekends.
Even then , whenever we meet, its like we won't go back till 2 am. useless banter, cussing, daring stuff , etc. life is exciting with my boys .

I feel this kind of energy is something i would want in any of my relationship. but i have no idea how people create this magic in groups of 2. i am usually the most boring person to talk to, when i am alone. because i simply don't know how 2 people who vow to spend their lives together can keep each other happy, interested and content

I feel this is such a disastrous thing in my life that i won't be able to sustain any relationship/family even if i somehow get one :/

how do you handle the salary question among friend circles/relatives/strangers?

i come from a lower middle class background, and my friend circle's family were in similar ranges(some had richer families).

my parents struggled hard to get me into tech and fortunately tech is hot right now, so currently the today's situation is that if counting the individual's income (not the family) then i maybe the highest warner among them (1 is a lawyer , another is a teacher, another is an amazon delivery manager, plus there are a few others).

my problem with this question is that its none of their business. firstly, i am all that my family has. these guys have richer brothers, fathers and sisters their total income is way more than mine. and even if i earn more, i don't earn to be the rich spender of the group. and i neither can be their sole source of hope in case anyone ever needs any money.

and more so fucked up shit is the fact that friends are ruthless and starts discussing this stuff anywhere. like we are among the strangers for fucks sake!! and knowing the state i live in , some of these guys could follow me and burst my guts in the name of money, which i fucking don't have!

i can see a very thin line between me remaining the same good natured person as i am right now, and me turning into completely chaotic no remorse psychopath , in upcoming future.

the universe follows the rules. planets revolve in a pre defined manner, day and night comes as expected. however being a human for last 24 years, i have come to experience 2 different phenomenons : being rule bounded and being random.

randomness is fun. randomness is guilt free, randomness is a wonderful feeling for someone . but at the same time its worse for everyone else. try slapping a random kid in park or eating food at a restaurant amd running away, assuming there will be no consequences against you whatsoever. such a nice evil feeling

at the same time, rules are boring , unrewarding, guilt filled words of hope.
- "do not eat pizzas or you will get fat" :boring + guilt
- "go to gym, you will become appealing and get a good sex " : boring + hope
- "if you perform well, you will get appraisal and you will earn enough to afford your family a home" : hope + guilt

see how these rules are full of hope/guilt/boredom for you while being good+rewarding for others? that's how you are categorised as being civil , as being part of a society of semi evolved apes.

and as if those rules weren't enough , there came this unnecessary concept of faith, religion and spirituality.l, with its own set of rules and hopes.

and it seems like such a great capitalist idea , since the hopes provided via these are not even realistic : keep on doing good stuff, following the rules and you will get a better afterlive/next birth!

i have tried being a good person for my whole life. my parents are religious and i try to be one, I don't drink , smoke, eat other animals, or randomly start slapping kids in the park. i have been a boring personality, i studied , ran in various races od educational life, failed most of them, landed in a decent paying job , and now trying to even gain back a decent body to look respectful and worthy of a future family. feels like i did so much for so many hopes and am still doing it. we all do , no?

but i have seen companies laying off people and leaving them in turmoil, marriages getting ruined, and some person never getting the love, respect and rewards they deserve for all these shitty rules they kept up with

my life book is somewhat even-steven. i did get a few rewards and respect for some of my hard work, but my overall portfolio is negetive : a lot of investment on just the hopes of a better return

let's see if i can keep up with my sanity for next 50-60 years before i am dust again.

=====
ps : try playing bitlife : life simulator mobile game ( download the cracked version from the web though, original one is full of ads) . it just have a single big button and shows text about how an imaginary child(you) os growing every year on click. so far i tried to play the life of kid like a criminal, a heavily educated person, a politician and a job worker. almost all of them recieved "miserable" and "unsuccessful" as the final result. very fun game to play without being evil

Suddenly, I find myself in a crossroad situation. I have been offered a position which would align perfectly with my career path aspirations (cloud solutions architect) with double the pay to my current salary. If only those were the only variables in this equation, taking the offer would be a no-brainer. Alas, it is never that simple (unless all you care about are pay and career path, of course)…

So, let’s break it down to pros and cons of jumping ship, shall we?

