Friends Pandemic December proposal: "We should all get on Zoom every weekend, play Christmas trivia games and do shots"

Family ideal Pandemic December: "Lets send each other Secret Santa presents throughout the whole month, and get on Zoom and unpack them"

Me: Chilled out on a reclining seat next to a freshly slaughtered green fir tree, burning hearth fire, warm wool sweater, faux fur slippers, big mug of liquored up hot chocolate, keyboard on my lap, writing a Rust library on big screen TV.

Sorry friends & family, y'all are doing holidays wrong.

Happy holidays.
-- signed, Grandpa Bittersweet.

ah the family..

My mom got cancer and passed away two years later. I had made several videos to document her life. All of that, plus photos and video of our family, lived on a backup drive that got dropped on the floor a few months after she passed away. Head crash that wasn’t discovered until it was turned on again and forever destroyed the platter. It was the largest set of photos and video I had of her. All forever gone.

Fuck corporate bullshit. I do the job, you pay me, the rest is pointless crap.
You are not my family, I don’t base my whole self worth on working for you and mostly I really don’t care.

I’m really not cut out for this shit.

Post after a long long time...

Wanted to reply to so many comments and mentions, rant about a bunch of topics, do a face reveal after I went for a vacation with family and got some pictures, update y'all on my job hunt, but was busy like hell.

Anyway, time for a story.

After my rejection with Meta and Booking, I started preparing like crazy and my interviews started going well. Refined my LinkedIn further and recruiters started reaching out as well.

Over time, with efforts and feedback, I was able to build a good pipeline.

One of my dream companies reached out to me and I got hired in just 1 round and all others were merely a formality. I was euphoric, but at the same time didn't get over excited as this seemed fishy.

They made a very good monetary offer and I didn't talk to my manager yet regarding resignation. They are pushing me for an early joining.

Read a bunch of Glassdoor reviews and also spoke to a friend who just recently quit that organisation.

He confirmed that the company has 3 months of notice, has sandwich leave policy, and some other XLT political mess.

I decided to decline the offer tomorrow.

Day saved? Not yet.

Because of this I slacked off work a lot. I am super screwed with work items pending because I thought I'd quit.

My boss resinged and new one isn't that supportive yet. He is trying to change everything overnight. Typical.

I ended up performing poorly in other companies because I was confident I'll pick this offer and didn't prepare for upcoming good companies.

Moreover, we have our offices opening up from April and I might be asked to relocate to another city which does not have a team but just because it is on paper, they might force me to be in office 50% of the time.

And what's worse is, my relationship with tech is deteriorating and they are putting the entire product team in bad light.

I have a planned weekend trip coming up, so I won't be able to prepare for interviews or work on case studies so that shit will pile up more.

I am sooooo fucking screwed. Life was stable and then all of a sudden too 180° flip.

I am hysterical right now.

Companies who geo block their sites for no fucking reason can go fuck themselves.

So a bunch of retarded pharmacies in India, geo block hits from anywhere outside of India.

A thousands of Indians are living abroad with their parents and family living in India.

Imagine, I have to order medicines for my parents since they are not very tech savvy and I cannot do that because some rotten brained guava thought that it's a good idea to geo block access.

What is the fucking point in doing so? There are many such companies, especially Indian who do so. I have keep toggling my VPN because of this.

Dear Boss

Would you.
Fucking.
PLEASE.
Stop.
Moving.
The Standup.
Time.

You've fucked around with the meeting time eight times since the end of Jan. Figure your schedule out, pick a time for our daily shit, and stick to it dude. PLEASE.

I'm a family man and you're making my mornings absolute hell to plan for.

Signed,

me.

Today is my birthday. And my family is torturing me with marriage talk. FML

Dear Microsoft Kusto Query Language (KQL)

Screw you. You suck like more than a sudden depressurization event in an airplane. Creating your own freaking query language is bad, the people who invented SQL based it on a the principles of mathematical relational algebra, which although confusing, and not suited for all use cases is at least consistent.

You were invented by a bunch of oxygen deprived halfwits based on the principles of sadism and incompetence.

The only situation in which I would voluntarily use KQL as my tool of choice is if my purpose was to extract a Dantesque style revenge on someone who had committed grievous harm to myself and my family members. In that case forcing them to work with you day in and day out would still border on cruel and unusual punishment.

Sincerely, A developer who has spent the past 2 hours dealing with your Lovecraftian madness.

P.S. I hope you choke on a raw chicken bone and no one gives you CPR.

I've been working with some new programmers now, trying to make this a place where people actually like working at. In my experience, most workplaces are bottom of the barrel shit, so I really wanted to try and make this the opposite, at least for the engineering team. When I hear them say how much they like working here, and how jealous their friends or family are at how much they are enjoying themselves and chilling with their coworkers and even their boss, it makes me feel so nice.

It might be a tiny company, but spreading happiness is great.

Working in security for many years only granted me world-class paranoia about taking pictures of myself and my family. It even made it hard to keep in touch with my friends as we don’t live in the same country anymore.

The good side is that it pays well enough to grant me a platinum foil hat.

I thought I'd always be a die-hard proponent of working from home; it can be great for the right person: and I thought that would be me; but with the family I have? It's turning into a disaster. They're too used to having me around, my wife is becoming too used to making arrangements that involve me taking an hour or two out of the day here and there; she doesn't know the impact of context switching in the middle of the day. If I refuse to help her out, that makes me the asshole. Then I get ratty because I feel the stress of being unproductive, and guess whose fault it is again? Mine. The kids rush in and out of my work area, or get upset when I come out for a coffee and don't want to spend time with them, but it's not their fault, at 2 and 4 they don't understand. Take me back to the fucking office, I'm done.

