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Manager: Why aren’t you working?

Dev: I am, I’m just not typing because I’m thinking an issue out.

Manager: Well what is taking so long? You haven’t written any code for like 15 minutes, you’ve just been doodling on your notepad.

Dev: I’m not “doodling”. I’m taking notes and trying to visualize the issue. It’s a complicated issue with application stat—

Manager: Well just simplify it then

Dev: ?

Manager: Instead of making it a complicated issue just simplify it and then it won’t take you so long. You’re likely overthinking it, I never spend more than 30 seconds thinking about any issue before coming up with a solution. That’s what makes me so effective at my job is my ability to be lean like that.

Dev: …this issue is a bit harder than deciding what to have for lunch

Comments
  • 62
    Simplify your life by smashing your laptop on your manager's smashable face.

    Nigel Thornberry: "Sssmashing!"
  • 34
    Managers like that should get reprimanded.

    It's not only unethical and immoral to judge someone like this...

    The more fundamental issue at hand is that the manager has the "L'etat c'est moi" attitude... Which is a no-go for too many reasons.
  • 56
    Dev: I'm not doodling anymore, now I'm polishing up my C.V
  • 21
    By the sound of it, thinking for 30 seconds in total sounds like a stretch for that manager.
  • 23
    Top 3 jobs for psychopaths
    1 management
    2 law
    3 media

    Get out of there as soon as you can
  • 10
    I am flabbergasted that this person is a manager
  • 10
    "Just simplify it."
    This man is a genious!
  • 5
    Well, give him a Workstation to implement his ideas. Opening an IDE on a fairly bigger project would take minute or two
  • 25
    Ask him to take 30 seconds of his precious time to weigh in on the subject.

    What? You don't know what the fuck you are looking at? Oh dear, maybe you don't know what the fuck you are talking about.
  • 10
    When you’re building a rocket ship, take 30 seconds and make it simple, and the project will magically become easy.
  • 13
    I feel like your manager is the pointy haired boss from Dilbert.
  • 7
    .. doesn't that mean HE has spent 15 minutes watching you "not do anything"?
  • 2
    @devdiddydog Nah, he simplified it. So that means he was watching him do nothing for effectively a lifetime. This is how he simplifies development.
  • 2
    @TonyLeTigre I’m not, where else is uselessness employable?
  • 2
    Simplify a problem may take a long time.
    Underestimate a problem just a few seconds.
  • 2
    The fuckwit already destroyed the Dev's productivity by bringing up this stupid conversation
  • 0
    If I ever had a boss like this they’d be reminded of a post office within a week
  • 1
    "Simple is better than complex."

    References
    [1] The Zen of Python, by Tim Peters

    :)
  • 0
  • 3
    No manager should oversee a programmer without any programming experiences.
  • 0
    Because I need money!
  • 1
    @Lensflare Must have grown up next door to that "Professor" character in SNL skits who just says "Fix it!" as the universal solution to all problems.
  • 1
    I use my enterprise Lucidchart license for this. Nothing like spending the whole day charting out the logic for an API because the stated task was deceptively simple. Sorry you can't report that as progress, I usually am able to.
  • 1
    Is this real or a hypothetical? Be honest
  • 3
    @jiraTicket I didn’t say the last part I only thought it. The rest sadly is true. Very few at my company have any idea about tech. Most people here sum rows in an excel document by printing it out and manually adding with a calculator. Not even the one on their phone. I’ve shown them how to do it in excel but “you can’t trust computers” you know? :’)
  • 1
    @boombodies oh my god. 😨
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