Pros:
- double pay compared to current salary
- aligns with my career aspiration
- part of a team of cloud solutions architects (mentorship opportunities)
- varying projects (position is at a consultancy firm)
- shares of the company come with the position ($$$ if it grows)
- possibility to influence strategic decisions
- no more 2h+ commutes

Cons:
- it’s a consultancy startup (emphasis on both consultancy and startup)
- 100% wfh
- would mean losing my current team where we are well and truly glued together and have such great vibes (and I value this, very very highly - this really is the main con)
- would mean losing my current work environment, where we have a gym and sauna at the office etc all kinds of stuff that support my athletic lifestyle
- would mean I don’t have as many opportunities to visit my parents anymore (since they live close to my current office but not close to me)
- at my current position I have super interesting projects both ongoing and in the horizon for a long time to come
- would mean eating my words (see previous point, and the fact I’ve said to my TM ”I can see myself staying as long as this job offers me opportunities to keep learning skills that are meaningful to me”), and I value my integrity
- would mean leaving my colleagues in quite a hairy spot, effectively betraying them in my mind (when our lead dev jumped ship a few years ago, he left us in quite a limbo and hands full of shit we didn’t know what to do about… I don’t wish that situation for anyone)

So, to sum it up, my reasons to stay are more those of moral integrity and convenience, well as the will to see the wheels I got rolling to the end, whereas my reasons to go are more personal finances and career oriented. A difficult decision. What to do?

!rant

Few days off cause the month was like an motor race on drugs while having an heart attack.

I slept two days sitting either on the couch drooling or actually sleeping.

Yesterday I managed to wash and hang up a full cellar room of clothing... And cooked enough for a 5 head family with 3 teenagers.

Today parents drove over, brought even more food.

I started an telephone chain and now roughly 3-4 friends come over tomorrow to take the food and distribute it among their parents.

It's ... Irritating... How I need to have stress to reduce my stress level and feel more relaxed.

XD

I'm glad I'm having a few more days off... I think I'm now in a near coma state due to eating.

*Burp*

Maybe I should go shopping tomorrow.... 🤔😆

Ubuntu 22.10 and it still fails to either suspend or wake up.

Last night, I suspended it and went to sleep. In the morning, I noticed it wouldn't wake up despite the power button light being on. Then, I felt the computer was hot, unusual if it was suspended to RAM, so I imagined it did not after all, and I did not see, or it failed to wake up due to the long hours, like a jobless teenager living with the parents. Since I had previously suspended it twice without issues for a short period only, I assume it is the latter.

This is always with GNOME, too. With KDE, it failed only once and then never again in the following months I used it.

Fine, I guess. Nothing is perfect.

our parents taught us to be careful with oil, plastic and fraudulent calls asking for private info. what dangers do you think future children would be made aware about?

Idk if this is the right place to ask but I thought Of this and my parents are sick of trying to satisfy me and they said they don’t even know what I’m asking. I know this is an extremely dumb question. Hypothetically, if a plane full of billionaires carrying only cash crashes mysteriously and cannot be found, now that the money is lost, what happens in the economy. Like how do the banks know how much money is gone and what do they do about it. Like mass inflation? Why can’t they just print an approximate Amount of money to fill up the system again, and if so what happens when they find the plane in a hundred years and the money comes back cuz now we have too much? This all came from wondering how they put the new coins with the kings face in without making the economy blow up, like I would assume they take the same amount of money that are idk too old or something and replace it with the same amount of new money but in that case how do they know and what do they do with the old coins now that they’re out of circulation. If anyone can answer my questions pls help. I might reply to your answer with more questions sorry lmao.

which is the best cloud provider for a complete beginner (user/dev) in terms of community support, employer preference and user-friendliness?

i know that understanding the tech and concepts behind it matters more than getting familiarized with a specific platform, but i'm looking to build a more diverse profile and have noticed many positions asking for AWS/Azure experience.

since i'll be starting from scratch, any provider with easy-to-follow documentation, online help and certifications that don't leave you broke (would have to pay myself, earn very less as a student from a third-world country, parents/current employer can't support) would work.

anyone made something that sits there and tells youtube to filter out content from other history lists and or certain subject material to allow something not inundated by their 'it' bullshit to shine through ?

also, this time, how about you all take pictures of seeming parents so their children's locations are accounted for at all times and the child traffickers working on camera here can get caught ?

they wouldn't be able to say kill their captives if they absence of the child was noted.