I just want to work. How hard is the concept of being left the fuck alone.

I installed WhatsApp after 7.5 years.

My family forced me to do so because they make all the plans there and I am left out.

I am strictly using it for family and specifically for cousins while ignoring everyone else.

While the group is inactive except for when we all meet (which is once or twice a year).

I am also on Instagram which is 99% of the time deactivated and the only reason I have it is when I did my backpack, I met some real awesome people and the only way to stay in touch with them was via Instagram. Too bad that I did not have it then.

Yes, you can hate me for doing this. But I need to get this off my chest here. I am integrated with Meta ecosystem, but I am making sure I tread carefully and take all measures to protect myself from any kind of damage.

Fuuuuck!!!

In 2017 I had a reeeeally sweet offer for a Java-gig. Equity, quarterly evaluations with potential raises, exciting products, world class experts as colleagues and all. The catch was relocating across the entire country, and due to some family health stuff, I was forced to decline.

Today I learned that the company is valued at about $150M. The equity alone would have been worth around 1.5M today, and thats not all. One of the founders are giving away about 15% of the shares to the employees, landing them about 100K in equity each.

And here I sit, wondering about what the next electric bill will be...

I’m so tired, my brain hurts, I just want to sleep.

Have loads of work that I need to complete this week but I’m barely half way through so I’ll be working the weekend.

Work, family, relationships, house to look after. Having ‘it all’ is a complete fucking scam. It just leaves you exhausted, lazy and fat. All the while I’m painfully aware of how minuscule my problems actually are. Need to escape from this mind fuck treadmill somehow.

Alright, this is a rant about me and how much I suck at living.

After a little over a year of living alone thousands of kilometers away from home, I realised I suck at it. I'm home for the holidays now. Arrived here a couple of weeks ago. Christmas week was just the worst. I fell ill and thought I was going to perish in the cold. For the past year, I was working full throttle and didn't make time to take care of myself and cook and eat regularly. I'm sick of all the take out food. Ugh. Didn't even leave time for socialising, may have even broken a few existing connections. I built some good reputation at my company but it was not at all worth what I went through. Not one bit.

It didn't help that some important devs left the company and their code mess was down to me to handle. Don't even want to mention more about the family mess at home. But home is home still.

So this year, once I go back, I've decided I'm going to take control and make time for all the important things in life. I've gained new cooking skills from mom too. I've already started the job change process and if everything goes alright, I should be in a much better place before I see 2023.

Not gonna lie I have toxic people in my life and I have caught myself in multiple situations where I behaved differently, did or did not do something just because they were near.

Whenever these people are gone it’s just the most beautiful thing to be able to relax (also in my mind).

It’s crazy what other people do with us and how we can exaggerate all these feelings and emotions. The best thing I can do is to get rid of this toxicity in my life and move on.

Anybody else or is it just me?

My family sometimes send me tick tock videos. I usually open them on brave browser. Dude, why the fuck is brave blocking "motion sensor" through camera? what kind of spying is this? tick tock is spyware and cancer fr

work laptop without admin permissions to install anything, like a text editor, or IDE

why couldn't i have been born to a rich family instead of being a wageslave

my covid is still not recovered. Today marks the two weeks. I got fever the first day and then fever was gone but body pain and weakness was there. In 2 days, body pain was gone too. Now I couldn't only eat well. So tried light food but after sometime it was harder to eat properly.
Now I'm having the same diet I used to have before covid, but I'm still not feeling well. I feel pain in my shoulders. My heart races almost all the time and that gives restlessness to my days and it's very hard to focus because of that. Family issues, work, excitement of switching companies, even small bit of sound makes me more restless. If someone has the same symptoms when did they last?

Family reaction to me being a dev (and offering to replace their home/personal IT guy with google drive and a mesh wifi network):

We're going to hire an IT guy because they have more experience doing this kind of thing. BITCH, I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 15 YEARS!!!

However pathetic it may sound, I haven't. I've made good acquaitances, yes. But friends...

Last I had friends was in my first uni years. Long, long ago. After that - they went on their path and I - on mine. Work, family, personal projects and sometimes moto rides - that's my life now. Not really much time for friends. Not really much time to make any. Not enough time in a day to think/worry about it, not to mention reconsider my priorities/choices.

I have a dev job and I earn good. More than enough at this age when I'm single.

My brother lost his business and has been sitting idle for more than 3 months now. Family gets cash but brother has nothing to do. He's into business and I don't even know what's going on in his life. I can help him with money and all but no idea how to ask, I'm younger and it will require a lot amount of guts for me to him, even when I ask I don't think he will tell me straight.

Grandad showing me a commodore 64 that he had gotten for my uncles. shit was legit, had a bunch of games and cool shit in it. He also showed me BASIC (not programming or anything, but that it was a thing in it and the booklet explaining how to do games and stuff)

Mind you, the commodore was way beyond my years, I am a 91 baby, but he had it and kept it working and in good shape, the booklet was pristine (none of my uncles wanted to fk with that, neither did my dad).

He only showed me the machine because my mother had more vision that a lot of my family members at the time, asking him to let me use the computers that he had because she was sure (just as he) that computers were the future and a good educational tool for me.

Mom played a big ass role in me getting my comp sci degree, she was the one that celebrated it the most with my wife (wife pushed me through that degree to be honest) and my gdad is dead now, but he would have thought it would be cool to have another engineer in the family (he was an industrial engineer)

I lost 2TB of family photos and videos a few years ago by dropping a single hard drive. Nearly all of it was later found on people's computers who forgot to clean them up when we got the NAS. I'm not so eager to delete data once it's backed up ever since.

