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So because of the sheer number of interviews I’ve been doing I’m starting to get a bit brazen with them since I’ve started to really not give a fuck about most of them and I’ve started to notice patterns in common lines of questioning resulting in this unexpected gem today:

Interviewer: So we always start our devs off on the bottom end of our salary band.

Dev: Either give me the top or I’m not interested.

Interviewer: 😑. But if we start you at the top of the salary band we’ll have nothing to give you later. πŸ₯Ί.

Dev: No need, I’ll take the money up front. Companies don’t give raises these days anyway, it’s just a carrot to dangle in front of the naive.

Interviewer: 😑. Well if all you care about is money so focussed on money you’ll just leave if a better offer comes around!

Dev: All the more reason to give me the highest number possible to defend against that possibility.

Interviewer: 😑. But there are other devs on the team with similar experience that will be making less than you.

Dev: Sounds like they fell for the negging and guilt tripping you are currently attempting on me in order to save a buck. Salary is not based on your skills or experience anymore, it’s based on your ability to negotiate. Here’s mine.

Interviewer: ………………. I’ll pass you along to the hiring manager.

Dev: ???? wtf

HOW THE FUCK DID THAT ACTUALLY WORK ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME I WAS TRYING TO GET THEM TO HANG UP FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES AND NOW I’M LOOKING AT A 20K RAISE ALL BECAUSE I CONTINUALLY TOLD THEM TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES??? THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT IT TAKES TO BE TREATED PROPERLY BY A COMPANY???

Comments
  • 18
    Sometimes no shits gets you far.
  • 15
    Reminds me of that one scene from the movie "Ted" where Ted tries to not get hired by the manager by not kissing ass.
  • 3
    lmfao, that's great. idfc rn either. maybe i should be more 'nope that doesnt work for me'
  • 13
    Balls (or ovaries) of steel! I will definitely do this just for the experience next time I have the interview!
  • 4
    Yes, this is what it takes to be treated properly.
    And this a lesson for everyone.
    This earns 20k of ++.
  • 3
    Guts! Really nice if that's what it takes to get a raise by 20k I'll surely try this one
  • 2
    I am fucked when I have to go to an Interview after finishing my thesis. Don't have the balls for that ^^'
  • 4
    Fortune favors the bold.

    Why even be concerned for what people you will never meet again think of you?

    Years in retail taught me that the people that get what they want do so by making your life hell until you give them whatever it is, so give the bastards hell and you'll find they will bend to your whim over enduring more hell.
  • 7
    they always pretend you need them more than they need you, but that's a total lie. if all the devs got together and demanded good treatment they would be fucked. that's why companies fear unions and that's why you should always talk about salaries with coworkers
  • 1
    Does this mean you made it out?
  • 2
    Well you nailed it there, and yes no one ever gives raises at least here, I always have to change job to get a better salary, moving every couple of years ...
  • 1
    @Demolishun Not yet but back to working on it
  • 1
    Yes
  • 1
  • 2
    Truth be told the most fun (in a positive way) interviews were where I didn't care if I get hired or not.
  • 0
    good question, I don't have the answer but I want to see who can give it to you
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