My family had no particular reaction. I wanted to be a programmer since school, and they knew it was my intended goal.
I guess, my uncle being a professional programmer was something that showed it is a good choice.

Year 7 maths in 1984 - the teacher had a computer and showed us some BASIC commands to do mathematics.

I was spellbound. That year my father also bought a Commodore 64 for the family and I gravitated towards it. I typed program listings out of magazines and learnt programming almost by osmosis.

FUCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!

I need to get off this frustration out of my system.

I have a autistic retarded sister who has less than a half brain cell.

Evolution from fish to humans was faster than completion of a task assigned to this faggot.

I fucking hate her. Why was I born in this family. Fucking why!!!!!

Autistic narcissistic cunt. Horrible human.

Doesn't have any friends, no family member cares for her, entitled bitch, earns less than $75 a year.

Whenever we meet, she makes sure to belittle me in front of our parents and gives advices and gyaan on how superior she is and how much waste of oxygen I am.

Constantly mentions that my career choices are stupid, whereas she is doing great (in reality she isn't even able to score a simple degree and no one is willing to hire her).

Acording to her, I have zero financial literacy and she is a genius (in reality I am managing the entire family finances and providing for everyone).

Even when I ask her about something, she says that I am asking stupid questions where as in reality she is an anti vaxxer. God damn fuck!! She was stopping my parents to get vaccinated. Fucking bitch.

There's a simple 20 minute task regarding some tax work and she took more than 2 weeks to even comprehend my request and now screams at me for raising the request on the last day. Bitch WTF! I told you well in advance and now you fuck me up entirely.

My parents are so fucking biased and will blindly side her because she is a girl and using this argument they have destroyed me emotionally over years.

Yes, I no longer care for any of these maniacs and want to leave this place asap.

For now, for the life of me, I am ready to pay more than $3500 extra in taxes than deal with this woman child.

You may be familiar with work philosophy known as "they pretend to pay us, we pretend to work."

Or a favorite of mine "in this together" and passove aggressive work place signs about safety, inbetween being told to operate machines that have faulty safety mechanisms and almost took a guys forearm off last week, when the machine was supposed to be locked out.

Also dont let them blather on about being a "family", or any of the worse horseshit they spew.

I knew a women who would take those "hang in their" and other inspirational posters and burn cigarette holes in the eyes.

I didn't understand what her motive was then but now I know she was a revolultionary, a visionary even.

It's all lies. It's all "Human resources" department brand managament by neurotic executives and glorified coffee secretaries with 100k student debts for degrees in "humanities"--while lacking any humanity themselves, let alone brains or a soul.

And in between an army of overpaid middle and district managers, checking for the fifth time that day, if you have finished that tps report, or that ONE task you just started or finished. As if a little internal robot timer has told them, not that a task needs managed, but that the task, having been started and done, awaits their preternatural ability to know, and arrive 'just so', and justify (barely) the continued existence of their mediocre job and their mediocre lives.

And out of the woodwork of generations, like a horde of oblivious fuckwit melonheads, comes a tidal wave of these brush-mustached fucks, speaking in aphorisms and happy turns of phrase, while people increasingly dont show up to work be cause inflation has all but destroyed the future so many saved and worked for.

And the shelves gradually empty.

And the wheels grind slowly to a halt.

Because we will not accept the bullshit anymore about being in it together.

Not when a floor guy makes 15k a year, and a district manager makes 120k.

Raise your wages, or say good by.

We were never in this together.

I have been working on this software for 3 years now. The code base was a working prototype made by my boss before I came, not more, not less. Php + Angular. Have been refactoring a lot, backend is backed with hundreds of tests now, frontend still lacks a lot. Still a lot of programm structures are still the same weird ones my boss once created in a rush between two meetings while learning Angular to get the prototype finished. Now it's used in production which makes hard to refactor, because we have to maintain backwards compatibility. Neither the parts I added or refactored completely are satisfying, because they are built on this structures, because i never got any feedback for anything I decided and because I changed my own paradigms over time.

So I am all alone on this project. All genuinly new projects are assigned to the new team members (i was the first one, no we are five plus my boss) because I wont have time, have to maintain the old one. So I never can do something new which is quite frustrating.

I did a little side tool, the only thing I invented and did completely by myself in our repertoire - and now some stakeholder shows big interest onto this. Instead of giving me the task to make a real project from this my boss wants to give it to them to develop it. Why? Because I need more time for the main application.

Also the more the software is used the more bug tickets and feature requests come. I was crying for help for months but the others had appareantly more important stuff to do.

This might be true to some extend. Yesterday we had some kind of crisis meeting and my boss wanted again to assing pur junior to help me, who has a shit load of other things to do and is a student. I insisted that this would not be enough, and one of the fulltime devs has to get involved because the thing is our core application and I am only part time btw. So my boss said we wont decide today but one of them should do it. They should have some time to figure out who which is understandable but it's not that I didn't keep saying this for months. Now they are all like whimp whimp when I have to do php i will quit. The new projects are all typescript, with node backend if any. But alas, one of them even said yesterday he doesn't want to do js anymore. Okay... but... this is our tech stack then get another job allready?

And I should do the same probably. But then again I feel very sorry for my boss who helped me in very dark times of corona and more. If both of us leave, the project he worked on for decade (including convincing poeole, collect money..) might be suddenly at it's end while he is so exited about it's access today...

I also get insecure if it's really that they hate php so much or that they don't want to work with me personally because maybe I am a bad team Player or what?

I experienced the same at my old workplace, got left alone with big parts of the project because they didn't want to do php and js in this case and it ended up five devs doing the python backend and me doing the frontend and the php cms part all alone. Then I quit and now everything seems to happen again.

And then again I think I am only fucked up so hard by this stuff because I do not really like being a developer at all. I only do it for the money and because I am good at it (at least i think so. Nobody ever bothers to ever to read my code and give me feedback, because you know, php and js). So I guess I would hate any other job in the field maybe likewise?

This job *is* convinient, salary, office
position, flexibility could not be better. At the end of the day it's not that stressfull. And i don't have any second of freetime (due to family) or energy i could offer a new and more demanding employer, can't work over time or even take a fulltime position, can't home office, can't earn less, can't travel very long to the office and especially can't go back to school to learn something completely new. Some of these constraints are softwe then other naturally but still my posibilities at the Moment are very limited. That might change in about five years if the family situation changed. So it would most likely be reasonable to stay until then at my current job? And bear being alone with this app, don't getting involved on any new project, don't learn anything new, don't invent anything.

There was one potential way out, they considered offering me PHD position to the upcoming ml part of the project... But I learned that I would attend to a bunch of classes at university first, which i would like to, but I don't think i have the time.

I feel trapped somehow. I also feel very lonely in the Office because those fucktards keep saying in home office.

Man, I don't want to go to work today.

the new job is coming up with utter shittyness and I don't care if that's even a word

- tomorrow is my LWD in current job. next week, i will be doing work for a company whose sdk my current company's code uses, with which i interact on daily basis. today a bug came in most trivial usecase of that sdk, and i was totally lost. i had 0 fucking clues regarding why that happened, and this is the company that am about to work with, from consumer to being a developer :/

- today my dad had a heated argument with his boss and maybe about to lose their job. at the very delightful time, when the only other source of income for the family , i.e me , is on a thin thread from the finances point of view.

- my relatives came yesterday. we are a small family of 3 (+2 cats out of which 1 is physically handicapped) with a very busy life and a very tiny house. and when suddenly 6 more fat asses squeezed themselves in, one of my cat got scared and ran to the terrace. its more than 24 hours since that fiasco, and my poor boy hasn't returned :"""( . He is a baby kitten, just 11 months old

my mood is now below the deepest points in sea level. hope y'all are doing good

!dev just posting here because i need to get this out. depressing post.

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april is going shitty for me and people around me.

1. the worst come when i lost my cat last Saturday. he was a healthy 1.5 year old boy. on Friday morning he slipped out of terrace door to god knows where. we looked around, called his name, he didn't come. he used to do this often, going away for sometime and return in a few hours, sometimes the next day. but this time he didn't returned .
in the night, my whole family was sleeping and i was watching webseries in my room. it was 2 am and i heard some animal growling voices. when i looked outside, some dogs were throwing some large thing left and right.
i woke my dad , ran there and saw that was my boy. his whole body was intact , but he wasn't even blinking his eye. he was warm, we thought he's alive, we rushed to hospital , but nope, he was dead for atleast an hour. i am in shock about what has happened.
ironically he has another brother who is still with us. just friday we went to the vet with his brother because his brother can't walk(from the birth) but him, he was healthy. all from being the size of a fist to a big healthy cat in 1.5 years, and in a day, gone. :'(

2. in the span of last 7 days, my father has recieved 2 calls about his aunts died. both of them were somewhat distant aunts, but there's a shock feeling nonetheless.

3. this uncle who is a nice family friend, his son committed suicide. he was a young , 26ish, thriving , some tech professional in media industry. they haven't shared the cause yet, but his parents are shattered.

4. my friend was so excited about this trip of his to europe/us . He's a great guy who gets great opportunities, and he was to participate in some eth/blockchain event in eu. his visa was yet to arrive for eu but he was pretty sure about it since he already have a very strong passport (3 us trips) . day before the trip , his passport arrives with a rejected visa.

5. another friend had a breakup after an 11 year relationship. this guy is awesome, last month we all went on an amazing trip that he planned impromptu because her gf had to give an exam on that touristy place.

i am feeling shitty and frustrated. every next news i hear, its something bad. hope this ugly phase ends soon

Regain work life balance.
The last few years especially with COVID I've started to do way to much for the company's I've worked for. Working while I was coughing my lungs out when I had COVID. Working during my holiday because it was finally a fun feature to develop. Working in lunch breaks because people would call me all the time (remote there are no boundaries)

I left that company on a good note, started actually healthy as the new company actually understands flex working. However as I gained responsibly more meetings started to appear also causing rushed lunches no more walks of sport activities. Than I was lead in a project and because of some personal circumstances (death in the family) that was running long. Again started to work overtime trying to catch up.

I need to stop doing this. Caring is fine but I just give to much when I feel responsible. Good thing is that my current company actually wants to help me with this.

Any night, 1:30am, bedtime: "Yes! I can't WAIT for tomorrow to begin! I'm gonna make SO much progress on that personal project that I just KNOW is gonna change the world and make me a billionaire! My time is now!"

Next day, 9am, first call of the day: "Ugh, waking up SUUUUUCKS! But, fine, just gotta get through the workday, then it's beast mode time!"

5pm: "Ugh, that day SUCKED... meeting after meeting, constant interruptions for the few minutes I got to hack code, SO many emails, and hey, good day, only five new things pushed down from corporate to bang my head against! Feelings pretty mentally exhausted, but it's all good, I fortunately love this programming stuff, so first dinner, then a little exercise, spend some time with the family, and then it's time to COOOODE!"

10pm: "Ok, house is FINALLY quiet (fucking dog), just a little noise from my daughter staying up way too late again... kinda spent, but this project still excites me, and I may not get as much done as I was hoping, but fine, I can still make some tangible progress and that's what matters. Maybe just one last quick check of email, Reddit, make sure there's no new Hot Ones or Honest Trailers I gotta watch, update IDEA plugins and see what's new, then it's work time! Nothing can stop me now!"

Any night, 1:30am, bedtime: "SHIT! I GOT FUCK ALL DONE AGAIN! GO DAAAAAAAMN IIIIIT!!!!"

I officially gave up on this semester of college! ✨🍻🎉
I'm coming back next year, but until then, I'm glad to disappoint my family

I am finally again at a company where I enjoy working and my coworkers are great that makes it easy staying motivated. Besides that need to provide for my family.

Future01

Click, click, click, click.
Tap, tap, tap, tap.
Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe,.
Scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll.

I’m tired of living on popularity driven planet among animals, where number of clicks on likes, subscriptions and links are worth more than iq, education and experience.

Let’s face it - AI is showing us traffic driven recommendations that sucks. If you’re hooked up to social network and can’t disconnect from it you’re half way to matrix. You probably also disagree with me cause you’re serotonin junkie. You can’t stop like you can’t stop eating for a day. Bubble have you in your hands and whatever you do you probably won’t wake up. To be honest most of us won’t. It’s already to late.

I’m waiting for meta so they can put you in virtual world where you can have what you want and at the same time own nothing. They will put you in some small empty space and give you something to eat how many times you want so you can feel safe and click, tap, swipe, scroll more so they can own this planet.

You will be living only to deliver corporate metadata and you will be happy, cause they will make you happy with giving you emotions that you want to feel at exact moment.
If you get out, you won’t be able to interact cause you won’t know how to behave, you will become wild animal.

By going out you will break the law, cause outside world will be long gone. To move to bar or visit family you will travel with autonomous vehicle that have screens instead of windows.

Eventually you stop going to bar cause it’s unhealthy, you stop going outside cause there’s deadly virus and you can die.

They will take you last thing later with birth control so you can have baby whenever you want and with who you want as long as both parties agree by signing baby nft contract, you don’t have to take care of your baby and be pregnant cause it will be robotized, you will see your baby in meta. You will think you feel it using robot hands.
You will never meet your baby in person.
That’s how matrix will start. We’re half way.

Complete the project I am working on (which I am hoping will become a product for the company I am planning to start )

Spend more time with my family.

Improve on my tech skills

My family STILL doesn't know what I do to this day. I graduated 3 years ago and have been in the industry since. They think I'm a designer. 🙄 No, mom and dad. I CODE. 😂

I found my some documents about my dad on Ancestry and showed them to him because they’re things he’d like to see. His high school yearbook photo. His college yearbook photo. The flight manifest from when his family came over from Puerto Rico.

He was happy to see these. He doesn’t have his yearbooks because they’re not things he would have been able to afford at the time. The flight manifest helped put some memories together because he was a little boy when his family moved.

He did get a little freaked out when I explained why Ancestry had these things. But I think that outweighs the joy of discovery.

That one time when i just got my first job and I was new to everything aaaaand my aunt have already started to pitch the idea of me making some company with one of my second cousins (because he was studying for some business degree and i was the tech one)

I mean, I understand the wish to do things "in family", but family and money should never mix imo

When my brain was overloaded and overwhelmed during rapid-cycling bipolar disorder, my life and my thoughts were a complete mess. Somehow, when I heard or imagined plurals of certain words, like "cans" or "cups", my brain painted pictures of a cute civilization of living soda cans. They fought oppression that came from us humans, but lacked mental capacity to do so. I felt really sorry for them and wanted to help. The more ordinary the word were, the more striking effect it had on me.

The rapid-cycling fashion of bipolar disorder is often triggered by unfit prescription medicines. This kind of disorder is among the most lethal mental disorders there are, with a huge percentage of patients committing suicide.

If you can't make sense of your thoughts, if your emotional responses seem inadequate or too strong, to the point when you can collapse crying after some random thought, stop whatever you're doing and seek help. Ask friends and family to find you a psychiatrist, as by the time you need help, you may lack mental capacity or emotional resource to find a doctor by yourself. To me, even the idea of leaving my bedroom and going somewhere was painful to think about.

If your thoughts appear to be "put into your brain" against your own will, if they make no sense, don't attempt to make sense of them. They are nothing but a random noise produced by overwhelmed synapses.

Family: Work you bastard, work! Wapush!!

Jan/Feb: Decide if I wanna accept a better paying position and leave my family/friends/country behind or stay and try to negotiate first in my current position.
I was offered a new position this week with literally double the pay but I'd have to move.
Rest of the year: Better myself in every way I can think of.

Spend most of the time on YT, learning more skills
And yes
Enjoy with family

the environment in my home is very depressing (socially) . How can i change it?

this is not about being living in a small room with smells or something. this is about my family's social life and how it is impacting me.

living with mom and dad as a single child with extreme morals, moralist ideology and no/bitter relations is impacting me a lot.

i will try to cover some points that make us different from other people:

1. i come from a very nuclear family with my parents and me and no siblings. we have 2 cats though

2. we have always been poor and are still struggling. we don't a 4 wheeler, my dad closed his job to be a salesman and he doesn't earn enough for current expenses. we pay our bills from rents from shop and a room for rent on terrace. i am earning 5x my family now, so we are stable but being poor has always been a major impact for me

3. we follow this spritual philosopher/guru as our religion who preach good morals, various currently non existent ("but will be ruling the globe" ) practises and procedures . i am not much into them so i might explain them wrong, but from my 23 yo brain's understanding, some examples will be : extreme vegetarianism (no onion/garlic/egg) , no drinks/smoking , yoga, fasting, some communism/socialism philosophy, meditation , kirtana, etc

4. there is no love amongst my parents or their relatives. i don't know how we are living a loveless life. afaik , the relatives from both sides were bad and treacherous , they were the reasons for our struggles and now we hate them and they don't visit us.
among mom and dad :dad was never someone that mom loved, they just went with the family pressures, and since there was no way for mom to take a stand, she went with the hateful marriage, had me, they jointly struggled to keep me alive while hating each other and never even sleeping together, until i was a decent 23 yo earning by myself. they don't even have friends afaik.

5. cut to today, our lives revolve around not the love for one another but towards this stupid religion dictating the rules of our lives. there are 3 seperate rooms in which we 3 sleep, and mom dad gets into vicious fights on smallest of the things. i then jump in, trying to extinguish the fire by being even the louder voice. and end up hurting them and myself. at the same time , their bodies are now taking a toll : mom has some uterus/liver problems, dad is diabetic and one of our cat's legs don't work.

i just want to run away. i never had friends because they couldn't never relate with me, i didn't go to school picnics, didn't talked with girls, never got into discussions that people would find interesting.

i feel so seperated out from the world. i am an engineer by profession, i have a good number of people that knows me and respects me for my knowledge, but they end up mocking me for my social skills and different life rules when i try to be with them. and they are not at fault. i am the person that is the result of such a big messed up life.

their can't be another person on this planet that will be having a similar life situation, being loveless for so long. i don't see myself having a future at all : i am earning decent but what's the point?

i recently went to a trip with my friends. it was a fun little trip of 3 days. the people were : me, my friend of 9 years of friendship , my friend of 8 years of friendship, gf of the 9 yr friend and 2 stranger girls.
this was such an amazing environment for my brain : i never had a conversation with a girl for more than 10 mins. i envy my friends with gf kissing, going on trips , etc , but this.. this was awesome. the girls were chill , my 8 yof guy was a chick magnet and the setting was that he would woo the slimer girl while i would go with the short one. although nothing happened, i just observed how the guys and girls would talk and relate and how i am different.

it's my 2nd trip with friends, and its completely the same: i goto a trip, enjoy the best 6-7 days of my life, learn that i am very different from the world, that the world perceive of me as a very simple , naive person with limited social exposure, and that i have a very conservative beta male , moralist mamma's boy personna.

when i come home with these thoughts, i end up being angry , blaming them for this, because they are the ones who made me like this, weather due to their struggling life or just morals. and i end up being rude to them and being a sad regretful person.

i just broke my dad's phone because they were again fighting, being very loud and i wanted to end all this.

what should i do? can i change something? is it always going to be like this? who in this home can be happy with a shitty environment like this? will their be a girl that wants to see this mess by marrying me?

When you spent your whole life hoping to go to college for a degree to start a development career.

Then, when you finally graduate after 4 years off and on, graduate into the beginning pandemic fearing economy and be unable to find a job for over 9 months.

Eventually, working on the family farm to stay productive but then feeling unable to leave after the job market finally comes back.

Anyone else?

"my greatest fear in life is my best not being good enough."
Currently, I am building my second business around blockchain.
I am stacking on using the popularity of cryptocurrency and it's novelty to push the product universal.
My limitation (what I think):
1. My environment - unfortunately I live in a third world country
2. Naivety: I have never scaled a business, failed in my first attempt(this is my second).
3. Lack of fund: my budget is pretty low, and no I dont have a family support to raise any for marekting and promoting the business, so I am let with option of scaling it organically ( what "organically" means is spamming social media, forum's comments section to grow customers
4. Really the only option present: most folks here wont know what it means to be in a state of "survival", failing will cause you suffering.
5. Poor network: My friends, or the people around dont understand, cant comprehen what this means.
Cons:
1. I get to know what it means to carry your idea to the world again, this I hope will improve my knowledge base on business and make me less naive.
2. Portfolio boost: "wow!" that should be people's reaction when I tell them about the project.
3. If I succed, I hope the incentive will take me out of this shit hole.
4. I really want to get out of this shit hole - this should work!

thoughts on term insurance/life insurence/ health insurence/ other insurances of this sort?

I am new to adult life but i personally find them very sketchy and screaming of a scam?
- Like if I die right now, do i expect some 3rd party to whom i just started paying a few dollars per month to give my family 100x that amount immediately?

- firstly, how can i ensure this , i have just died and my family would be in shatters(I guess) , they won't be having some worldclass lawyers or mental/financial power to fight over a dead guy

- secondly am guessing they are all about specific ways of dying, current salary, whether the family can survive on their own without that insured guy gone, etc etc. so basically everything they could make to not shed some money. So why bother? I am currently in a situation where the family is working on 60-80% of my income. but even with me gone, they can survive if they want. its human nature of survival, that's what made us come out at the top of food chain. so doesn't that make the whole point of insurances moot?
- thirdly how can someone guarantee a fixed income 'after death' when my current income itself is not 'guaranteed' , when 'alive'? here comes another pandemic, or some recession, and behold, am fired from my job. the. how come those companies guarantee an income in such crisis? Last time i checked, it was just an ugly civil war between insurance companies and common people when covid suddenly hit fatally to a lot of families. these guys were coming up with new rules and legalities to get away from paying to the families of deceased.

health insurance does somewhat sound okay, but at the same time feels like even bigger scams. in a nutshell, every health policy is like : "we will cover 50-100% of any major operation/doctoral procedure that costs x amount and is prescribed by a doctor if you keep paying us 0.1x amount every month for your whole life"
I see 3 problems in this:
- PRESCRIBED BY DOCTOR? obviously a doctor is a godly person that can prescribe a genuine operation based on a person's situation, but this whole payment based on word of mouth screams of shadiness. if someone said that "hi you are a technical expert. we won't pay you directly but whenever you are going to work on something for someone, we will cover your fees and your tools's cost that you tell to that person" . nice, am now recommending aws's most expensive ec2 instance to every mf that comes to me for an frontend issue.
- why do we need to have such procedures that will cost so much? where is the concept of subsidiary? What is the point of having an awesome technology like CT scan or MRI when no person could afford it? I know even water comes at both Rs 20 and Rs 250 bottle, but the rs250 bottle is a luxary, not a necessity . if a few people want rs 250 bottle then they can have it, hell they can have it in a gold platted bottle and pay 2500. but the underlying material is available to all for affordable price(if not free), right?

-------
Well that's all my little rant. I am intrigued by the business models of these fear mongering devil insurance companies. so would like to know your opinion on instances where these companies are correct and its beneficial to take an insurance

Living abroad during corona times is shit. Trying to visit the family back home...

2019: it's too risky, I won't chance it

2020: still too risky, I won't chance it, even though technically I can now

2021 - Jan to Oct: I can go now, but I can end up getting stuck at the other side. I'll wait just a bit longer

2021 - November - right, quick, I'll book just THREE short days to say hi to the family...
BOOKED

2021 - days later: LOCKDOWN AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER! Your flights are GONE! Try again next time fool!

ugh... laptops are like , crazy addictions.

1 year ago, my hp laptop was the best for me, building android studio apps , keeping daily backups of all my home's appliances comfortably in it, running games and various softwares . i would carry it anywhere without fearing of any damage thanks to heavy cases and keyboard covers.

till i started my first job who gave me an intel mac to work with.I got a revised definition of a laptop. laptops are not what i knew .

- a laptop is something which does not take 20+ minutes to build android apps and can build in 60 seconds too
- a laptop is something which does not need to have a shitty plastic body and can have a high quality metal body.
- a laptop is something which does not need to have a shitty screen and can have a really clear (but fragile /s) HQ screen.

and

- a laptop is something which does not necessarily gives you ports. /s

- a laptop is something which does not necessarily needs large storage to store your stuff. /s

- INR 60K (or half of my 1st year college fees) isn't apparently not enough for a laptop

- a laptop can cost TONS to get fixed /s

.....

now , i did have learned all this and even after all the flaws , i feel like inclined towards buying a macbook. however coming from a typical lower class family from india , who DID break a laptop screen in 1 year, i am having some serious concerns buying a laptop , a 16 inch piece of aluminium for 300K (almost the cost of my four years of graduation)

but compared to that , i also have concerns buying any laptop above 100k because that's a lot of money , even though I could afford it. the whole point is, my non tech grocery seller parents worked too hard for very less money . i am in tech profile, i believe my work is not that much physically intensive, and i work half as hard as those guys , nd earn good yet spending SO MUCH feels like being an idiot

oh the headache :/

got kicked out of a contract today because the owner felt I wasn't moving at the pace he wanted, there were no milestones but even i knew I was slow.

this happened when I started talking to a therapist because I was beginning to have suicidal thoughts and anxiety issues.

I had to run work errands for my everly screaming mom and manipulative dad.

these same people who I begged with no success for money to buy a used core 2 duo laptop for programming projects.

I was in the bus in the afternoon sun trying to get three books from a publisher that ended up being a waste of time because she didn't follow instructions and insisted on screaming over the phone at the attendant. the client requested a meeting and I couldn't respond positively,

I get home and my dad wants me to travel down to our village home to meet with some kid he kept giving money because they wanted to have a meeting. I'm so annoyed because I told him I wanted this week off to face this already dead contract and he just ignores all of that and fixes a meeting.

I pay for electricity and gas for these people and they still treat me like shit. fuck this !

I don't - I live and am ready to face the consequences if I'm ever found out not to be the best of myself everyday.
(That shit is reserved for family and friends - can't buy my smile)

I am in such a weird state. It's definitely jealousy but i can't accept that, because jealousy in classical context means "I want to take away the thing he got" . but what am feeling is "Its okay that he got that thing, but since am equal to him, therefore i also deserve to get the same thing, but not like, after taking away from him" . this whole sounds very stupid but i am just shattered right now.

My friend. a brilliant hell-good , rock-solid, blood-bound, brother like friend of mine, is in interviews to switch for a CTC of around $700k(in spending power) . and that's shattering my whole world around what i think of myself.

To get you the context, its not like we are at same package now. I am just above an average SE salary and he is at 4x ctc , an amount which if i was getting, i would have just settled down and get a family (I am 23 btw, and starting a family is like , a goal of 10+ years)

But that was never a problem considering how our relation was. When together, money was never a question since we are earning well enough to go out lavishly without getting bothered. The main thing was that we were intellectually very equal and even though being more successful, he would agree that the points i bring to the discussions are equally valuable.

Every discussion would be like a game of chess, both of us at opposite direction, playing to prove ourself either right or reaching a point of truce while appreciating every move (i.e fact/point presented) of the other person .

But today everything feels wrong. This guy sky rocketed. even in the discussions where the truce reached in my opinions's favor, were wrong because i am still in the same ship and might not reach to his place in my whole life.
I always felt him to be better than me since we both started at the same time, but he was always 3-5x bigger and better than me in every step. but now he seems the ultimate set of correctness in my life , and everything else feels wrong. even the advice of my other friends, my seniors, my team mates and everyone else feel wrong because we are all a bunch a failures and he is the ultimate GOAT.

I am now not an intellectual anymore with any unique opinion. every thought i am having is quickly followed by "is that what X would do? what would X do?"

I can't just... mind= fucked

!rant

Few days off cause the month was like an motor race on drugs while having an heart attack.

I slept two days sitting either on the couch drooling or actually sleeping.

Yesterday I managed to wash and hang up a full cellar room of clothing... And cooked enough for a 5 head family with 3 teenagers.

Today parents drove over, brought even more food.

I started an telephone chain and now roughly 3-4 friends come over tomorrow to take the food and distribute it among their parents.

It's ... Irritating... How I need to have stress to reduce my stress level and feel more relaxed.

XD

I'm glad I'm having a few more days off... I think I'm now in a near coma state due to eating.

*Burp*

Maybe I should go shopping tomorrow.... 🤔😆

What's with people displaying their pronouns in SM but failing to put their family name in all caps? I'm glad you're so progressive, but as a person with an Indian name in London, have you considered enabling English people in talking to you first?

I still enjoy developing . The part I'm finding difficult these days is that, if I'm under deadline pressure and need to work overtime; instead of being supported by my family, my wife moans and blames me for doing this job; saying I just want the money (which isn't true) and guilt trips me for not spending time with the kids. So, I get it from both sides. As if life isn't hard enough.

Playing NFS (it was the version which had the McClaren car), few other games and watching some movies (CD player) It wasn't my computer though. It was my cousin's and I used it while he was working. I think I broke it couple of times (windows 95) to get the BSOD.

I bought my own computer only when I started working. My family couldn't afford one before that. Luckily I had good friends in college who let me use theirs for course work.

the october of 2020 was the year when i started my first job. 9 months before that, i was under a severe depression and burnout (i guess?) and had made up a decision to quit android dev, an area for which i was passionate and had proven excellence before.

(just having a few good thoughts and going into a little nostalgia in this rant)

DR has been my goto place for every good/bad/shitty thought, so the rants on those days reflected my mental pain ( am gonna go check those after this rant) and confusions.i was so so much confused:

- "College is about to get over, i have to go earn bread for my family, what am gonna do"?

- "My jan Android internship had so shitty people, it was so much fast paced, they exploied me, mistreated me so much. am never gonna do android dev. should i take this shitty TCS offer of INR 300,000? i bet those guys will be nice atleast, they are a freaking mnc"

- "I don't seem to like anything these tcs people have offered me in their video classes. how am gonna survive my daily job life if i don't like these stuff?"

"FUCKING COVID IS THERE!! MY DAD's SHOP HAS CLOSED DOWN, WE ARE ON OUR LAST SAVINGS !! I SHOULD FUCKING DO SOMETHING, BUT A JUST A 22 YEAR OLD NOBODY!!"

this above, was my fight. to me these were the end of the world thoughts.

however the last day of college came, then the next day came, then another , then a week came and went, then months came and went , then years came and went and today after 2 years, i am just amazed at how things handled themselves. all the above points are now totally invalid in my eyes

i was shit scared to even open android studio after that jan internship. however, every thing i learned in between feb to sept ( and that includes my college stuff, some web dev, php, etc) i would find myself comparing it with java and android. and after spending some off screen time with friends nd family getting some relax, i started applying for jobs at startups. I only ever had confidence in java and kotlin , so 50% of the jobs i applied for were that of android dev.
and it was to no one's surprise that one android startup offered to interview me. i remember being terrible at ds algo, programming, java and even android at that time, yet somehow they saw some potential in me and offered me a role. the role they offered me was for an android dev with a salary of almost double the TCS's offer. this was even more terrifying for me because i was already burnt with a startup offerring money and exploiting me.

But my god how things changed .
This small startup company was everything opposite of that exploitive startup.

- From day 1 to my last day in that company, I had seniors who would give me time to understand stuff, ask questions that they would clarify, understand my knowledge and level and give me tasks accordingly, trust me of my time and my words and appreciate me. no one ever called after 6 pm or on weekends and no one ever counted my leaves or asked question about it.

- I was myself very scared at first, that someday they are gonna blame me, find me as some fraud , some masquerader unfit for the role, but these fears slowly went away. i just found myself diving deeper and deeper into code with full passion love and quest for writing bug free stuff.

- slowly and slowly they even stayed putting me as sole devs in management meetings, making me the front spokesperson for android tech in those meetings, the position that gave me so much confidence since, the people taking the top decisions will change their decisions based on my calls. I also felt a pull for exploring stuff outside my domain, sitting in calls of backend devs , react guys and designers, asking them questions and learning their stuff too.

today i laugh at the problems that life had put in front of me at that time. today my opinion on choosing mnc vs startup is not about who pays how much or where the job is most secure, but its about where i find myself motivated and excited to work.

money is not even a factor anymore. everyone (mncs included) is willing to give tons of money to the worthy candidate, so i won't be ever settling for a low paying job. the topmost priority is which company has the culture to let me grow and keep me on heals at the same time.

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(continued)